Women that lose interest if guy doesnt make a move on her

[xxoo]

I dont understand how women can accuse guys with such labels when most women are actually more insecure/shy with said actions than men are.

 

What makes you think the women are insecure?

[alphamale]

Why do women like that lose respect for guys if they take longer than usual to make a move?

because it shows a lack of interest and/or lack of confidence

[Popsicle]

I either assume he is,

 

1) Not into me, which makes my blood run cold.

 

or

 

2) Lacking in confidence, which reminds me of a little boy, which is a turn off, or he doesn't know what to do. Same thing.

 

This is assuming that I am into him. If I'm not into him, I probably wouldn't notice that he hasn't made a move or think too much about it.

[E-Squared]

I agree with that. But correct me if I'm wrong....isnt it a huge double standard when MOST single women say......

 

"Every guy I meet just wants to jump right into physical/sex...why cant I find a man that likes me for me"??? Yet when they are out with a guy that is trying to get to know them, they are sitting there wondering "Why hasnt this guy kissed me yet, why hasnt this guy made any moves yet, this guy must be lame".

 

I am not exaggerating either....EVERY woman that I have talked with aobut dating, or went on a date with has complained that every guy they meet just wants sex or wants to jump into a physical relationship.

 

I truly believe that as a guy you are damned if you do and damned if you dont when you deal with most women.

I cannot argue with this. I sometimes wonder how soon would a move be made in order to look pushy, but how late it would have to be in order to seem either uninterested or nervous to do so. It's like how I mentioned in my post in this thread, some girl who I "dated" told me that I didn't make a move when she wanted me to, and I had said that I didn't know what she wanted me to do. Of course, in the end I was not that into her, but that is beside the point. At the time, I thought about it, but I thought that she would have stopped for trying to get too close to her.

 

How does it have to be to be deemed pushy?

[alphamale]

I either assume he is,

 

1) Not into me, which makes my blood run cold.

 

or

 

2) Lacking in confidence, which reminds me of a little boy, which is a turn off, or he doesn't know what to do. Same thing.

 

This is assuming that I am into him. If I'm not into him, I probably wouldn't notice that he hasn't made a move or think too much about it.

 

thats what i said

[Popsicle]

thats what i said

 

I know. Sorry I read it after I posted.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Depends which move we are talking here

[E-Squared]

Okay, I keep wondering this. Women, answer me this, how early does it have to be when a guy makes a move that he'll be deemed pushy?

[carhill]

Depends which move we are talking here

I misread things at first but, reading more, it's the sexual move, at minimum caressing and kissing. It's an important crossing of physical and platonic boundaries into more romantic and sexual territory. That way they feel we're sexually attracted and feel sexually attractive. Dawdle on that point and attraction can fade fast. I had real problems with that when still on the 'sex with marriage' path in early life. Heh...

[Philosopher]

As a guy, I find knowing when to make the move to be one of the most tricky elements of dating as you never know for sure when they want you to make that move. I have dated a women whom turned down a kiss after five dates, saying we should get to know each other and then she subsequently friendzoned me.

 

Conversely there have been a couple of times where it appeared that the women was expecting the kiss by the end of the second date or even first date, however I did not make the move as I was not comfortable with it. With both of them I did not get another date.

 

I think it all boils down to being able to read their signals effectively and then having the courage to make that move.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

As a guy, I find knowing when to make the move to be one of the most tricky elements of dating as you never know for sure when they want you to make that move. I have dated a women whom turned down a kiss after five dates, saying we should get to know each other and then she subsequently friendzoned me.

 

Conversely there have been a couple of times where it appeared that the women was expecting the kiss by the end of the second date or even first date, however I did not make the move as I was not comfortable with it. With both of them I did not get another date.

 

I think it all boils down to being able to read their signals effectively and then having the courage to make that move.

 

Spot on there

[elaine567]

I think it all boils down to being able to read their signals effectively and then having the courage to make that move.

 

This is it, and it appears some men want an ABC route map or an x+y=z formula to follow, when that is not how it works.

Women are human beings not robots.

 

Some women will jump into bed with a guy almost immediately if the signs are right, and other women will be hemming and hawing over a kiss after 2 weeks, if they are uncertain about him.

Also a woman may be ready to take things to the next level with one guy after 2 dates and with another guy after a month of dating.

It is not simple.

 

Women are all individuals and they react to the situations as they present, and men have just got to learn how to read the cues and not make obvious mistakes.

Men who ARE successful with women are not pressing for early sex with a woman who is patently not on that page, and they are not sitting around taking a woman out for date after platonic date when it is obvious she wants to take things further either.

 

It is all a learning process, but it seems some men want women to conform to what they see as right, as opposed to putting the work in to be able to read body language, understand the cues, the hints, the signals, and gain some insight into what makes a woman tick.

[bachdude]

I understand what the women are saying in this thread about wanting a guy who is attracted to them and has the confidence to make a move.

 

 

 

However, there were several times in my dating years when the kissing started early only to find out soon after about a complete deal breaker for me.

 

 

I was in the predicament where I had to initiate a quasi "break up". If we had waited a little longer it would have spared her some hurt.

 

 

There is nothing wrong with waiting until you figure out that the two of you have a basic compatibility.

 

 

Yes, confidence is a manly trait, but so is patience and self control.

 

 

Guys, if you lose a girl because you don't make a move soon enough, so be it. She wasn't that interested anyway. Do what you feel is the right thing.

[Ration22]

The man's comfort level is just as important as the woman's. Why should a woman get to hold all the cards and dictate the pace at which to progress intimate activities? Maybe I'm not comfortable with any physical contact until we get a couple months of dating time in. It isn't just about her and her comfort level. There's 2 people in a relationship and both needs are important. There has to be a compromise worked out for relationships to work.

[elaine567]

The man's comfort level is just as important as the woman's. Why should a woman get to hold all the cards and dictate the pace at which to progress intimate activities? Maybe I'm not comfortable with any physical contact until we get a couple months of dating time in. It isn't just about her and her comfort level. There's 2 people in a relationship and both needs are important. There has to be a compromise worked out for relationships to work.

 

No-one is suggesting you need to change your comfort level, but you have to accept that if you wait for 2 months to make any move on a girl, then some girls are going to have moved on by then to someone else, thinking that you are NOT interested in them.

Time waits for no man.

[mrldii]

Okay, I keep wondering this. Women, answer me this, how early does it have to be when a guy makes a move that he'll be deemed pushy?

 

It is NEVER "too early" if he's responding to her cues that she's willing and receptive to his "mak[ing] a move".

 

It is ALWAYS 'too soon' if he's "mak[ing] a move" and she's sent NO signals that she's receptive.

 

 

Sorry, guys, but there's no hard-and-fast Rule/timeline for it; each woman you meet is different and the dynamic of each interaction you have with each woman will be different. Concentrate on learning to read the signs of a receptive woman, and you'll never be out of (the time)line.

[d0nnivain]

Okay, I keep wondering this. Women, answer me this, how early does it have to be when a guy makes a move that he'll be deemed pushy?

 

 

It's going to depend on the woman. Personally I like the 1st date to end with a kiss goodbye. But like I said on another thread, while some women want physical contact (a hug or cheek kiss) as the greeting for the 1st meeting off OLD, I was very off put by such presumptuousness.

 

 

Philosopher got it right below. Although it's tough, you have to read the signs.

 

As a guy, I find knowing when to make the move to be one of the most tricky elements of dating as you never know for sure when they want you to make that move.

 

I think it all boils down to being able to read their signals effectively and then having the courage to make that move.

 

 

It is tough. I try to be clear in my body language. But it doesn't always work. While I generally like a kiss goodnight to end a 1st date, there have been men I did not want to kiss. I made it a point not to touch them & as the evening was winding down I kept more than an arm's length distance. On two occasions I remember still getting ambushed. Despite stiffening up & yanking my head back, these guys didn't get the message & it was awkward. I never saw either again. Thank heavens.

 

The man's comfort level is just as important as the woman's. Why should a woman get to hold all the cards and dictate the pace at which to progress intimate activities? Maybe I'm not comfortable with any physical contact until we get a couple months of dating time in. It isn't just about her and her comfort level. There's 2 people in a relationship and both needs are important. There has to be a compromise worked out for relationships to work.

 

 

Ration22 -- you are correct that both people have to be comfortable because there are 2 people in the relationship. I bolded the one sentence simply to point out that your time frame may be far too long for many. That doesn't mean you have to change your stance; just that it may take longer for you to find somebody with whom you are compatible & who shares your approach to dating.

[mrldii]

The man's comfort level is just as important as the woman's. Why should a woman get to hold all the cards and dictate the pace at which to progress intimate activities? Maybe I'm not comfortable with any physical contact until we get a couple months of dating time in. It isn't just about her and her comfort level. There's 2 people in a relationship and both needs are important. There has to be a compromise worked out for relationships to work.

 

This is fine. But, (speaking personally and only for me), then I am going to know that we are NOT compatible, as when I have feelings for someone I AM going to be demonstrative and I AM going to want the man I'm with to be demonstrative, too. Speaking personally and only for me, I am also going to see it as an indication that he is able to withhold affection/sex; I don't like men who use affection/sex as a weapon.

 

This is what dating is all about: to weed out those with whom we are NOT compatible so we can move on to The One with whom we are. Not every encounter is going to be a home run...nor should it be.

[bachdude]

I am also going to see it as an indication that he is able to withhold affection/sex; I don't like men who use affection/sex as a weapon.

 

 

Wow

 

 

That's quite a leap.

 

 

There is a vast difference between a guy who hasn't made a move and a guy who withholds affection as a weapon in an already established relationship.

Edited August 16, 2015 by bachdude

[xxoo]

Guys, if you lose a girl because you don't make a move soon enough, so be it. She wasn't that interested anyway. Do what you feel is the right thing.

 

Good advice.

 

The man's comfort level is just as important as the woman's. Why should a woman get to hold all the cards and dictate the pace at which to progress intimate activities? Maybe I'm not comfortable with any physical contact until we get a couple months of dating time in. It isn't just about her and her comfort level. There's 2 people in a relationship and both needs are important. There has to be a compromise worked out for relationships to work.

 

It's not a relationship yet. There's immediate incompatibility, and she appropriately loses interest.

 

When both are very interested, this doesn't happen.

[mrldii]

Wow

 

 

That's quite a leap.

 

 

There is a vast difference between a guy who hasn't made a move and a guy who withholds affection as a weapon in an already established relationship.

 

 

"Leap" or not, they've served me well. And you did miss the part where I'd written,"Speaking personally and only for me..."

 

ANYbody who can choose to keep a lid on their emotions for "a couple of months" while getting to know someone has demonstrated the ability and capacity to contain/withhold emotions after getting to know someone, i.e. during a relationship.

 

Speaking personally and only for me, I'm not interested in forming an exclusion relationship with someone who has the ability to contain/withhold emotions...so yeah...I "leap" (i.e., know myself well enough to know what I am and am not attracted to) all over the place, every chance I get.

 

Age has its privileges.

 

 

Anyway, we appear to be straying off the original topic, which is "Women that lose interest if a guy doesn't make a move on her..." of which I am one and I've stated the reasons why I lose interest. It's A-OK if others don't agree with my reasons for how I live my life and do what it is that I do.

[Gloria25]

The man's comfort level is just as important as the woman's. Why should a woman get to hold all the cards and dictate the pace at which to progress intimate activities? Maybe I'm not comfortable with any physical contact until we get a couple months of dating time in. It isn't just about her and her comfort level. There's 2 people in a relationship and both needs are important. There has to be a compromise worked out for relationships to work.

 

You say 2 "months" in your post here ^^, but you keep on posting about a "crush" you've had for 1 "YEAR".

 

While you and everyone is entitled to his/her "comfort level" - don't you think one year is a stretch?

[Gloria25]

This is fine. But, (speaking personally and only for me), then I am going to know that we are NOT compatible, as when I have feelings for someone I AM going to be demonstrative and I AM going to want the man I'm with to be demonstrative, too. Speaking personally and only for me, I am also going to see it as an indication that he is able to withhold affection/sex; I don't like men who use affection/sex as a weapon.

 

This is what dating is all about: to weed out those with whom we are NOT compatible so we can move on to The One with whom we are. Not every encounter is going to be a home run...nor should it be.

 

Thing is, when it comes to dating and relationships - people are looking for "signals", "signs", etc. that the person is attracted and/or interested.

 

Like it or not, people have come to adopt what are generally considered signs of attraction and/or interest.

 

What are those signs?

 

Well, I could be asking you out on another date. I could be how he/she looks at you. It could be he/she touching, kissing, etc. you. It doesn't necessarily mean if you had sex or not by the 3rd date.

 

So, if people don't see those signs, they either friendzone you and/or move on.

 

What do you expect them to do? Keep on trying and make fools of themselves, come off as desperate, etc?

 

Been there and done that. Dude showing lukewarm signs of interest and I try to give him a benefit of a doubt only to find out they either faded and/or weren't that interested.

 

So, if you are so "different" from the population - then you need to let the person you're interested in know that so they don't start assuming things. Like if you have a certain "comfort level"...you don't have to say that literally, you can just simply say - I'm a person that likes to take it slow and really get to know someone before I take it to the next level....So, the guy/gal you are with understands you and doesn't take this as a rejection and/or lack of interest. And, hopefully when by 2 months you're still not even kissing them, they'll communicate to you that "while they understand you like to take things slow, not even kissing someone in 2 months isn't gonna work for them and you are gonna move on to someone else.

[bachdude]

"Leap" or not, they've served me well. And you did miss the part where I'd written,"Speaking personally and only for me..."

 

ANYbody who can choose to keep a lid on their emotions for "a couple of months" while getting to know someone has demonstrated the ability and capacity to contain/withhold emotions after getting to know someone, i.e. during a relationship.

 

Speaking personally and only for me, I'm not interested in forming an exclusion relationship with someone who has the ability to contain/withhold emotions...so yeah...I "leap" (i.e., know myself well enough to know what I am and am not attracted to) all over the place, every chance I get.

 

Age has its privileges.

 

 

Anyway, we appear to be straying off the original topic, which is "Women that lose interest if a guy doesn't make a move on her..." of which I am one and I've stated the reasons why I lose interest. It's A-OK if others don't agree with my reasons for how I live my life and do what it is that I do.

 

 

I'm not saying you don't have the right to want a guy to make a move at the timing you are comfortable with. Of course that is perfectly fine and your privilege.

 

 

My point is, as someone who also likes to take it slower (though 2 months is a bit long), having also learned from experience and age from jumping in too quickly, that it simply isn't necessarily true that a guy who moves slowly is also passive aggressive in regards to withholding affection.

 

 

If you still want to believe that, then that is also your right, but I challenge that belief because I don't think it is necessarily true at all.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I understand what the women are saying in this thread about wanting a guy who is attracted to them and has the confidence to make a move.

 

 

 

However, there were several times in my dating years when the kissing started early only to find out soon after about a complete deal breaker for me.

 

 

I was in the predicament where I had to initiate a quasi "break up". If we had waited a little longer it would have spared her some hurt.

 

 

There is nothing wrong with waiting until you figure out that the two of you have a basic compatibility.

 

 

Yes, confidence is a manly trait, but so is patience and self control.

 

 

Guys, if you lose a girl because you don't make a move soon enough, so be it. She wasn't that interested anyway. Do what you feel is the right thing.

I guess it's easy to be bitter, angry, resentful, over things you are not