Women that lose interest if guy doesnt make a move on her

[elaine567]

I'm not saying you don't have the right to want a guy to make a move at the timing you are comfortable with. Of course that is perfectly fine and your privilege.

 

My point is, as someone who also likes to take it slower (though 2 months is a bit long), having also learned from experience and age from jumping in too quickly, that it simply isn't necessarily true that a guy who moves slowly is also passive aggressive in regards to withholding affection.

If you still want to believe that, then that is also your right, but I challenge that belief because I don't think it is necessarily true at all.

 

I think it all depends on the person, who is "taking it slower".

 

 

1. Some ARE just playing games or deliberately testing boundaries.
   
2. Some are not dating seriously at all, they are just messing around, going out, and meeting people.
   
3. Some have been badly burnt in previous relationships and are protecting their own hearts.
   
4. Some do not want sexual tension and "feelings" complicating a new relationship too early on. They want to coolly assess the compatibility and not be swept along on a tide of sex and emotion.
   
5. Some do not want to be rejected, so postpone any sign of definite interest to the last minute or for when they are sure they are wanted.
   
6. Some are inexperienced in dating and are essentially clueless.
   
7. Some are too shy or socially inept.
   
8. Some have big issues with physicality full stop.
   

[ltjg45]

I think it all depends on the person, who is "taking it slower".

 

 

1. Some ARE just playing games or deliberately testing boundaries.
   
2. Some are not dating seriously at all, they are just messing around, going out, and meeting people.
   
3. Some have been badly burnt in previous relationships and are protecting their own hearts.
   
4. Some do not want sexual tension and "feelings" complicating a new relationship too early on. They want to coolly assess the compatibility and not be swept along on a tide of sex and emotion.
   
5. Some do not want to be rejected, so postpone any sign of definite interest to the last minute or for when they are sure they are wanted.
   
6. Some are inexperienced in dating and are essentially clueless.
   
7. Some are too shy or socially inept.
   
8. Some have big issues with physicality full stop.
   

 

#6 and #7 is definitely my issues....but mostly it is because I am simply not interested.......but even if I do see a woman I like, those two would stop me or it is clear that her man is not far behind her.

[Male]

No-one is suggesting you need to change your comfort level, but you have to accept that if you wait for 2 months to make any move on a girl, then some girls are going to have moved on by then to someone else, thinking that you are NOT interested in them.

Time waits for no man.

 

And of course for most women...the guy isnt allowed to communicate that openly. Most women see that as weakness if the guy wants to put it all out on the table and talk about it. They instead want the guy to act just like a movie or a romance novel, acting on cues at each precise moment that the woman expects.

 

If a woman has knee-jerk reactions and dumps a guy for the simple fact that he didnt kiss her soon enough, or hold her hand at the right time, then in my book she isnt actually in to him as a person, she's simply looking for any guy that fits into the fairytale position that she dreams about. If a woman actually cared and was interested in BUILDING a relationship, she would be mature enough to communicate with him not make assumptions.

 

Thing is, when it comes to dating and relationships - people are looking for "signals", "signs", etc. that the person is attracted and/or interested.

 

 

VEBAL communication is the best f*cking sign there is....but in our society nobody wants to be adults and use it. Its all about the goddamn non-verbal games. And beleive me, men sure as hell are not at the forefront of this "non-verbal, you need to read my signs crap"....most men HATE it....go ahead as ask them.

 

Woman: You havent made any moves on me yet...are you actually interested or not?

 

Man: Yes I am very interested, I just didnt want to give you the wrong impression.

 

 

CASE CLOSED....how hard is that?????????????????

 

I do not understand the logic in ASSUMING that the guy isnt interested just because he hasnt made a move based on YOUR time frame...why in the world would you throw that away? If you want him to make a damn move you obviously like him. Am I the only one that sees how stupid that thought process is?????

Edited August 16, 2015 by Male

[xxoo]

What you're missing is that interest isn't unchanging, esp in early days it can quite fluid. Relationships happen when things progress. If one or the other loses interest, it just doesn't happen.

 

Maybe she was interested. But after weeks of no progress , her interest fades. So she stops seeing him. It's not hard to have a discussion about it, but why bother when she is no longer interested? She wants someone with a different style.

[Ration22]

You say 2 "months" in your post here ^^, but you keep on posting about a "crush" you've had for 1 "YEAR".

 

While you and everyone is entitled to his/her "comfort level" - don't you think one year is a stretch?

 

A crush and actual dating time are 2 different things. Besides we can't be sure that she even likes me more than a friend so the amount of time that I've had this crush is a moot point. It may be just as well that I haven't made a move.

[Imajerk17]

I've noticed that many guys nowadays either don't know or resent their role as the man in the mating dance. It seems to be an especially big problem for the males on this forum.

 

Men initiate, women are receptive. It's just the way it is. Furthermore, women tend to be far more self-protective than we are. This gives us the more challenging role as it is on us to read signs and move things forward, but when you consider the fact that women are the ones who get pregnant and all that, it starts to seem a lot more fair.

[Gloria25]

A crush and actual dating time are 2 different things. Besides we can't be sure that she even likes me more than a friend so the amount of time that I've had this crush is a moot point. It may be just as well that I haven't made a move.

 

A "crush" and "dating" are related to this thread cuz the thread is about "men making a move".

 

If you have a "crush" and it takes you a year to even feel comfortable enough to have a coffee with them (romantic or platonic) then "something" is wrong. I mean, either you don't know how to read a woman's signs/signals of interest and/or there's something going with "you" (check out elaine567's post here).

 

If you are "dating" - same thing. If on the first date you give a handshake, I'm gonna assume you're not interested in me romantically. A hug and/or a kiss on my lips or cheek (and not some peck and run, a soft sweet peck - doesn't have to be all tongue and stuff). And, if we continue dating and you refuse to be intimate w/o explaining why (i.e. religious, wanting to know me better, etc); again, I'm gonna assume something's up.

[Gloria25]

#6 and #7 is definitely my issues....but mostly it is because I am simply not interested.......but even if I do see a woman I like, those two would stop me or it is clear that her man is not far behind her.

 

THANK YOU ^^!!!

 

At least someone is honest here...

 

I'm tired of reading these threads where certain men blame women for their dating woes and it boils down to the guy and what's going on with "him".

 

See, like I posted over and over in threads about marriages gone south. It's so easy to blame the other party - but like it or not YOU had a role in the RL and/or marriage....I mean, let's say you married a "dog" - ok, still your fault cuz you chose a dog. Let's say you didn't treat your SO right - again, still your fault.

 

Problem is no one wants to take responsibility in "their" role in life. elaine567's list is "IT". If a man isn't making a move on a woman, it's one of those things listed there. Stop blaming women, do some introspection, and take responsibility for what's going on with you; AND, make changes to better yourself and/or dating skills.

[Gloria25]

I think it all depends on the person, who is "taking it slower".

 

 

1. Some ARE just playing games or deliberately testing boundaries.
   
2. Some are not dating seriously at all, they are just messing around, going out, and meeting people.
   
3. Some have been badly burnt in previous relationships and are protecting their own hearts.
   
4. Some do not want sexual tension and "feelings" complicating a new relationship too early on. They want to coolly assess the compatibility and not be swept along on a tide of sex and emotion.
   
5. Some do not want to be rejected, so postpone any sign of definite interest to the last minute or for when they are sure they are wanted.
   
6. Some are inexperienced in dating and are essentially clueless.
   
7. Some are too shy or socially inept.
   
8. Some have big issues with physicality full stop.
   

 

AGREED, AGREED, AGREED ^^!!!

 

This list also applies to women too. Again, I'm tired of people not being honest with themselves and blaming women.

 

When you look at the list above ^^, why should a woman stick around to find out which on that list is going on with dude? At the end of the day, it's preventing him from dating her.

 

And yes, like Itjg45 said, men - no matter what on elaine567's list applies to them, when they find a woman they wanna be with, nothing on that list matters.

 

In my particular case? Dude runs and hides from me literally. When he got with other women, he moved at warp speed. Why? Cuz he wanted to be with her - not me. Now, IMO, I besides a pretty face - I don't get what she has to offer when compared to "me". But, she's enough for him. Some men/women want what they want. So, when they find it, they jump out of their comfort zone and pursue PERIOD.

 

So pleeze, at the end of the day, when a man "or woman" isn't making a move - "something" is going on. Keep on pushing it and while you may get them to date and/or even marry you, it's not gonna last.

[craw]

This is so weird. Are people that impatient?

 

I've usually made the first move, because its so damn sexy.

 

With my bf, I think I waited... Uhh I want to say almost two months. I had a crush on him, he finally kissed me on new years eve. We used to hang out as friends.

 

We furiously used to make out and then I finally gave in to him after two weeks. I couldn't do the 6 months bs rule. We dated for 5 years.

 

What's wrong with you people? Lol

[newmoon]

i think each woman has her own definition of manliness and some guys will meet her personal criteria and others won't. if the guy isn't stepping up to what her view of manliness is, he goes. if he stays, she begins to lose respect for him little by little. you should just be who you naturally are, because what steps you do/don't take will eventually resonate with someone who likes your style of manliness.

[Male]

Playing devils advocate.....as fas as that list goes...a guy can make moves at all the right times and sweep her off her feet just how she wants, but it still doesnt prove that he isnt just using her.

 

This comes back to too many women thinking they can decipher everything using non-verbal tactics. A good example that I also have an issue with is when women purposely hit the brakes or withdraw, just to see if the guy continues to chase, thinking it "shows that he's interested in me". A lot of men will still pursue even if they just want a piece of ass so it doesnt prove a damn thing.

 

I simply have an issue with the whole ball of wax of purposely relying on non-verbal communication in the dating world. Nothing wrong with picking up on random signs if you happen to, but to blatantly avoid verbal, and choose non-verbal, I think thats just wrong.

Edited August 16, 2015 by Male

[Male]

i think each woman has her own definition of manliness and some guys will meet her personal criteria and others won't. if the guy isn't stepping up to what her view of manliness is, he goes. if he stays, she begins to lose respect for him little by little. you should just be who you naturally are, because what steps you do/don't take will eventually resonate with someone who likes your style of manliness.

 

And on the flip page, a guy isnt allowed to hold back and asses the woman, determine if she's woman enough to meet his criteria. He gets labeled and criticized for holding back.

 

In our society, EVERYTHING seems to lean on the guy having to prove his worth...and its always assumed that the woman is worthy by default.

[carhill]

OP, if there is no meeting of the minds, nothing happens. A woman can't make you do anything, well legally anyway, unless of course she's divorcing you and you have kids, but I digress

 

If you don't want to interact in a way which women respond to, that's OK! Opt out. If you take too long to make a move for a particular woman and she loses interest, that's OK too! She's not the right one for you and vice versa. You missed. Nobody's 'fault', just how life works out.

[Male]

OP, if there is no meeting of the minds, nothing happens. A woman can't make you do anything, well legally anyway, unless of course she's divorcing you and you have kids, but I digress

 

If you don't want to interact in a way which women respond to, that's OK! Opt out. If you take too long to make a move for a particular woman and she loses interest, that's OK too! She's not the right one for you and vice versa. You missed. Nobody's 'fault', just how life works out.

 

I understand that. But dont act like I'm not right in what I said. I see it as a bunch of BS, and most guys put up with it just to get sex, not because they actually agree with it.

[elaine567]

Playing devils advocate.....as fas as that list goes...a guy can make moves at all the right times and sweep her off her feet just how she wants, but it still doesnt prove that he isnt just using her.

 

This comes back to women thinking they can decipher everything using non-verbal tactics. A good example that I also have an issue with is when women purposely hit the brakes or withdraw, just to see if the guy continues to chase, thinking it "shows that he's interested in me". A lot of men will still pursue even if they just want a piece of ass so it doesnt prove a damn thing.

 

I simply have an issue with the whole ball of wax of purposely relying on non-verbal communication in the dating world. Nothing wrong with picking up on random signs if you happen to, but to blatantly avoid verbal, and choose non-verbal, I think thats just wrong.

 

I don't think anyone is suggesting that verbal is not good, or that non verbal trumps all.

Nor is anyone suggesting that some men don't have an agenda in mind when they date women. That is all pretty obvious. If a man wants to be devious or simply wants to use a woman, he can use verbal or non verbal language to entrap her, if he has that skill.

It is the same with some women. Some women can have men falling at their feet and they don't care a damn.

Some people are just experts at twirling the other sex around their little finger.

 

The truth is people, men and women like playing games, even animals rely on hints and clues to tell if another animal is interested in them, so why is a surprise that in the dating arena, games, verbal and non-verbal are played by both men and women.

Don't like games, then don't play, but do not be surprised, if you are then left on your own.

[Divasu]

In the past, I've made a move physically - albeit a bit aggressively - if the man didn't. Haven't had to do that since. So no, I did not lose interest if the guy didn't make a move physically.

[newmoon]

And on the flip page, a guy isnt allowed to hold back and asses the woman, determine if she's woman enough to meet his criteria. He gets labeled and criticized for holding back.

 

In our society, EVERYTHING seems to lean on the guy having to prove his worth...and its always assumed that the woman is worthy by default.

 

well, if you assume the guy made at least one move on the girl to ask her out then she must have met some criteria of his. dating is like a job interview, both sides should be assessing for a fit.

[xxoo]

I understand that. But dont act like I'm not right in what I said. I see it as a bunch of BS, and most guys put up with it just to get sex, not because they actually agree with it.

 

When there's a good match, often both the man and the woman struggle to hold back feelings and excitement and words and actions, and things progress naturally. I don't think most men are feeling pressured to act. If anything, they are trying to pace themselves in the rush of excitement.

[Male]

When there's a good match, often both the man and the woman struggle to hold back feelings and excitement and words and actions, and things progress naturally. I don't think most men are feeling pressured to act. If anything, they are trying to pace themselves in the rush of excitement.

 

I agree...so if a woman has the same feelings why in the world would she kick him to the curb if he doesnt kiss her soon enough...I just dont get that.

 

I'm guessing women like that go through guys a dime a dozen and must not be worried about finding a new one in a few days.

[Gloria25]

Ok, I think I'm done in talking in generalities.

 

To the OP, can you give some examples where you didn't make a move soon enough or something? Cuz, I believe maybe we can give you some advice to see if she didn't understand you or what.

 

I mean, as a woman who's spent like 1 year recently and literally throwing herself at a dude (gave him my tel, set up a date/time to meet, keeps on trying to chat him up only to get blown off), I take offense to your contention that women are just self-entitled brats who are just sitting on a throne waiting for men to ask them out, and a guy doesn't, she's got 100 more in line just waiting their turn to ask her out.

[d0nnivain]

And of course for most women...the guy isnt allowed to communicate that openly. Most women see that as weakness if the guy wants to put it all out on the table and talk about it. They instead want the guy to act just like a movie or a romance novel, acting on cues at each precise moment that the woman expects.

 

If a woman has knee-jerk reactions and dumps a guy for the simple fact that he didnt kiss her soon enough, or hold her hand at the right time, then in my book she isnt actually in to him as a person, she's simply looking for any guy that fits into the fairytale position that she dreams about. If a woman actually cared and was interested in BUILDING a relationship, she would be mature enough to communicate with him not make assumptions.

 

 

 

VEBAL communication is the best f*cking sign there is....but in our society nobody wants to be adults and use it. Its all about the goddamn non-verbal games. And beleive me, men sure as hell are not at the forefront of this "non-verbal, you need to read my signs crap"....most men HATE it....go ahead as ask them.

 

Woman: You havent made any moves on me yet...are you actually interested or not?

 

Man: Yes I am very interested, I just didnt want to give you the wrong impression.

 

 

CASE CLOSED....how hard is that?????????????????

 

I do not understand the logic in ASSUMING that the guy isnt interested just because he hasnt made a move based on YOUR time frame...why in the world would you throw that away? If you want him to make a damn move you obviously like him. Am I the only one that sees how stupid that thought process is?????

 

Nobody wants to show vulnerability. As one of the women who said I was prepared to walk away, all I can tell you is that for me anyway, I'm not particularly subtle or hard to read. If I'm throwing out signals and the man doesn't pick up on them to me that is an indication that we are not compatible. It's not a knee jerk stupid reaction. I am quite verbal. Of all the valid criticisms somebody could level at me, being vague is not one of them.

 

 

In my initial interactions with my DH I would have been perfectly fine to have kissed him 1st but even I wasn't about to start a conversation about it. I can't tell you a reason other than if the non-verbal communication wasn't clicking, I didn't see the point in pursuing it. For me a good relationship happens on multiple levels and if we were already so off on the one, I didn't want to force it. It's supposed to flow naturally. When you have to talk it to death, for me it's already over or never existed.

 

 

Again, I'm not talking about sex. But if a man took me on a date, I expected romance. I don't need / want another buddy. With DH I also wasn't seeing the lust or desire in his eyes. Truth be told. He's just not that guy. He doesn't do the long gazing into each other's eyes thing but sometimes I miss that. I have accepted it's not him & it's clearly not a deal breaker but I do notice the absence.

 

 

It always boils down to compatibility. The right woman for a guy who wants to take it slowly will cherish that quality in him.

[smackie9]

Just like a poor musical blaming his instrument......a guy with no confidence, blames women for his comings.

[DJOkawari]

I sort of said this in my earlier post but there is only "too late", right? If you make your move "too early" then the lady will probably stop you but largely if everything was going well enough that you tried to kiss her...it probably won't ruin the night.

 

If you don't take it as a blow to your self-esteem, you can keep your wits about you and the date will still be wonderful. If you make your move too early just tell her why you did that. The reason is pure and sweet: you really like her. If she likes you at all the date will continue just fine and often, it'll open an opportunity to actually kissing. You've clearly broken that sexual/non-sexual barrier.

 

I had a situation where I did kiss a lady too early. We were having a great time and I thought it would be great to go for the kiss. She stopped me. Later in that night at an appropriate time to kiss her, I got close to her face and she leaned her head back, and I got close enough that she could feel my lips almost touching hers and then I backed off, "Oh, I forgot you don't like it when I do that." I can't remember what she yelled at me but she yelled something, hit me a few times and pushed me over and did the deed herself.

 

The point is, the idea that the guy has no power in this situation is ridiculous. Here are the dynamics I see: lots of guys ask girls out, but most of them are ****ty or only in it for the sex. If you can make her think you're a good, interesting guy who actually cares for her, you're now the rare commodity and she'll chase you. You'll see girls start thread here too: "Why are all of the good guys taken", etc. That's what that's all about.

 

Have confidence in your own quality. If you believe you're a good guy, believe that she wants to be with you and operate from a place of confidence. You go for a kiss and she doesn't want it, it's not an absolute rejection of you. Make it a joke. Make it a chance to tell her how she seduced you into doing it. Tease her about it later. It's just another thing that happened. Another chance for you to show off how wonderful you are.

[xxoo]

I agree...so if a woman has the same feelings why in the world would she kick him to the curb if he doesnt kiss her soon enough...I just dont get that.

 

I'm guessing women like that go through guys a dime a dozen and must not be worried about finding a new one in a few days.

 

Because she doesn't have strong feelings. You assume she does, I assume the feelings faded. Because that's how it works for me: no progression, interest fades. This doesn't mean sex, necessarily, but progression to physical somehow.