Should have seen it coming..

[Mr. Lucky]

She's not wife or mother material

 

Comes down to these two words - is this the WIFE you want and the MOTHER of the kids you hope for? You're going to sleep in the bed next to her and attend every family function together for the next 4 or 5 decades???

 

Not me...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Bryanp]

If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would be acting like you?

I doubt it. Her actions show she had absolutely no problem lying to your face, screwing this guy, probably in your home and putting your health at risk for STD's. She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever.

 

IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF THEN WHO WILL?

[oldshirt]

and finally......

 

 

At this stage of the game whether you ultimately decide to stay or leave, you need to do the same things now.

 

 

You need to immediately do the following -

 

 

- hire a divorce attorney and come up with divorce plan and prepare the paperwork and follow your attorney's advice on how to protect your property and financial assets.

 

 

- following your attorney's advice, withdraw 50% of all joint accounts and financial instruments and put into your private account. This is so she doesn't take the money and run.

 

 

-Keep copies and written records of her emails, pictures and phone records in a safe location where she cannot destroy them.

 

 

- have her leave the home until you decide which route you will take.

 

 

- do not give her any false impressions that you will for-sure divorce her or will remain married to her. be honest that you have not decided on a definitive course of action yet.

 

 

- Inform HER family of her actions and inform them exactly why you have asked her to leave the marital home. they won't believe you. Be prepared to show them copies of the emails, pictures and phone records.

 

 

- Do NOT inform your family until you decide to divorce. If you inform them now, they will forever hate her and treat her bad which will greatly hamper your efforts to reconcile if you choose to reconcile. inform them only if you decide to divorce.

 

 

- If the OM is married or has a serious GF, inform her. Assume that your wife has already informed him of getting busted and he has made a game plan on how to deal with his wife finding out so you may need to present her the emails and pictures and phone records as well.

 

 

- Insist on her getting STD and pregnancy tested as a condition of reconciliation.

 

 

- insist on full disclosure of the depths and dynamics of their affair. You absolutely must have as a condition of her disclosure that if you were to later find out she either lied or did not disclose a pertinent fact about the affair, it will result in immediate filing for divorce.

 

 

- Have her send him a no-contact email or phone call in your presence.

 

 

- insist on marital counseling even if you have not reached a decision on whether to divorce or reconcile. Individual counseling for yourself will be beneficial too. Counseling will help peel through all the layers and help you decide the best course of action for you.

 

 

- if she refuses to comply with the above, or if she contacts him following the no-contact order, then you have your answer that the marriage cannot be saved and you can file in good conscience knowing that it is a lost cause.

 

 

Again, remember that your course of action at this stage of the game is the same whether you choose to divorce or reconcile. You must seek legal counsel and you must give her direct, real world consequences of her actions and you must draw a bold line in the sand and accept no infractions.

 

 

If you puss out, she will continue to trickle truth you and will continue to cuckold you and it will result in her continuing the affair or having further affairs in the future. Even you decide to remain married, you will have to blow up this current marriage to save it.

 

 

It may seem counter intuitive but you have to kick her out and make her experience the consequences in order for her to want to save the marriage. if you make things comfortable for her and excuse her behavior, she will just continue her bad behavior in the future despite her tears and promises now.

 

 

You must be strong to have a successful reconciliation, and you must be strong to have a successful divorce. Weakness is assured suffering whether you remain married or not.

[m.snow]

carry with you a VAR in case of confessions!

 

you can use that in court. in case she wants some insane alimony.

 

fault or no fault.

[road]

I'm telling you this from experience. I had to wait 40 years for the chance to ask the questions that needed to be answered and it was 40 years worth of nothing. I still didn't get what I was searching for because NO ANSWER IS GOOD ENOUGH.

 

 

 

 

Do you have a link to this story?

[Stargazie]

and finally......

 

 

At this stage of the game whether you ultimately decide to stay or leave, you need to do the same things now.

 

 

You need to immediately do the following -

 

 

- hire a divorce attorney and come up with divorce plan and prepare the paperwork and follow your attorney's advice on how to protect your property and financial assets.

 

 

- following your attorney's advice, withdraw 50% of all joint accounts and financial instruments and put into your private account. This is so she doesn't take the money and run.

 

 

-Keep copies and written records of her emails, pictures and phone records in a safe location where she cannot destroy them.

 

 

- have her leave the home until you decide which route you will take.

 

 

- do not give her any false impressions that you will for-sure divorce her or will remain married to her. be honest that you have not decided on a definitive course of action yet.

 

 

- Inform HER family of her actions and inform them exactly why you have asked her to leave the marital home. they won't believe you. Be prepared to show them copies of the emails, pictures and phone records.

 

 

- Do NOT inform your family until you decide to divorce. If you inform them now, they will forever hate her and treat her bad which will greatly hamper your efforts to reconcile if you choose to reconcile. inform them only if you decide to divorce.

 

 

- If the OM is married or has a serious GF, inform her. Assume that your wife has already informed him of getting busted and he has made a game plan on how to deal with his wife finding out so you may need to present her the emails and pictures and phone records as well.

 

 

- Insist on her getting STD and pregnancy tested as a condition of reconciliation.

 

 

- insist on full disclosure of the depths and dynamics of their affair. You absolutely must have as a condition of her disclosure that if you were to later find out she either lied or did not disclose a pertinent fact about the affair, it will result in immediate filing for divorce.

 

 

- Have her send him a no-contact email or phone call in your presence.

 

 

- insist on marital counseling even if you have not reached a decision on whether to divorce or reconcile. Individual counseling for yourself will be beneficial too. Counseling will help peel through all the layers and help you decide the best course of action for you.

 

 

- if she refuses to comply with the above, or if she contacts him following the no-contact order, then you have your answer that the marriage cannot be saved and you can file in good conscience knowing that it is a lost cause.

 

 

Again, remember that your course of action at this stage of the game is the same whether you choose to divorce or reconcile. You must seek legal counsel and you must give her direct, real world consequences of her actions and you must draw a bold line in the sand and accept no infractions.

 

 

If you puss out, she will continue to trickle truth you and will continue to cuckold you and it will result in her continuing the affair or having further affairs in the future. Even you decide to remain married, you will have to blow up this current marriage to save it.

 

 

It may seem counter intuitive but you have to kick her out and make her experience the consequences in order for her to want to save the marriage. if you make things comfortable for her and excuse her behavior, she will just continue her bad behavior in the future despite her tears and promises now.

 

 

You must be strong to have a successful reconciliation, and you must be strong to have a successful divorce. Weakness is assured suffering whether you remain married or not.

 

Made a few calls this morning, I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow and attorney on Wednesday. We never had a joint account so that's not a problem thankgod. She has no where to really go immediately, so she is stuck here for now, but it isn't changing my outlook of ending this to be honest.

 

She is sleeping on the sofa for now. I've thrown out all the sheets from the bed even though she assures me she didn't do anything. I will inform a few people, many my best friend for now, but I have the evidence so it makes no odds at the minute whether I out her or not to her friends and family.

 

m snow - I don't think after just 2 years she will get any alimony? Marriage is too short? (I could be wrong).

 

Bryanp/Mr Lucky/SandyLee1/Trishern - I think what you say is the main reason I'm sticking to my guns, even through all the pleading and the crying that could make any good-hearted man waiver. I can't give in, even though my good natured side says too.

 

Seren - I think since we have only been married 2 years, so I think like others say, its too early on and with no kids, I still have a life I can build after this has ended.

 

TX-SC - I understand this. I saw a friend find out her boyfriend was potentially cheating (she came out with circumstantial evidence too soon even though I warned her to get more evidence first) and he managed to worm his way out of it (he met up with a few girls, but only as "friends" - even though my friend found out his dating account and his profile read "looking to meet hot sexy girls" plus messages of addresses to meet up so I doubt it was just as "friends"). She is now always checking up on him, his phone, his emails and is genuinely just depressed about it all.

 

HereNorThere - I have obviously been gaslighted, trickle truthed, the works. If she had given everything up at the start, I could at least believe more what she says now, but I don't because she didn't give up anything without evidence. So divorce it is.

Edited August 17, 2015 by Stargazie

[dental]

Stargazer,

 

I empathize with the position you're in. I think it takes guts to have the resolve you are showing so soon after the betrayal. Stay strong and get the stench of this other man's fluids out of your house, burn the offing mattress.

[TrustedthenBusted]

No kids? Run.

[Lois_Griffin]

I advised her to do the same, but she said might as well only pay for the one (mine) but I said she is going to go as just because I'm clean doesn't mean she isn't.

I'm sorry, but she's such a disrespectful pig. She wants YOU to be subjected to the poking and prodding of STD testing but isn't willing to subject HERSELF to it? Disgusting.

 

Secondly, she's a liar and trying to cover her ass right now. It's ALL about damage control so she'll ONLY admit to what you know. And the liar is pitiful with her story about them only having had sex once - and you happened to catch her on the VERY day it happened. What a joke. And her next pathetic lie, 'it just happened so we didn't have a condom' is laughable as well. Jesus, can she EVER tell the truth? She's been at it a while and has never used a condom so you can thank her if any of your tests come up positive.

 

I'd be at my lawyer's office in the morning. No kids? Just some real estate together? That can be dissolved equally with little difficulty.

 

Dumping a lying cheater? That's priceless.

 

ETA: And in the property distribution agreement, let your porn star wife have the disgusting mattress she and her boyfriend sullied.

[latinmex]

Two Years, No Kids

Better to Run NOW before You regret.

Is up to You.....

[oldshirt]

Make her go through the indignity of an STD test and show you the results.

[oldshirt]

.......yeah yeah yeah, you'll need to do your own testing but at least make her go through getting qtip stuck up her first.

[sandylee1]

Make her go through the indignity of an STD test and show you the results.

 

He can't actually MAKE her do anything.

 

But as it's divorce , she can please herself. Not the OP'S problem anymore.

[oldshirt]

He can't actually MAKE her do anything.

 

But as it's divorce , she can please herself. Not the OP'S problem anymore.

 

Yeah I know. My point is to tell her to get one. She'll decide whether she will comply with that or not.

[happyman64]

stargazie

 

 

oldshirts list was spot on.

 

 

But at the end of the day you need to be able to respect yourself.

 

 

I would add one thing. Your wife is not remorseful. She feels bad she was caught.

 

 

In addition to outing her to her family I would go one step further.

 

 

I would wait till she goes to work then I would pack all her clothes and personal belongings right down to her hair dryer and box of tampons into black hefty trash bags.

 

 

I would put it all in my car and drive to the OM's house/apartment.

 

 

Ring the doorbell and see if someone answers. If yes just tell that person you are dropping off his stuff.

 

 

If not leave it all in front of his door.

 

 

Then send a group text to your wife and "Jenny" and her parents.

 

 

"Dear wife and "Jenny"

 

 

Since you thought it was so great to lie and cheat on me for the past year I have decided to take all your belongings to your boyfriends house.

 

 

Since you both decided to have unprotected sex multiple times I will also be sending both of you the medical bill for my STD test.

 

 

I wish you both eternal happiness. You two losers, liars and cheaters deserve each other.

 

 

God Bless

 

 

Stargazie"

 

 

That is how you teach respect. That is how you bring affairs into the light.

 

 

That is how you teach your wayward wife a lesson she will never forget.

 

 

I hope you do it and feel proud of yourself. Because you deserve better from someone that says she is your wife.

 

 

Then your wife can take her lumps as she deserves them from her friends and family. The truth will set her free just as it will set you free.

 

 

HM

[italianjob]

Man... This is a no brainer...

 

After just two years of marriage she showed you who she is. Believe her.

No kids and no strings attached.

 

RUN!!!!!

[m.snow]

the woman you used love is no longer there and she has passed away.

 

may be its time to prepare your heart for the inevitable.

 

the door is slowly closing on this chapter of your life and another door slowly opening up.

 

i believe its time to prepare for that new journey.

 

steady your heart knowing the journey is both arduous and beautiful.

[Mr. Lucky]

She is sleeping on the sofa for now. I've thrown out all the sheets from the bed even though she assures me she didn't do anything.

 

Hoping you're avoiding any temptation to sleep with her. My exW got pregnant ("don't worry, I'm on the pill") when we had "breakup sex" and there went another 2 years of my life. Be very careful...

 

Mr. Lucky

[oldshirt]

Hoping you're avoiding any temptation to sleep with her. My exW got pregnant ("don't worry, I'm on the pill") when we had "breakup sex" and there went another 2 years of my life. Be very careful...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Yes this is a very very real threat. Do not take it lightly!

 

She may do everything to keep from getting kicked out. She could even already be pregnant with the OM' s baby and try to pass it off as yours (read some of Hurthusband's threads)

 

I have personally known a number of people this has happened to; the threat is very real. It happens all the time.

[m.snow]

Hoping you're avoiding any temptation to sleep with her. My exW got pregnant ("don't worry, I'm on the pill") when we had "breakup sex" and there went another 2 years of my life. Be very careful...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

rawr! break-up sex they say its the hottest cause you both want make it last.

 

the danger, just makes it even more thrilling.

[latinmex]

stargazie

 

 

oldshirts list was spot on.

 

 

But at the end of the day you need to be able to respect yourself.

 

 

I would add one thing. Your wife is not remorseful. She feels bad she was caught.

 

 

In addition to outing her to her family I would go one step further.

 

 

I would wait till she goes to work then I would pack all her clothes and personal belongings right down to her hair dryer and box of tampons into black hefty trash bags.

 

 

I would put it all in my car and drive to the OM's house/apartment.

 

 

Ring the doorbell and see if someone answers. If yes just tell that person you are dropping off his stuff.

 

 

If not leave it all in front of his door.

 

 

Then send a group text to your wife and "Jenny" and her parents.

 

 

"Dear wife and "Jenny"

 

 

Since you thought it was so great to lie and cheat on me for the past year I have decided to take all your belongings to your boyfriends house.

 

 

Since you both decided to have unprotected sex multiple times I will also be sending both of you the medical bill for my STD test.

 

 

I wish you both eternal happiness. You two losers, liars and cheaters deserve each other.

 

 

God Bless

 

 

Stargazie"

 

 

That is how you teach respect. That is how you bring affairs into the light.

 

 

That is how you teach your wayward wife a lesson she will never forget.

 

 

I hope you do it and feel proud of yourself. Because you deserve better from someone that says she is your wife.

 

 

Then your wife can take her lumps as she deserves them from her friends and family. The truth will set her free just as it will set you free.

 

 

HM

 

BRAVO!! BRAVO!!! BRAVO!!!!

 

That is a very very GOOD idea

[Morro72]

Make her go through the indignity of an STD test and show you the results.

Further, if she isn't willing to do an STD test, what it really means is that she never expects to have sex with the OP again. Just another indication of her level of interest in continuing to be married to the OP - i.e. none whatsoever.

[HereNorThere]

Further, if she isn't willing to do an STD test, what it really means is that she never expects to have sex with the OP again. Just another indication of her level of interest in continuing to be married to the OP - i.e. none whatsoever.

 

Meh, I wouldn't be so sure about this one. I think it just shows that she's so self-centered that she can't be bothered to spare her own time and dignity to make the sacrifice.

 

I mean, if she can't even be bothered to not sleep with other people, I would doubt she would make any kind of effort to ensure OP's safety.

 

From the looks of it, she doesn't seem to think she did anything wrong in the first place. I'm sure reality will kick in one day, but right now she's drugged up on love chemicals, it's going to take a while for her to detox.

[HereNorThere]

While you still have contacts from her phone and email, I would make sure to send screen shots, transcripts and any of the photos to all her contacts, including the professionals ones. This will make sure that she can't twist the story on you later.

 

Trust me, she's already got a story about how this all your fault.

 

Oh, and just kick her out, dude. She obviously has a place to go. It's the place she's been having sex behind your back. She didn't have a hard time finding a place to go then. Funny how she needs to stick around now.

[lolablue17]

Op - Please check out! Go to a lawyer, do the check out slowly according to your tempo, but start checking out today. Don't be with her, don't talk to her, don't hang out with her.

 

She is a serial liar and a cheater. She had probably cheated on you before. She will definitely cheat on you in the future, I'd put a lot of money on that.

 

Yes, she's probably pretty and a cute woman, but in your age and status (you're not 16), you need more than a cute sexy pretty woman, hiding a soul of a devil inside her.