Musician1985 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Hi, First post here. My ex-girlfriend dumped me 7 months ago. We were together for 4 1/2 years, and lived together for 3. I live on the east coast, and she decided to do her Master's on the west coast. After her semester, she visited me 2 1/2 months ago, and we got on well, and she said we were still broken up. I told her that's fine. We did agree that we would meet in a couple of days from today, when she returns from her trip to Europe. So she has spent the last 2 1/2 months in Europe with her family, and while we agreed that we would stay in touch, that ended quickly, because she didn't respond to my messages. I left her alone for the past 2 months, aside from mutual birthday wishes a month ago. She is set to return to the States in a couple of days, for about 4 days or so, and we have not contacted each other since our birthday wishes. I don't really want to make the first move. On the other hand, time is running short. I've spent the entire summer really getting my s*** together. I took up distance running/biking, I'm focusing on doing a solo piano recital in two months, so I'm practicing 3 hours a day, and I've attended therapy so I can be a better person. So I've been working on myself. But I don't want to come off as needy, even though, of course, I want her back. I think she's "the one", but I also understand that I shouldn't sacrifice my-self for anybody else anymore. Instead, I would like to focus more on relating with her, but giving myself the space to also do what's important in life. Should I contact her to ask her if she's coming, or should I let this be? She has a few days to stay in my city, and she can also stay with a friend, in spite of the fact that she still has a few items at my place. This could be a good chance to lay an impression on her, but I would like to know whether contacting her would be a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 If you believe she understands where you stand, I would suggest a very short and straight forward message, something like, We haven't spoken for a while, what are your plans while here in the city?" If you think there is some question as to whether or not she if fully aware of what you want, I would state something like: "I would like to have some of your time while here to discuss things with you....how would you feel about that...?" Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Sorry, but let it be. If she didn't respond to your messages after agreeing to stay in touch, that says about all you need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Do not contact her. She didn't respond to your messages which says she doesn't want to stay in touch. Your relationship is over. As soon as your recognize that & stop hoping she is coming back the sooner you will start to heal. As it is, you continue to hold yourself back. No more texts. No more birthday wishes. Just acceptance. Sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Musician1985 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 (edited) Ok, so no contact seems like the way to go. Is there a possibility she may contact me at some point in the future? I am dating meanwhile, and moving on with my life, but I am curious. Edited August 16, 2015 by Musician1985 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 So, I have two different points of view here. One is a brief message, and the other is no contact. If I were to do no contact, what is the reasoning behind that? Also, if I do go ahead with no contact, is there a possibility she may contact me at some point in the future? I am dating meanwhile, and moving on with my life, but I am curious. I'm not suggesting the "OMFG total no contact!!" thing, just that you let it be. If she contacts you, fine, but always bear in mind that she's shown her stripes by blowing you off for extended periods of time. That's no accident, it's who she is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Musician1985 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 I guess so. Right now, I'm learning about myself and the situation I'm in. This time alone has been helpful in assessing more rationally what really happened on my end, and learning a little about who she is (which is harder, because I'm not her). I guess I'll let it go for now, and we'll see what the future holds. I felt very close to her, and she admitted that she felt the same about me when she stayed with me in June, but if that's where she is, I'm ok building my game. Do you think that's the right approach? Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Whatever works for you and makes you feel content. I guess I'd caution about the notion of 'hope' tho - for this relationship specifically. If she's lukewarm about you, that's not what sustainable relationships are built from. Most likely this one's a thing of the past and you'd be better off focusing on the future. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I would advice you to not being busy with calculations like "who should initiate contact first?". If you don't want to be direct, find a reason to call her or message her. It can be something about her stuff in your place, or news about mutual friends, or just "When are we meeting, you should tell me about your trip to europe", or anything... It's something you want to do, it will give you some information you want to have, so just do it. Follow your guts. Link to post Share on other sites
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