Grapesofwrath Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Back today from a week's vacation. Xmm was on vacation too, but snuck in a couple of emails, mainly saying he hopes he can see me this week. Because I am giving with this NC approach, I will write here what I am thinking in response: 1) see me? What does that entail? You can't stay here and at best would have just an hour or two to spend. Do you really think that is satisfactory? Do you really think I should be okay with that? How little, precisely, do you expect me to accept? 2) the more I think about your cake-eating bull$hit, the angrier I get. You absolutely never thought of me as anything other than a fun side piece. Every time you tell me that you fell for me and didn't expect to, what I really hear is that you figured you would just use me for sex and fun, then found out I'm a real person with real feelings and that changed it for you. How is that supposed to make me feel, you selfish prick? 3) I hope you had a lousy, boring, dull vacation. Tool. thanks. I feel better getting that off my chest. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Now I would send him that message, but I'm not one to keep my feelings to myself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Now I would send him that message, but I'm not one to keep my feelings to myself. Then she breaks NC and gives him back the power. Love the thought though, very tempting 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Continue NC! You're doing good. Write here instead all you want. And once he realizes that you are not planning on speaking to him anymore, be prepared for him to try to get you back (even though he will remain married). Prepare ahead of time what you will say or if you will ignore him. And try to anticipate what your feelings will be and how you should manage them. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grapesofwrath Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Continue NC! You're doing good. Write here instead all you want. And once he realizes that you are not planning on speaking to him anymore, be prepared for him to try to get you back (even though he will remain married). Prepare ahead of time what you will say or if you will ignore him. And try to anticipate what your feelings will be and how you should manage them. Thanks, popsicle. Good advise. I've thought about it some, and need to be ready. Right now,I I want to say, "if you love me like you say you do, then you know this relationship is damaging for me. So if you love me, you will leave me alone and let me move on. To do anything else is selfish." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Thanks, popsicle. Good advise. I've thought about it some, and need to be ready. Right now,I I want to say, "if you love me like you say you do, then you know this relationship is damaging for me. So if you love me, you will leave me alone and let me move on. To do anything else is selfish." What an ***hole... Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Wow, he really does not give two craps about your feelings, does he? All about him. Do yourself a great big favour and just block him already. Don't be back here in a month or two telling us how you got pulled into accepting even less. Nothing sends a message loud and clear like silence. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grapesofwrath Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Wow, he really does not give two craps about your feelings, does he? All about him. Do yourself a great big favour and just block him already. Don't be back here in a month or two telling us how you got pulled into accepting even less. Nothing sends a message loud and clear like silence. While we're on the subject of not caring about feelings... He frequently justifies himself by saying that he "loves two women." He shows his love for her by betraying her from the very early days of his marriage, including during her pregnancy. He shows his love for me by offering me secrecy, lies, and lengthy blackout periods so he can continue his duplicity undetected. Smh 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Nah.... He might think he loves 2 women. He doesn't. That's not love . He loves himself. He loves what 2 women do for him. He thinks he's living the dream. What a selfish pig. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I don't think all cake eaters are created equal. I think some cake eat just fine and see it as having the best of both worlds, whereas other cake eaters are tormented by the double life and the lies, but just can't bring themselves to make a decision to end one or the other relationship. Many times the AP ends it for them, or they have a Dday and that brings the A to an end, and then some WS's are smart enough to end the A before Dday themselves and keep it that way. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Back today from a week's vacation. Xmm was on vacation too, but snuck in a couple of emails, mainly saying he hopes he can see me this week. Because I am giving with this NC approach, I will write here what I am thinking in response: 1) see me? What does that entail? You can't stay here and at best would have just an hour or two to spend. Do you really think that is satisfactory? Do you really think I should be okay with that? How little, precisely, do you expect me to accept? 2) the more I think about your cake-eating bull$hit, the angrier I get. You absolutely never thought of me as anything other than a fun side piece. Every time you tell me that you fell for me and didn't expect to, what I really hear is that you figured you would just use me for sex and fun, then found out I'm a real person with real feelings and that changed it for you. How is that supposed to make me feel, you selfish prick? 3) I hope you had a lousy, boring, dull vacation. Tool. thanks. I feel better getting that off my chest. Oh man, I'm sorry Grapes He is a tool (I love that word BTW - I learned it on this forum ) And congrats to you for the NC... hang in there... you deserve so much more than this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Thanks, popsicle. Good advise. I've thought about it some, and need to be ready. Right now,I I want to say, "if you love me like you say you do, then you know this relationship is damaging for me. So if you love me, you will leave me alone and let me move on. To do anything else is selfish." If he did, he would. Poppy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 While we're on the subject of not caring about feelings... He frequently justifies himself by saying that he "loves two women." He shows his love for her by betraying her from the very early days of his marriage, including during her pregnancy. He shows his love for me by offering me secrecy, lies, and lengthy blackout periods so he can continue his duplicity undetected. Smh I'd be so tempted to say "I love 10 men" How does that work for ya? ....but you know silence is golden. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grapesofwrath Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 This is going to sound ridiculous...but...I can't successfully block texts on my phone. XMM texted this morning and I want to block, but there is no option for that. When I search online it says I need to download an app. I've done that, tried a few different ones, and none seem to work. I have a Samsung Galaxy note 2, if that helps. I can add his number to the "reject" list to avoid calls but can't do the same with messaging. And the reject list will deny the call, but I can still see that he called. Does Samsung not understand the principle of NC? Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 You know, in the beginning after the A ended, I had all these things I wanted to say to xOM. Pages. Then, as time went by, it was down to maybe a page. More time...a paragraph. More time...a sentence. Now, there's nothing I want to say to him, and nothing he could say I want to hear. I do believe that sticking with NC will help those "I want to tell him this" feelings fade. Every day you stick to it is a day you get stronger in general. So the new normal is you growing stronger! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 You know, in the beginning after the A ended, I had all these things I wanted to say to xOM. Pages. Then, as time went by, it was down to maybe a page. More time...a paragraph. More time...a sentence. Now, there's nothing I want to say to him, and nothing he could say I want to hear. I do believe that sticking with NC will help those "I want to tell him this" feelings fade. Every day you stick to it is a day you get stronger in general. So the new normal is you growing stronger! That is so true, Bittersweetie. Same with me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Heatherknows Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 This is going to sound ridiculous...but...I can't successfully block texts on my phone. XMM texted this morning and I want to block, but there is no option for that. When I search online it says I need to download an app. I've done that, tried a few different ones, and none seem to work. I have a Samsung Galaxy note 2, if that helps. I can add his number to the "reject" list to avoid calls but can't do the same with messaging. And the reject list will deny the call, but I can still see that he called. Does Samsung not understand the principle of NC? Change your number. Throw out your phone. You're addicted to this nonsense. You'll need to do the changing if you want any sanity. Link to post Share on other sites
Morbius Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 (edited) This is going to sound ridiculous...but...I can't successfully block texts on my phone. XMM texted this morning and I want to block, but there is no option for that. When I search online it says I need to download an app. I've done that, tried a few different ones, and none seem to work. I have a Samsung Galaxy note 2, if that helps. I can add his number to the "reject" list to avoid calls but can't do the same with messaging. And the reject list will deny the call, but I can still see that he called. Does Samsung not understand the principle of NC? Grapes, blocking is done through the carrier service, not the phone. That's what I did. Your carrier may be different: Block Numbers | Verizon Wireless Best wishes, and continued success with your efforts! Edited August 16, 2015 by Morbius 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 This is going to sound ridiculous...but...I can't successfully block texts on my phone. XMM texted this morning and I want to block, but there is no option for that. When I search online it says I need to download an app. I've done that, tried a few different ones, and none seem to work. I have a Samsung Galaxy note 2, if that helps. I can add his number to the "reject" list to avoid calls but can't do the same with messaging. And the reject list will deny the call, but I can still see that he called. Does Samsung not understand the principle of NC? Mr, Numbers apps works great. You won't see the texts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
m4p Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 You know, in the beginning after the A ended, I had all these things I wanted to say to xOM. Pages. Then, as time went by, it was down to maybe a page. More time...a paragraph. More time...a sentence. Now, there's nothing I want to say to him, and nothing he could say I want to hear. I do believe that sticking with NC will help those "I want to tell him this" feelings fade. Every day you stick to it is a day you get stronger in general. So the new normal is you growing stronger! Bitteesweetie, That's exactly how I deal with it too. I had so much to say... But I try to procrastinate when it comes to him. Whenever I have the urge to say something, send him something, call him, check his social media, I'll bluff myself with "I'll do it later, I'm too tired to torture myself"... Then it drags from 5 mins to 1 hour, then to 1 day, then to 1 week. Now I'm taking it one step at a time. With each day of NC I find myself escaping from this pain a tiny little bit further... To OP, you can do it! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grapesofwrath Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Thanks everyone for the support. Especially the IT help. the next few days will be the toughest as I establish NC and he figures it out. Already a few more texts today asking if he can stop by tonight when he gets into town. That's the last one I've seen, now that I blocked him!! I mean, seriously? I should make time at 10 pm to catch a glimpse of him for a few minutes? Does that even qualify as a crumb? We're talking atomic particles now. Only avenue left is my desk phone at work and that has caller ID, so I'll just screen the call, if I'm even there to see it. I'll just keep venting to you all and my journals until it's out of my system and there is nothing left to say. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Starbright78 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Good luck . Keep posting here, that's what I do. One step at a time. You will hit some low spots, be prepared for them but know it was for the best and you'll get through them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
m4p Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Stay strong! the urge to give in is always strong but at least you have identified it. No matter the outcome, at the very least please try your best! I just wanna say that if you could just hang in there and make it through NC, the peace and lightness you'll feel from getting out is worth it. See him for what he really is. We will be here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 You know, in the beginning after the A ended, I had all these things I wanted to say to xOM. Pages. Then, as time went by, it was down to maybe a page. More time...a paragraph. More time...a sentence. Now, there's nothing I want to say to him, and nothing he could say I want to hear. I do believe that sticking with NC will help those "I want to tell him this" feelings fade. Every day you stick to it is a day you get stronger in general. So the new normal is you growing stronger! I agree wholeheartedly with this. All the venom I wanted to spew at him conveniently edited by the passage of time. Grapes, you are wise to journal. Get it out of your system. NC usually gets harder before it gets easier but you will prevail and you will be so happy you did. Best of luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Grapes, best of luck to you and I'll continue to watch your journey. Our stories are similar right now in some ways. Mine just got back from vacation as well. Texted me three days before he was back in town saying he had missed me "soooo much." The text was sent during his stopover in his hometown, and I believe it was right after he got off the plane from his anniversary trip with his W. Did your text you at all while on vacation? Three days later he proceeds to tell me that the anniversary trip went well and helped improve things between him and W a bit. I told him I lost some respect for him because he texted me right after the trip, even though the trip had "gone well." I also had asked him to stop by for 10 minutes on the day he got back instead of being forced to meet with him at work the next day. He couldn't even find a way to give me the pathetic 10 minutes that I asked for. After having missed me "sooooo much." He said it stressed him out that day because all day he was trying to figure out how to sneak away, and eventually concluded that he just couldn't. I felt like saying, I'm sorry that this has caused YOU stress. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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