sarah12 Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 This guy has been dating a girl for about a month, she takes it more seriously than he does and has becoming quite emotionally dependent on him for such a short time. He is thinking it probably won't work out but isn't sure what to do about it. They spend quite a bit of time together but haven't officially said they are boyfriend/girlfriend and he denies that they are. She won't have sex with him, much less do anything else, she pushes him away physically a lot of the time. He then sees an ex of his who came to visit and he ends up having sex with her, no strings attached. They had talked about it before hand so he knew what he was getting into, and I guess hormones got the best of them. He doesn't plan on telling the girl he's seeing about sex with the ex unless they end up being serious. So the question is, is it wrong to not tell her? Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 it is wrong. he should just break up with her. He has already allowed her to believe their relationship is exclusive and serious, so he is just exploiting his situation. He obviously doesn't like her enough to even be a decent person. She is assuming that he is not dating anyone else and he is letting her assume that. He should either be honest about sleeping with other people or he shouldn't be dating her at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Of course its wrong not tell her. He needs to be a man and just break up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
lostinmyself Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Yeah, it's really bad. He should tell her and break up with her. Quit leading her on. End of story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah12 Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Hmm..seeing as it has only been a month and he's probably going to break up with her, I thought it'd probably be best to part ways without telling her. Cause what's the point in hurting her more if it's going to end anyways? I agree that honesty is very important, but in this case it seems there's no point in telling her. Any opinions on that? Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 There is never a situation where its OK to lie to someone you're in a relationship with. This has nothing to do with sparing her feelings and everything to do with him just not being man enough to take responsibility for actions and to treat this girl in a honest manner. A real man would tell her the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
overseas2004 Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 I agree that she does not need to know if he is going to break up with her. I mean why do that. She will definately internalize it when its not her fault that the guy is a jerk and a liar. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah12 Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Good to know I'm not completely delirious here in giving him advice to not tell her. The next issue is him breaking up with her. He's having a hard time with this because he doesn't want to hurt her because she is supposedly in a fragile/depressive state and he thinks that there's some small chance it could work out. I personally think that he's better off breaking up with her sooner rather than later when there's more time and emotions invested. The issues he's told me about that I think warrant a break up are: - she's emotionally unstable - she's become completely dependent on him because she has no friends to turn to and a bad relationship with the parents, which is a huge burden for him to take on - the parents probably won't like him b/c he is a different background than her - she pushes him away when he shows his physical desires for her; they have different physical/sexual needs and wants - his friends have told him that he's probably better off with someone else So the question is, how do you break it off with someone who's emotionally unstable? Link to post Share on other sites
lostinmyself Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by Sal Paradise There is never a situation where its OK to lie to someone you're in a relationship with. I would normally agree. But the whole emotionally unstable thing shines new light on the subject. If he didn't know she was unstable, that would be one thing, but knowing this information.......hmmm It seems this girl has more problems than having a bf is going to fix. She seems to be looking for something to attach herself to as a replacement for something that's missing in her life. In my opinion, the thing to do is break it off with her. And suggest counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
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