It's not mine

[Itwasntme]

So today is truly a day I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up!

 

So today the results of a prenatal paternity test I had my wife take last Monday came in and I'm not the father!!!!! I was so happy when I found out she was pregnant that the first person I called was my mother to tell her she had a grandchild on the way(which of course she was just as excited by), but what am I to do now huh? I can't just kick a 7 month pregnant women with no job out the house can I? And In all truthfulness I still love her.

[DKT3]

So today is truly a day I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up!

 

So today the results of a prenatal paternity test I had my wife take last Monday came in and I'm not the father!!!!! I was so happy when I found out she was pregnant that the first person I called was my mother to tell her she had a grandchild on the way(which of course she was just as excited by), but what am I to do now huh? I can't just kick a 7 month pregnant women with no job out the house can I? And In all truthfulness I still love her.

 

Oh man, I'm sorry your going through this.

 

Having been in your position (he was a toddler when I found out) I know how it can rip your heart out.

[Itwasntme]

Oh man, I'm sorry your going through this.

 

Having been in your position (he was a toddler when I found out) I know how it can rip your heart out.

Yeah I can't stop crying. I already had pick out names and everything, bought clothes, crib, toys, fix up a room. And now that I know that it's not mine I don't even know what I want to do. Part of me want to send her and the baby packing and another part of me just want to put all that aside and raise it as mine but then other things start to pop in my head like what if the real father wants to be in its life? I don't think I can handle that.

[Hope Shimmers]

So today is truly a day I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up!

 

So today the results of a prenatal paternity test I had my wife take last Monday came in and I'm not the father!!!!! I was so happy when I found out she was pregnant that the first person I called was my mother to tell her she had a grandchild on the way(which of course she was just as excited by), but what am I to do now huh? I can't just kick a 7 month pregnant women with no job out the house can I? And In all truthfulness I still love her.

 

I'm very sorry to hear this....

 

What led you to do the paternity test?

[Popsicle]

And In all truthfulness I still love her.

 

Love conquers all now doesn't it?

[DKT3]

Yeah I can't stop crying. I already had pick out names and everything, bought clothes, crib, toys, fix up a room. And now that I know that it's not mine I don't even know what I want to do. Part of me want to send her and the baby packing and another part of me just want to put all that aside and raise it as mine but then other things start to pop in my head like what if the real father wants to be in its life? I don't think I can handle that.

 

Listen the child in my case is now in his late 20's about to be married and I have always been apart of his life. I never regret that decision to remain in his life. He is a great kids.

 

Its a tough decision, but I doubt you would regret hanging around in any manner your allowed even if your not with her.

[Itwasntme]

I'm very sorry to hear this....

 

What led you to do the paternity test?

my wife have been acting strange for a few months now like crying at random times, not wanting sex etc and I blamed it on the pregnancy but then she started asking me weird questions such as how much I loved her and was it enough to take her back if she ever cheated? She would constantly sit on her laptop and tell me randomly how much she loved and once said she would forgive me if i cheated.

 

So about two weeks ago my suspicions hit its peak and while she was out I went through her laptop and in her emails in the trash(she always forget they don't delete on there on until like a month) she was talking to the POSOM about how scared she was that the baby could be his and didn't know what she would do if I left her. And what really pisses me off is the OM said" he hopes it's his" And idk if he's playing to be spiteful or what

Edited August 14, 2015 by Itwasntme

[Itwasntme]

Listen the child in my case is now in his late 20's about to be married and I have always been apart of his life. I never regret that decision to remain in his life. He is a great kids.

 

Its a tough decision, but I doubt you would regret hanging around in any manner your allowed even if your not with her.

But did the other father want to be in his life? And did you stay with your spouse?

[DKT3]

But did the other father want to be in his life? And did you stay with your spouse?

 

Wooo, not a spouse, I was only 15 she 22ish. I don't know that she ever knew who the father was, he sure as hell never met him. I was the only father he knew (yes a lovely woman)

 

I guess the question first is the affair over?

[Ifalltopieces]

People make mistakes...and it sounds like she made a huge one.

 

You need to do some heavy duty soul searching, and ask yourself if you still WANT to be with her, knowing what you now know.

 

Is the OM going to want to be in the baby's life? Is that something you are mentally and emotionally prepared to handle?

 

I'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason; even when it doesn't seem like a blessing. There is a reason for this....you have to find out what that reason is.

 

I'm sorry you've been put in this difficult place....but you will come out stronger and much wiser.

 

Good luck!

[Itwasntme]

Wooo, not a spouse, I was only 15 she 22ish. I don't know that she ever knew who the father was, he sure as hell never met him. I was the only father he knew (yes a lovely woman)

 

I guess the question first is the affair over?

wait so when did you realize he wasn't yours? And so was you even dating her or what was up.

 

And going strictly off of what she told me. She said she ended it after she found out she was pregnant and was only keeping in contact with him because he was the only one who knew the situation. But she stop seeing him and they only talked via email

[JS84]

You need to walk away from this now. She needs to handle her own affairs. Rather you need to tell the POSOM that HE needs to take care of your wife and HIS child growing in her uterus.

 

Believe me you are never going to trust your wife again. And raising a kid you know is the product of some guy she was cheating on you with, which as far as you know she was never going to tell you about anyway, is going to make for a ****ty relationship and a ****ty upbringing for that kid.

 

You should have her out of your life before the baby is born. It will be even more difficulty if you become anymore attached to it than you already are.

 

But she needs to go. Somewhere. I'm not saying kick her out on the street but does she have any relatives or friends she can stay with?

[drifter777]

Don't make the mistake of thinking that you will just "get over" this in time. You won't. Every time you see the child it will remind you of what your cheating wife did to you.

 

Don't kick her out, just gather up her things and drive her to her lover's place. Let him take care of his woman and their baby. Then get a lawyer and protect yourself and your future from her. You have your whole life in front of you - don't waste another minute on this marriage or this woman.

[DKT3]

wait so when did you realize he wasn't yours? And so was you even dating her or what was up.

 

And going strictly off of what she told me. She said she ended it after she found out she was pregnant and was only keeping in contact with him because he was the only one who knew the situation. But she stop seeing him and they only talked via email

 

I don't know what you would call it, I was only 15. I found out because she was horrible about sharing custody so we (my parents) that we would get court ordered custody. When she got the paper work she came over yelling how he wasn't mine because I wasn't man enough to make a baby (well I was only 15, mom wanted her arrested). DNA testing was alittle different at that time, it took MONTHS to get results back. It sucked waiting. By then I was so wrapped up in him.

[drifter777]

wait so when did you realize he wasn't yours? And so was you even dating her or what was up.

 

And going strictly off of what she told me. She said she ended it after she found out she was pregnant and was only keeping in contact with him because he was the only one who knew the situation. But she stop seeing him and they only talked via email

Your wife is lying to you - that's what cheaters do. Especially when she's been busted and is facing real consequences. Don't believe a word she says. Get the hell out of there for God's sake!

[AlwaysGrowing]

You have a lot to think about. Most often the husband is automatically deemed the father legally....and all that that means. Meaning...if you decide to divorce later you could be on the hook for child support.

 

I am NOT a subscriber to "everything happens for a reason". To me...that is a passive way to look at life and ones role in their life. The "reason" this "happened" is that your wife had unprotected sex with another man. There was no divine intervention/fate/destiny...your wife chose to have UNPROTECTED SEX with another man.

 

Take time to let this digest.

 

It is one thing to willing partner with a woman who has a child/ren...than partnering with a woman..who then goes on to have a child with another man..while you are her husband.

 

My heart goes out to you.

 

Again...take time to figure out your true feelings/ego in regard to this. Only you know if this is something you can work past.

[Itwasntme]

People make mistakes...and it sounds like she made a huge one.

 

You need to do some heavy duty soul searching, and ask yourself if you still WANT to be with her, knowing what you now know.

 

Is the OM going to want to be in the baby's life? Is that something you are mentally and emotionally prepared to handle?

 

I'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason; even when it doesn't seem like a blessing. There is a reason for this....you have to find out what that reason is.

 

I'm sorry you've been put in this difficult place....but you will come out stronger and much wiser.

 

Good luck!

not trying to sound mean but Well of course she made a Hugh mistake! Actually a colossal one. She went and cheated on me with someone who not trying to sound boastful but i see myself better then! Ok I admit he is more attractive then me , and that is one thing that I Have always had to deal with. if I had to scale looks I would say I'm about a 6 and half while my wife is a 9 damn near a ten. So I have always felt me and her didn't belong together looks wise and this guy is around a 8 or 9. But besides that I have a great paying job as a pharmacist, drive a nice car(she does too which I bought for her), we live in a nice 3 bedroom house, I'm fit and have no kids(sadly now), I take care of her and got her anything within my means she wanted, help her family out when they needed it and let her be a SAHW. The chump she cheated on me with doesn't have a car, lives on his brother couch, has not one but two kids already ( three if you count ours or hers or whatever), he's 7 years older then her so he's 33, I'm 28, and she's 26. I could go on but now I'm just ranting.

 

And I too am a firm believer in God does everything for a reason but this one right here I just can't see the reason idk how this will ever be helpful to me.

 

As for if the OM wants to be in the baby life idk. He said in a email that he wants it to be his but then at the same time he has two kids he barely takes care. So idk what he plans to do yet, but I'm telling you know I won't tolerate it and wouldn't be able to handle my kid calling another man daddy.

[Itwasntme]

I don't know what you would call it, I was only 15. I found out because she was horrible about sharing custody so we (my parents) that we would get court ordered custody. When she got the paper work she came over yelling how he wasn't mine because I wasn't man enough to make a baby (well I was only 15, mom wanted her arrested). DNA testing was alittle different at that time, it took MONTHS to get results back. It sucked waiting. By then I was so wrapped up in him.

Wow idk what to even say to that. So you basically at 15 decide you would raise a child that's not yours and you said she was a lovely women so does that mean you both got together at the end or just a have good relationship now? And what about your son did you ever tell him?

[DKT3]

Wow idk what to even say to that. So you basically at 15 decide you would raise a child that's not yours and you said she was a lovely women so does that mean you both got together at the end or just a have good relationship now? And what about your son did you ever tell him?

 

Dude she was a horrible woman, the worst I've ever met. I've rarely spoken to her outside of court for decades. She got hooked on drugs, I took her to court and was actually awarded temp. Custody which turned into years because she wouldn't take the court ordered steps to get him back

 

Yeah he was really young when this happened, but the bond was there.

 

You don't decide to take care of your kids, and in my heart he was mine, you just do it.

 

Here is the thing, if you don't think you can handle it, get out now, it won't get easier.

[Ms. Red]

So sorry your "wife" has brought this into your life.

 

Pack up as much of her $hit as you can & dump her at her parents house. Tell her you need time to think and need to be alone to do so. That way you're not saying it's over as you seem to be open to staying with her. (How you feel that way is beyond me)

 

Demand that she call your mom and explain what she has done if your mother doesn't know yet.

 

This will give her a shock and big dose of reality of the situation she has created and put you in.

 

Contact a family law attorney stat and see where you stand with the laws where you live. No time to waste on doing that IMO.

 

I hope you can make a decision soon as the more time that goes on, the more harder your choice will be IMO.

 

I wish you well.

[Itwasntme]

Your wife is lying to you - that's what cheaters do. Especially when she's been busted and is facing real consequences. Don't believe a word she says. Get the hell out of there for God's sake!

Yeah no I've been reading up on this site to find out all the habits cheater tends to have but idk if she's lying about this because I didn't add this but we moved to a new city (well new for her I guess I was born here and this is where my family lives) coming up on 4 months now and it's a 3 hour drive back to the old one. And she has basically been locked up in the House since got we here seeing as she has no one but me that she knows. But I do know for sure she's keeping other things out such as when I asked her what did they use to email or text about she refused to tell me saying I would no longer see her as the same person(to late for that) and probably would be her disgusted with her and never forgive her, which she wouldn't be able to take. And I swear under her breath I heard her say some about killing herself if that happened. Then when I ask how many times they slept together she literally took like 2 minutes to think and then said three but wouldn't meet my eyes, and when I ask did she truly love me or did she want to be with him she quickly told me I was the only one she ever loved and didn't want anything to really do with him. So yeah I know she is lying to me about things but the affair ending part I'll say is the truth

[Itwasntme]

Dude she was a horrible woman, the worst I've ever met. I've rarely spoken to her outside of court for decades. She got hooked on drugs, I took her to court and was actually awarded temp. Custody which turned into years because she wouldn't take the court ordered steps to get him back

 

Yeah he was really young when this happened, but the bond was there.

 

You don't decide to take care of your kids, and in my heart he was mine, you just do it.

 

Here is the thing, if you don't think you can handle it, get out now, it won't get easier.

Oh man she sounds terrible. Well I'm still glad your son got a dad like you

 

And I kinda go in and out on if I'm able to handle it. Like I know for sure if the OM wants to be in its life, that is some I can't and just won't handle. but if you take him out of the picture, I've always wanted a son (it's a boy if I haven't mentioned it yet) and heard the saying a women becomes a mother when she gives birth and a man becomes a father after seeing his child (some around those lines). Well for me I feel as I had became a father once I heard she was pregnant and already have all these plans and what not of how good I was going to be. So I do want the child but scenario play through my mind of what if me and his mother doesn't work out or don't get along by time he's grown or she does some spiteful like tells him I'm not his father or some. All of these thoughts hinder me.

 

And the irony of all of this is my own father is in the same sort of situation. And I know how much it effects him

[lolablue17]

Go to a lawyer Immediately.

 

Although there's a chance (not sure) that a devil wife will try to sue you, demanding you to be financially responsible (Pay alimony until he's 18) for the child, but she might not, and even if she does, most chances you can get away with it. (That's why you should see a lawyer who's familiar with your local law.

 

What your wife has done is very very irresponsible, dragging you to the situation. She could have a abortion, but she took the rational cold decision to deceive you, while keeping the baby although she new he might not be yours.

Even if you decide to forgive her, I think you should break up now, have your financial issues with the baby finished, and then marry her again, as a single mom.

 

Don't stay! Don't worry about "a pregnant woman who is kicked out of the house. She will go to her family, and the baby is under his real father responsibility, not yours...

 

On the other hand, if you stay with her - WOW! you're gonna be **** really hard. even if you regrets in a month or two, she could claim that you've accepted the situation and there for is responsible to provide the child, and she might win in court, because once you've accepted it, there is no way back!

 

If you stay - you loose a major control of your life. In every marriage there are crisis's from time to time. A regular wife in a regular situation can cheat or divorce you, but in your case, if she cheats with other guys in a few years, or if she stops loving you and divorce you, you will be forced to pay for the child even if she allows the real father to be his actual father, you will still have to pay...

 

Don't do that. Don't move on as if nothing's happened. Go to a lawyer and protect yourself from the ugly situation that she chose to put you in.

[drifter777]

The best way to tell if your wife is lying? If her lips are moving - she's lying.

 

Why on earth are you even considering staying with her?

[Mrin]

You need to walk away from this now. She needs to handle her own affairs. Rather you need to tell the POSOM that HE needs to take care of your wife and HIS child growing in her uterus.

 

Believe me you are never going to trust your wife again. And raising a kid you know is the product of some guy she was cheating on you with, which as far as you know she was never going to tell you about anyway, is going to make for a ****ty relationship and a ****ty upbringing for that kid.

 

You should have her out of your life before the baby is born. It will be even more difficulty if you become anymore attached to it than you already are.

 

But she needs to go. Somewhere. I'm not saying kick her out on the street but does she have any relatives or friends she can stay with?

 

This. 100% this