Ways to be more optimistic?

[emerald86]

I've found that for every situation I'm in, there are a number of negative thoughts running through my head, even if there is no apparent reason for it. For example, just the other day a family friend asked me about what I was studying and I explained that I'm getting a masters degree, what my coursework is about, and all of that. After that conversation he said to me, "Wow that's quite impressive. Looks like you're going to be very successful in the future." The first thought that came to my mind was, "He's just saying that to be nice to me. I don't see anything impressive about what I'm doing." I guess this was more so because he comes from a family of very successful people.

 

The other day, a bunch of friends from my former workplace invited me to happy hour. While I was there, I couldn't help but face the thought that maybe I wasn't wanted there. I kept asking myself if these people actually enjoyed my company. The worst part was that I had no reason to doubt myself! Everybody was super nice to me. One girl said, "I'm so glad you were invited," and another guy said, "You get all our jokes. You should come out with us more often." But the next day, I analyzed every possible moment of the happy hour and pondered in great detail whether I was truly liked by everybody.

 

So when I actually do face rejection or criticism, it's a total nightmare. I end up thinking about it for days and days.

 

I hate having these negative thoughts when I know I have no reason for them. Furthermore, I hate that I seek constant approval from people all the time. I just wish I had the confidence to be myself regardless of whether people like me or not. So how can I do that? Is this something that takes practice?

[d0nnivain]

First you recognize those thoughts when you have then & say no that's not true.

 

 

Then you remember, people have choices. The person who said you would be successful could have said nothing or he could have said, Gee what a waste of the tuition. Instead, he said he thought you will be successful. Hence that is what he thought & is most likely correct in his assessment.

 

 

Your friends didn't have to go through all the trouble to ask you to spend time with them. Yet, they did because they wanted to.

 

 

Second, you need better visualization. See in your mind's eye things working out & going well for you. Picture a positive outcome before you dive in.