To snoop or not to snoop..that is the question

[Hopeful714]

I've read plenty of posts on here where someone finds their SO snooping on them or looking in their phone or e-mail and their SO automatically gets labeled as insecure, controlling and a horrible person because they didn't trust them and breeched the other's privacy.

 

Just now I read the post where a guy randomly checked his girlfriend's phone and found out she had quite a bit of action going on on the side and everyone was so adament about him dumping and exposing her, yet not once did he get bashed for snooping in her phone and invading her privacy.

 

So what gives? If you have suspicions that you re being chumped on can you snoop or are you supposed to ignore those intuitions? And, if you have no suspicions should you snoop anyhow just to make sure your not being played?

 

Personally, I have nothing to hide so if I was snooped on occasionally I wouldn't care. And furthermore, had I have checked into my suspicions earlier and more thoroughly snooped on my ex I could have saved myself much time and heartache by finding the truth early on.

 

 

So any thoughts on this? What IS the deal?

[greaterdevil]

i guess it's one of those things where it kinda depends on what you find as to wether or not it was the "right" choice. kinda like an armed cop sees someone raise something in the dark and thinks it might be a gun.

 

if he shoots and kills and finds a gun in the hand, he was (arguably) in the right. if it was a cellphone, obviously he just did something terrible.

 

if they've cheated before, then I wouldn't even consider it snooping, just covering your bases. but with someone who's given you no reason not to trust them, it's kinda ****ty to secretly invade their privacy because of your own insecurities.

[road]

Those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

 

 

You suspect you are being done wrong then you need to take steps to protect yourself.

[d0nnivain]

To me by the time you get to the point where you are snooping because you think something is amiss, your relationship is broken beyond repair anyway.

 

 

While the snooping is always wrong, when it gets you confirmation of your theories it's not like there is a point to sticking around.

[PegNosePete]

For me, the end justifies the means.

 

If you find something is going on behind your back then you were right to snoop and you should take action. The cheating is a far worse offence than any "breach of trust" or any of that other gas.

 

If you find nothing then you were wrong to snoop and should probably confess your actions and discuss with your partner why you felt the need to snoop.

[PrettyEmily77]

For me, the end justifies the means.

 

If you find something is going on behind your back then you were right to snoop and you should take action. The cheating is a far worse offence than any "breach of trust" or any of that other gas.

 

If you find nothing then you were wrong to snoop and should probably confess your actions and discuss with your partner why you felt the need to snoop.

 

For someone who has nothing to hide, a breach of trust is a complete deal breaker. It is to me. If you snoop bc of your paranoia, you should definitely confess, not probably btw. You can't make it sound like a benign offense bc it is serious and potentially damaging. One ex had convinced himself without proof or reason that, like his ex, I would betray him and left no stone unturned when looking at private and professional emails, texts, anything you can think of. His unjustified,, constant snooping is what broke us up.

 

I wouldn't snoop. If suspicious and unhappy after talking it through with my partner, that's enough for me to leave. The R is doomed at that point anyway.

[road]

 

If you find nothing then you were wrong to snoop and should probably confess your actions and discuss with your partner why you felt the need to snoop.

 

 

 

 

Bad advice.

 

 

 

For someone who has nothing to hide, a breach of trust is a complete deal breaker. It is to me. If you snoop bc of your paranoia, you should definitely confess, not probably btw. You can't make it sound like a benign offense bc it is serious and potentially damaging. One ex had convinced himself without proof or reason that, like his ex, I would betray him and left no stone unturned when looking at private and professional emails, texts, anything you can think of. His unjustified,, constant snooping is what broke us up.

 

I wouldn't snoop. If suspicious and unhappy after talking it through with my partner, that's enough for me to leave. The R is doomed at that point anyway.

 

 

 

 

More bad advice. For many WS know how to cover their tracks very well. So there being red flags does not mean proof will be found. Even though they were cheating.

 

 

 

 

Never tip your hand and always be vigilant.

[PrettyEmily77]

Bad advice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More bad advice. For many WS know how to cover their tracks very well. So there being red flags does not mean proof will be found. Even though they were cheating.

 

 

 

F

Never tip your hand and always be vigilant.

 

 

That's assuming every partner in the world is a WS. That is blatantly not the case, encourages paranoia and is very offensive. Note that I gave no advice - just my experience. FWIW, my ex also thought he was being vigilant... I, as an open, forthcoming and very loyal person, would not take kindly to any snooping and would consider the R dead should I discover I was being snooped upon. Not everyone cheats, and a cheater will most likely find a way to cheat regardless of the snooping, which just serves as ending a R anyway so why not end it before the snooping?

[Lois_Griffin]

I've read plenty of posts on here where someone finds their SO snooping on them or looking in their phone or e-mail and their SO automatically gets labeled as insecure, controlling and a horrible person because they didn't trust them and breeched the other's privacy.

 

Just now I read the post where a guy randomly checked his girlfriend's phone and found out she had quite a bit of action going on on the side and everyone was so adament about him dumping and exposing her, yet not once did he get bashed for snooping in her phone and invading her privacy.

 

So what gives? If you have suspicions that you re being chumped on can you snoop or are you supposed to ignore those intuitions? And, if you have no suspicions should you snoop anyhow just to make sure your not being played?

 

Personally, I have nothing to hide so if I was snooped on occasionally I wouldn't care. And furthermore, had I have checked into my suspicions earlier and more thoroughly snooped on my ex I could have saved myself much time and heartache by finding the truth early on.

 

 

So any thoughts on this? What IS the deal?

I find it highly amusing when I read a post where someone will tell the person, "just sit them down and ASK them if they're cheating." LOL. As if anyone is going to get the truth.

 

I'm never in the camp that's all indignant that someone would DARE to snoop. To me, that's small peanuts compared to being disrespected by someone who supposedly loves you but is acting shady as hell.

 

And what usually happens in those stories we hear about people snooping? Yeah, they always seem to find something.

 

Gosh, what a coincidence.

[PrettyEmily77]

And what usually happens in those stories we hear about people snooping? Yeah, they always seem to find something.

 

Sure. Except when they don't find anything and won't stop until they do, which they won't bc there's nothing there in the first place.

 

Imagine that, hey - some of us are actually trustworthy... Loss of confidence, no private life, having to disclose every part of every convrrsation for his 'peace of mind', risk of loosing my medical license and so much more, bc my ex expected me to do to him what his ex did - that's what snooping did to me for too long so no, I would not advertise snooping as an acceptable course of action.

[RecentChange]

My partner and I have always been free to "snoop" each others phones...

 

They are left out, unlocked, and one of us usually grabs which ever phone is closest to use on our Chomecast / for the internet etc.

 

So I don't know, I didn't snoop his phone behind his back, I snooped his phone right in front of him.

 

And..... I found out about his cheating from his phone (seriously, what he thinking). But I am just more sneaky and leave nothing questionable on mine...

[Chi townD]

If your gut is telling you something is wrong. Then, go with your gut.

 

 

You have every right to know what's going on in your relationship. If you're getting played, it's best to know as soon as possible rather than years down the road with a marriage and kids under your belt.

 

 

I mean seriously, which is worse. Looking at someone's phone or discovering your SO is carrying on and affair exposing you to the possibility of STD's or worse?

[Floveet]

Well for me, when it happened i knew someting was wrong.

 

But snooping helped me to see if i could trust her :

 

For example --> She was talking to a guy, who was more than hitting on her.

Stuff happened when i was on Business trip. He came to her place, they smoked together, talked but for her was just friendly. She told him she had someone but he slept at her place (innapropriate but whatever now)

 

I snooped first, check all the conversations, then confronted her pretending i didn't know anything but wanting to know what happened.

 

It appears that she told me ALL the truth without me telling her what i did to get suspicions.

 

In certain case, could be different i suppose.

But i hate to snoop for no reason. That can hurt more than anything if you start to doing so because u are being paranoiac.