It's not mine

[HurtOfGlass]

Now this minor **** that happened to you, you are really feeling what it is to live a lie. Imagine living this lie for the rest of your life. This is why people were advising you to leave her. I am glad you have taken the decision to finally divorce her.

 

Don't discredit your sexual performance ability based on that slut's comment. She didn't feel special with you because she always had a wandering mind. If you feel you have developed some self esteem regarding sex, I believe you should see some sex therapist. I am myself planning to visit one after my marriage in October (that is when I will start sexual relationship with my fiancee). I was cheated too. And since then I have only slept with prostitutes. So I think I will need some sex therapy to gain some idea how to enjoy normal physical relationship.

 

Good luck

[ShatteredLady]

You sound like a lovely, wonderful man. I'm so desperately sorry for everything you're going through. I had my children late & I honestly wasn't prepared for how early you bond with a baby. Just those months of watching her stomach grow AND seeing those first images!! You're processing so much. You've lost so much. I think that's something my cheating husband doesn't understand yet. He's stolen my 'love story'. He's forever changed my past, my future, my faith in marriage. I truly believed that he was my family, 'for better or worse. Until death us do part'. It's going to take me a long time just to find myself again & life with my new truth. If I said, "I can never love again. I could never trust a man. No man is worth putting my faith in!" what would you tell me? That there are great, honest guys like you in the world? Very, very few women would ever do what your wife did. VERY few!! Give it time. You will be a fantastic husband & father. You deserve to be a Dad & any child would be very lucky to have you. Hopefully your next wife will be a 10 in looks AND in character!!

 

I can only speak for me & my friends. When a woman calls a man a 10 it's so very much more than physical appearance. The way a man looks to me changes as his character is revealed. A great looking guy can fast become a 2 & an average guy becomes a 10. Women look a lot deeper than superficial looks. I get the feeling you're a 10. Just listening to you talk about the child, telling your Mum, considering parenting, everything you've said here definitely puts you way above a 6 in my opinion ;-)

[stillafool]

I agree you do sound like a lovely man. You have been severely hurt and it is quite natural (I think) to never want to date again. In time when you heal you will feel differently. It would be a shame if a wonderful man like yourself didn't get with a deserving woman because there are so many of them out there. Healing just takes time. Do you mind if I ask if the other man is black also? I was actually wondering if the baby will be biracial.

[DKT3]

But didn't you get back with your ex? So do you trust her? I'm not trying to say anything bad because I'm sure she's a great women now but how can you trust her again? It's already a problem trusting females who hasn't done anything to you but to one who you know betrayed you how can you deal with it.

 

Our situation is a complicated one, but yes we are back together NOW. Her affair ended some 9 years ago and we were divorce 6 years ago. A lot went on between then and now.

 

Trust for me is still an issue, even through she has done everything in her power over the past 6 or so years to earn it back. We have kids together, and it would be less then honest if I didn't admit that is the major factor in why we are together now, without kids I really doubt I would have given her a second chance. The kids aren't the reasons I'm staying at this point but it is the reason I came back.

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

So today is truly a day I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up!

 

So today the results of a prenatal paternity test I had my wife take last Monday came in and I'm not the father!!!!! I was so happy when I found out she was pregnant that the first person I called was my mother to tell her she had a grandchild on the way(which of course she was just as excited by), but what am I to do now huh? I can't just kick a 7 month pregnant women with no job out the house can I? And In all truthfulness I still love her.

Friend,

 

I read this thread and I have to tell you that your desire to be in this baby's life isn't wise.

 

I know you said that you feel you won't love again, but this is only true if you decide that it is true. You can find a wonderful woman who will appreciate and honor you. They are out there and aren't that rare.

 

The problem is, you have convinced yourself that sticking around for this child is the honorable thing to do. It is not. The child is his mother's responsibility and his father's responsibility. It's not yours.

 

Further, you will diminish yourself if you stick around this child's life. Other women will get close to you, see it, and be alienated. You'll find no shortage of women that will say you're doing a very admirable thing, but when push comes to shove they will not see you as suitable mate material. You stuck around to clean another man's mess. Women don't and indeed can't really respect that, and can't find romantic love with a man that embraces such an inferior role.

 

You will gain their respect and admiration if you treat yourself with dignity.

 

By sticking around you'll be seen as a nice, sweet guy, but you will not attract the kind of love and romantic admiration you will need in a mate. It may sound harsh, but that's not my intention. I just see you convincing yourself that you're manning up, but in their hearts almost nobody else will see it that way.

 

If you don't carry yourself with dignity, how do you expect anyone else will?

[SawtoothMars]

I just said I wanted to be in the kids' life not get back together with her. Honestly if we could just be good friends and co parent that would be the best possible situation to me because I can't see my self with her relationship or physical wise. She has just killed to much of me for that. 1. Now I don't want to ever get back in a relationship seeing as I know I won't trust my next GF because if I can't trust one who I've known and been with for 8 years then who can I trust?

2. my sex drive is low to the point it almost isn't there. She just killed it and my ego by saying the other guy was better then me and Just by sleeping with him. Well ok she didn't say it like that but when I asked about it she said the sex with me was good and she loved it but with him it was amazing! So now I just don't seem to want any. porno does nothing for me and it's a 35 year old I work with who I could probably sleep with if I put in the effort and she's beautiful too but I don't want sex anymore.

3. I don't think I will love anymore either. I know a lot will say that's illogical and of course I will but I doubt it. For one I really think she took all my love with her and two even If I even did fall in love again I would never give anyone else my full love so I never get this hurt again

 

I don't think you should try to get close to the kid at all. You can't get any legal status without putting yourself on the hook financially.

 

Think about this very hard. She WILL find another guy to play daddy. When that happens, she won't want you around. At that point your emotional attachment is going to be very high. Losing a kid is hard. Harder than losing a wife. If you try this, then you are setting yourself up for more pain than you can imagine.

 

At some point you will heal enough to find someone better. Don't waste your resources on her and her kid. Instead focus on your "future" family. Build and work towards that.

 

For you and guys like Sawtoothmars who are really nice, please don't think EVERYTHING woman would take advantage of your kindness. I've never done that and I had one really nice BF in the past. He would do anything and everything for me and the only reason we didn't get married, is that he was still in college and I had finished and was working. I didn't want to wait and I was also a couple of years older than him as it was.

Most women would be delighted for a loving man, but your wife isn't one of them and she's proven that by not only cheating, but getting pregnant and being unsure of the paternity, she went ahead with it and deceived you. That's a special kind of cruelty and you should NEVER FORGET what she's capable of. She can become mother Theresa, but that act of trying to pin the kid on you......that's awful.

She wants the OM out of her life now, but that's out of fear of totally loosing you. Sensible responsible adults think about the consequences of their actions, she didn't and if she did, she probably thought if you just found out she cheated, you'd forgive her in a heartbeat.

For your own sake do not get attached to the baby and as suggested work on yourself. NC and work on you. You are a guy a lot of women would desire, please don't let her ruin your chance of happiness in the future with a great woman. Living well and being happy should be your aim.

 

No. He needs his anger. The pain and anger is what will be the catalyst for change. He needs to mistrust women in general for a while.

 

Women who cheat don't walk around with scarlet letters anymore. They look just like you. He needs to change. That change will not only help him determine the bad women from the good, but also drive away the ones who just want to use him.

 

The nice guy will never really go away. It just needs to be tempered with something hard, something cold.

 

yeah what gave it away? I'm black but my ex is white and ok you're right co parenting isn't something I should have said because it does imply that I'm the dad. My fault but if I could stay in the kid life and not be with her it would be good

 

I know you feel empty and wrecked. I've been there. Your dreams are shattered, your confidence has vanished.

 

I'm going to let you in on a secret. The other guy is not better than you at sex. She felt like the sex was "amazing" ONLY because she was cheating. Trust me on this.

 

Deep down you are a strong man. Stronger than you know and certainly stronger than your STBXW will ever know. Dig deep and find your power. Pick yourself up and move forward one step at a time. Live again, laugh again, love again.

[Spectre]

Wait, why can't you kick a pregnant woman out of your house if she cheated on you? You totally can and should. She has no respect or love for you..tell her to go stay with the trash she cheated on.

 

Don't be in this bastard childs life, let her go be with the douchebag she cheated with and dump her. She does not love you one bit, if she did this would be your child, not some other scumbags. What a horrible person to do this to a spouse, you should divorce her. She isn't even fit to raise a child, she has no sense of loyalty, love, or respect. Totally not fit to raise a friggin child who will grow up to be just like mommy.

[lollipopspot]

He needs to mistrust women in general for a while.

 

Are you kidding? "Women in general" didn't do a damn thing to him. He needs to look at how he is in relationships, not externalize it outwards as a statement about "women." I've been screwed over plenty, by different races, genders, ages...I take it as a statement about that person, about human nature, and my propensity to be snowed.

[autumnnight]

Are you kidding? "Women in general" didn't do a damn thing to him. He needs to look at how he is in relationships, not externalize it outwards as a statement about "women." I've been screwed over plenty, by different races, genders, ages...I take it as a statement about that person, about human nature, and my propensity to be snowed.

 

I could be wrong, but I took that to mean that his general mistrust means that it is not time for him to date, and that it is probably a good thing.

 

A lot of people try to "fix" their pain by jumping right back into the dating pool, and except for a false kind of ego boost, it rarely ends well. If he really works on true healing, then the mistrust will dissipate in time, I believe. Until then, the self-protective mode may be a good thing.

[SawtoothMars]

Are you kidding? "Women in general" didn't do a damn thing to him. He needs to look at how he is in relationships, not externalize it outwards as a statement about "women." I've been screwed over plenty, by different races, genders, ages...I take it as a statement about that person, about human nature, and my propensity to be snowed.

 

Whether you like it or not, change isn't immediate. Change happens in stages over time.

 

Yes, mistrust of women is a stage. It is extremely helpful so long as you don't let yourself get stuck there. It's especially helpful for guys who tend to put women up on pedestals. I'm thinking IWM has had that problem. The cynicism helps kick that pedestal over.

 

I could be wrong, but I took that to mean that his general mistrust means that it is not time for him to date, and that it is probably a good thing.

A lot of people try to "fix" their pain by jumping right back into the dating pool, and except for a false kind of ego boost, it rarely ends well. If he really works on true healing, then the mistrust will dissipate in time, I believe. Until then, the self-protective mode may be a good thing.

 

I do think IWM should give it a few months before dating, but going No Contact with the XW is much more important.

 

He has just been hit with the most soul-crushing rejection of his entire life. You may not be able to understand this but being in the dating scene as a man requires a ton of confidence and the ability to deal with personal rejection on a massive scale.

 

Where is that confidence going to come from right now? Do you think it will just magically appear?

 

I started dating a couple months post separation. I realized pretty quickly that waiting longer was making me feel worse. Feeling unwanted, unlovable, and unattractive doesn't get better with time... it gets better with people showing you that those feelings are false.

[singer23]

no she told me that was a lie The night before she moved out. When I asked her about the sex. They actually had sex multiple times and when I asked for the real number she just said she didn't keep count but at least over 20 time. So as for me having all the truth I think I do have it seeing as she told me everything even about the sex, and when I met the OM and asked him some questions they seem to match (like the length of the affair and where they did it at).

 

As for the OM I doubt he will come back into the picture. The reason he easily accept her offer is him and his baby mama got back together and are struggling to support their themselves and their two kids so another one would break them. Plus the baby mama doesn't want him in the baby or ex life for some reason.

 

Don't make him sign away the rights

 

1) It guilt locks you to your ex and the baby.. See, she even made the OM sign away the kid rights for you.. Now you are leaving her alone without any child support ? And the kid doesn't have a father. And she has no financial support from him. And it is your fault(read in her voice)

 

2) The state does not care who pays for the kid. It will just try to get out of supporting the kid from its coffers. Either OM pays or you pay. Being in the assumed father's role, you will hooked on to child support regardless of whether it is fair or not.

 

 

So this guy bangs some woman, gets her preganant and he leaves the financial responsibility of raising the kid to you ? And he doesn't have the means ? What kid of ****ing low grade trailer trash did your ex f*ck ? Even his wife is involved.

[singer23]

I just said I wanted to be in the kids' life not get back together with her. Honestly if we could just be good friends and co parent that would be the best possible situation to me because I can't see my self with her relationship or physical wise. She has just killed to much of me for that. 1. Now I don't want to ever get back in a relationship seeing as I know I won't trust my next GF because if I can't trust one who I've known and been with for 8 years then who can I trust?

 

2. my sex drive is low to the point it almost isn't there. She just killed it and my ego by saying the other guy was better then me and Just by sleeping with him. Well ok she didn't say it like that but when I asked about it she said the sex with me was good and she loved it but with him it was amazing! So now I just don't seem to want any. porno does nothing for me and it's a 35 year old I work with who I could probably sleep with if I put in the effort and she's beautiful too but I don't want sex anymore.

 

3. I don't think I will love anymore either. I know a lot will say that's illogical and of course I will but I doubt it. For one I really think she took all my love with her and two even If I even did fall in love again I would never give anyone else my full love so I never get this hurt again

 

 

This is even more unhealthy. She even made you fly over to her city with one simple guilt trip. She knows your buttons pretty well.

 

 

And you can kiss your ass goodbye on any further relationships that you might have at this point. If you think you can be friends and co-parent, it is ****ing retarded. Why would you co-parent a kid you are not biologically related with a woman you are not in a relationship with ? Are you out of your mind ? This sound so unhealthy. You would be a big red flag yourself for any potential partner.

[StellaGrace]

Hi there-

I read your whole thread, and I commend you for your strength, your thoughtfulness, and your willingness to ask for advice and consider other views with respect your very difficult and painful situation.

 

One thing I didn't understand (or maybe I missed that post) - are you now going to allow your wife to put your name on the birth certificate as father given the bio dad has told you he will give up that right (if I understood that recent post correctly about the bio dad giving up any interest in the child legally)?

 

The thing I keep coming back to is what sort of arrangement is best for the child's future given the circumstances. I know you've thought about it and it sounded you want to be part of his life (before the church outing - just read that!), but (if you're still thinking about it ) have you made a plan in your mind for the next 18 years? Are you going to be a constant and regular presence (e.g. every other weekend, alone visits)? Or more like an occasional uncle who visits him while your wife (or ex at that point) is present? Will you have some written agreement with your wife about visits and how much say you have in the way the child is raised, or are you guys just going to wing it and hope she doesn't change her mind?

 

I ask because a lot can happen in 18 years - she may find someone else and want that guy to legally adopt the child, and then where will that leave you if the guy doesn't want you in the kid's life? More importantly, how does that effect the child if she cuts out your contact with him after he has formed some sort of bond with you?

 

A lot of questions, I know, and you may have answered some of these and I missed it despite my best attempt to read everything. But if you haven't, it's some important food for thought.

Edited August 24, 2015 by StellaGrace

[sandylee1]

yeah what gave it away? I'm black but my ex is white and ok you're right co parenting isn't something I should have said because it does imply that I'm the dad. My fault but if I could stay in the kid life and not be with her it would be good

 

Being black myself, I can pick up on these things.

What gave it away was the 'baby mama' reference and watching Straight Outta Compton .

 

So the OM is black as well? Because if not it's gonna be obvious it's not your kid.

 

I just don't understand why you don't think you deserve better than this. Keep on reading no more Mr nice guy.

[sandylee1]

 

No. He needs his anger. The pain and anger is what will be the catalyst for change. He needs to mistrust women in general for a while.

 

Women who cheat don't walk around with scarlet letters anymore. They look just like you. He needs to change. That change will not only help him determine the bad women from the good, but also drive away the ones who just want to use him.

 

The nice guy will never really go away. It just needs to be tempered with something hard, something cold.

 

.

 

Anger towards his WW is absolutely expected and right. Not anger TOWARDS ALL women.

 

That's just like saying because one person of a certain race betrayed you, you should mistrust all of them.

 

My point is why let a cheating wife ruin your chances of happiness forever. Like I said, she will go on and find another guy. Don't give her the satisfaction.

 

You only get one life and you'll do good to remember that you deserve to have a good one.

[SawtoothMars]

Anger towards his WW is absolutely expected and right. Not anger TOWARDS ALL women.

That's just like saying because one person of a certain race betrayed you, you should mistrust all of them.

My point is why let a cheating wife ruin your chances of happiness forever. Like I said, she will go on and find another guy. Don't give her the satisfaction.

You only get one life and you'll do good to remember that you deserve to have a good one.

 

No, he needs to reset how he relates to all women. Not just one. If he does not do that, then this situation will likely repeat.

 

You cannot compare gender to race. Gender exists, race does not.

[Itwasntme]

Well I'm at work right now and taking a hour break so I'll try and answer some questions to the best of my skills, and thanks everyone for the support it means a lot.

 

Sandylee1: haha yeah I thought the straight out of Compton might be the reason but like I said she was the one that chose it. And I didn't even realize I type baby mama I've kinda been avoiding it so not to sound too ghetto but I guess I let a old habit slip. And yeah OM is about my skin tone or maybe a shade darker but I'm not sure we are pretty close.

 

StellaGrace:no it's cool I'll try my best to answer. honestly I was originally just planning on going with the flow and see how things turned out. I wanted to be constantly in his life but now I think that's too hard to accomplish and is impossible. 1. I took when people told me that "those comments will trigger you" lightly and I paid for it. 2. I keep wanting to say she would never do anything like that but then again that's a lie. I don't know what she's capable of and I read someone story where the ex went evil on him and kept him away from non bio daughter since he didn't take her back. That's scary to think of. But no I dont think I will be in either life at this point.

 

Singer23:I drove her car down there. I never hired anyone to take it down there

For me so I decided to kill two bird with one stones. And I actually do feel out of my mind. He isn't signing the rights away he couldn't even if he wanted too, but basically he will sign the AOP and get his name on the birth certificate but will just stay out of their lives or she will file for CS.

 

Sawtoothmars:I wouldn't say I have a problem putting females on a pedestal. Only reason why my ex was up on one so high was because man she was my wife and the love of my life for 8 years! So of course I want to treat my wife the best, buy her what she wants, give her unconditional love, treat her like a queen and even forgive her mistakes. But the problem was my ex made a unforgivable not mistake but choice and so she lost that pedestal. But as for other women only other women I put on a pedestal and will do anything for is my mama and sisters. But you're right I don't think getting over a old leaf by getting under a new one will help me out.

 

Lollipopspot: 1. What do you mean about I should look at how I am in relationships? And I do understand that not every female is like my ex but can you guarantee that my next one won't be or the one after that? I did everything right I feel! I showed her constant love and told her how much I loved her, I bought her gifts on all our special days even when I was in college and broke, we had sex frequently, when she got sick and would throw up or be on the toilet all day I was there to get whatever she needed, took her out on special dates, randomly sent her flowers to her job. the list goes on and on, this was over a 8 year period so tell me if I give a female all of this and yet she still cheats what would stop any other female from cheating? Only thing I probably did wrong and now have noticed because of no more mr nice guy was avoiding argument which I thought meant we were happier. But out of that I gave her no reason to cheat. And don't get me wrong i probably would feel the same way about men but I'm not gay or a female but if I was cheated by a man I wouldn't trust men either.

 

Mr shazam: I don't want other females I rather stay single. But I actually understand and agree with everything you said it makes sense. I'm over here looking like some type of hero but at the end I would be the person they wouldn't date.

 

DKT3: well thanks for that and I really have appreciated your input it has meant a lot.

 

Shatteredlady: thanks you for the compliment but no I'm not all that great. And if I do get remarried my wife doesn't have to be a 10, I only made those comments for a point I was proving about how I was better then the other man. As long as I find her attractive and she's faithful I'm cool with her being a 7 it doesn't matter all that much her being a 10 would just a be a bonus.

[lollipopspot]

You cannot compare gender to race. Gender exists, race does not.

 

That makes no sense.

[lollipopspot]

Lollipopspot: 1. What do you mean about I should look at how I am in relationships? And I do understand that not every female is like my ex but can you guarantee that my next one won't be or the one after that? I did everything right I feel! I showed her constant love and told her how much I loved her, I bought her gifts on all our special days even when I was in college and broke, we had sex frequently, when she got sick and would throw up or be on the toilet all day I was there to get whatever she needed, took her out on special dates, randomly sent her flowers to her job. the list goes on and on, this was over a 8 year period so tell me if I give a female all of this and yet she still cheats what would stop any other female from cheating? Only thing I probably did wrong and now have noticed because of no more mr nice guy was avoiding argument which I thought meant we were happier. But out of that I gave her no reason to cheat. And don't get me wrong i probably would feel the same way about men but I'm not gay or a female but if I was cheated by a man I wouldn't trust men either.

 

I mean look at what you expect in relationships, how much you invest of yourself, and who you choose. Work on yourself, your boundaries, and your self esteem.

 

The next one may be like that, either because you pick the same type of woman (most likely) or you work on yourself and choose better and still get unlucky. A lot of people cheat, there are no guarantees. But it doesn't have to devastate you. I've been cheated on. It hurt but it didn't devastate me and it didn't turn me off to all males. It was time for that particular relationship to end, and that's just the way it ended. Okay. I moved on. A lot of guys cheat. There may or may not be anything I can do about it. I'll do my best to avoid it, if it happens again I won't like it, but I'll survive.

 

I'm sure you've been screwed over by guys too, just in different ways.

 

This is about human nature, not "female nature." People have good qualities and bad qualities both. The reality of being human is that sometimes/often other humans will disappoint us. We still have to live among humans.

[SawtoothMars]

Sawtoothmars:I wouldn't say I have a problem putting females on a pedestal. Only reason why my ex was up on one so high was because man she was my wife and the love of my life for 8 years! So of course I want to treat my wife the best, buy her what she wants, give her unconditional love, treat her like a queen and even forgive her mistakes. But the problem was my ex made a unforgivable not mistake but choice and so she lost that pedestal. But as for other women only other women I put on a pedestal and will do anything for is my mama and sisters. But you're right I don't think getting over a old leaf by getting under a new one will help me out.

 

Never put any woman you date or marry on a pedestal. Make that a hard rule. Family members are exempt.

 

That makes no sense.

 

Race doesn't exist. That is a scientific fact.

 

All categories among people based on small variances in genotype exist only as a social construct and have no validity biologically.

[JS84]

That makes no sense.

 

I think he means one is biological, the other a social construct.

[MJJean]

In my state, if the mother is married at the time of the birth, the legal husband goes on the birth certificate. If he is not the biological father, the bio father cannot just sign an affidavit of parentage because the law presumes the legal husband is the father. This means that in order for the bio father to sign the AOP and be listed on the birth record there must be a court order stating the legal husband is not the father, that the child is not issue of the marriage, and then the bio father can willingly sign the AOP or the court can order a DNA test to prove paternity.

 

I've been there, done that. I was legally married, I met someone else, my ex and I separated, but we couldn't afford a divorce for a couple of years. I got pregnant with my then AP and now DH's baby and gave birth before the marriage was legally dissolved. Even though both myself and my baby's father protested and he was willing to sign the AOP right then and there at the birth, my legal husband was listed on the birth certificate as per state law.

 

I was allowed to give my son the surname of my choosing, but we had to go to court to make it possible for my baby's father to sign the AOP. Once we had the court documents stating my son was not issue of my marriage, we had to submit that, the AOP, and have the birth record amended.

 

So, check with a lawyer again. Make damn sure you know how to handle the paperwork if you're not divorced by the time the baby comes. Make sure the divorce papers specifically mention the child is not issue of the marriage.

[sandylee1]

Sawtoothmars

 

Your definition of race is likely different to mine, but I believe there is a reason we have a race relations act as well as a sex discrimination act where I live. Race is not a myth. Anyway, this isn't a race debate , I was just giving an example.

 

Itwasntme - You put her on a pedestal and she didn't deserve it. A bit of a break from women will do you good.

 

I understand how you feel in that you treated her so well and she still cheated on you. You question what else you could have done, but the reality is, you couldn't have done anything else. She did this all on her own.

 

The BH whose wife said she'd make him happy till the day she died, told her he was happy before she cheated , she was a top class wife, she treated him like a king and he couldn't ask for anymore. So considering they had the type of marriage their friends were in awe of and she did this, why would he get back with her.

 

If your spouse cheats in a good marriage, then I see no point in reconciling, because things can get tough and then what will they do.

 

Your wife took her cheating to another level and needs to be a vision in your rear view mirror . No man should have a wife that doesn't respect him. It just strips you of everything.

[singer23]

If you think about it, this might not even be her first time cheating

[lolablue17]

The phrase "Not all women are cheaters like her" is a big understatement of the situation.

 

Many women and men do cheat, but they mostly do it after many years, family, mortgage, children together, ect... Your wife is a special peace of art.

 

Not only she was cheating when you're young without children, she also got pregnant, and didn't have an abortion. I'm telling you straight forward - This is VERY RARE! It's 1 of a million. You were stung by this snake (you wife). It's not your fault at all.

 

And you says she told you that he is better than you???!!! Ha Ha Ha. forbidden secret sex, always feels more exciting than the one you're use to. It has nothing to do with you or him.

 

So i think you're insecure now... Like a driver who had an accident (not by his fault), and is afraid to drive. Start your process. The sooner you start total NC with her and her family, the faster you start your healing process.

 

Leave her, drop her, forget her. Don't "be there for her", this is against your direct interest.