Why Married Women Cheat

[Heatherknows]

You only found this out 'recently'...?

Please let me give you a strong word of advice (as someone who once considered having implants, because frankly, I too have small breasts):

 

Don't even think about it.

 

True story:

 

In 1997, I was undertaking a course of Shiatsu, training to become a Shiatsu therapist. I was - and still am - a strong advocate of natural therapies, considering them widely complementary to conventional medicine, as we know it to be, in the West. Why natural therapies are known as 'alternative', when they are the ones to have been around for hundreds and perhaps, (according to authenticated and original, genuine oriental archives) thousands of years, while Western medicine and pharmacology has only been in existence for say 2 - 300 years or so, is beyond me...

 

Anyway, I digress, slightly...

 

The location I studied at, was a stone's throw away from the London central nucleus of medicine and dentistry, Harley Street..

 

I had long wanted to consider the possibility of implants and now, having come into an inheritance, and being so close to some of the world's most renowned medical experts and clinics, here was my chance to fulfil my dream.

One evening after study, I attended an appointment I had made with a recommended and highly-respected plastic surgeon who specialised in breast surgery, including reconstructive and cosmetic procedures.

I had an hour-long discussion with him, during which time he went through the procedure in detail, explaining what would happen, what materials would be used, care, maintenance, upkeep (yes, all necessary) and costs.

I made it quite clear that I didn't want to become pneumatic. I had no exaggerated size in mind. I wanted curve, proportion and a fuller bust. that was all. And he agreed that the requirement was totally logical, sound and sensible.

 

He then took photographs of my breasts and outlined - with a body-pen, as used by surgeons - exactly where the cuts would be, and how to deal with the whole process.

 

I then booked an appointment to meet the anaesthetist, and a subsequent date for the surgery.

 

I rang the clinic three days later to tell them I had been thinking about things very intensely, and had come to the conclusion that I had changed my mind.

 

I received a call, around 20 minutes later, from the man himself, telling me that was absolutely fine, no problem, it was my choice, but..

"...tell me, what made you change your mind?"

 

I explained that first of all, I was practising and studying an alternative therapy, which focused on the body's ability to move its own energy and life-forces, and to generate healing through massage - naturally - I felt it would have been fraudulent of me to practise a natural therapy on people, full of synthetic substance. I just felt it would be a 'block' and hypocrisy.

 

Secondly, I had to learn to be content with who I was. I had one body. And it was mine, and mine alone. Precious, imperfect, full of lumps and bumps, but mine nevertheless, and I had an obligation to care for it, look after it, nurture it and cherish it, riding along with it as it aged and transformed, on its own, with no additives, preservatives, enhancements or pretenses.

 

Thirdly - if I was to do this - it would have to be for me, because I, and I alone, wanted it. And I realised that a major part of my thought-process had been engaged in wanting to please a man.

And that was unacceptable, because if the only way my husband would be pleased with my appearance, was that I was physically changing it - implanting foreign bodies in it, for him - then he wasn't who I thought he was.

And I wouldn't be, either.

So I decided against it.

 

I cannot begin to describe how pleased this surgeon was with me, for coming to that conclusion.

He was absolutely delighted for me, and thrilled I had theought it through so comprehensively.

 

I still have small breasts.

I no longer have that husband.

Too much drifting apart, and too many differences... (This wasn't a catalyst for our separation)... though he confessed to being disappointed I didn't go through with it. Well tough luck, bud. Suck it up.

 

if you decide to go through with it, do it for the right reason.

You H liking big boobs, is NOT the right reason.

 

And I should warn you that, AFAIK, the majority of good, reputable, bona-fide professional clinics, will get you to have sessions with a counsellor to ensure that your reasons for having the procedure are indicative of "your head being in a good place".

 

How would you feel about being obliged to have counselling, for that reason?

 

I'd go to counseling if they wanted me to do so.

[TaraMaiden2]

But you wouldn't then, on their findings, get your implants....

 

Unless you would be an accomplished liar and pull the wool over their eyes, but then, you'd be cheating yourself, wouldn't you?

[Heatherknows]

But you wouldn't then, on their findings, get your implants....

 

Unless you would be an accomplished liar and pull the wool over their eyes, but then, you'd be cheating yourself, wouldn't you?

 

I need to get into counseling regardless of boob or no boobs. My head isn't right.

[jen1447]

Secret to boobs - men love boobs, period. All boobs. It's just the bigger ones are easier for them to see and hold and love on.

[truncated]

I need to get into counseling regardless of boob or no boobs. My head isn't right.

 

 

I hope that you can and that your counselor is able to help you see yourself as you really are.

 

A human being with a good heart and a lot to give. Someone with value and who deserves love.

 

No implants or sex act will give you that. you have to give that to yourself.

[Got it]

I'd go to counseling if they wanted me to do so.

 

Heather I think you need to go to actually learn to discover you. I feel like you are scratching the surface and trying to make superficial changes to both you and your husband to find contentment. It doesn't work like that. You can't change your husband. HE can change him, you can't.

 

And while I have no issues with wanting to make physical changes, you need to do it for you. This is a modification you have to live with. My sister had them done and the rehab isn't a walk in the park - not the end of the world but not easy. I had to take care of her for a few weeks as her arm movement was very restricted.

 

Please seek therapy, you need to become clearer on what makes you tick. I see you own your mistakes but you aren't deep diving the why's and owning them, I am not sure if you are fully aware of the whys at this point.

 

But don't ever do anything so extreme as body modification for someone else. Do it because regardless of everyone else in your world, you want it. Just getting your breasts done will not be the lightbulb moment to turn your husband into your Don Juan and jumping your bones. His reasoning has to go deeper than that and his drive is not indicating that he is at the same point. This may be the reality of it. You guys can move the needle, if both parties are working together, but that is it. ANd if you can't, can you accept that.

 

I think, especially for women, the idea that the sexual component is a deal breaker is a hard one. Women aren't taught to prioritize it so the idea you are going to throw the proverbial baby with the bathwater over sex is hard. I really struggled on that piece myself as it seemed selfish and potentially short sighted. But ultimately, our sex life and his lack of trying to meet me half way, the conflict avoiding, etc. are all part and parcel why I divorce and why I am at peace for having done some. But that is my personal equation, for others it wouldn't have stacked up the same way. But we have to be at peace with our decisions and when we aren't is when our guts are screaming at us to pay attention.

[Heatherknows]

I hope that you can and that your counselor is able to help you see yourself as you really are.

 

A human being with a good heart and a lot to give. Someone with value and who deserves love.

 

No implants or sex act will give you that. you have to give that to yourself.

 

Thank you truncated! That's nice of you to say.

[Heatherknows]

Heather I think you need to go to actually learn to discover you. I feel like you are scratching the surface and trying to make superficial changes to both you and your husband to find contentment. It doesn't work like that. You can't change your husband. HE can change him, you can't.

 

 

Hopefully a good therapist will help me with my issues. And maybe if I become less stressed this will also help my husband be less stressed and therefore more sexual. I never realized how sexual I was until recently.

 

I think, especially for women, the idea that the sexual component is a deal breaker is a hard one. Women aren't taught to prioritize it so the idea you are going to throw the proverbial baby with the bathwater over sex is hard. I really struggled on that piece myself as it seemed selfish and potentially short sighted. But ultimately, our sex life and his lack of trying to meet me half way, the conflict avoiding, etc. are all part and parcel why I divorce and why I am at peace for having done some.

 

Have you met someone else you're more sexually compatible with since your divorce?

[Got it]

Hopefully a good therapist will help me with my issues. And maybe if I become less stressed this will also help my husband be less stressed and therefore more sexual. I never realized how sexual I was until recently.

 

 

 

Have you met someone else you're more sexually compatible with since your divorce?

 

Yes. My affair partner. We have been married for a few years now.

 

He is everything I thought only existed in fiction. I can't begin to express the depth of my love for him, now I love him more now than ever and while we drive each other crazy at times he is absolutely the best person for me. I am truly and humbly blessed by having this amazing man. And it isn't just the sexual piece (which has slowed down with daily life and just years of involvement - something we continue to try and prioritize) but every day he comes out swing to actively invest in our relationship. Every day this man shows me how much he loves me and appreciates me and even at my worst, he loves me and GETS me. That is the biggest piece, I finally found someone that knows me completely, gets me completely, and still likes me even knowing my ugly side. That is an intimacy I have never had before. I have always had walls up in relationships to stay at arm's distance and we don't have that. It's scary and hard and very very vulnerable, but it is the right way and we are committed to it.

 

So, yes, he is just as kinky as I am so I am not afraid I will scare him in the bedroom, and he will meet any challenge. We prioritize our relationship and learn from our past lessons to not make the same mistakes. We make sure we get one on one time and even with the baby coming (I am pregnant) we are committed to taking a couples vacation every year so we can reinvest in each other.

 

I am not telling you to do anything here, just relying my experience. But I knew, I know, that whatever I did I was going to come out fine because I was committed to doing so. I spent some time alone and I really enjoyed it! I mean REALLY enjoyed it! So if we didn't work out, bit ones tongue!, I don't see myself actually having another relationship. I so loved only being accountable for me, I make great money, have great friends and interests,and enjoyed not having to do the daily compromising that romantic relationships require. Basically there are silver linings everywhere and I believe that no matter the situation if you can find them then it is all good. Since I had been in a relationship since I was in high school it was great to just eat when I wanted to eat, eat what I wanted to eat, watch what I wanted to watch, and come and go without worrying about someone else.

 

So either way, I am happy. And that is what I wish for you, to figure you out, to get to know you, that on your own, with or without your husband, with or without someone else, you are happy because at your core you are happy and at peace.