tokyo Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC 1) Get the books. 2) Get something off my chest. I do see the point though. If I tell her that I realize what a jerk she's been, it'll mean I am a jerk too...and confirm the reasons for leaving me. I don't think she's ever broken up with someone who has handled it gracefully.... She'll not really think you're a jerk, she'll see her assumption confirmed that you are a "clingy doorknob", because that's what a "clingy doorknob" would write, trust me. It's funny that you said you might be the only ex of her who ever handled this gracefully, because that's what I had wanted to write before, that she has very likely heard this stuff a couple of times and you are not going to get through to her with more criticism. Usually that kind of criticism is not going to touch people or change their mind, they move on and think you are the idiot. If they have heard it a couple of times they will get immune to it. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl Yah, I'm really kicking myself for mentioning some of the things I said to my ex in my fit of despair. I hope he was too emotional distraught to realize what I was saying. My therapist says he'll do this again. *cross fingers* Stupid people tend to repeat their mistakes. There's still hope for us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 Ok, well I am taking the high and mighty road. No criticism. Just "I need my books back." I know I'll find someone better, but it still doesn't make me feel better right now..... Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC I think deep down she is a great person, but her insecurities and inability to face life's problems make her run from man to man.... I want to help her in some ways. I am angry for her leaving me, but at the same time, do I let her continue to wallow? And yes, sadly, I admit I miss her and want her back. I told her I missed her last night. She just said "Uh huh..." I know she's moved on. I know I need to move on. So why can't I? I think if you truly believe that you did something wrong and you see your wrongdoing in your relationship, go for it and try to win her back, but if she really kicked you out with no reason, then I would not bother with this. Fight for things that you really really want, if not, get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC I think deep down she is a great person, but her insecurities and inability to face life's problems make her run from man to man.... I want to help her in some ways. I am angry for her leaving me, but at the same time, do I let her continue to wallow? And yes, sadly, I admit I miss her and want her back. I told her I missed her last night. She just said "Uh huh..." I know she's moved on. I know I need to move on. So why can't I? Oh Man, you are back at the day 1 of break-up. The purpose of NC is to move on, not to make someone realise or make them miss you. You were writing so many excellent posts about NC and I was taking lot of inspirations from you and now you are back.Anyway doesn't matter, you still can do it. 1.Start NC - this is to help move on 2.Start believing that she has gone out of your life for ever, she won't come back and she does not deserve you. 3.How hard it must be for you, you are missing her and she is detailing her sexual itinerary to you, can't you see that she is not the one you want. 4. If you can love so much a wrong person, imagine how good it will be love a right person- take this as a the prize for moving on. 5.To get things off chest, shout, crib, punch , smash, - do anything but all alone, preferably when locked in rest room. 6.NC will be hard, you will long to either miss her or curse her, but keep your eye sight on the end. The end is not to get her, cause she has gone for ever, you partner told you that there was no relationship, so why are running or chasing a mirage?? Stop thinking about her and now I strongly suggest forget about those books. Even if they are of high worth, forget them. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Ok, well I am taking the high and mighty road. No criticism. Just "I need my books back." I know I'll find someone better, but it still doesn't make me feel better right now..... Someone that is right for you, not better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn Oh Man, you are back at the day 1 of break-up. The purpose of NC is to move on, not to make someone realise or make them miss you. You were writing so many excellent posts about NC and I was taking lot of inspirations from you and now you are back.Anyway doesn't matter, you still can do it. 1.Start NC - this is to help move on 2.Start believing that she has gone out of your life for ever, she won't come back and she does not deserve you. 3.How hard it must be for you, you are missing her and she is detailing her sexual itinerary to you, can't you see that she is not the one you want. 4. If you can love so much a wrong person, imagine how good it will be love a right person- take this as a the prize for moving on. 5.To get things off chest, shout, crib, punch , smash, - do anything but all alone, preferably when locked in rest room. 6.NC will be hard, you will long to either miss her or curse her, but keep your eye sight on the end. The end is not to get her, cause she has gone for ever, you partner told you that there was no relationship, so why are running or chasing a mirage?? Stop thinking about her and now I strongly suggest forget about those books. Even if they are of high worth, forget them. I was doing great with NC until she told me she's darn near shacking up with the new guy...and it's only been a month. That hurt. Deeply..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 How is this then? I forgot to mention I would still like my books back. I plan on racing *** soon and could use my Lee Parks guide. The bible is obvioulsy very important to me as well. Please MAIL them to: Name Street City State Zip If this isn't possible, please leave the books at a convenient location where I can pick them up. I can swing by when you aren't home and grab them from your porch on Sat before I head home. If you do insist on coming here, then please let me know what day. I would like to have the books as soon as I can. Also, do you want your flip flops or should I throw them out!? Signing off for good, B. Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC I was doing great with NC until she told me she's darn near shacking up with the new guy...and it's only been a month. That hurt. Deeply..... Do you still want her? see this hypothetical situation " If I am even married to someone for 20 years and some day she, may be in drunken state, goes and have a kissing session with some dude(I am not going so far as to sleep..), I would certainly not see her again in life. " This girl has told you clearly that she is going to sleep with her new dude and still the love...., was it love or servile submisiveness ?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn Do you still want her? see this hypothetical situation " If I am even married to someone for 20 years and some day she, may be in drunken state, goes and have a kissing session with some dude(I am not going so far as to sleep..), I would certainly not see her again in life. " This girl has told you clearly that she is going to sleep with her new dude and still the love...., was it love or servile submisiveness ?? Who knows, man? I'm beating myself up enough. I could use some positive reinforcement and encouragement right now. I'm so not open to being berated. Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC How is this then? Nope, further trimming required..this way I forgot to mention I would still like my books back. I plan on racing *** soon and could use my Lee Parks guide. The bible is obvioulsy very important to me as well. Please MAIL them to: Name Street City State Zip If this isn't possible, please leave the books at a convenient location where I can pick them up. I can swing by when you aren't home and grab them from your porch on Sat before I head home. Also, do you want your flip flops or should I throw them out!? when you write that "If you insist in coming here", you know what she will tell her new dude it will be " see this loser, he himself assumed that I am insisting on going to see him, ha ha ha" I know it is difficult but who said life was going to be easy ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn Nope, further trimming required..this way I forgot to mention I would still like my books back. I plan on racing *** soon and could use my Lee Parks guide. The bible is obvioulsy very important to me as well. Please MAIL them to: Name Street City State Zip If this isn't possible, please leave the books at a convenient location where I can pick them up. I can swing by when you aren't home and grab them from your porch on Sat before I head home. Also, do you want your flip flops or should I throw them out!? when you write that "If you insist in coming here", you know what she will tell her new dude it will be " see this loser, he himself assumed that I am insisting on going to see him, ha ha ha" I know it is difficult but who said life was going to be easy ? She WAS insistent on coming by with a "friend" and dropping them off. I told her no. But we never decided. I can say "If you want to drop them off, just leave them on the porch and let me know when to check for them." Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Who knows, man? I'm beating myself up enough. I could use some positive reinforcement and encouragement right now. I'm so not open to being berated. Please don't think that I am being harsh . The truth is that I am seeing before my eyes , someone thinking of doing the same things which I did and repented like a pig. I wish to save you from that humiliation and that hurt which is light years times less than the pain of NC. Nothing else intended dude, nothing else... Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC I was doing great with NC until she told me she's darn near shacking up with the new guy...and it's only been a month. That hurt. Deeply..... Dont worry about regressing. I regressed all last week. Did some reflection on my relationship and started the self pity routine. Thankfully I had a close friend kick me in the ass and all is good now "If you are sitting around thinking about what your husband didn't do in that relationship, try to realize that is past stuff that you cannot change. The only thing you can change is your own behaviour in the present." That's one good thing about these forums. You can do your self pity and someone will come along and kick you out of your mood I dont think i cried today! w00t Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC She WAS insistent on coming by with a "friend" and dropping them off. I told her no. But we never decided. I can say "If you want to drop them off, just leave them on the porch and let me know when to check for them." This would be perfect. I tell you seeing her in flesh won't be easy for you, it will refresh all your wounds, so it is better not to see her ever again. Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 CO... Once again you're finding an excuse. LET IT GO!! You hurt for a while and it sucks, we've all been their. But when you were giving me advice and telling me not to contact me EX...you put your foot down and were very aggressive about NC... Now, look at ya!! Get a grip of yourself...Stop feeling sorry for yourself and pick up your pride...Aren't you sick of talking about her?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 Definitely.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever CO... Once again you're finding an excuse. LET IT GO!! You hurt for a while and it sucks, we've all been their. But when you were giving me advice and telling me not to contact me EX...you put your foot down and were very aggressive about NC... Now, look at ya!! Get a grip of yourself...Stop feeling sorry for yourself and pick up your pride...Aren't you sick of talking about her?? I'm very good with advice that DOES NOT have my personal feelings. Doesn't mean my advice is bad. It means that when it comes to me, I have a hard time taking my own medicine.... Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 So...what's the problem... I know..do you??? The fact that she has another man. You want her to "see" you and maybe she'll realize something...Let me tell you something, all she's going to see is a guy still going crazy over her and someone she can control with her little finger. Girls like her have no remorse! Yes it hurts that the thought of someone you love is sleeping with someone else..but she your EX!! Ex, for a reason..Thank God everyday for the blessings you do have and trust me he'll send you someone special but give it time... You never know maybe your date this weekend is your fantasy girl... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever So...what's the problem... I know..do you??? The fact that she has another man. You want her to "see" you and maybe she'll realize something...Let me tell you something, all she's going to see is a guy still going crazy over her and someone she can control with her little finger. Girls like her have no remorse! Yes it hurts that the thought of someone you love is sleeping with someone else..but she your EX!! Ex, for a reason..Thank God everyday for the blessings you do have and trust me he'll send you someone special but give it time... You never know maybe your date this weekend is your fantasy girl... The problem is if she is, I do not think I am in the right frame of mind. I haven't moved on yet. Like any deep wound, it takes a long time to heal and for the scar to form... Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Of course you haven't moved on..you're still talking about her !! Look, nothing we say here is going to make you feel better. In the end you're going to do whatever is you want, or shall I say whatever it is your heart wants to do. All I'm saying is be strong...A woman wants a strong man by her side. Yes it feels good to know "I" make my man feel good as a man but he needs to have the confidence in himself. You've stated before you have great qualities and feel you have what it takes to make a girl happy...So do it! Maybe what you need to do is stay home watch some old movies and cry your a$$ off...That will help! The only way you're going to move on is if you STOP TALKING TO HER AND LETTING HER RUIN YOUR LIFE!! How much damage can she possibly to now?? If you let her she'll be around for a long time stepping all over you...Once you lift your head up and realize how much time and engery you spent on her..You'll start crying about that... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever Of course you haven't moved on..you're still talking about her !! Look, nothing we say here is going to make you feel better. In the end you're going to do whatever is you want, or shall I say whatever it is your heart wants to do. All I'm saying is be strong...A woman wants a strong man by her side. Yes it feels good to know "I" make my man feel good as a man but he needs to have the confidence in himself. You've stated before you have great qualities and feel you have what it takes to make a girl happy...So do it! Maybe what you need to do is stay home watch some old movies and cry your a$$ off...That will help! The only way you're going to move on is if you STOP TALKING TO HER AND LETTING HER RUIN YOUR LIFE!! How much damage can she possibly to now?? If you let her she'll be around for a long time stepping all over you...Once you lift your head up and realize how much time and engery you spent on her..You'll start crying about that... I don't want to cry about her ever again. I can't believe how much one woman could get me to choke up. And yes, I understand women want a strong man. I don't understand what happened. I mean, one second I am a self assured, happy go lucky guy, the next I am a blubbering, weak willed fool. How did that happen? Oh yeah, she just responded I'll look for your books and try to get everything on its way to you by Friday. Just ship me my shoes whenever you get around to it... Her address Obviously I've nothing to respond to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Share Posted May 10, 2005 Well we just had a PM session. Went like this: Her: I'll throw everything together and have it you by Friday. Me: What do you mean by everything? Her: Just the books, as far as I know. Me: Is there anything else besides the shoes? Her: No, just throw out the feminine hygiene products under the sink. Me: Did that already, along with your toothbrush, emails, boxed away the photos. I took all as final. Take care of yourself. And with that, I logged off. Link to post Share on other sites
guestiemc guest Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 COC, there is something wrong with the way you are behaving. You have done nothing at all to help your cause, in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
jp13370 Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Confused you sound obsessed with her and how do you know all about the new guy and what base they are on? You need to just picture them having raw sex together and be done with it. Why do you keep torturing yourself over this girl? You're wasting way to much time thinking about all of this. The only way you're going to accept it and move on is to stop talking to her - period. Stop thinking about her and stop asking about her and her new boyfriend. I've read all your posts and you are like Glen Close in Fatal Attraction - get a grip my friend. Suck it up and get over her - it's not healthy obsessing over her like you have been. Eventually you'll get to that point where it ends and you can let go but by clinging to her you're never gonna recover and in the meantime the right girl could be waving airplane flashlights in your face and you'll miss her because you're obsessed with your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
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