Husband and neighbor had an affair (Update)

[ShatteredLady]

I needed to know EVERYTHING about my H's affair. I don't just mean the details. I NEEDED every single step of the journey. How it felt. What he was thinking. What she said. Everything he told her. Why? Why? Why?

My H had a really hard time understanding why I would want to torture myself. He felt that he was protecting me (& himself no doubt) by avoiding & skimming over things. He also felt a great deal of embarrassment.

 

I found this letter really helpful. I printed it out & discussed it in detail. It seemed to help him to understand..... Search for....

 

"The Healing Library - Joseph's Letter".

 

I hope that you guys find it useful.

[sandylee1]

. I know maybe I don't want all of the grisly details, but in reality I do. I'll probably never get the true details but I want to know everything,

 

Another thing, there is still a pretty good chance I'm going to reconcile, but I just have his feeling that he should be severely punished. Like i know revenge isn't the answer but it's not fair that I'm going through a living hell and he's just sitting back and telling me what I want to hear. How can I punish my husband? Like I love him, and like I said I'm were probably gonna stay together but before that I really wanna punish him and make him feel some emotional distress to. Problem is I have no idea how or what to do?

 

Keep you posted.

 

Taylor

 

I think your reaction was normal and honestly, if he really 'got it', he wouldn't have approached you for sex. It shows he's still thinking of himself and his desires. Nothing to do with whether you want sex with him.

 

Reconciliation does involve the two of you, BUT, he should be doing the heavy lifting, he really should. I think it's really too early for you to decide whether you can reconcile with him.

 

Is it just a case of him not having sex with the OW, so he needs it from you? Selfish again.

 

What has really changed? Him realising he might loose you?

 

You are also very normal in wanting him to feel pain too. He hasn't felt it yet. Think back to how the affair ended. Not out of guilt or regret, but to avoid the tramp next door telling you about it.

 

You seeing him everyday isn't giving him the feeling he might loose you. You've shown him quite early that your back in the marriage and so he'd probably thinking it's just a matter of time. That's why he has the impudence to do this and while you say he shouldn't as he risks loosing you, he's not feeling that.

 

He's aware of your insecurities and is biding his time to get you right back in.

 

Beware once you get back with him, of him saying stuff like:

 

"It's been 6 months, you should be over it now"

"How long will this carry on?"

"If you don't have sex with me, I won't be responsible for what I do"

"You just want to hold it against me forever"

 

 

Some BSs want every detail and others don't. They just assume they did everything. I'm not sure you'll be able to get over the mind movies if you know everything.

 

I'd use the word consequences, rather than punishment. You can never get him to feel your pain, because you haven't betrayed him. He doesn't have to see the mind movies of you with another man. That's the kicker with infidelity. The BS has the pain and the WS got all the fun and often still has the spouse after cheating. They don't call it a '**** sandwich' for nothing. Infidelity sucks for the BS.

 

That's why it's a dealbreaker for many, because a WS can NEVER truly understand the pain of being betrayed like this. You will forever be the betrayed spouse and you'll have the triggers being part of your life from now onwards.

 

They may have a pain of their own, but it's self inflicted and not the same as having your spouse betray you. Your WH doesn't have the potential consequence of not seeing the kids everyday or them resenting him, as you don't have any. That's why many don't reconcile when kids aren't involved.

 

Right now, you can only make it really seem like he'll loose you. Stop going there every day and go NC for a while. Make the possibility of loosing you a reality.

 

 

Consider this....... The longer you're married, the more difficult it is to leave the marriage even when you discover infidelity. There's a BW who had been married for 45 years and even with no kids, she was not going to leave on discovery and was even afraid to confront her WH about the A, who was 62, but having an affair with a 30 year OW. She couldn't compete with the OW, so she just kept quiet.

 

Had she discovered an affair earlier, she said she would have left, but she was now too old. She had already seen her H was able to get a woman half his age. Women aren't quite so lucky like that. Don't let this be you in years to come ..... staying because it's too late to leave and start over.

[SummerDreams]

We are strangers here and we are only communicating with you in writing but I can really obviously feel how you consider yourself to not deserve your H due to his age and his looks. I mean, it is really obvious. That is why you are searching for ways to punish him, so you justify your need to forgive him to yourself and to others ("he paid the price for cheating on me, he deserves my forgiveness"). I do believe you married him cause you love him but it makes me sad that you have a low self esteem and you dont believe you deserve him. Being younger and more goodlooking than you does not make him a more deserving person, unless you are in highschool where populatity is what kids want. I realize whatever we tell you here will not make you feel better for yourself so I will suggest you start therapy in order to deal with these issues sooner than later. Until then I also suggest you take some time away from your H and spend time with your loved ones and focus on some serious thinking and doing fun things to help yourself.

 

Personally, and I swear to God, if I were in your shoes and my H would initiate sex like nothing had happened, this would be the last he would see or hear from me. He seems like a guy who in his mind he compartmentalizes love for his wife and sex with a hot chick (that is why he said "dont think about what I did with her, I only love you"), and these men dont stop cheating cause in their minds they dont think they are doing anything wrong.

Edited August 30, 2015 by SummerDreams

[World's.Edge]

Taylorjones your feelings are normal and valid. The anger, wanting to punish him, the urge for revenge, it's all normal. There are a lot of feelings and emotions you have to go through, no one can tell you what or how you should feel.

 

I don't think your behaviour towards him initiating sex was harsh at all. I couldn't imagine being intimate with someone who'd betrayed me the way your husband has, and for him to think that you would shows how little he understands of what he has done. He is only thinking of his needs and desires.

 

It seems that you think he's trying to play you by telling you all the things you want to here. You don't trust him.

 

I don't think that you should stay with him, even though you love him. From what you have written of him, I can see him doing this again. He is a boy, he doesn't comprehend and understand the implications and damage of his actions. If you take him back so readily with no consequences and effort on his part, that alone will teach him that he can do this again.

 

If you want ideas on how to get him back, here's what you do. Focus on yourself, try to stay healthy and active. Workout, exercise and eat healthy. Have people around you that you can talk to, who support you and have your best interests in mind. Take care of yourself, work through all that you are thinking and feeling, cry, scream, do what you have to.

[elaine567]

When you marry you are a team, a team "against the world".

He chose to add to his team, but you lost your "special" team mate and that is difficult to get over. He gave his love, his affection, his sex to someone else.

Betrayal is a very deep hurt, often much worse than loss.

Loss can rob you of the here and now, but your memories are intact, betrayal can rob you of the here and now, but it also taints all those nice memories too.

What a great day we had in the park that day... oh, but he was over "helping with the hard" that night... Argh!

 

Even if you leave him forever, he may hurt for a while, but he will still feel somewhat good, in that at one point there, he had two women besotted with him, you cannot change that. It is wrong, cheating is despicable etc., but for a while he was da man.

YOU want him to hurt as badly as you do, but he will never really hurt that way over this affair, as he was on the "good" side. Cheating felt good FOR HIM.

In his mind, he just needs to persuade you get back to being nice to him and having sex with him again, and moving back in and all is good, only it isn't, FOR YOU.

 

I know running away, making a new start, sounds great, but you cannot run away from this.

You will have to take YOU... and the affair... and HIM... and HER... with you. It will not just all magically disappear, in a new house, in a new neighbourhood.

[Satu]

*What Elaine said.*

 

 

OP:

 

I think the initial shock is starting to wear off, and you're beginning to realise the full magnitude of what your cheater has done.

 

This is evidenced by your anger.

 

 

Nothing will ever be the same again.

 

Nothing can ever be the same again.

 

There's no way back from what he's done.

 

 

As regards your cheater, he doesn't realise the magnitude of what he's done at all.

 

Not a bit.

 

He thinks that he 'made a mistake,' and he wants you to think that too.

 

 

There was no mistake.

 

7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months... How long would it have gone on?

 

If he hadn't been in danger of having his cover blown, it would still be going on.

 

Why shouldn't it?

 

 

He was having a great time, with his little harem of a horny mistress, and a devoted wife. Life was just peachy, from his point of view

 

But the mistress spoiled it

 

He was having sex with two women, and now he's not having his sexy fun with anyone

 

I'm glad you didn't oblige him in that way.

 

 

Next time he'll be more careful, and make sure that nobody can spoil his fun.

 

 

Thats what they do.

 

 

 

 

Take care.

Edited August 30, 2015 by Satu

[flowergirl14]

Often after the initial discovery, the bs and ws goes through a hysterical bonding. While you are not there. You are wanting to keep him at all costs. You ve already said you ll stay. You are offering forgiveness to someone who hasnt earned it. I did this too. Not a good idea. It gives the ws the idea that they can do it again because they just commited these atrocious acts of sex, lies and betrayal and look she/he stayed. Your focus shouldnt be on punishment but rather what he can do to show you true remorse.

[Redheaded Mistress]

Okay so based on what some of you are saying maybe I was a little harsh when he came on to me. Im sorry but I just think a man who is in very real danger of losing his wife should be worried about different things, not getting some.

 

 

A man who's aware his wife is mad but not really leaving pursuing makeup sex doesn't seem that odd to me. His saying it's for fun is odd... But a guy who's trying to make up with a wife who's expressed a desire to reconcile isn't odd and isn't a case of wanting to "get some." It's like I said... A woman can't have sex until a relationship is OK, a man knows things are Ok in the relationship because they can have sex.

 

 

I know maybe I don't want all of the grisly details, but in reality I do. I'll probably never get the true details but I want to know everything, and to be honest if it sounds watered down or too tame then I'm not gonna believe it because he wasnt banging the neighbor for vanilla sex and missionary.

 

 

Ok, so he tells you he had sex with her because he loved her, he felt a connection with her he doesn't have with you, she's a thousand times better than you in everything and does everything you always said no to... Then what? How are you better for knowing? Especially if you reconcile? Will knowing he thinks she's greater in bed than you ever were make it easier for you to say "now we can be married and move on"?

 

 

And what if it was that he felt something for her and all they had was vanilla missionary sex? Now you're dogging the man for a detail that you don't want and don't believe is true because you don't deem it "worth it."

 

 

Unless you're needing the information for voyeuristic purposes or because it charges you up to hear what he does with her so now you think you can rebuild a relationship with him based on out-sexing and thus beating the girl you think bested you in that department... But even then, you've got a temporary Band-Aid to a long-term problem. You can't have a marriage that survives based off of a drive of proving to his OW you're better than her.

 

 

We've been in contact and he did apologize for his actions the other night. I've mad up my mind that I'm never going back to THAT house. I mean to say I'm not leaving my mothers until he moves and then I'll move into the new house with him if I so choose to reconcile. I'm gonna make him do all the moving and hardwork.

 

 

So... To get the upper hand in the situation, you're going to let him pick the house, pack it up, do all the hard work, and waltz in when everything is set up for you? How does giving him all the control in packing up your life and home and choosing a new one help you? I mean, call a mover if you don't want to deal with moving... If you want to be assertive in your marriage, then be assertive. Take control of your life. Don't respond to his taking control of you and the marriage by letting him to continue to do it.

 

 

He's not going to prove he's a great husband by lifting heavy furniture. He's going to prove is a great husband who gives a crap about changing when you give him hard work to do on himself and your marriage, and you do the same... Not his doing manual labor and being accepting of you wandering to a new house without lifting a finger like you're Cleopatra.

 

Another thing, there is still a pretty good chance I'm going to reconcile, but I just have his feeling that he should be severely punished. Like i know revenge isn't the answer but it's not fair that I'm going through a living hell and he's just sitting back and telling me what I want to hear. How can I punish my husband? Like I love him, and like I said I'm were probably gonna stay together but before that I really wanna punish him and make him feel some emotional distress to. Problem is I have no idea how or what to do?

 

 

If you want to punish him, get a divorce. If you think you're going through hell and he's just kind of whatever, then it means he's not into fixing it and you're trying to force a circle peg into a square hole. Serve him papers, bounce on your way, and call it a day.

 

 

If you want to reconcile, then you can't punish him. You can't say to him "I want this marriage to work so stick around while I beat you up." That just means you'll divorce next year or next 5 years, and not next week. Reconciling doesn't just mean he has something to prove to you to make the marriage livable, you have something to prove to him. You have to prove to him that you can move on, you can eventually trust him, and by staying you'll be working on a functional marriage by making changes too. By reconciling, he's saying that he wants to make things work with you, and he means it, and you are saying you can move past this and will not punish him for what he did forever by treating him like crap.

 

 

If you can't do that for him, then just end it.

 

Like I said I know I shouldn't be worrying about punishing him but I feel he deserves some emotional pain to. If your interested in giving me some ideas leave them below. Btw I would never do anything to actually physically hurt him and I would never cheat on him.

 

 

Honestly, you're not at a place to decide to reconcile. I think you don't want to him to leave, don't want to be alone, and aren't keen on the process of divorcing. I'm not really sure you're actually reconciling because you want a functional marriage with him.

 

Some of you may notice a difference in my personality on here and that's because I am just so fed up. This thing hit me like a ton of bricks this morning and I'm seething mad. It's like I love him and I want to get back together but I need to do something to get back at him.

 

Keep you posted.

 

Marriages on reconciliation are built on a mutual agreement to try and do better and be for each other what you need them to be... Not out-revenging each other for various transgressions. Quit while you're ahead and reconcile based off the baggage you have now. Don't go out and find more suitcases to add to the pile when you've already got more than you can deal with now.

[Celestial-dreamer]

OP, for your own peace of mind I say leave this douchbag. He obviously doesn't give a damn about you, he cannot and doesn't want to see what he has done to you, as other say he isn't the one hurting. He had his fun, it would still have been going on right in your face if Ms next door hadn't threatened to tell you. Your feeling angry, rightly so, and him asking for sex as a *bit of fun* says he doesn't view you as anything but an object. Your not allowed feelings. He is rug sweeping the whole thing, what he is doing is going through the motions trying to get you back under his thumb. He will do it again. He has no concept of what he's done, he simply doesn't care he has hurt you. He knows you idolise him, he knows your not strong enough to leave. He has you right where he wants you. Are you 110% sure he hasn't been back next door while your not there? I'm betting he has. Why wouldn't he? Your not there, she wants him.

[sandylee1]

Taylor

 

Advice comes in all shapes and forms, from individuals with different experiences. Often the advice from a WS/OW is more in favour of the cheater. The advice from a bitter BS or recently BS can have it's own bias.

 

A WS should face consequences, otherwise why won't they do it again. Facing consequences make them realise just how terrible a thing they've done. WS/OW/OM tend to have a certain way of thinking and minimise the magnitude of cheating, like your WH.

 

Because really, after cheating for 7 months, with the girl next door, after 2 years of marriage - he should have had the common sense to allow you to initiate. Problem is for him, he's had sex with 2 women for a while and now he's not getting any at all........shows you what his priority is doesn't it?

[Satu]

OP:

 

As regards "Grisly details," has he come clean about the conversations he and his other woman had, about how they would make sure you didn't find out what they were doing?

 

Has he told you about what they agreed that they would do, if you began to suspect the true nature of their relationship?

 

 

They must have felt very confident that they were smarter than you.

Edited August 30, 2015 by Satu

[ShatteredLady]

I know everyone's an individual little snowflake but it seems like cheaters can be put into different generalized categories. The HUGE problem with reconciliation is he did this when he was all happy & loved-up with you. During the honeymoon phase. That's why I told you about my friend. He deeply loved his wife. He very, very rarely really felt anything for any of his affair partners. He couldn't really explain why he kept doing it. Therapists & books put different labels on it but it didn't stop him for more than a year at most, ever! He would say that his wife was prettier, more attractive, MUCH more intelligent, more fun, better in bed because he loved her (I think he liked the guilt & make-up sex but he never admitted that) in every single way, his wife was better than any mistress or ONS.

Men like this are the hardest to live with. I don't think they're cold & uncaring. It's like a mental illness or whatever. They just do it & deal with the consequences after.

[sandylee1]

OP:

 

As regards "Grisly details," has he come clean about the conversations he and his other woman had, about how they would make sure you didn't find out what they were doing?

 

Has he told you about what they agreed that they would do, if you began to suspect the true nature of their relationship?

 

 

They must have felt very confident that they were smarter than you.

 

 

The OP did suspect there might be more and felt threatened when the OW broke up with her BF. What her WH and the OW came up with was the landscaping, to enable him to spend more time with the OW and give a reason for him talking to her.

 

The OP was suspicious and when she went next door while her H was there with the OW, but they just ignored her. Probably wishing she'd go home, so they could get back to business. She was getting in the way of their affair.

 

It must have been so annoying for him to actually have to do some landscaping for her. They would have strung out the project and maybe struggling to think of what other stuff he could do for her, she decided not to make anything else up and try to get the OPs husband for herself. Only he didn't want her full time.

 

It's very rare for a MM to tell the OW that all is well at home and he's just after a bit on the side. He told her stuff about you and the marriage that was negative, otherwise she wouldn't have expected him to leave you and been pushing him to do so. Think about it....it's the only thing that makes sense.

[Taylorjones]

Okay guys you were all right. Guess what I had the pleasure of walking in on today? I told my husband I wasn't going to be dropping by until tonight but I wanted to surprise him so I went to our house at 1:00 and guess who was there sitting with my husband at the table? Little perky slut Ashley, I said ok what the f*** is going on and my husband said that he invited her over to tell her that it's over and how he doesn't want to be contacted by her ever again (apparently she was texting him daily but he was ignoring it). This girl is a real piece of work, after all of this guess what she's wearing at my house talking to my husband? A short shirt with her boobs about hanging out, and a short skirt. I told her to get the f out of my house and she got up, called me an ugly bitch of a wife and walked out. I just stood there and stared at my "husband" for literally 5 minutes until he said "Taylor honey trust me I was just telling her that it's over and I want nothing to do with her". I didn't know what to believe and tears were running down my face so I got in my car and left. I'm so torn right now, we're they really breaking it off? Or were they just finishing another session? I have this movie running through my head where he's banging her silly and then he sees my car pulling in and they get ready and act like they're just talking at the table. I'm beyond pissed off, I'm not answering his frantic texts, and he stopped by my mothers house twice today and I told him to get the hell out of here. His texts are saying that it was a misunderstanding but how can I believe that? With his track record they've probably been continuing the affair this whole time while I wasn't there. I really want to think this wasn't what it looked like but why was she over there? Why couldent he write her a NC letter like I asked him to? The perky slut as she's known by me was obviously mad so maybe he was telling her to F off. I don't know what to believe. My mom said to divorce this swine but I was really thinking about reconciliation and if this is all just a misunderstanding I don't wanna cancel that because of this. What do you guys make of this?

[aliveagain]

Polygraph and if he passes and you still think this is the man for you, ironclad post nuptial with him giving up just about everything if you divorce because of a new infidelity. The last place I would invite the woman my wife hates the most in the world is to my house. First I would tell you and get your approval and if you declined to be there with me after getting your approval, I would meet her in a neutral public place like a coffee shop. I would carry a VAR on me so I could record our conversation and play it back for you. A man begging for a second chance only invites his affair partner to his home so he can pound her a$$ into your former mattress because he doesn't expect you to show up until later that evening. He's dirty and you caught them in the act is my take on this. make him pass a polygraph and if he refuses, well that's the same as an admission. Talk to a lawyer.

[MrBojangles]

Okay guys you were all right. Guess what I had the pleasure of walking in on today? I told my husband I wasn't going to be dropping by until tonight but I wanted to surprise him so I went to our house at 1:00 and guess who was there sitting with my husband at the table? Little perky slut Ashley, I said ok what the f*** is going on and my husband said that he invited her over to tell her that it's over and how he doesn't want to be contacted by her ever again (apparently she was texting him daily but he was ignoring it). This girl is a real piece of work, after all of this guess what she's wearing at my house talking to my husband? A short shirt with her boobs about hanging out, and a short skirt. I told her to get the f out of my house and she got up, called me an ugly bitch of a wife and walked out. I just stood there and stared at my "husband" for literally 5 minutes until he said "Taylor honey trust me I was just telling her that it's over and I want nothing to do with her". I didn't know what to believe and tears were running down my face so I got in my car and left. I'm so torn right now, we're they really breaking it off? Or were they just finishing another session? I have this movie running through my head where he's banging her silly and then he sees my car pulling in and they get ready and act like they're just talking at the table. I'm beyond pissed off, I'm not answering his frantic texts, and he stopped by my mothers house twice today and I told him to get the hell out of here. His texts are saying that it was a misunderstanding but how can I believe that? With his track record they've probably been continuing the affair this whole time while I wasn't there. I really want to think this wasn't what it looked like but why was she over there? Why couldent he write her a NC letter like I asked him to? The perky slut as she's known by me was obviously mad so maybe he was telling her to F off. I don't know what to believe. My mom said to divorce this swine but I was really thinking about reconciliation and if this is all just a misunderstanding I don't wanna cancel that because of this. What do you guys make of this?

 

 

Taylor, in your heart of hearts you know the answer to these questions. He did not need to invite her over to "end" things in person. You interrupted them either before, during or after they were hooking up.

 

If you ever needed a sign that giving him another chance was the right thing to do, he just rubbed your face in his affair by bringing her into your home. That was a sleazy and very disrespectful thing to do. Had you not shown up, would he have ever told you she had been in your home? Absolutely not!

 

When he tried to have sex with you on your last visit, didn't he claim his affair was over already at that time? He got caught in the act, and he will say anything at this point to gaslight you into ignoring what you've seen with your own eyes. Don't buy his BS anymore. File for divorce, and cut your losses now. He will not change, and this latest episode proves it.

 

Good luck!

[understand50]

Okay guys you were all right. Guess what I had the pleasure of walking in on today? I told my husband I wasn't going to be dropping by until tonight but I wanted to surprise him so I went to our house at 1:00 and guess who was there sitting with my husband at the table? Little perky slut Ashley, I said ok what the f*** is going on and my husband said that he invited her over to tell her that it's over and how he doesn't want to be contacted by her ever again (apparently she was texting him daily but he was ignoring it). This girl is a real piece of work, after all of this guess what she's wearing at my house talking to my husband? A short shirt with her boobs about hanging out, and a short skirt. I told her to get the f out of my house and she got up, called me an ugly bitch of a wife and walked out. I just stood there and stared at my "husband" for literally 5 minutes until he said "Taylor honey trust me I was just telling her that it's over and I want nothing to do with her". I didn't know what to believe and tears were running down my face so I got in my car and left. I'm so torn right now, we're they really breaking it off? Or were they just finishing another session? I have this movie running through my head where he's banging her silly and then he sees my car pulling in and they get ready and act like they're just talking at the table. I'm beyond pissed off, I'm not answering his frantic texts, and he stopped by my mothers house twice today and I told him to get the hell out of here. His texts are saying that it was a misunderstanding but how can I believe that? With his track record they've probably been continuing the affair this whole time while I wasn't there. I really want to think this wasn't what it looked like but why was she over there? Why couldent he write her a NC letter like I asked him to? The perky slut as she's known by me was obviously mad so maybe he was telling her to F off. I don't know what to believe. My mom said to divorce this swine but I was really thinking about reconciliation and if this is all just a misunderstanding I don't wanna cancel that because of this. What do you guys make of this?

 

Taylorjones,

 

At the worst, they are continuing the affair. At the best, your husband is just not that bright. If I was him, I would have told you what I was going to do, and invited you to be in the house when I did it, so you could have some level of trust. She could have just come on over to talk and he could have just decide right then and there to talk to her, but then again, why invite her in? I would have recorded with my Iphone do I would have a record for you.

 

Look, at this time your husband does not have a clue, about boundaries, and what he needs to do to show you that he is doing and will do the hard work of reconciliation. Go with your gut, what do you really deep down believe is going on? It is now up to him to prove to you what you need to know.

 

Take a deep breath, sleep on it, and then decide on your course of action. If you decide to stay the course and reconcile, you need to sit down and spell out to your husband exactly what is expected, and exactly what he should be doing. If you divorce, go see a lawyer, and get things going.

 

Taylor, only you will be able to answer if you have faith in him or not. Take your time, remember you have worth, and things will be better once you make your choice.

 

As always I wish you luck and piece of mind going forward.

Edited August 31, 2015 by understand50
Spelling and tence, tence, tence

[CarrieT]

Taylor, you KNOW that someone doesn't need to invite over an affair partner to end it.

 

Go back to the beginning of the thread and re-read everything we have been telling you from Day One. He was and is a consummate cheater. He has been doing nothing to regain your trust.

 

Please, please consider divorcing the jerk. Immediately.

[aliveagain]

One more telling item, he never defended you when the tramp cussed you out, he did nothing because their still an item.

[Redheaded Mistress]

I don't know if he was breaking up with her hardcore or if you walked in on something before or after it happened. Regardless, he's clearly trying to win some sort of "dumbest man in the world" award.

 

 

I don't think the idea of him dumping her face-to-face is that unusual... If we are going with best case scenario, I can see it playing out that she's texting him relentlessly and he's ignoring it, then finally sends a "knock it off" text, to which she responds she doesn't believe him after all he's said to/done with/led her to believe and challenges him to "tell it to her face." He says fine, she sees a potential opening/means to upsell the encounter back to sex and rope him back in, dresses in her seductive finest, and then you show up. I mean, pissed off woman at a table doesn't read sex to me, but who knows.

 

 

I will say that you're a damn fool for letting her get away with calling you names and he's a bigger fool for inviting her over and then allowing her to call you names. Honestly, I think they both think you're a wishy-washy nitwit. He thinks you'll go back no matter what, she thinks you're a pushover, and neither one of them take you seriously. Hell, you call her the "perky whore" for crying out loud... Who wraps an insult in a compliment about her appearance? Even my husband's BS called me a "fat whore," despite the fact I was a size 2 and 120 pounds and she's well north of 230 pounds... Even I get that no matter what, if you're the BS, the OW can't hold a candle to her. You could be the female Steve Buscemi and she could be Scar Jo... You call her fat, dumb, ugly, and everything in between. Like I said, I was fat, I was ugly, I even was mocked over what my favorite color was by her. That's what you do when you're a BS and you're pissed.

 

 

"Perky whore?" You're basically acknowledging she's attractive and perky and you refer to her in a way that reminds everybody she's sexy and attractive, presumably more so than you are.

 

 

 

Neither one of them fear you and they should. You need to watch "Joy Luck Club" and then go burn some houses down. If you want him to think you're serious and want her to stay away, you need to start acting in a way that when she sees you walking down the street, she crosses to the other side of the road. No more of this yes, no, maybe, I don't know, whatever stuff.

 

 

Oh, and PS - Told you that you didn't want to really know everything.

Edited August 31, 2015 by Redheaded Mistress

[sandylee1]

One more telling item, he never defended you when the tramp cussed you out, he did nothing because their still an item.

 

100% agree with this.

 

What did he say to the tramp when she insulted you?

 

When he confessed the affair that WAS the end of it and that WAS face to face. He's a liar and can't be trusted. Stop giving chances he doesn't deserve. Inviting the tramp over to your house, really! !!! More and more gaslighting.

 

Don't keep convincing yourself he's worth it or that it's a misunderstanding. The affair was just on hold and even though he never 'picked her', she'll be fine to carry on being a side piece.

 

Why didn't he tell you about the texts she was sending?

Where's the transparency?

 

They were figuring out a way to keep seeing each other when you move house. He keeps playing you and you need to wake up to that. He wanted you to believe he was sincere HE'S NOT.

 

I go back to him not telling the tramp to shut up and never speak to his wife like that. He's not loyal to you and he doesn't have your back. He'll never be faithful and you haven't made divorce seem like a reality to him. At the point she insulted you, by saying nothing, he kinda choose her and that's how I'd feel in your position.

 

He enjoyed two women fighting over him. This man won't stop cheating on you Taylor.

[elaine567]

I would not be surprised if they have just been carrying regardless behind your back. He brought her into your your house to "talk", and frankly I do not believe a word of it. He brought her there for a "bit of fun" and she went there because she probably loves him.

I guess he feeds her anything she wants to hear to keep her on board and he does the same to you.

 

YOUR real "enemy" is NOT her, your real "enemy" is HIM. He is the one who is betraying you here. She is a free agent, she can sleep with whoever she likes, she is answerable to no-one.

She is just a silly girl who is young and wants "love" and is seizing an opportunity to steal your man.

He is a married man, he made his vows to you, he was supposed to be faithful to YOU, but he is sneaking around looking for sex wherever he can find it and it happened to be next door, and now you have proof he has taken her into your home too.

 

I know you want to believe in fairy tales and happy ever after, but for dreams to come true you have to marry a prince, and you didn't do that.

He may look like a prince, but he is just a horny guy who didn't respect you or your marriage enough, to not go hunting for sex next door.

 

Seven months of deceit and now he is entertaining his OW in your home...

smh

[Celestial-dreamer]

I told my husband I wasn't going to be dropping by until tonight but I wanted to surprise him so I went to our house at 1:00 and guess who was there sitting with my husband at the table? Little perky slut Ashley

What a surprise...NOT

my husband said that he invited her over to tell her that it's over and how he doesn't want to be contacted by her ever again (apparently she was texting him daily but he was ignoring it)

Of course he HAD to invite her to YOUR house to tell her to stop. It's not like he could have told you she was harrasing him...you know, so you could make stand against her together. No, it had to be done in YOUR house behind your back.

I told her to get the f out of my house and she got up, called me an ugly bitch of a wife and walked out.

And what did Mr Amazing H say when she said that to you? Did he rise up and defend you any? Did he get mad at said slut that she has no rights calling you? I bet he didn't say a damn word.

I just stood there and stared at my "husband" for literally 5 minutes until he said "Taylor honey trust me I was just telling her that it's over and I want nothing to do with her"

OMG I almost threw up when I read that little gem. Trust him ?? YOU DID! Look where it got you. That guy is one hell of a nasty piece of work, he does NOT respect you any. I'm literally screaming at my screen for you to dump his lying cheating selfish ass. Dear lordy girl, your worth far more than this.

I have this movie running through my head where he's banging her silly

The mind movies never stop playing

I'm not answering his frantic texts, and he stopped by my mothers house twice today and I told him to get the hell out of here. His texts are saying that it was a misunderstanding but how can I believe that?

Honestly? How can you believe ANYTHING that's coming out his mouth? Can you honestly say you believe he's never cheated on you before? Look how cool he's being now. He's a player alright. He's playing you a blinder. Do not answer any text/call, refuse to see him, tell him he isn't welcome at your mums anymore.

they've probably been continuing the affair this whole time while I wasn't there. I really want to think this wasn't what it looked like but why was she over there?

Yup, why would he stop having sex with her? You made it easier by leaving, they had all the time they needed. It should have been HIM who left. And it was exactly what it looked like why she was there, they were at it in YOUR BED. The disrespect by having your slut in your wifes own bed.

The perky slut as she's known by me was obviously mad so maybe he was telling her to F off. I don't know what to believe. My mom said to divorce this swine but I was really thinking about reconciliation and if this is all just a misunderstanding I don't wanna cancel that because of this. What do you guys make of this?

She was mad because you interrupted their lovefest. He wasn't telling her to get lost, why would she go around dressed like that if it was supposed to be ending? Like I said he should have at least told you his plans, but he didn't. You told him you were visiting later that night, he knew you wouldn't be there. Are you really that blind to him to not see what he's doing? Make no mistake, it wasn't a misunderstanding. If you really must, Go see him, demand all access to his phone and look for yourself at these so called break off texts. Check EVERY app he has. Check his phone logs. Check everything. If he has nothing to hide he will give it to you, my betting is he will have deleted it all so you won't ever know.

 

Taylor sweetie, I really want to give you a massive cyberhug, you need it. This guy is bad news. You know it, you need to get rid now while your still young and childless. So what he's good looking, there's far more to life than having a nice looking person on your arm. You deserve to be treated right. Not like this. I honestly think this isn't his first A, with the way he slipped into it so easy and the way he's behaving now, like it's nothing and you should get over it and just trust him.

[sandylee1]

She's calling you a bitch of a wife, firstly because she's a low down tramp, buy more so because your H has badmouthed you to her. Why else would she have the audacity to do this?

 

If nothing else you better tell your H to keep his sidepiece in check, but in all honesty I really think the next thing to communicate with him, would be the serving of divorce papers.

 

You could be like some BWs and make monthly or random polygraphs a condition of reconciliation, but why would you put yourself through that? He knows he's good looking and a wink can get a girl in bed.

 

If he really didn't say anything to her after what she said to you, you need to face the fact that he doesn't love you. I wish any MM in affairs could respond and say what they'd have done, if the OW insulted the wife like this.

 

You're sleeping (although not right now ) with the enemy. The sooner you are able to let this horrible realisation sink in, the better.

 

He doesn't deserve you and his stupid lies are insulting your intelligence.

[Satu]

OP:

 

Go back through this thread and re-read everything that has been said to you.

 

 

There is more than enough evidence to prove that your cheat cannot, and should not, be trusted.

 

There's nowhere to go from there.

 

There's no way back from there.

 

 

Your marriage is already over, and all that remains is a piece of paper.

 

 

Divorce him, and be done with him.

Edited August 31, 2015 by Satu