mea_M Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Funny what brought me to this site was this part of the forum many years ago do to an emotional affair. Now I have a burning question for the other man or married man or whatever they are.. Does the other man really love the affair partner or other woman? If so, how does the person know? Or is it all lust or one big illusion? Mea Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 From what I've read of EAs, they can be intense and while MM *believes* the feelings are real at the time, once they stop they realise it's all a bit of fantasy. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Fortunesfool 79 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I loved my AP....I went all in. It wasn't fantasy for me guess it should have been. I went on a cheating website to meet her and I regret that very much. A long term affair was never something I could do. I don't handle loneliness well and I made some bad decisions. As far as how I knew I loved her...I can't explain it but I knew. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Yes, the MM can love the OW... I did, as my marriage was coming to and end. It was a strong EA for about a year, and later became a PA. It was very passionate and we were deeply in love with each other and were planning a life together forever. However, as time went on, some of her issues became major problems that I couldn't work with, or solve, so I ended it reluctantly. But still think of her, but mostly behind me. And I will always remember the outstanding times together... for a long time it was just perfect. Yes, the MM can love the OW. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mea_M Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 From what I've read of EAs, they can be intense and while MM *believes* the feelings are real at the time, once they stop they realise it's all a bit of fantasy. But suppose it's not as much and ea but more about sex? Would the same be true? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mea_M Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 I loved my AP....I went all in. It wasn't fantasy for me guess it should have been. I went on a cheating website to meet her and I regret that very much. A long term affair was never something I could do. I don't handle loneliness well and I made some bad decisions. As far as how I knew I loved her...I can't explain it but I knew. Did you tell her you loved her? Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Does a man typically love a woman he is in a romantic/sexual relationship with? I think answering that question will answer your question. Sure, he is. And sure he isn't. How can anyone even give an answer if men typically love whomever/whatever? How does one even research that to give an educated opinion? As a MOW did I love my MOM? Yes. Did he love me? Yes. Did he tell me? Yes. Do/did I believe him? Yes. Did he show me in actions as well as words? Yes. Can I speak for other men? Not really. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Fortunesfool 79 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Did you tell her you loved her? Yes I did and she told me she loved me....in the beginning I believed her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mea_M Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Does a man typically love a woman he is in a romantic/sexual relationship with? I think answering that question will answer your question. Sure, he is. And sure he isn't. How can anyone even give an answer if men typically love whomever/whatever? How does one even research that to give an educated opinion? As a MOW did I love my MOM? Yes. Did he love me? Yes. Did he tell me? Yes. Do/did I believe him? Yes. Did he show me in actions as well as words? Yes. Can I speak for other men? Not really. This is why I asked the question to me it's a tough one. Most affairs are so filled with lies and deception, that gosh the OM or OW could be saying it and not really mean it just for the sexual A to continue. Or confuse the L word with lust and infatuation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mea_M Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Yes I did and she told me she loved me....in the beginning I believed her. So at the end did you find out it was love or she was lying? Link to post Share on other sites
Fortunesfool 79 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 So at the end did you find out it was love or she was lying? She was lying....I say lying because I don't believe she was confused. It's all here..... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/542320-dumb-lost-empty#post6485341 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Double D Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 From what I've read of EAs, they can be intense and while MM *believes* the feelings are real at the time, once they stop they realise it's all a bit of fantasy. Scary! That is exactly what I thought I felt during my time with MW but after the affair realised is was not love, cared for her a lot but not love how I understand it to be. It was very lustful though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mea_M Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 She was lying....I say lying because I don't believe she was confused. It's all here..... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/542320-dumb-lost-empty#post6485341 Thanks for sharing that. I'm really sorry you went through it. I hope you are on the road to healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Fortunesfool 79 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Thanks for sharing that. I'm really sorry you went through it. I hope you are on the road to healing. Thank you, but I deserve it for the way I started the relationship. It was karma. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mea_M Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Thank you, but I deserve it for the way I started the relationship. It was karma. Guess what? We are human, remember that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Does the OM typically love the OW? Ha, ha, misguided as it was, yeah I did, both as an OM a couple decades ago and later as a MM. However, relationships take two. Heh. Typical? Nah, I don't think so. Anything is possible though. I seem to prove that every day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 She was lying....I say lying because I don't believe she was confused. It's all here..... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/542320-dumb-lost-empty#post6485341 Wowser. What a story. You were definitely not the typical MM, as you left your bad marriage and most don't. It's good that you left though. You have the chance to have a bright future now, but it won't be with your xMW, it'll be with a single woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fortunesfool 79 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Wowser. What a story. You were definitely not the typical MM, as you left your bad marriage and most don't. It's good that you left though. You have the chance to have a bright future now, but it won't be with your xMW, it'll be with a single woman. That's what I keep trying to focus on and tell myself....ya'll probably think I am insane for still having feelings for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 That's what I keep trying to focus on and tell myself....ya'll probably think I am insane for still having feelings for her. Well, this is kind of the norm around here, people having feelings for those whom aren't good for them. But you are just fresh out so give yourself time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
YAH-130 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 For me personally, as the MOM, and her as the MOW, I can say that I do love her. I think it depends on how the A began. My A started out as just two people that met during a common interest event and became FB friends. We just began the usual chatting and learning about each other. The more we talked, the more we realized how her and I just naturally connected. This grew over several months into an EA. We lived many hours away from each other, so we weren't able to see each other very often, but this also allowed us to really connect on an emotional level. The A did progress into a PA, and we tried to meet once or twice a month. We had our DDay a few months ago when her H found out everything. Not a good day at all. We did love each other, and still do, even though the A is over. We have LC through a mutual friend to check on each other, but no direct contact. The pain involved with losing her as my AP was gut wrenching, and caused physical sickness. The last time I felt pain like that was when my brother passed away when he was 27. Both of us truly loved each other, and still do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Not really sure of the L word, I know we truly care for each other. We started with passion, it was pretty intense, still is. But now we have a lot of times that sex and play doesn't even happen. We spend the little time we have just talking. We look out for each other and have been each other's support person during trying times in our individual lives. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mea_M Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Not really sure of the L word, I know we truly care for each other. We started with passion, it was pretty intense, still is. But now we have a lot of times that sex and play doesn't even happen. We spend the little time we have just talking. We look out for each other and have been each other's support person during trying times in our individual lives. This is interesting and probably more of what I'd expect to hear. Deeply care but not exactly the L word level. That's sorta how it went almost 10 years ago now when I had an ea with my married neighbor. Boy, I became a wreck over it, but that ended when I saw it all for what is was truly worth. I've run into him several times since then and it's been pleasant and not hateful, but of course any feelings I had then have been long gone. Thinking back now I see the truth about an affair and love vs lust. Passing time put that all into perspective for me. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 It's complicated. I've felt love and close to hatred for the same woman. My AP was my first girlfriend. We started dating in high school and continued dating when I went off to college. I would travel to see her as often as possible and, yes, I loved her deeply. Until I found out she was seeing a local guy who got her pregnant. Broke my heart. We went our separate ways. She married that guy. I found somebody else and married her. Both of our marriages fell apart. She found a way to contact me again. I went to visit her and we rekindled a romance. We had chemistry. Still do. Did I love her this time around? Not really. I liked her, but didn't feel I could trust her. My feelings turned out to be right when I found out she was actually engaged to the guy whose picture was on her nightstand and throughout her apartment. Not her on again/off again boyfriend. Who she claimed she was broken up with at the time. I stormed out after having been deceived a second time. She marries this guy two months later. I don't see or hear from her for years. I go on to have a few more serious relationships. Engaged twice. They both fell through. My ex and I both travel. Though we live in different states, we happened to end up in the same place for business. The chemistry was still there. She turned on the charm and was relentless in pursuit of what she wanted. I knew it was wrong, but I relented and gave the lady what she wanted. Did I love her? This time I disliked her. Distrusted. Disrespected. Did not like her at all. I just did it because the sex was great and I wanted to push her limits to see how far she would go. And she was game for whatever freaky, nasty thing that came to my perverted mind. Never turned me down for anything. Anything. Then I got tired of it all and cut her out of my life again. So, my feelings went from love, to like, to pure disgust. I felt all of those things about the same woman because of what she did to me and with me. I feel sorry for her husband. I really do. He has no idea what kind of monster he calls his wife. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Funny what brought me to this site was this part of the forum many years ago do to an emotional affair. Now I have a burning question for the other man or married man or whatever they are.. Does the other man really love the affair partner or other woman? If so, how does the person know? Or is it all lust or one big illusion? Mea We did. Which, I guess, is why we ended up together. Typical? Dunno. Some do, some don't. As are as different as the people in them. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 We did. Which, I guess, is why we ended up together. Typical? Dunno. Some do, some don't. As are as different as the people in them. Agreed, there are many different "types" of affairs that you can read all about on the internet if you are so inclined. I suppose you can never really "know" if someone else loves you (aside from family), it comes down to your own perception, and how much you trust them. Unfortunately in A's, the latter is inherently lacking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts