It's not mine

[Itwasntme]

You need to walk away from this now. She needs to handle her own affairs. Rather you need to tell the POSOM that HE needs to take care of your wife and HIS child growing in her uterus.

 

Believe me you are never going to trust your wife again. And raising a kid you know is the product of some guy she was cheating on you with, which as far as you know she was never going to tell you about anyway, is going to make for a ****ty relationship and a ****ty upbringing for that kid.

 

You should have her out of your life before the baby is born. It will be even more difficulty if you become anymore attached to it than you already are.

 

But she needs to go. Somewhere. I'm not saying kick her out on the street but does she have any relatives or friends she can stay with?

see i would kick her out but she has no where to go. We moved to a city three hours away from her friends and even if we didn't her friends are mainly the wives of my friends so if they found out what she has done I doubt she could stay with them. And her parents are still living but I told them what was going on last week and now they're not speaking to her. She's a only child so no siblings and like I said the guy lives with his older brother family and doesn't even raise his other two kids so I doubt she could go with him. The only option I'm left with is 1. Buy her a cheap motel or hotel and pay for it 2. I go stay in a hotel or with my family 3. I put up with her here until I make my choice.

[lolablue17]

The only option I'm left with is 1. Buy her a cheap motel or hotel and pay for it 2. I go stay in a hotel or with my family 3. I put up with her here until I make my choice.

 

Option 4. Go to a lawyer today and do what he says!

[eric1]

Yeah no I've been reading up on this site to find out all the habits cheater tends to have but idk if she's lying about this because I didn't add this but we moved to a new city (well new for her I guess I was born here and this is where my family lives) coming up on 4 months now and it's a 3 hour drive back to the old one. And she has basically been locked up in the House since got we here seeing as she has no one but me that she knows. But I do know for sure she's keeping other things out such as when I asked her what did they use to email or text about she refused to tell me saying I would no longer see her as the same person(to late for that) and probably would be her disgusted with her and never forgive her, which she wouldn't be able to take. And I swear under her breath I heard her say some about killing herself if that happened. Then when I ask how many times they slept together she literally took like 2 minutes to think and then said three but wouldn't meet my eyes, and when I ask did she truly love me or did she want to be with him she quickly told me I was the only one she ever loved and didn't want anything to really do with him. So yeah I know she is lying to me about things but the affair ending part I'll say is the truth

 

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

 

Sadly what you are going through is not unique or special. Nearly every cheater follows script, and yours is to a 't'.

 

She will not show you the texts and emails because she is lying to you. She is lying to you because you are her safety net, and she values this (and not being exposed) more than hurting you to the core. She is lying to you about you being the only one that she has ever loved, you don't do what she did to someone you love. She gets no damn points for that.

 

And also stop putting her in a pedestal. She may be pretty but that is about 1% of what makes a marriage *really* work. You are a better person than she is.

 

- GO SPEAK TO A LAWYER IMMEDIATELY. IT IS BEYOND CRITICAL FOR MANY REASONS.

 

- immediate no contact with her boyfriend. If she so much as responds to anything it's over done.

 

- complete transparency. All her passwords, etc. confiscate her phone as you will be performing a forensic recovery. SHE WILL FIGHT YOU ON THIS AND TRY TO MAKE YOU OUT TO BE A BAD GUY FOR INVADING HER PRIVACY. This is a big reason you need to visit the lawyer and start (the stoppable) divorce proceedings. She needs to completely understand the consequences

 

- we can help you recover deleted texts. It is (usually) super easy

 

- DO NOT SIGN ANY BIRTH CERTIFICATE

 

- she needs to be remorseful. Right now she's just sad she got caught. She won't even let you clear the air by reading their exchanges. She values her lover more than your trust. Period.

 

- with two months left in the pregnancy she should arrange to have somewhere else to live. It's a consequence of what she did. Being cheated on is one thing, easing your wife's boyfriend's kid within weeks of finding out is beyond ANYTHING you should go through. I'm not suggesting Divorce vs Reconcilation at this point but you need to plan for it given the circumstances

 

- STOP GOING IN ABOUT HOW YOU CANT 'put her out'. She is using a baby as an excuse. She could move in with her boyfriend's parents. Is it the best solution for her ever? No, but then again she should have thought about that before making love to her boyfriend. This is the absolute definition of 'not my oroblem'

[qubist]

Itwasntme: I'm sorry this is happening to you, your story is just a heartbreaking one. you seem to be a nice guy who's trying to do the right thing, but the situation is complicated. the fact that you worry about her not finding a place to go tells a lot about you. the easier route that you could have taken is to just kick her out expose her A and let her deal with it. but some time the easiest might not be the the best.

I just have a few remarks regarding the whole story and some of you comments that I'd like to share:

1- the fact that the OM wished the baby was his doesn't mean he would support her and the baby, it's just the "ALPHA MALE" mentality of a man that's talking.

2- You do not know how this is going to turn out, so to protect yourself go see a lawyer and see all the options regardless of what you want to do with you her.

I see that you are handling it with calm which is a good thing, you are being a gentlemen by staying with her till the baby is born, my hat off to you that is the right thing to do. I also sense that you do want to go the hardest choice of keeping her and rising the child as yours as long as the biological father doesn't get involved, please correct me if I'm wrong. if you want to do that, she will have to work herself to you. as of right now she needs you as you said she has no place to go which makes complicated for you to make a stand.

Tell her that you would support her till she deliver her baby then after that you are not sure what will happen, let her know that you are considering all options amd demand all the truth about her A,do not let her believe that everything was swept under the rug. seek a lawyer and understand your rights within all options.

while you are doing all that talk to her more about the reasons behind the A rather than focusing on how she feels about you in comparison to the OM

I wish all the good luck

[eric1]

see i would kick her out but she has no where to go. We moved to a city three hours away from her friends and even if we didn't her friends are mainly the wives of my friends so if they found out what she has done I doubt she could stay with them. And her parents are still living but I told them what was going on last week and now they're not speaking to her. She's a only child so no siblings and like I said the guy lives with his older brother family and doesn't even raise his other two kids so I doubt she could go with him. The only option I'm left with is 1. Buy her a cheap motel or hotel and pay for it 2. I go stay in a hotel or with my family 3. I put up with her here until I make my choice.

 

The living situation will not change even when your wife and her boyfriend's baby arrives. At that point you'll NEVER be able to kick her out.

 

I'd personally get her a cheap apartment.

 

She is also more her parents problem than yours now, so I'd probably give them another call.

[sandylee1]

This is no way to start a life and family together. You might love her , but if she felt the same this would not have happened. Love isn't enough to stay with her and raise a child that's not yours. What about trust and honesty?

 

There's not much worse she could do to betray you and if you stay with her, she'll feel she can dish out any kind of disrespect to you and treat you like a doormat.

 

If this isn't a dealbreaker for you, nothing will be. Next thing she'll have you looking after the baby while she has keeps sleeping with her BF. She won't have an ounce of respect for you.

 

You deserve a wife who won't have sex with another man.......that's really not much to ask now is it?

 

For your own sanity and self preservation.......move on from her.

[Satu]

She should face the consequences of her behaviour in a life that doesn't include you.

 

She doesn't deserve you.

[sandylee1]

 

- DO NOT SIGN ANY BIRTH CERTIFICATE

 

'

 

Eric

I agree with everything you said except the above.

 

As they are married he doesn't need to sign the BC, it's assumed he is the father and will automatically be named on the BC, unless his wife takes the OM along to register the birth and he signs.

[No Limit]

Look, she even WANTED it to be his child. You're being led on and played like a fiddle.

 

Why can't she go to OM? At the very least you have to find an attorney and file for divorce ASAP, or else you'll be paying for a child that isn't yours. Seriously, you need to be a little selfish now and put yourself on your list of concerns.

[Ms. Red]

The living situation will not change even when your wife and her boyfriend's baby arrives. At that point you'll NEVER be able to kick her out.

 

I'd personally get her a cheap apartment.

 

Ahhhh no on the apartment. Maybe as a last resort. Consider other options first IMO.

 

She is also more her parents problem than yours now, so I'd probably give them another call.

 

Totally agree. So what if they're not talking to her. That's HER problem not your problem. Call them up when your car is packed with her crap and her pregnant a$$ and you're on the road half way there. That will give them a little bit of a heads up.

[elaine567]

...if I had to scale looks I would say I'm about a 6 and half while my wife is a 9 damn near a ten. So I have always felt me and her didn't belong together looks wise and this guy is around a 8 or 9.

 

I guess this is the an issue here (bolded).

OP is so scared he will never be able to bag another woman this good looking ever again. He may have to put up with raising another man's kid, but that may be a price worth paying.

In his mind, this is already "his" child too, he is already the "father" and that is a difficult feeling to just switch off.

 

He is also scared she goes off to live with the OM (as she has no other option), and I truly doubt he wants to let her go full stop, despite what she did.

I guess he will decide #3 - she stays put until "until I make my choice".

[I4givehim]

This is awful. You have so many emotions going through your head. Your wife's parents are angry at her for what she did but they wouldn't turn her away. Pack her thing's and take her to their house just so you can think. You have found out so much awful news in such little time. You need time to think. You might even want to talk to the OM. Get more information on the A your wife had. I personally think once a cheater always a cheater. You are young. You will find someone who will be faithful to you and give you a beautiful baby. You didn't deserve what your wife did to you. Just think if you didn't go through her emails she would still be lying to you. Send her to her parents for your own sanity.

[SammySammy]

not trying to sound mean but Well of course she made a Hugh mistake! Actually a colossal one. She went and cheated on me with someone who not trying to sound boastful but i see myself better then! Ok I admit he is more attractive then me , and that is one thing that I Have always had to deal with. if I had to scale looks I would say I'm about a 6 and half while my wife is a 9 damn near a ten. So I have always felt me and her didn't belong together looks wise and this guy is around a 8 or 9. But besides that I have a great paying job as a pharmacist, drive a nice car(she does too which I bought for her), we live in a nice 3 bedroom house, I'm fit and have no kids(sadly now), I take care of her and got her anything within my means she wanted, help her family out when they needed it and let her be a SAHW. The chump she cheated on me with doesn't have a car, lives on his brother couch, has not one but two kids already ( three if you count ours or hers or whatever), he's 7 years older then her so he's 33, I'm 28, and she's 26. I could go on but now I'm just ranting.

 

And I too am a firm believer in God does everything for a reason but this one right here I just can't see the reason idk how this will ever be helpful to me.

 

As for if the OM wants to be in the baby life idk. He said in a email that he wants it to be his but then at the same time he has two kids he barely takes care. So idk what he plans to do yet, but I'm telling you know I won't tolerate it and wouldn't be able to handle my kid calling another man daddy.

 

The last thing you want to do is to allow your ego to entangle you in a bad situation.

 

Don't make this about proving you're better than the other man. Despite all of your positive attributes, your wife still slept with him, got pregnant by him and thinks you're stupid enough to stay with her after all she's done.

 

And she might be right.

 

I would be outraged at the disrespect. The sheer gall and audacity she has - knowing her situation - to screw you over and be pretty sure she's going to get away with it.

 

Make this about you being better than the other man if you want. But there is no way I'd allow myself to be emotionally or financially tied to this child. This is not your doing. It's not your responsibility.

 

Your wife knew she didn't have anywhere to go when she was screwing the other guy. She did it anyway. At that point, she took responsibility for the consequences of her actions. You should continue to let her be responsible for her actions. Yes, it's a tough situation but she made her bed. Let her lie in it.

 

Remove yourself from this situation in every way as quickly as possible. Physically, emotionally, legally, financially ... get away. That's the best thing you can do for all involved.

[road]

I'm 28, and she's 26. I could go on but now I'm just ranting.

 

As for if the OM wants to be in the baby life idk. He said in a email that he wants it to be

 

 

That us the OM just wanting access to your WW.

 

 

Best advice is that you divorce her for you are young and have plenty of time to find a woman that does cheat and got knocked up by her OM and have an OC.

[dental]

OP sounds like a man with low self-esteem, because he's mentioning his WW and OM's beauty as opposed to his own lack of beauty. OP is insecure about this, and now his worst nightmare has happened: WW has been fornicating with OP (how long?) and low, in 2 months, out popps a baby with the 'good' genes of WW and OM and not with the ugly genes of OP.

 

WW deliberately chose the good genes. Therefore, disqualifying OP. As simple as that.

 

I think it's best if OP starts working on improving his self esteem as of yesterday and removes himself from his marriage to WW, who sees him as something to wipe her feet on.

[road]

Option 4. Go to a lawyer today and do what he says!

 

And follow up with drive three hours and leave her at her parents house.

[elaine567]

And follow up with drive three hours and leave her at her parents house.

 

OK all that sounds so macho, so John Wayne, but she is legally entitled to half the house and their assets.

He cannot just drive her to her parent's house and dump her there, as if she is a child.

She has rights as his wife.

She may be a cheater, but she is still his wife and legally he cannot just turf her out.

[Keenly]

Stop making excuses for her, and excuses why you can't kick her out.

 

 

This woman lied to you, cheated on you, and was learned to trick you into raising a baby that isn't yours eventually using you and your money to further her life goals without any thought to how that affects You.

You are being used, and manipulated so bad that you can't even see it. The fact that you are even considering raising this kid shows how bad she has manipulated you.

 

 

Get away from this woman. She will start cheating again right after the baby is born. Then it's too late and you're on the hook for child support.

[sandylee1]

DO NOT get lumbered with the financial responsibility of a child that isn't yours. You're 28, you have a good career and I tell you that there are loads of women that would want a guy like you. You'll be even more sought after without the baggage of a kid.

 

Looks are superficial, so stop placing unecessary value on them. Run, run and run again from her.

 

Remember, your wife married you. Although I now think she could have been cheating from day 1 and just used you.

 

See a lawyer and seek advice on living arrangements for now

Don't be at the birth with her

Tell her you do not want your name on the BC

Don't do anything for her

[beatcuff]

OP - PLEASE put aside the emotional 'stuff'.

 

there is nothing more important in your life than this:

 

Go to a lawyer Immediately.

 

in some USA states, H can be financially responsible as if he was the bio dad if he accepts his W back. yep that means 2 years later you D, you will have to pay child support. only a local attorney can guide you. get the facts, then decide.

[OldRover]

OK all that sounds so macho, so John Wayne, but she is legally entitled to half the house and their assets.

He cannot just drive her to her parent's house and dump her there, as if she is a child.

She has rights as his wife.

She may be a cheater, but she is still his wife and legally he cannot just turf her out.

 

Divorce and splitting things are state law. She "may" be entitled to nothing... depends. And yes, he CAN kick her out, again depending on state law. And some states come down pretty hard on a cheater.

 

I'd sure consider dumping her off, I can't see where she would be a good long term wife with a start like that.

[whichwayisup]

So today is truly a day I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up!

 

So today the results of a prenatal paternity test I had my wife take last Monday came in and I'm not the father!!!!! I was so happy when I found out she was pregnant that the first person I called was my mother to tell her she had a grandchild on the way(which of course she was just as excited by), but what am I to do now huh? I can't just kick a 7 month pregnant women with no job out the house can I? And In all truthfulness I still love her.

 

Actually you can. She cheated on you and since she's having an A with someone else, got pregnant by someone else, let that someone else take care of her.

 

This baby is not yours and your wife has betrayed you in the worst way possible. You may always love her but can you trust her? Kick her out and file for divorce.

[Itwasntme]

I guess this is the an issue here (bolded).

OP is so scared he will never be able to bag another woman this good looking ever again. He may have to put up with raising another man's kid, but that may be a price worth paying.

In his mind, this is already "his" child too, he is already the "father" and that is a difficult feeling to just switch off.

 

He is also scared she goes off to live with the OM (as she has no other option), and I truly doubt he wants to let her go full stop, despite what she did.

I guess he will decide #3 - she stays put until "until I make my choice".

Ok let me just clear this up. I don't want to stay with her out of fear I won't find someone as attractive, actually it might be best to down grade so at least then I'll feel less insecure about the relationship. The only reason I'm even thinking of staying is because I honestly did or do love her and have for the last 8 years of my life. The looks was just a bonus for the relationship but we probably wouldn't had got together if she wasn't the one to ask me out(well more like told me we was going on a date).

 

Also with the baby people saying it will hunt me or I'll have to put up with her and him. 1. She said she will do anything needed so the responsibility doesn't fall on me if I don't want 2. She's also willing to put it up for adoption, she said that will kill her but if that's what I want she will do it(but I can't do it either because if I do leave her she will have lost me and her baby which is to evil) 3. If I do adopt the kid as my own, I in no way plan to see him as a burden of such, I don't have to be with his mother to want him and I won't see him as some kind of mistake. He has in no way wronged me or hurt me it was his mother actions I can't forgive, so I won't be holding that against him.

[Bryanp]

1. Both get tested for STD's.

2. See an attorney to understand your options.

 

Some things to consider:

 

1. Not only did she cheat and have sex behind your back, but she had so

little respect for you that she did NOT even bother to use protection and put your health at risk for STD's apparently not caring.

 

2. You know that there had to be times that you were with her sexually after she was with him.

 

It sounds to me that she sees you as a meal ticket with a nice standard of living. Her actions show clearly how little respect she has for you and your relationship.

 

*****If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[Lois_Griffin]

my wife have been acting strange for a few months now like crying at random times, not wanting sex etc and I blamed it on the pregnancy but then she started asking me weird questions such as how much I loved her and was it enough to take her back if she ever cheated? She would constantly sit on her laptop and tell me randomly how much she loved and once said she would forgive me if i cheated.

 

So about two weeks ago my suspicions hit its peak and while she was out I went through her laptop and in her emails in the trash(she always forget they don't delete on there on until like a month) she was talking to the POSOM about how scared she was that the baby could be his and didn't know what she would do if I left her. And what really pisses me off is the OM said" he hopes it's his" And idk if he's playing to be spiteful or what

Any woman capable of trying to pawn off some other man's kid on her unsuspecting husband is just about the lowest life form in existence.

 

Now that you know it's the OM's, I'd be making arrangements for the 'happy family' to be together.