Being propositioned/cat-called all the effing time

[Diezel]

It's threads like these that made Harris Wittels (RIP) come up with the word "humblebrag".

[LookAtThisPOst]

It's threads like these that made Harris Wittels (RIP) come up with the word "humblebrag".

 

Good word to describe it. :-)

[GemmaUK]

Even though you may not have witnessed it yourselves LATP and Diezel it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

 

For me it all started around age 12 (34 years ago) and there have been so many incidents that I simply can't remember them all.

 

It's a rare thing to go anywhere, walk anywhere without comments being shouted or worse, being followed or men attempting to grab.

There's a guy I avoid every single morning on my walk to work who tried to grab me a while back. He will still follow me part way now if he sees me.

 

I walked past two guys one morning who had a conversation as to whether I was 'f'able' or not. This again was around 8.30am and on my way to work.

 

When I go out at night I link my keys through my fingers and always wear heels low enough that I can run in them.

I also change my route to avoid certain areas and cross the road to avoid people. I've had guys follow me when I crossed the road.

 

I was followed and harassed on a train a couple of years ago and all I could think of doing was to make a big scene. I was absolutely terrified.

 

I remember one evening after work, 6pm walking along when some guy from a van shouted 'I want to marry you' and I just laughed it was an instant reaction. I just hope he didn't continue his journey and shout 'I want to rape you' to the next lady. It's a common shout out, as well as all of the hugely common ones relating to breasts, bum and legs.

Even my hair has been heckled.

 

I have a lot of male friends who are fully aware that a walk down a road can be an entirely different experience if you're a male or a female.

Just bear it in mind.

Even if they say something 'sort of complimentary' then if you don't react how they want you to the next comment will often be verbal abuse, verbal abuse can escalate to physical - we never know what the guy might do.

It's frightening sometimes.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Even though you may not have witnessed it yourselves LATP and Diezel it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

 

For me it all started around age 12 (34 years ago) and there have been so many incidents that I simply can't remember them all.

 

It's a rare thing to go anywhere, walk anywhere without comments being shouted or worse, being followed or men attempting to grab.

There's a guy I avoid every single morning on my walk to work who tried to grab me a while back. He will still follow me part way now if he sees me.

 

I walked past two guys one morning who had a conversation as to whether I was 'f'able' or not. This again was around 8.30am and on my way to work.

 

When I go out at night I link my keys through my fingers and always wear heels low enough that I can run in them.

I also change my route to avoid certain areas and cross the road to avoid people. I've had guys follow me when I crossed the road.

 

I was followed and harassed on a train a couple of years ago and all I could think of doing was to make a big scene. I was absolutely terrified.

 

I remember one evening after work, 6pm walking along when some guy from a van shouted 'I want to marry you' and I just laughed it was an instant reaction. I just hope he didn't continue his journey and shout 'I want to rape you' to the next lady. It's a common shout out, as well as all of the hugely common ones relating to breasts, bum and legs.

Even my hair has been heckled.

 

I have a lot of male friends who are fully aware that a walk down a road can be an entirely different experience if you're a male or a female.

Just bear it in mind.

Even if they say something 'sort of complimentary' then if you don't react how they want you to the next comment will often be verbal abuse, verbal abuse can escalate to physical - we never know what the guy might do.

It's frightening sometimes.

 

Started when you were 12? Were you even developed then? I'm guessing its the kind of neighborhood your in actually or its regional. I don't really hear many women telling me this happening to them. If it does, it's on rare occasions that it does happen and usually , they aren't bothered by it when it does.

 

 

The most I hear about this happening is where it's an occupational "hazard". I know female bartenders tend to get hassled and other professions of which are similar. Or just outside of nightclubs.

[xxoo]

For as long as I've lived, I hardly seen men loudly cat call women or even say lude things to a woman.

 

Have you tried wearing large breasts, a big butt, and a tiny waist?

[scorpiogirl]

For as long as I've lived, I hardly seen men loudly cat call women or even say lude things to a woman.

 

Now I have heard of some female friends share with me some random approaches in a store or park and the guy wasn't rude. He would just try to talk to her.

 

It's likely the OP is bragging simply by posting it on a message board. I wouldn't put it past her that she may be even embellishing. Lol

 

I don't even know where to start with this ignorant post.

Every woman in this thread comes from a different part of the world but you and others try to pin it to a region.

 

Why do you keep doubting women's experiences? I was cat called BEFORE the age of 12. By 12 grown men would try to corner me and kiss me!

 

Do you also blame what a woman is wearing if she is sexually assaulted. You're also fond of the word " whore" as is evidenced by your other posts.

 

You dont like women and that comes through in all your posts.

 

Again, you are NOT a woman so don't presume you know what a woman goes through.

 

It's a pity posters can't be banned for ignorance.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I don't even know where to start with this ignorant post.

Every woman in this thread comes from a different part of the world but you and others try to pin it to a region.

 

Why do you keep doubting women's experiences? I was cat called BEFORE the age of 12. By 12 grown men would try to corner me and kiss me!

 

Do you also blame what a woman is wearing if she is sexually assaulted.

 

Do you also blame what a woman is wearing if she is sexually assaulted.

 

Never said anything about sexual assault, we're talking about cat-calling and public flirting here. You're attempting to take this conversation to physical contact...the OP, it was all verbal.

 

Different kind of animal there.

 

(Which is up to interpretation by the person being cat-called.) If it's coming from some old guy with missing front teeth, yeah I can see how that can be off-putting, but coming from some age appropriate men, she probably couldn't help but keep quiet and get home and felt good about it.

 

I've had women do the same with me, though they were much older, I was gentleman enough

to play along with the flirts. Nothing came of it. I'm thinking "Hey, at least someone finds me attractive enough to flirt with me, lol." I didn't make a stink about it like the OP did.

 

I'm sure there are times where she doesn't say anything back, but probably felt a little

good about it when she got home.

 

 

You dont like women and that comes through in all your posts.

 

Correction, its their actions I don't like.

 

I just have to laugh every time a see a post like the OP's the, "I'm so hot, it's a problem for me!"

 

Have you tried wearing large breasts, a big butt, and a tiny waist?

 

I'm not sure where you're going with that question.

 

I really stopped buying into the OP when she said even POLICE officers did it to her. Man, talk about embellishing.

Edited August 19, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[xxoo]

I'm not sure where you're going with that question.

 

You said you've never seen it happen. That's because you're not a sexually attractive woman.

[MidwestUSA]

You said you've never seen it happen. That's because you're not a sexually attractive woman.

 

Ah, must apply small town rule. "I've lived here all my life, complain about it, but haven't done a thing to change, but I've NEVER seen that happen here, in my backwater neck of the woods".

 

In other words, I've never seen it, so it doesn't happen.

 

Trading some of that ignorance for empathy would be a good idea.

[LookAtThisPOst]

You said you've never seen it happen. That's because you're not a sexually attractive woman.

 

Not only I've never seen it happen, I hardly ever hear complaints from women I know in real life have it happening to them constantly.

 

Occasionally it may happen, but not in a constant fashion like the OP's, esp. from police officers? Really?

 

Funny, it's been 4 days since Pillow posted and not once she's come back to follow-up with her own thread.

[MidwestUSA]

Not only I've never seen it happen, I hardly ever hear complaints from women I know in real life have it happening to them constantly.

 

Occasionally it may happen, but not in a constant fashion like the OP's, esp. from police officers? Really?

 

 

Really!!

 

Who are the police in your town? Barney Fife and Andy Taylor?

[xxoo]

Not only I've never seen it happen, I hardly ever hear complaints from women I know in real life have it happening to them constantly.

 

Occasionally it may happen, but not in a constant fashion like the OP's, esp. from police officers? Really?

 

Yes, really.

 

Ok, you haven't experienced it as a man living in a small town. Noted. Those of us who have can help her with advice. It's all good.

[Imajerk17]

I can't help but notice the irony here: LATP, you ask boatloads of questions on here as to WHY women are the way they are. Why they seem to be so guarded towards men they don't know (such as yourself). And when women are talking about their experiences, instead of trying to understand better, you deny them. I don't think this serves you.

Edited August 19, 2015 by Imajerk17

[LookAtThisPOst]

Yes, really.

 

Ok, you haven't experienced it as a man living in a small town. Noted. Those of us who have can help her with advice. It's all good.

 

Actually, I've spent many times in the neighboring larger city, so it's rather moot.

[xxoo]

Actually, I've spent many times in the neighboring larger city, so it's rather moot.

 

Yes, it's moot.

 

But it's ok, because those of us who HAVE experienced it can help her

[LookAtThisPOst]

I can't help but notice the irony here: LATP, you ask boatloads of questions on here as to WHY women are the way they are. Why they seem to be so guarded towards men they don't know (such as yourself). And when women are talking about their experiences, instead of trying to understand better, you deny them. I don't think this serves you.

 

Imajerk, perhaps you can delve into my thoughts on this as why I think the way I do.

 

I've rather fessed up to the likelihood that I'm in the minority when it comes to getting along with certain personality types. Right now, I would say I have 3 close friends that share my beliefs. We discuss these kinds of things among ourselves, but when in a group and a hot button conversation comes up among others, well, let's just say our thoughts aren't the most popular ones, so we may sometimes keep it to ourselves and it sometimes feels like we may be walking on eggshells around these people.

 

If something happens where we decide to voice our thoughts and opinions, it can put a strain on friendships and may be a good thing because you know the kind of people with whom we should be spending time.

 

I rarely go along with the crowd when certain laws get passed or societal trends become acceptable.

 

There's an attribution to be put to failing marriages/relationships that if somehow that if the partner questions them on their actions, they are like, "How dare you question me?" As a result, people tend to keep quiet about what's bothering them, of which is unhealthy.

 

We live in a nation of United States of the Offended, where people are pretty much offended by anything and everything and it's easy to question or even doubt people's stories when they make it public. Esp. via social media venues like Facebook.

 

I've notice a lot of people don't use Facebook as a means to hear criticisms or questioning, but either as a sounding board or support from their friends. Outside of that, they don't like certain comments that question the situation that led up to what their complaint is. An attempt to hear the other side of the story is met with opposition sometimes.

 

Recently, I recalled a falling out of a married woman between her and a long time female friend of her's (well, "friends" these days is something that can be used loosely.) that questioned some risque lingerie photos of her on Facebook. The comment was provoked by the woman who posted it, "Is this too risque?"

 

I was thinking that if you have to ask, then don't do it.

 

She mentioned to her something if her husband and step-daughter would approve of what she said. Well, that raised Cain on the poster's end, causing a falling out between the two of them.

 

A friend of mine posted a link to an article about Ayn Rand, an author, that attributed to the selfish and greedy nation we live in today. There was a book published by Rand called, "The Virtue of Selfishness." Yes, that's correct, selfishness is seen as a virtue in her book and altruism considered being weak and the celebration of self-interest.

 

I am the kind of person, that if you don't see me drinking in a group of co-workers, the co-workers judge me as judging them already.

 

"Oh, you don't drink? Hm." I recall someone telling me that they don't trust a person that doesn't drink or have any kind of vices for that matter. It's like they automatically think we're judging THEM when they find out some of us don't participate in smoking weed or something. Some find it hard to believe that I don't touch the stuff and thus they think I'm some sort of goodie two-shoes because of it. Kind of like reverse racism, but they are judging me based on my lack of such vices.

 

Not sure if this enlightens you ImAJerk, but I do think you're open-minded enough to assess what I'm talking about. :-)

[LookAtThisPOst]

In fact, I have known some women to actually find a little fun in being cat-called or wolf-whistled. Some even have admittedly wolf-whistled back.

 

A few of these women saw little harm in it and thought it was all in good fun and even partaken in countering a whistle back.

 

It was funny seeing how some women said to her, "You're just objectifying yourself, so obviously you have no respect for yourself."

 

Here is some of what she said:

 

It's nothing about ignorance in my job I deal with things that would curl your toes and I see how everyone reacts to things differently and has different experiences from similar situations.

 

Yet here you are telling me that I am wrong and ignorant because I don't cringe and think horrible things when someone wolf whistles, and all I am doing is telling you that it doesn't make me wrong for having those feelings and thoughts, just because I can laugh and throw a wink back, or walk down the street smiling, because I don't need a man to tell me whether it's wrong or right how other men behave towards me, because I don't automatically assume that there is malicious intent, it just makes me who I am and different in opinion to you.

[bcnguy]

I agree that it still happens (my sisters/friends have told me) and also know that it has nothing to do with a compliment....but I don't like how this is becoming another chapter f the war of the sexes.

 

You said you've never seen it happen. That's because you're not a sexually attractive woman.

This comment, for instance made me feel a bit uncomfortable beacuse, although I am a guy, I have been in that predicament several times during my life (while cycling, driving, and even at work a couple of times).

 

So I don't think this is something that men do to women, but simply something rude/insensitive people do.

 

just my tow cents.

[xxoo]

I agree that it still happens (my sisters/friends have told me) and also know that it has nothing to do with a compliment....but I don't like how this is becoming another chapter f the war of the sexes.

 

This comment, for instance made me feel a bit uncomfortable beacuse, although I am a guy, I have been in that predicament several times during my life (while cycling, driving, and even at work a couple of times).

 

So I don't think this is something that men do to women, but simply something rude/insensitive people do.

 

just my tow cents.

 

By all means. It doesn't take being a woman to have this experience and understand how uncomfortable it is. I didn't mean to suggest otherwise. I only meant to suggest that her experience shouldn't be questioned because it hasn't happened to an individual man.

[bcnguy]

By all means. It doesn't take being a woman to have this experience and understand how uncomfortable it is. I didn't mean to suggest otherwise. I only meant to suggest that her experience shouldn't be questioned because it hasn't happened to an individual man.

Well said and It's fine. It wasn't my intention pointing at you nor anyone specifically. Just wanted to note the impression I was getting.

[xxoo]

Well said and It's fine. It wasn't my intention pointing at you nor anyone specifically. Just wanted to note the impression I was getting.

 

My advice goes for men who harassed in public as well: use the middle finger that the good lord gave you!

[GemmaUK]

Started when you were 12? Were you even developed then?

That's a way personal question but I was developing absolutely - as most 12 years are at that age. We don't all suddenly 'sprout' at legal age.

 

 

I'm guessing its the kind of neighborhood your in actually or its regional. I don't really hear many women telling me this happening to them.

Neighbourhood - OK, my town as well as:

Anywhere else I have been in the England (which is a lot of it) plus

Ireland

Wales

France

Belgium

Sweden

Denmark

Italy

Turkey

Greece

Switzerland

Germany

I can't qualify friend's experiences in the US, Canada, Russia, Aus, Egypt, Africa.. but I wouldn't mistrust what they have said right off the bat.

...So this is just regional?

 

If it does, it's on rare occasions that it does happen and usually , they aren't bothered by it when it does.

Really? They are not at all bothered when a guy shouts out 'I'm gonna rape you' or like happened today to my pregnant friend/colleague 'You want another one in there sexy?!'

She came back to work in tears.

 

 

 

 

The most I hear about this happening is where it's an occupational "hazard". I know female bartenders tend to get hassled and other professions of which are similar. Or just outside of nightclubs.

I've never worked in a role such as anything like any of those.

I'm an accountant and it is still an occupational hazard.

[serial muse]

Started when you were 12? Were you even developed then? I'm guessing its the kind of neighborhood your in actually or its regional. I don't really hear many women telling me this happening to them. If it does, it's on rare occasions that it does happen and usually , they aren't bothered by it when it does.

 

 

The most I hear about this happening is where it's an occupational "hazard". I know female bartenders tend to get hassled and other professions of which are similar. Or just outside of nightclubs.

 

I can't imagine why you would expect to hear all about it from women who are feeling embarrassed and upset by it. Why in God's name would anyone confide in you something like that? Particularly when you've made it clear you're highly critical and skeptical.

 

Bottom line, you don't know what it's like and you don't know what you're talking about. It's very easy to be skeptical of something you've never personally experienced.