It's not mine

[m.snow]

think about it if you really wanted to take care of this child.

 

you can do it but at the side lines.

 

if you want to take care of your wife or soon to be ex-wife. you can

 

but

 

from the side lines. not with obligations. if she no-longer loves you she can leave. but with out your alimony or child support.

 

 

-------

remember what people said about those open emails among couples.

how most people say that if there is no trust, there is no marriage so no need to share emails.

remember how they say that trust is like the foundation of a relationship or marriage.

 

well now your wife has lost the trust. so essentially the marriage is over.

 

if you want you can take care of her but again divorce first to remove obligation in case, her love is no longer mutual!

[Diezel]

Get rid of her ASAP.

 

Before the system puts YOU on the hook for this kid.

[Ifalltopieces]

The reason is that she cuckolded him while she was ovulating and didn't use protection... in other words, consciously or unconsciously she wanted to make a baby with that other couch squatting dude and trick OP into raising it.

 

Just out of curiosity, are you also a firm believer in the tooth fairy?

 

 

 

 

 

Exactly. Consciously or subconsciously, she achieved what she decided to do. She is just one of those deceitful women with no loyalty, no remorse or no conscience. Otherwise she would've at least avoided phukking the guy while she was ovulating and/or made damn certain she was on birth control.

 

OP, this makes me wonder... were you using condoms or otherwise taking steps to avoid pregnancy, or were you trying to make babies with her too?

 

About the 2 minute pause when you asked her how many times she phukked the other guy... she was calculating the minimum number that might be believable. I laughed out loud when she answered 3. How many times have you had sex with her without conceiving? And he hits the jackpot in 3? Not likely. I'd bet she had been banging him regularly for a long time.

 

I don't think you can believe anything she says. If you hadn't figured it out, the plan was for her to carry on this deception for the rest of your life, and to have you unknowingly raising and this other guy's child thinking it was your own. And who knows how many more times this scenario might have repeated... or will repeat if you don't extricate yourself from this mess asap.

 

I think that your pain is such that you are in denial as to what a horrific offense this actually is, either that or on some level you're taking some kind of pleasure in the humiliation. No sane man with gonads would even contemplate keeping this woman around and trying to rationalize that everything will be ok.

 

This is always going to be a hugely traumatic event to you, and you will never be able to trust this woman again... she still hasn't come clean with all the information. She's still playing you!

 

That child will be a constant reminder, and keep the pain fresh forever. But the pain will lessen over time if you take decisive steps and turn the page. You've still got most of your life in front of you... why would you choose this hell? Open your eyes and see it for what it is!

 

Dropping her off at her parents is perfect. She really ain't your problem anymore... unless you voluntarily participate in her cuckoldry plan and agree to finance the whole thing.

 

 

 

Contrary to what your trying to imply, I'm not defending her nor am I trying to say that what she did was right. I'm simply saying that he does love her and working through this IS an option. That in no way means that she is deserving of working it out. Everybody wants to keep telling him to leave and run...it's NOT that easy.

 

Oh and for your information, I do believe in the tooth fairy. I also believe in Santa Clause too. Go chew on that

[Itwasntme]

This is one of those situations where you need to be cautious, but at the same time you need to think and make your move quickly.

 

Now that she knows that you know, you need to act immediately. Protect yourself legally now.

I doubt she can hurt me legally right? She quit her job to move down here with me and be a SAHW. So I don't think she can hire a better attorney then me, I have proof that The child isn't mine and haven't sign a BC or papers acknowledging I'm the dad. so the court can't hold me liable right?

[m.snow]

Contrary to what your trying to imply, I'm not defending her nor am I trying to say that what she did was right. I'm simply saying that he does love her and working through this IS an option. That in no way means that she is deserving of working it out. Everybody wants to keep telling him to leave and run...it's NOT that easy.

 

Oh and for your information, I do believe in the tooth fairy. I also believe in Santa Clause too. Go chew on that

 

But what im suggesting is protecting his assets first. namely financially.

 

He can support her by all means

 

but but but...

 

after he divorces her. to secure him in case she wants out.

 

he has to do whats best for him first! him first.

 

where not talking about his wife. where talking whats best for him.

[m.snow]

I doubt she can hurt me legally right? She quit her job to move down here with me and be a SAHW. So I don't think she can hire a better attorney then me, I have proof that The child isn't mine and haven't sign a BC or papers acknowledging I'm the dad. so the court can't hold me liable right?

 

 

you are fighting one thing right now.

 

the law that states.

 

you are the presumed father by virtue of being married to the woman at birth.

 

if you file for divorce now that can and will be challenged.

 

and again texas is one of those states that will exemp and grant you that.

 

but you have to divorce her as fast as possible.

so please call a lawyer now!

[SammySammy]

I doubt she can hurt me legally right? She quit her job to move down here with me and be a SAHW. So I don't think she can hire a better attorney then me, I have proof that The child isn't mine and haven't sign a BC or papers acknowledging I'm the dad. so the court can't hold me liable right?

 

Come on, man.

 

Stop assuming things are just going to work out for you. Schedule an appointment to see a lawyer TODAY! At the very least, after seeing a lawyer, you'll know where you stand and what your options are.

[drifter777]

I doubt she can hurt me legally right? She quit her job to move down here with me and be a SAHW. So I don't think she can hire a better attorney then me, I have proof that The child isn't mine and haven't sign a BC or papers acknowledging I'm the dad. so the court can't hold me liable right?

Stop wasting time and get to a lawyer. You need to get out in front of this thing and get it on the record that you are NOT the father and that you don't want to stay married and you do not want to pay for someone else's child. Your lawyer will help you establish all of this - legally - and get the ball rolling to protect you now and in the future.

 

Don't try to figure out what the court will decide and stop reading about other cases and legal decisions - your situation is clear-cut and a simple problem to solve IF YOU MOVE RIGHT NOW.

 

Great idea to get her out of the house - congratulations for making that happen. That and seeing a lawyer today are the most important things you can do for yourself.

[GorillaTheater]

you are fighting one thing right now.

 

the law that states.

 

you are the presumed father by virtue of being married to the woman at birth.

 

if you file for divorce now that can and will be challenged.

 

and again texas is one of those states that will exemp and grant you that.

 

but you have to divorce her as fast as possible.

so please call a lawyer now!

 

Abso-frickin-lutely.

 

Dude, where are you at in Texas, if you don't mind saying. Give me some idea, and it's possible I can make a recommendation for you as to attorneys. I happen to know quite a few throughout the state. But I can't overstress the importance of seeing one, ASAP.

 

You've just gotten the hardest gut punch of your life, but you don't have the luxury of not taking action NOW.

[Be_Strong]

[QUOTE=Itwasntme;6492664]I doubt she can hurt me legally right? She quit her job to move down here with me and be a SAHW. So I don't think she can hire a better attorney then me, I have proof that The child isn't mine and haven't sign a BC or papers acknowledging I'm the dad. so the court can't hold me liable right?

 

She can hire the best attorney in town and then ask the court to have you pay her attorneys fees. With her being a SAHW and you making good income, you will will definitely want to protect yourself and see a lawyer or you could be taken to the cleaners.

 

I'm a big advocate for reconciliation, but certain situations are just absolute non-starters, and one such scenario where reconciliation should never be considered is when a WW gets knocked up by the OM. Her most effective tool to use against you right now is the sympathy card, and she will really turn on the waterworks and do everything possible to keep you on the hook.

[m.snow]

could you give a time line. of how did all of this went down?

 

can you contact wife's mother and father and talk to them.

if possible take a vacation to resolve this bring her back home.

you have to talk to her parents and convince them to some how help in this situation if not for there daughter for you. or for their grandchild.

 

basing that she agreed to a prenatal test. she must have wanted to believe that the child would end up yours? that's just sad

 

what made her decide to get a prenatal dna test?

 

she quit her job to go where you are?

what was her job? was it a well paying job?

 

where did she meet the om?

there at your new area or back home were she came from?

 

work on the timeline. did she quit her job after she got pregnant or before.

 

how long have you been married?

how long since your wife stopped working?

 

in the end of it all you are 28. too young to have to go through his mess!

you have a whole life ahead of you! best a clean break!

Edited August 14, 2015 by m.snow

[the_artist_1970]

Update:

 

Yeah so I've been reading online other people in my situation and it made me realize just how cruel and evil females are(Not all, but I may never trust them again) and the court system seem to be made to put them at advantage in a lot of things and just seems unfair, definitely to men who find out late that they aren't the child father.

 

But point blank I told her we need to separate for a while and I'll buy her a plane ticket back home that way it will take only around 30 mins, (is it even safe for her to fly?) I Called her dad last night to ask if it was alright for her to stay with them, he kinda sounded hesitant but agreed. At that moment she broke out crying hysterically asking me was we divorcing and what she needed to do for my forgiveness. I told her "idk yet but the only thing I'm concerned about is the baby right now". So right now we're packing her bags and she won't stop all this excessive crying.

 

Pack her bags and send her and her baby home. Forgiving an A is one thing, but having to look at and take care of a child from an A is totally unforgivable IMHO. Don't allow this one woman make you think all women are evil. There are a lot of women who love and respect their husbands and don't cheat.

[trolloperative]

I doubt she can hurt me legally right? She quit her job to move down here with me and be a SAHW. So I don't think she can hire a better attorney then me, I have proof that The child isn't mine and haven't sign a BC or papers acknowledging I'm the dad. so the court can't hold me liable right?

 

An attorney can answer that better than anyone else here or IRL. Time is NOT on your side.

 

I know you want to find ways to make this work but she is not the woman you think she is. She had unprotected sex with a stranger, in a strange city. Then went home and probably had sex with you, smiled like nothing happened, how devious. She didn't care that you could've caught an STD. Get tested if you haven't, it will be humiliating enough to hopefully make you see the gravity of your situation.

 

ETA: You mentioned God in a previous post and doing the right thing, people make mistakes. Take this as a blessing from God. He has gifted you with this early in your marriage, not 10 years down the road after 3 kids and 2 aren't yours. Good luck.

Edited August 14, 2015 by nychag

[salparadise]

Contrary to what your trying to imply, I'm not defending her nor am I trying to say that what she did was right. I'm simply saying that he does love her and working through this IS an option. That in no way means that she is deserving of working it out. Everybody wants to keep telling him to leave and run...it's NOT that easy.

 

Oh and for your information, I do believe in the tooth fairy. I also believe in Santa Clause too. Go chew on that

 

Yea, or some form of lingering emotional attachment. I believe that love necessarily includes trust and respect, neither which characterize this relationship in its current iteration. What I think we're really saying is that OP is severely wounded and it's not manifesting as hate and rage. Not the quite the same as enduring love with trust and respect.

 

The reason everyone is telling him to leave is because they're thinking rationally, whereas OP is in the bargaining stage of grieving for what he has lost and not come to terms with yet. He will be better off when he does find his anger and lets go of his caretaker role in my opinion.

 

If there was ever a black/white clean break scenario, this is it. I hope he meets a wonderful woman who loves and respects him, raises a bunch of kids that are biologically his, and lives long and well. No man deserves what he's going through.

 

I believe in Rumplestiltskin, so I think we're sort of on the same page.

[stillafool]

All the tears she is shedding now are because her good life is coming to an end. She doesn't deserve to be a SAHW or a SAHM. I don't think you should try to work out anything with her parents. She made this bed let her lie in it. Let her see what her life will be without you to handle things. This is not your baby so it is not your job to protect and provide for it. That is up to her and the OM.

[m.snow]

 

ETA: You mentioned God in a previous post and doing the right thing, people make mistakes. Take this as a blessing from God. He has gifted you with this early in your marriage, not 10 years down the road after 3 kids and 2 aren't yours. Good luck.

 

thank the heavens you found out this early. imagine if you found out a few years down the road.

 

seen worse cases than this. this was blessing he found out early.

[road]

I doubt she can hurt me legally right? She quit her job to move down here with me and be a SAHW. So I don't think she can hire a better attorney then me, I have proof that The child isn't mine and haven't sign a BC or papers acknowledging I'm the dad. so the court can't hold me liable right?

 

 

 

The of law presumption. The husband is considered the to be the father. The court will nail your wallet to the wall. Stop playing games. See a lawyer and file.

[Buckeye2]

I was so happy when I found out she was pregnant that the first person I called was my mother to tell her she had a grandchild on the way(which of course she was just as excited by), but what am I to do now huh?[

 

I’m an old guy so I identify with grandparents.

 

Tell your mom right away. You don’t want your mom saying that he looks just like you as a baby. Adopting a kid is great. But having your husband raise your lover’s kid without telling him is the ultimate betrayal. The emotional and finical investment from the husband and his parents are extensive.

 

What did your wife say when you told her how happy your mom was? I can’t think of a lower form of life than someone who would do that. And you say that she loves you?

 

As others have said get a lawyer now. I have a feeling that you were the responsible meal ticket and the OM was the exciting bad boy with no money. And now you want to raise his kid? Oh joy. If I were your dad I would DNA you because no son of mine would consider staying with that woman.

 

Get a divorce now. I know Texas is no fault but making the kid part of the divorce would make things very clear about child support.

Edited August 14, 2015 by Buckeye2

[cgiles]

Well two things :

 

First go to a lawyer, because, even if you are lucky to not be french, because you would be deadly ****ed in the ass by the law, you could be ****ed in the ass by the law.

 

Then read this book : https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

[Itwasntme]

could you give a time line. of how did all of this went down?

 

can you contact wife's mother and father and talk to them.

if possible take a vacation to resolve this bring her back home.

you have to talk to her parents and convince them to some how help in this situation if not for there daughter for you. or for their grandchild.

 

basing that she agreed to a prenatal test. she must have wanted to believe that the child would end up yours? that's just sad

 

what made her decide to get a prenatal dna test?

 

she quit her job to go where you are?

what was her job? was it a well paying job?

 

where did she meet the om?

there at your new area or back home were she came from?

 

work on the timeline. did she quit her job after she got pregnant or before.

 

how long have you been married?

how long since your wife stopped working?

 

in the end of it all you are 28. too young to have to go through his mess!

you have a whole life ahead of you! best a clean break!

1. Yeah I can talk to her parents we are on still good terms so far and they have apologized for what their daughter has done. And idk about going on no vacation and solving all this with them and her to bring her back but I'll keep it in mind.

 

 

2. Yeah as we waited for the results she kept trying to reassure me it was mine. And once it came back I wasn't the father, I asked last night why didn't she just abort the baby in secret? and she said for one she doesn't believe in taking a innocent life (which I already knew), two she said she had her doubts (that's why she sent those emails) but she still wouldn't take the chance of killing our possible kid which she was hoping was mine, and three she knew I wanted a kid and knew I would be happy so she just kept throwing out the possibility it was his. So you don't have to feel sad for her that was her choice to do this.

 

3. She had no choice in the matter! once I had confronted her with the emails I told her either she takes the test or leave now. And she chose the test, I wasn't about to be wondering years on years about if the kid was mine or not.

 

4.yeah I moved to Houston from San Antonio Because for one most of my family here and two I made around 117,000 a year in SA but I didn't really like the place I was working and so I found a a much better job down here that pays me around 144,000, good neighborhood and close to home while in SA it was about a 40-60 min drive depending on traffic . She worked as a accountant for Comcast and made close to 53,000 so I guess she made good money also. But when I decided to move and she was already about 3 months pregnant She asked why not just be a SAHM, it's not like we couldn't afford it and I wanted more kids so that would help with freeing up time instead of me and her both working hard. So why not and if she ever wanted too she could get a job or if we needed it so it was set. So she only been out of a job for about 4 or 5 months give or take.

 

5. The thing is I kinda know OM because he's a friend of a best friend. Like we've talk and chilled at my friend house before so that's why I know how much of a bum he is, my friend told me. But man this baby thing has gotten me so down I haven't really pressured her about the whole affair with how and why it all started and for how long it lasted. But if I had to guess how they met it's pretty obvious, like I said earlier all of her friends were the wives of my friends so I'm pretty sure she was visiting my BF house And he was over there. IM just putting 2 and 2 together, also he lives in SA if you haven't realized

 

6. We've been together 6 married for 2

 

I hope that cleared things up for you

[Clay]

Well sadly you have your answer. Now just stick to your course of action. Get her out and file. Lawyers always take a long time so your better off getting it started as soon as possible. The last thing you want to do is get stuck over a timeline and end up paying for the child the rest of your life.

 

C

[Itwasntme]

OP is there anyone you can confide in? A close friend or family member??

 

Just make an appointment to see a solicitor. Tell them the whole story. Let it all out and they will give you good advice. You will feel better after it.

 

It's too late for an abortion. The baby will arrive soon. You sound like a decent sort, but let your wife move back to her family or the OM. It's not your child, it's not your responsibility. Can you imagine that OM being involved in your lives? You don't have a marriage. Your marriage ended when your wife decided to cheat. Are you happy right now? Of course not.. Who put you in this situation? Can you endure feeling like this for years?

 

 

I understand a little bit. My wife had an affair last year with a friend of mine. Did not use protection, got pregnant, than initiated sex with me for the first time in four years. Terrible thing to do and I can't get over it. She had an abortion after she confessed. But at one stage wanted me to raise it! ( the cheek! I told her I wound walk, we have two kids already and the nerve she had to ask me to bring up her married lovers child, it's innocent, she said )

 

 

It's a year later now but speaking from experience. I hate her for what she did and i can never get over it. In my case she is not remorseful and soon after started an emotional affair with an old flame living overseas, flirting with him and asking him to visit. ( he is married with kids too )

 

You have to start detaching yourself from her. This woman will drag you down and you will never be happy with her now that you know her true character...

I'm not really sure because I have a large family (3 sister two are older, one is younger and 2 brothers a older and younger one) but they aren't the most emotional helpful people outside of my mother. My older pimps literally like I'm not joking and he will tell me well " well there's more hoes out there and you have to show them you don't need them", my little brother who's two years younger and hasn't had a stable GF since Highschool will probably say some around those lines, oldest sister I don't have a real relationship with her because she wasn't apart of our family, second older sister she's overly emotional and will come to the point she might want to fight her(pregnant and all), my little sister who I can relate to the most and is 4 years younger she just like my mom are very close to my wife but at the same time super spiteful so if I let either of them know they probably could help me out but they would have eternal hatred for her even if I forgave her, and as for my dad lets just say anytime I cried as a kid he would call me a pussy or a faggot and told me to man up so he's definitely the last person I can tell. Now I would talk to my best friend about this but I get the feeling his wife knew about the whole affair and just didn't say anything. So every time I think about that I feel as if my BF has betrayed me for staying with her so I haven't really talked to him in about a week or so. And outside of them I feel as if its nobody else's business

[sandylee1]

I doubt she can hurt me legally right? She quit her job to move down here with me and be a SAHW. So I don't think she can hire a better attorney then me, I have proof that The child isn't mine and haven't sign a BC or papers acknowledging I'm the dad. so the court can't hold me liable right?

 

LISTEN CAREFULLY. As you are married, she can put you on the BC WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION AND WITHOUT YOU SIGNING. It is ASSUMED that a baby born in a marriage is the husband's child.

 

So you better make sure that you get divorced before the birth OR tell her in no uncertain terms that she better not put you on the BC . Tell her parents this as well . That they ensure their daughter DOES NOT put you as the father on the BC.

 

You do not want any LEGAL ties to her boyfriend's child.

[Itwasntme]

I’m an old guy so I identify with grandparents.

 

Tell your mom right away. You don’t want your mom saying that he looks just like you as a baby. Adopting a kid is great. But having your husband raise your lover’s kid without telling him is the ultimate betrayal. The emotional and finical investment from the husband and his parents are extensive.

 

What did your wife say when you told her how happy your mom was? I can’t think of a lower form of life than someone who would do that. And you say that she loves you?

 

As others have said get a lawyer now. I have a feeling that you were the responsible meal ticket and the OM was the exciting bad boy with no money. And now you want to raise his kid? Oh joy. If I were your dad I would DNA you because no son of mine would consider staying with that woman.

 

Get a divorce now. I know Texas is no fault but making the kid part of the divorce would make things very clear about child support.

Yeah I'm going to get around telling her I'll just have to think up a good way.

 

And that's the thing she wasn't acting weird up until 3-4 months ago when we started moving and her bump began to show! Up until then she was the same women I fell for so the way I told my mom was, I had her old up a big poster saying being "a baby coming to a mother near you this October" (yeah corny right I know don't judge me ) and then hurried to call her up to see if she understood it(which she did) my mother was so happy she even talk to my wife for about a hour on motherhood and how hard it would get but the feeling of seeing your kids grow up and do well can't really be compared to anything, she Said that's what life is all about to her. And my wife looked as happy and bright as the sun even started to cry a little

[ladydesigner]

itwasntme first I am so sorry for the position you are in. It is so heartbreaking when you are not only betrayed, but then add an OC to the mix. I agree with the posters who said to go to a lawyer to at least see what your rights are.

 

Don't feel bad that you want to take the time you need to decide what is right for you. This is an arduous process surviving infidelity. Not many marriages survive it.

 

I would like to point you to a website but not sure if I can post it here as you cannot receive PMs yet. The website is called surviving infidelity if you are interested and they have a whole thread dedicated to those dealing with OC's.