Not sure how to handle this: He says he'll contact me but doesn't

[purple21]

Well I guess I wasn't as strong as I thought - all my plans ended up falling through so there I am Sat alone and started thinking of the guy i was going to try to forget so i sent him a text just asking how things were going since he seemed pretty down the last few times i heard from him. Well he textd me back that he was feeling better and was out of town visiting his brother - textd a few times back and forth that night

 

Well Sunday I hear from him again and he invites me over - yeah and I went - i couldn't help myself - we hung out for about six hours - he had an interview today so he was showing me all his resumes and stuff asking me how they looked, he made me a cd of music he thought i would like, we had a few beers and listened to some music and watched tv, he also showed me all these old pictures of him from when he was little - it was just so much fun. We did end up fooling around a little but didn't have sex (but man he turns me on - lol - such a welcome change from the ex).

 

As I was leaving he kissed me goodbye a few times and asked me when i was working til which was 3:30 - his interview was at 12:30 i think and he said something quick like that's perfect i should be done with everything then - sounding like i should hear from him. Then as I was leaving I told him to let me know how it went when he is done and he said he definitely will. So I textd him this morning wishing him good luck.

 

So yeah - now it's 6 and i haven't heard from him. Sent him a text asking him how it went - no answer. I know it has only been a few hours and he might be busy whatever. But from past experiences, i have a feeling i won't hear from him in awhile and that just sucks. He does that everytime i see him, make mention of future plans or doing things but then he just shuts down the next day. Yesterday he did tell me a little about his new bipolar medication, that he still isn't talking to his mom in regards to his dad abusing him which I found out was when he was younger because he showed me a picture of the 2 of them and made a comment about that is what a child abuser looks like. I usually just let him talk and listen because I don't want to pry to much - not quite sure how to handle that one.

 

I know I should of learned my lesson by now - this has been going on since Dec seeing him like once a month - but for some reason i can't help myself I have so much fun when we do hang out. I don't think he is meaning to hurt me - we never talked about what exactly we are doing. I guess all i can do is wait until he contacts me again which will be who knows when and if we get together again talked to him about it a little especially if he mentions future plans or whatever. I don't want to give him any added stress either but again i have a lot of stress going on in my life right now as well. So part of me just wants to ask him what his deal is and let him know how i'm feeling - that i have fun hanging out and want to see him more just to clear the air i guess.

 

Not sure what to do or say?

[DesertDweller]

I have a friend who's bi-polar and she spends most of her life in bed. Maybe the interview didn't go well and he's too depressed to talk. I would suggest looking for a forum for people who are involved with people with behavioral disorders. Good luck!

[purple21]

Thanks for the tip - i'll chk out some stuff online.

hmm - any other words of wisdom?

[blind_otter]

Just bite the bullet and talk about it with him.

 

Be clear about what you want. My bf knows this about me, and my male friends do. If you say you'll call me back, then frikkin' call me back, otherwise I'll just stop answering your phone calls. Of course I have an answering machine message that says "I screen my calls, so I'm probably standing next to the machine while you leave a message. It better be good or this is the only thing you'll hear from me."

 

Also remember to leave a man wanting more. Don't pursue him. Men are supposed to pursue women. He should call you, email, you, he should initiate contact first. It's a stupid game, but a necessary part of the game. It's the way you keep them interested in you. Don't pursue him, and always leave him wanting more, and don't make yourself so available. That which is just out of reach is more tempting.

[purple21]

Originally posted by blind_otter

Just bite the bullet and talk about it with him.

 

Be clear about what you want. My bf knows this about me, and my male friends do. If you say you'll call me back, then frikkin' call me back, otherwise I'll just stop answering your phone calls. Of course I have an answering machine message that says "I screen my calls, so I'm probably standing next to the machine while you leave a message. It better be good or this is the only thing you'll hear from me."

 

Also remember to leave a man wanting more. Don't pursue him. Men are supposed to pursue women. He should call you, email, you, he should initiate contact first. It's a stupid game, but a necessary part of the game. It's the way you keep them interested in you. Don't pursue him, and always leave him wanting more, and don't make yourself so available. That which is just out of reach is more tempting.

 

Thanks Blind_Otter - congrats on the bfriend by the way - have been reading your posts

I also like that answering maching msg -

 

I will talk to him if we get together again because this has been going on for awhile now and i should just bite the bullet and get it over with, I just wish I thought of it when i was there - know i'll hear from him again but it may be tonight or 2 weeks from now - that is the thing that drives me crazy.

 

At least let me know how the interview went for crying out loud - plus i'm a little worried about that because we had a few beers and a few hits that night as well - but I left around 10 so that shouldn't of been a big deal - plus he was calling in sick the next day and his interview wasn't until the afternoon. I felt fine the next day. All I know is that I'm thinking way to much about this - but not knowing makes me use my imagination more i guess - Arg

 

Yeah I tend not to be so good at letting them pursue when I'm really interested in someone - im too darn impatient. Another thing is I shouldn't worry about things I cannot control. I'm trying to work on both things but it's hard. I'm ok at work and then I get home and start thinking wayyy too much - so annoying.

[blind_otter]

Believe me, girl, I feel you on that. I think way too much about everything. Witness the entire thread about how I came into a relationship. I think everyone (who has a marginal level of intelligence, self-awareness, or insecurity) does this. The trick is to not let on that you do it, hah

[purple21]

Originally posted by blind_otter

Believe me, girl, I feel you on that. I think way too much about everything. Witness the entire thread about how I came into a relationship. I think everyone (who has a marginal level of intelligence, self-awareness, or insecurity) does this. The trick is to not let on that you do it, hah

 

Lol - that is so true such torture sometimes though

Yeah - i usually play all calm and collected if i talk about these issues with friends or if i do at all.

Good thing I found LS or my head my explode from thinking too much - lol.

 

Oww - now my brain hurts - i can't even decide what to have for dinner -

[blind_otter]

I say pad thai. That's my default takeout. Because I hate pizza. I ate too much of it in college.

[purple21]

lol - thanks good idea - never had it

i'll get some good dinner - take a nice long walk and relax and watch American Idol (yeah i'm a dork)

[SuperFantastico]

Purple, this guy sounds messed up. I know we all love drama and to torture ourselves, but do yourself a favor and find someone a little less damaged to torture yourself on. You cant fix him, you cant help him. All you will do is get yourself bogged down in a quagmire of his misery. He dosnt know what he wants. He probably has major fear of comitments. He makes plans then breaks them. You know how he is. People dont change much.

 

Stop seeing him before he ruins you from being able to trust the decent stable men out there.

[mental_traveller]

Some people are just a bit unreliable when they say they'll do something. I mean if he is a few hours late, that's probably just his character - he may well be just the same with friends & family. It's up to you if you want to put up with it, but I think you should at least raise the issue and let him know it's bugging you. If he likes you enough, he should try a bit harder once he knows - although don't expect him to be as punctual as you might be. However, you said he might not call for up to 2 weeks - that's pretty long, even for someone with mild flaky tendencies. Overall I'd say discuss it, stress that you would rather he doesn't make promises, instead of making them then breaking them, and see how he behaves after hearing that.

[purple21]

Originally posted by SuperFantastico

Purple, this guy sounds messed up. I know we all love drama and to torture ourselves, but do yourself a favor and find someone a little less damaged to torture yourself on. You cant fix him, you cant help him. All you will do is get yourself bogged down in a quagmire of his misery. He dosnt know what he wants. He probably has major fear of comitments. He makes plans then breaks them. You know how he is. People dont change much.

 

Stop seeing him before he ruins you from being able to trust the decent stable men out there.

 

Ha - yeah - he is definitely messed up (in many ways) and i know deep down nothing will probably change with him. You made lots of good points. Stuff I needed to hear - feeling better now

 

Even if we did see each other more - there would probably still be drama and him flaking or whatever eventually.

 

There are decent stable men out there? lol - just kidding

 

Thanks

[purple21]

Originally posted by mental_traveller

Some people are just a bit unreliable when they say they'll do something. I mean if he is a few hours late, that's probably just his character - he may well be just the same with friends & family. It's up to you if you want to put up with it, but I think you should at least raise the issue and let him know it's bugging you. If he likes you enough, he should try a bit harder once he knows - although don't expect him to be as punctual as you might be. However, you said he might not call for up to 2 weeks - that's pretty long, even for someone with mild flaky tendencies. Overall I'd say discuss it, stress that you would rather he doesn't make promises, instead of making them then breaking them, and see how he behaves after hearing that.

 

Thanks - yeah - being late is one thing but not really his problem - (i think that is my problem - i can never get to work on time - lol).

 

The whole situation is kinda strange - when he does contact it's email or text - which is really hard to discuss anything in detail. If we do get together - he's open and talking to me like we've been friends for years. Then shuts down the next day - not sure how he acts with other people or whatever - but it's more than being mildly flaky.

 

Yeah - i know deep down the whole situation is bad - i'm not sure if i'll see him again - i really shouldn't - it's not doing me any good. If I do for some reason I will talk to him about things. Growl.

 

I should get my butt to bed so i'm not late for work tomorrow - don't want to late to train the replacements my company used to outsource our dept - lol - i know off topic but it cracks me up - sorry you we have to let you go can you train our new cheaper employees - gee thanks.

[blind_otter]

I'm sorry purple. Hope you're having a good day at work (as good as can be expected). But I think the next time he does contact you you really should just say exactly why you don't think hanging out would be a good idea. Then at least it's like you get a little closure, he gets a little closure, everybody wins (sorta).

[purple21]

Originally posted by blind_otter

I'm sorry purple. Hope you're having a good day at work (as good as can be expected). But I think the next time he does contact you you really should just say exactly why you don't think hanging out would be a good idea. Then at least it's like you get a little closure, he gets a little closure, everybody wins (sorta).

 

Thanks

Yeah - that's definitely a good idea

[purple21]

Must.... fight ..... urge.... to.... email (yeah didn't hear anything from him yet)

growl - sorry just pissed i guess - sorta saw him outside our building yesterday but nothing- someone was talking to him but still he walked by pretty close - not a wave, look, nothing - maybe he has an evil twin lol

 

Of course I recvd emails and voicemails from ex this week - umm - no thanks - good thing about that is I could care less - kinda funny

 

Why do the people who you don't want to hear from contact you and those you are dying to hear from not a peep - what the crap.

[blind_otter]

Word, purps. I totally know what you're talking about.

 

I get a 10 minute phone call from my bf last night, and a 2 hour telly convo with a friend I had a crush on before I met my bf. I wanted the opposite! (2 hour phone call from bf, 10 minute telly from the friend, dammit!!!)

 

Grass - greener - other - side - !!! argh!!!

[purple21]

lol - oh man that's crazy - Srgt Basco?

yeah - just got another email from ex trying to be all cute - but it just ain't working on me - (thank goodness

 

well i broke down and emailed the guy - just saying hello, what's up and that they are letting me work full time again (he asks me that everytime i see him). Well he emails back - well that's weird since they are laying you off. So blah blah emailed back more work stuff and I asked him how it went Monday. He didn't get the job. Crap. So I just said - oh man, thought you would, sorry - something better will come along. That was the end of that.

 

Well crap - just got another email from him - "when are you starting full time?" I told him today - to be con't I guess - he is a strange bird

[blind_otter]

I bet you anything (since he's bipolar) he was depressed about not getting the job. But I think you should not put your eggs in one basket and date other people as well. I mean, if anything, it takes up yer free time, eh?

 

I am moody myself, and I will refuse to talk to my friends or family during a few days prior to my period when I get crazy. I always tell them though - "I'm going to me MIA for a few days until Aunt Flo is gone"

[purple21]

Originally posted by blind_otter

I bet you anything (since he's bipolar) he was depressed about not getting the job. But I think you should not put your eggs in one basket and date other people as well. I mean, if anything, it takes up yer free time, eh?

 

I am moody myself, and I will refuse to talk to my friends or family during a few days prior to my period when I get crazy. I always tell them though - "I'm going to me MIA for a few days until Aunt Flo is gone"

 

Yeah - that's probably what happened - i'm definitely open to dating other people, just need to meet some though

 

not thinking too much more is gonna come out of this for now anyways - but i feel a little better hearing from him today and finding out what what's going on sorta (I was dying to know) - even if it wasn't good news darnit - i'm just gonna let him be now - and go with the flow

 

Speaking of flow - i am also pretty moody especially with Aunt flo - lol - I've actually been keeping to myself a lot the last few months as well in terms of family and friends - just have a lot of changes going on and just not in the mood - so i'm actually driving all them crazy with my lack of responsiveness - I gotta work on that more myself

[blind_otter]

Hah! Pot calls kettle black. News at 11. well just remember to be slightly aloof, or at least leave him wanting more. Like, if you are on the phone - be the person who says "Well, I gotta run" or, my favorite "let me let YOU go, k?" Sometimes I even stop the guy mid-sentence, or in the middle of a story, gotta leave 'em wanting more. Of course this can lead to unwanted, stalker-ish behavior if you do it to the wrong man

 

Yeah, it was Bosco who called me. I called him for lunch and he was working out of town (he is a carpenter) so he said he would call me later tonight. He watched my dogs for me while I was out of town with my bf last weekend so I owe him some flow (he just spent a buncha money on a car rental for a month b/c his car almost got totalled) -- it's my way of helping him out since he won't just take $ from me, and won't take a loan, I make up silly things for him to do for me and offer him $20 here and there. I am such a mom.

[purple21]

ha yeah

thanks for the tips, very true

i'll watch out for any stalker like behavior from him (i don't think i'll have that problem with this particular guy - lol)

 

that's cool you and Bosco are still friends

[purple21]

ok - well just to had to update on this unfortunate situation because i'm just sorta pissed

After the emails Thurs - Sat I sent him a hello text - no response - then yesterday I sent him an email to see how he was doing - still no response.

Today I was out walking on break with a couple friends and he was out smoking, he had to have seen me but when we were walking by he turned his back our way.

 

I've been trying to get the whole thing out of my head but yesterday this girl in my group use to date him like over 3 or 4 years ago and she mentioned she went to visit him as his desk and he told her about the job he didn't get, blah, blah, blah. Couldn't really hear what else she said, shes a row over. I don't know why but it got me all thinking about stuff so it made me send the email yesterday. I think I overheard her talking about him again today and about some 1 line email he sent her (or I might just be losing it). I'm not really about to ask her about it because I don't really know her all that well and I've told no one here about any of our meetings anyways. Blah - it's driving me nuts - even though I know I shouldn't give a crap.

 

At this point I'm not quite sure who I'm more pissed at - myself for caring so much and letting this go on for so long or at him for being a wuss and a jerk about the whole thing. It's like he is 2 entirely different people - one who lets me in and then one who acts like they don't even know me. I know I just need to move on, nothing will come out of this, he was basically just using me - need to find someone decent. I just wish I knew what the hell his problem is. Don't be all buddy buddy with someone and then totally ignore them when it's obvious they are into you - it's just totally rude and I'm so angry.

 

It's just that I'm really hurt right now (actually trying not to cry at work) at his non-responsiveness and I feel like an ass. I really feel like sending him a wtf type text tonight just to get the anger off my chest but not quite sure what I should say. Any ideas or words of advice

[blind_otter]

Aw, honey...sometimes people are inscrutable, like a cloudy night sky. It's his issue, not yours, that prevents him from acting like a person who is aware of other people's feelings. But I should say, if you've told him clearly that you were into him then he is just an ass....but if it was always "Suggested" or "assumed" - then maybe he is just emotionally retarded. A lot of guys are.

 

It doesn't do any good to dwell on the maybes, though. Just be friendly. Spock once said, on here, to me - the best revenge is to look good and act all calm, cool, and collected. Don't let him see that he made you upset. Keep your head up, you're a sweet chica and I'm sure someone (better than him) will come along soon. Probably as soon as you start forgetting about this dude and start feeling better about yourself again.

[purple21]

Thanks honey for responding - needed that - feel a little better now

Yeah - I never really told him clearly that I was into him but figured he could tell by me contacting him, always asking how he is, listening to him, telling him I had a great time lets do it again type of things. I always wanted to come out and say something but figured if he were really into me, he would treat me different than he does. If you are into someone you don't ignore them.

 

All the maybes are driving me crazy but your right I can't dwell on them and I guess I won't get any answers. And I won't send a nasty message - that won't help - maybe feel good for a second but I'll regret it - lol

 

Must listen to LS Spock - so wise

I'll get over it - I'm ok until someone mentions his name or I see him - got some fun plans the next 2 weekends so I'll look forward to that

I think I just got too much stress in my life right now that I'm overreacting to things or trying to get my hopes up too high for things. (Losing my job, might get new job but will have to move to Texas, behind in some of my bills, trying to quit smoking, lose weight, taking meds for my own anxeity and depression issues - but besides that everything else is cool - lol)

 

I'll just take care of myself for now - maybe I'll go to Kwando tonight so I can punch things (stupid jerky guy)