Pillow Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I can only speak from my experience. Me: mid-20s, fit, large butt, lighter-skinned black woman, now living in the big city Here are SOME of the times: 1. Standing outside of Walmart with my grocery bags 2. Standing outside of Whole Foods 3. Standing outside of McDonald's 4. Riding any public transportation system 5. Riding in a cab 6. Walking down the street 7. Going jogging The worst is men in their vehicles, pulling up beside me, and asking me to get in their car. That is really creepy. I'll shake my head or pretend like I don't hear them honking their horn at me. Randoms and cab drivers are the worst, but police officers and mailmen have done the same. It's gross. While black men are the absolute worst at this, hispanic men come in a close second. White men are much more respectful. This one white cab driver wanted to know the race of men I dated and he went on and on about his salary and how he only dates "sistas". I just want a ride to the airport. I DON'T CARE. What do other women do about things like this? I will say that what area you live in can make a HUGE difference. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I can only speak from my experience. Me: mid-20s, fit, large butt, lighter-skinned black woman, now living in the big city Here are SOME of the times: 1. Standing outside of Walmart with my grocery bags 2. Standing outside of Whole Foods 3. Standing outside of McDonald's 4. Riding any public transportation system 5. Riding in a cab 6. Walking down the street 7. Going jogging The worst is men in their vehicles, pulling up beside me, and asking me to get in their car. That is really creepy. I'll shake my head or pretend like I don't hear them honking their horn at me. Randoms and cab drivers are the worst, but police officers and mailmen have done the same. It's gross. While black men are the absolute worst at this, hispanic men come in a close second. White men are much more respectful. This one white cab driver wanted to know the race of men I dated and he went on and on about his salary and how he only dates "sistas". I just want a ride to the airport. I DON'T CARE. What do other women do about things like this? I will say that what area you live in can make a HUGE difference. In mid-20s, it's not surprising, but I've heard a topic like this come up before via friends on Facebook. Funny, some of the 40-something women said, "I miss those days of being cat-called, *sigh*!" lol 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 OP, seriously...watch...this...video. It will make you feel soooooo much better about what's really going on. Enjoy!!! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
DJOkawari Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 The opposite video: There're a million others just like it. The guy above doesn't even talk. Yeah, I know the guys you're talking about weren't driving a lambo, but girls like to say they don't care about money like that, right? I had a friend who cat-called, perfectly normal guy until we were in his car and he'd just yell at ladies out the window. I asked him "why?" and he said it was an odds game. Apparently, some times it works. I don't mean you any offense, but do you look like a girl this would work on? It's more a manner of dress and carrying yourself than anything else I think. Of course you could just be rather pretty and you'll probably get a lot of unwanted attention either way... Personally, it isn't even about the girl. I would find it demeaning to myself to do that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I'll admit I don't get catcalled, it's happened maybe 2 or 3 times in my life. When it did happen I just kept my head down and pretended I didn't hear it. I always felt VERY unsafe during those situations. I do keep pepper spray on my keychain for those odd nights when I might have to walk alone through a parking lot. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 And...Lambo video for the win!!! :bunny: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I'm in my mid forties and this still happens to me pretty much every day. I can't wait for the day I become 'middle aged invisible'. I live in a pretty quiet suburban area I haven't been grabbed or 'attempted' grabbed in a while though thankfully. Look up the website for the Everyday Sexism Project and you will feel right at home.. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Pillow, situations like this are why God gave you a middle finger OP, seriously...watch...this...video. It will make you feel soooooo much better about what's really going on. Enjoy!!! LOVE! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Ha, ha, the thing about those guys, the catcalling ones, is that there's no ambiguity. They're right out there with their sexual interest. They see, it stimulates them and they run their mouth. I came to like and respect women like this who could communicate with men in a language we understood. She's still giving lessons, even at age 75. Just try to catcall her or tell her what to do. Heh. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Probably depends on region or venue you're located. Shady venues tend to attract shady characters. Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 No broad sweeping statements about gender, age, or race happening in this thread at all. Nope. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Heh, since I've worked in oil, heavy industry and construction, I'll add job to the list of stereotypes. Put anything in a dress within 100yds of an oil rig and watch what happens, or did routinely when I worked rigs. Eariler this summer I was on a job site and one of the office ladies I know came out to talk with me and she was absolutely spilling out of her sundress and suddenly everything in the shop got quiet. Here it comes, I thought But no, my friend's (the owner) sexual harassment rules tamed the beasts and not a whistle was heard nor a catcall was spoken. My, how far we've come in only a generation or so. The thing is, and this is where I went sideways, all these guys doing the who-who'ing and whistling, they're married! In my demographic, that's how things went. The men who were out there, even to the point of disrespect, with their sexual interest were the ones who were reproductively successful. They wouldn't be caught dead discussing the topic, rather they'd be out there ogling more women because, well, that's what men do. Annoying? Sure! That's what being a man is. Annoying Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Move to a smaller town. No one ever cat calls there. I used to get cat called when I lived in the big city. Now that I live in a smaller town, never. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Eariler this summer I was on a job site and one of the office ladies I know came out to talk with me and she was absolutely spilling out of her sundress and suddenly everything in the shop got quiet. Here it comes, I thought But no, my friend's (the owner) sexual harassment rules tamed the beasts and not a whistle was heard nor a catcall was spoken. My, how far we've come in only a generation or so. Really? Haha, just because a woman entered the premises, you expected the men to descend into verbal anarchy? Seems like the kind of thing you'd see in a movie. I've never seen something like that. Even in strip clubs, the men were fairly quiet and tame. Heck, half the time they looked bored! None of this wild beast you speak of! Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Well, sure, I guess I'll stir up the hornet's nest. Otherwise we're just staring at each other. Some anecdotes about women and catcalling: -Once was enamored of a beautiful woman who lamented in an online article she wrote about how being so beautiful was a curse. She couldn't find a moment's peace in the city. From business execs emitting "Jesus!!!" as she passed them on their lunch break to ungoverned teens attempting to look up her dress at the public library to cab drivers asking if she was a stripper. She eventually moved to the country and lived in a cottage paid for by Daddy. Fast forward to several years later---she's a personal trainer who promotes herself on various social media including Instagram. Her thing is wearing different spandex pants or daisy dukes and doing fantastically limber yoga poses at the gym or in public spaces with emphasis on her amply developed posterior. All of this annotated with thousands of comments like, "Damn, such a phat a$$." and "When are you gonna' be in my city?" or "You're such a positive role model to young women!" Everyday another picture of herself. Everyday. -I once listened to a young, not very attractive co-worker rant about how sick she is of men talking to her, saying things to her, asking her insipid questions. She talked with great fervor about this for twenty minutes. She really seemed to enjoy the attention she got, from both men and women, talking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 That is shjitty. You don't need to move anywhere. Or change what you so. These guys are assclowns. I think you should scream help or sexual harassment, that may quiten them down. Be the strong confident woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Really? Haha, just because a woman entered the premises, you expected the men to descend into verbal anarchy? Seems like the kind of thing you'd see in a movie. I've never seen something like that. Even in strip clubs, the men were fairly quiet and tame. Heck, half the time they looked bored! None of this wild beast you speak of! Depending on venue, you may have missed the ride by a generation or so. If you'd like I'm sure I could gather up some desert rats to give a demonstration. If you get out to Boron, check out the mine site out there. If there are any old-timers left, you won't be disappointed. Heck, my uncle was still catcalling women and ogling the young ladies in bikinis after he retired to Tahoe and was in his 70's and a great grandfather of, yup, girls. Lifetime construction guy, owned a residential construction company and probably chased more than a few secretaries around the desk, unapologietically. I get that a lot of women find it annoying as heck, I really do. I'm glad work rules changed too, because we guys who were there to work ended up working more than the guys taking 'catcall' breaks and disrupting work flow. I finally escaped and went off on my own so only had to listen to it at customer sites. By and large it died out by the end of the century, at least around here, along with coke (the drug not the beverage) breaks and beer in the beverage machine. Times change! Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Right, a lot of women, this include the OP, who usually rant about this kind of thing actually enjoys the attention. They just like to come off saying the cat-calling as if it were a bad things. LOL It's bragging done in reverse. Well, sure, I guess I'll stir up the hornet's nest. Otherwise we're just staring at each other. Some anecdotes about women and catcalling: -Once was enamored of a beautiful woman who lamented in an online article she wrote about how being so beautiful was a curse. She couldn't find a moment's peace in the city. From business execs emitting "Jesus!!!" as she passed them on their lunch break to ungoverned teens attempting to look up her dress at the public library to cab drivers asking if she was a stripper. She eventually moved to the country and lived in a cottage paid for by Daddy. Fast forward to several years later---she's a personal trainer who promotes herself on various social media including Instagram. Her thing is wearing different spandex pants or daisy dukes and doing fantastically limber yoga poses at the gym or in public spaces with emphasis on her amply developed posterior. All of this annotated with thousands of comments like, "Damn, such a phat a$$." and "When are you gonna' be in my city?" or "You're such a positive role model to young women!" Everyday another picture of herself. Everyday. -I once listened to a young, not very attractive co-worker rant about how sick she is of men talking to her, saying things to her, asking her insipid questions. She talked with great fervor about this for twenty minutes. She really seemed to enjoy the attention she got, from both men and women, talking about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DJOkawari Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 To me, it seems like she's upset about it and it makes a lot of sense to me for her to feel straightforwardly negative about catcalling. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Right, a lot of women, this include the OP, who usually rant about this kind of thing actually enjoys the attention. They just like to come off saying the cat-calling as if it were a bad things. LOL It's bragging done in reverse. We do enjoy attention. Positive attention, in appropriate situations. Catcalling is neither. As said in the video, it's more like an attempt to make a confident woman feel uncomfortable. Catcalling is not meant to make the woman feel good, it's meant to make her feel vulnerable and the man powerful because she has ZERO power to stop it. He say whatever he wants. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DatingDirection Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Last night, my friend stopped a Random guy on the street and asked why men here don't look at women, and try to pick them up. He said, that women in my city are stuck up their noses, and only care about how big a man's wallet is. He was a decent looking man. I studied sociology, and I do like to look at things from a sociological perspective, I can say that men in my city, are very shy, and boy like, not at all like men, who approach women, they look ever now and then, and then look away. However, when i went to New York, with a boyfriend at the time, men their didn't have a problem looking at me, or even to talk to me, even when i was with my boyfriend at the time. In your area, I don't know how I would put up with that over kill. There is a difference between being respectfully assertive, and disrespectfully assertive. I know, I caught one man gawking at me, and I said to him "Do i look like an alien to you?" I caught him off guard, he said, whaaaa?? I just replied you're guaking at me and i don't like it. Stop. So he laughed and stopped. Just be careful who you get upset with, although you have every right to get upset. Just make sure you have a serious face on, and you act like the "boss". I know that may sound shallow, but sometimes, when men see a pretty innocent looking woman, they think they can get away with saying anything to her. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 People don't cat-call over here (although I've been cat-called a couple of times). Most just raise the volume of their radios when they drive by. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Right, a lot of women, this include the OP, who usually rant about this kind of thing actually enjoys the attention. They just like to come off saying the cat-calling as if it were a bad things. LOL It's bragging done in reverse. Ummm .... NO. Until you walk in the shoes of a woman, stop speaking for women. Wonder why you can't get a date? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Cat calling is more of an east coast thing IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Ummm .... NO. Until you walk in the shoes of a woman, stop speaking for women. Wonder why you can't get a date? For as long as I've lived, I hardly seen men loudly cat call women or even say lude things to a woman. Now I have heard of some female friends share with me some random approaches in a store or park and the guy wasn't rude. He would just try to talk to her. It's likely the OP is bragging simply by posting it on a message board. I wouldn't put it past her that she may be even embellishing. Lol Link to post Share on other sites
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