Attracted to someone IRL

[yanagiya]

Hello there. I've decided to register here cause I have no one to talk to about my problem. I'll be probably smacked with comments here but I don't care as long as there is at least one reasonable advice, which I can take.

 

To be short: I've never met the guy, we've been talking for over a year over the internet, whatsapp, skype etc and I was planning to finally visit him in November, since I need a holiday anyway. Felt like I encountered my soulmate, everything was great. Recently I got a new job and the thing I feared most, happened: I got attracted to a guy at work. My friends are against this "LDR" and kept asking what will you do if someone comes along - I was always brushing it off and now, oh the irony, it has happened and I feel stuck, so stuck and confused. I dont know what to do, this guy has started giving me clear signals first and that's how I noticed him, we haven't talked to each other yet though. I feel warmth and butterflies inside my stomach every time I see him and when he smiles at me, we keep running into each at the company at various locations and with perfect timing.

I wish I had already met my LDR guy and got to know him IRL so that I'd know at least if I like him or is he completely different IRL. But November seems so far away now I can't go earlier.

 

Question is: what would you do in such situation? I cant completely ignore this guy at work anyway cause we work on the same floor and see each other every day.....

At the same time, I dont want to be a pig and just drop my LDR guy off, I know it would devastate him...

[writergal]

Go with reality, not online (which is just fantasy unless you actually meet each other in person). The guy at your workplace is your best, most logical choice.

[d0nnivain]

A bird in the hand . . .

 

 

You are "in love" with who you think the guy on the internet is. You don't actually know him. Even if you met him & things clicked while you were there, the distance & the realities of life having a job etc could keep you apart forever.

 

 

See where the guy IRL takes you. That might not work out either. But at least it's got some substance.

 

 

Can you or your computer guy move up when you see each other? That may make your decision easier.

[justwhoiam]

Hi Yanagiya,

 

Welcome to LS.

 

I was planning to finally visit him in November

1. How far away is he from you?

2. How old are you both?

3. Why are you going to visit him and he's not coming to meet you for your fist date?

4. Have you bought plane tickets and/or booked a hotel for that trip?

 

Recently I got a new job and the thing I feared most, happened: I got attracted to a guy at work.

4. What about the job you had before this one? Was it a temporary job?

5. Is your new job permanent or temporary?

6. The guy you're attracted to at work, is he above you on the ladder or just a colleague?

7. How long has he been working there?

8. Does he have a temporary job or a permanent one?

9. Are you currently working for a big company with lots of locations or one with just one location to work at?

 

I dont know what to do, this guy has started giving me clear signals first and that's how I noticed him

So, you just noticed him because he got interested in you somehow. That means that you loved the attention and only after you liked the guy. Usually, you'd spot/notice the guy and then subtle unspoken messages/body language/interested looks would start going back and forth between you two. So that's your first clue that you should tread carefully.

 

we haven't talked to each other yet though

10. That might mean he's not interested in you enough to date you, or that he's waiting for you to make the first move. To me, both reasons would be enough to let him go. I need a man to feel enough desire to actually ask me out or let me know they like me and would like to have a date with me. I need a man to be bold enough and make the first move.

11. Maybe he got word that you have a boyfriend, so he doesn't want to cause any harm to your current relationship. That would be good.

12. I'd refrain from starting conversation with him, unless he does first.

 

I feel warmth and butterflies inside my stomach every time I see him and when he smiles at me, we keep running into each at the company at various locations and with perfect timing.

I'm sure the same happens with other people, but you just don't keep track like you do for this guy. I understand you feel butterflies, but that doesn't mean he feels the same way about you. It's summer time, maybe he wouldn't mind some summer fling. If you're ready to take whatever comes next, then go on. If you are not, then I suggest to again tread carefully.

12. Remember you're at work, and whatever happens might potentially jeopardize your future in the company. So think well and think twice, before you do anything rushed.

13. Stop wearing a sign on your forehead saying "ask me out! ask me out!". That means stop smiling at him every single time you bump into him. Act busy now and then, as if you didn't notice him.

 

what would you do in such situation?

To answer that, I'd need most of the information I asked in my previous questions, so that I can understand the situation better. Maybe I would wait and see what happens with the guy at work, without forcing things. If he had the guts to talk to me, I'd talk to him politely. If he asked me out, I would during lunch or right after work, not at night, so that I can get to know him a bit before moving forward... No kisses yet. Two months, hopefully less than three months will go by very fast. If he's really into you, he'll wait whatever it takes. If he just won't bother, then you have your second clue.

 

I dont want to be a pig and just drop my LDR guy off, I know it would devastate him...

Don't jump to conclusions of your own. You can't really know what it will be like when you meet your LD guy IRL. I suggest you stop calling him boyfriend and stop using any term of endearment, if you do. No honeys, no ILUs, etc. If he notices your interest dropped, just say that the long wait made you wiser and that you feel it's best not to have your hopes too high, because you're not sure chemistry will be there when you meet for real. He might feel he's losing you and be prepared for anything that can happen.

Then you meet him and see what you feel for him. By then, you will know what you feel like when you're in the company of the other guy too, the one at work. And you'll know who makes your heart bump faster...

Edited August 16, 2015 by justwhoiam

[yanagiya]

 

Can you or your computer guy move up when you see each other? That may make your decision easier.

Not really....I'm planning to stay here for a while. He mentioned moving, though.

 

Hi Yanagiya,

 

Welcome to LS.

 

 

1. How far away is he from you?

very far, on another continent

2. How old are you both?

I'm in my 20s and he's in his 30s

 

3. Why are you going to visit him and he's not coming to meet you for your fist date?

He was pressuring to come to me first but as I said, I need to get away somewhere far away, I haven't been on proper holiday for 1.5yrs already and I'm dying to go somewhere, that's why I dont want to waste my holiday leave for him coming here

 

4. Have you bought plane tickets and/or booked a hotel for that trip?

Plane tickets - yes, no hotel booking yet

 

4. What about the job you had before this one? Was it a temporary job?

I had a job before, stable one

5. Is your new job permanent or temporary?

It depends whether they'll extend my contract

 

6. The guy you're attracted to at work, is he above you on the ladder or just a colleague?

a colleague

 

7. How long has he been working there?

No idea, probably started a few months earlier since my department is fairly new

 

8. Does he have a temporary job or a permanent one?

Again, depends on his contract

 

9. Are you currently working for a big company with lots of locations or one with just one location to work at?

The first option

So, you just noticed him because he got interested in you somehow. That means that you loved the attention and only after you liked the guy. Usually, you'd spot/notice the guy and then subtle unspoken messages/body language/interested looks would start going back and forth between you two. So that's your first clue that you should tread carefully.

Actually, I noticed him first but thought that he probably won't notice me anyway and forgot about him for some time, and then some time later suddenly noticed he's giving me interested looks. I'm actually confused as to how it all started, despite it was so not long ago, no idea why

 

10. That might mean he's not interested in you enough to date you, or that he's waiting for you to make the first move. To me, both reasons would be enough to let him go. I need a man to feel enough desire to actually ask me out or let me know they like me and would like to have a date with me. I need a man to be bold enough and make the first move.

I haven't given him any clear signals yet so I'm not surprised he hasnt made any moves yet, I'd do the same if I was a man

11. Maybe he got word that you have a boyfriend, so he doesn't want to cause any harm to your current relationship. That would be good.

I dont speak to anyone at work about my private life so, no

12. I'd refrain from starting conversation with him, unless he does first.

That's what I think, too

 

I'm sure the same happens with other people, but you just don't keep track like you do for this guy.

Nope, I pay attention to lots of people at work and nobody else smiles at me

 

I understand you feel butterflies, but that doesn't mean he feels the same way about you. It's summer time, maybe he wouldn't mind some summer fling. If you're ready to take whatever comes next, then go on. If you are not, then I suggest to again tread carefully.

12. Remember you're at work, and whatever happens might potentially jeopardize your future in the company. So think well and think twice, before you do anything rushed.

Yeah, i was thinking about that as well

 

13. Stop wearing a sign on your forehead saying "ask me out! ask me out!". That means stop smiling at him every single time you bump into him. Act busy now and then, as if you didn't notice him.

I actually havent smiled at him even once yet. When our eyes meet, I look away immediately but he always smiles

To answer that, I'd need most of the information I asked in my previous questions, so that I can understand the situation better. Maybe I would wait and see what happens with the guy at work, without forcing things. If he had the guts to talk to me, I'd talk to him politely. If he asked me out, I would during lunch or right after work, not at night, so that I can get to know him a bit before moving forward... No kisses yet. Two months, hopefully less than three months will go by very fast. If he's really into you, he'll wait whatever it takes. If he just won't bother, then you have your second clue.

 

Don't jump to conclusions of your own. You can't really know what it will be like when you meet your LD guy IRL. I suggest you stop calling him boyfriend and stop using any term of endearment, if you do. No honeys, no ILUs, etc. If he notices your interest dropped, just say that the long wait made you wiser and that you feel it's best not to have your hopes too high, because you're not sure chemistry will be there when you meet for real. He might feel he's losing you and be prepared for anything that can happen.

Then you meet him and see what you feel for him. By then, you will know what you feel like when you're in the company of the other guy too, the one at work. And you'll know who makes your heart bump faster...

I know one thing for sure, I have to meet the LDR guy cause I must know whether we really match or not.

Edited August 16, 2015 by yanagiya

[ExpatInItaly]

This LDR friend is on a different continent?

 

It's going to take a gigantic effort and commitment on both your parts to make that work. If you clicked, you're looking at a huge obstacle to a relationship, in which you both would need to sacrifice quite a lot - the lack of physical affection, the frequency of travel, and from the sounds of it potentially some cultural barriers too.

 

What continents/countries are you in?

[d0nnivain]

If he's on another continent, it's highly unlikely that nothing will ever materialize. The immigration issues alone are going to be practically insurmountable.

 

 

Think more rationally & practically.