Character Changes whilst in affair?

[flowergirl14]

Shattered Lady,

Im not sure what the cards hold for me. I know I tried to forgive, reconcile, but obviously Im dealing with a cheater who never had any intentions to heal this marriage. But I do know that cheaters can write and give their spouse a loveletter then make plans that same day to be with the ow or om. I've seen this behavior reported on LS and other sites like chump lady.com ( check her out too) I pray that your husband has turned a new leaf. I just know that those people capable of lying and deceit may likely do it again. All Im saying is beware. And you probably will never forget the abuse you suffered. It still haunts me that I tolerated that. I too should have left then. My kids and I would be soo much healthier and my wh would be history! Have you thought about the impact the abuse you suffered had on them? Im really wanting to model behavior in my marriage that is acceptable. I wouldnt want my kids to make the same mistakes. Your in my thoughts!

[ShatteredLady]

In the last months I've often asked myself what advise I would gave my daughter if she came to me with my life story! I don't know why I stayed when it all first happened 12 years ago. Our history, marriage, living in a foreign country, isolation, his 'mental' problems (as i saw it) we didn't have kids then.

I know we/I would of been healthier if we'd been home & I'd walked out to family or friends. He would of needed to work to get me back. Huge mistake! The 'abuse' changed my confidence & self perception in many ways. I'm not the kind of woman who would ever take that! But I did & now it's part of me.

 

My brother (only sibling) died shortly after we were reconciling. It was the most terrible experience for me & my parents & my H was wonderful. That was understandably a huge part of me forgiving & forgetting. Then a couple of years later we had our first child.

 

Everyday that we are getting back to being 'US' is helping me calm & get perspective. At some point every night we have big conversations about us & what's been happening & how we can make the future better. Our sincere goal is to build a stronger marriage now than ever before. The wounds are still so fresh. I still have panic attacks daily! I'm NOT this person! My life feels like one thing piling on another at the moment. Just managing my chronic pain & health issues is exhausting. My mind jumps around all the time.

 

Huge hugs for you. I'm so sorry. I wouldn't wish this insanity on anyone. You sound like a strong lady & a so hurt lady. I wish I could take the pain away for all of us.