Husband and neighbor had an affair (Update)

[sandylee1]

Taylor,

 

I just wanted to say that it doesn't give me any pleasure to hear we were right. I actually thought that after he came and apologised to your mom, that he was genuinely sorry and remorseful, despite my views of the whole affair. I didn't think he deserved a second chance , but because I could see you wanted to reconcile and was trying to be optimistic and be positive for you.

 

It usually takes more courage to apologise to the relatives of the person you betray, more so than apologising to the spouse, but your H doesn't appreciate, value or truly respect you from his actions.........you don't do this if your remorseful at all.

 

I'm so sorry he's doing this to you. You deserve a man you can trust and one who will be faithful. That's not too much to ask.

[stillafool]

I agree with Redhead Mistress that you are pretty much complimenting her when you call her the "perky slut". Drop the perky part as I'm sure your husband is like "yeah" everytime you call her perky.

 

I don't believe your husband one bit. If she showed up at his door he could have told her right there to stop texting him. There was no need to invite her in to sit down to tell her that one sentence. She is still after him and by his actions he is encouraging it. I doubt he is going to give her up but take the affair underground. She completely has no respect for you and does not care what you think or find out because she isn't going to stop.

[Satu]

There was no need for him to open the door.

 

There was no need for him to speak to her.

 

If it's over, that is.

 

 

He should turn his face away from her.

 

He should cross the road to avoid her .

 

If it's over, that is.

 

 

These two should never be alone together for *any* reason.

 

No reason could be good enough.

 

These two have nothing to talk about.

 

 

If it's over, that is...

[sandylee1]

There was no need for him to open the door.

 

..

 

Except he invited her over. She wouldn't have come if he didn't let her know it was fine to do so.

 

You need to get your bitch boots on and don't accept any more nonsense. They're just laughing at you and you need to show them it's no laughing matter.

 

I wonder how she'd find it if everyone knew she was with a MM . If all the neighbours ignored her, she might get a tiny bit of unpleasantness.

 

If my H had an affair and the OW spoke to me like that, I'd make her life a living hell. Granted my H brought her into our lives, but no way would she get away with that. She would very soon regret the day she met, after I was done with her.

 

Get tough or get divorced.

[the_artist_1970]

She's calling you a bitch of a wife, firstly because she's a low down tramp, buy more so because your H has badmouthed you to her. Why else would she have the audacity to do this?

 

If nothing else you better tell your H to keep his sidepiece in check, but in all honesty I really think the next thing to communicate with him, would be the serving of divorce papers.

 

You could be like some BWs and make monthly or random polygraphs a condition of reconciliation, but why would you put yourself through that? He knows he's good looking and a wink can get a girl in bed.

 

If he really didn't say anything to her after what she said to you, you need to face the fact that he doesn't love you. I wish any MM in affairs could respond and say what they'd have done, if the OW insulted the wife like this.

 

You're sleeping (although not right now ) with the enemy. The sooner you are able to let this horrible realisation sink in, the better.

 

He doesn't deserve you and his stupid lies are insulting your intelligence.

 

Not only does this woman sleep with MM, but she does it in the marital home and insults the W in her own home. You allowed her to leave without being seriously injured after insulting you in your own home? Where do women like that come from. SMDH

 

I can say that your DH allowing his side rat scum to talk to you like that is a disgrace and that alone should show you that he isn't worthy to be M to you. When our xow said something rude to me, my DH was ready to throw her down a flight of stairs (go figure, eyeroll ). This isn't the first time this woman has been to your house. He didn't call her over there to break up with her. He's lying. He called her over to have a little fun with her in your house and your bed. Don't believe any more of his lies.

[stillafool]

I'm sure Miss Perky Slut hopes you never move back home so they can play musical houses while you're away. You don't know what's going on over there at 1AM, 2AM, 3AM, 4AM, 5AM.

[LifesontheUp]

He has shown you what he truly is. Believe him. He is not worth anymore of your time and effort. Divorce him and move on. You are young and you will find someone who will love and respect you.

[Satu]

Snip

 

Get tough or get divorced.

 

It seems that they are of the opinion that the OP is incapable of respondng to them in anything other than a completely ineffectual way.

 

I hate to say it, but responding only with tears and explanations of how hurt she is, IS ineffectual.

 

They both know how hurt she is, but they continue to disrespect her.

 

They do it because they can.

[Celestial-dreamer]

Snip

 

 

It seems that they are of the opinion that the OP is incapable of respondng to them in anything other than a completely ineffectual way.

 

I hate to say it, but responding only with tears and explanations of how hurt she is, IS ineffectual.

 

They both know how hurt she is, but they continue to disrespect her.

 

They do it because they can.

 

Agreed

 

OP, file for a D, just don't tell him. Let him get served, then watch what he does. He hasn't shown you one ounce of respect or remorse at all, time to go cold on him. You can do this. Just remember she is laughing at you, they are bitching about you in your own home, he allowed her to insult you after bedding her in your home. Time to get the big girl panties out. You seem to have a great mother, lean on her. Go all out on him, tell him he has to move out, then you can move in, and give Mz perky hell. Tell everyone what she is, chances are, the street already knows. He knows your a pushover and your letting him treat you like that.

 

He isn't sorry one bit. Neither is she.

[qubist]

OP: your husband seems to be a typical MM cheater. he wants the stability of married wife that you provide and and extra side chick to spice up his life.

he will show you all the remorse because he does need you and want that stability, and he will tell you that OW means nothing for him which is true he will never be with her even if you leave him because he has tagged her as "side chick" .

you gotta make a bigger statement this time, file for D ASAP, that will slap him in his face, what you do after that will depend on his reaction

[stillafool]

To punish him you could ask him to tell the OW "he wants nothing more to do with her and that it is you he loves and wants." Tell him to tell her (in front of you) that "I have asked you not to contact me again and I am saying this in front of my wife so you both will know I mean it." If he refuses to do this in front of you, you still have a problem.

[Satu]

There's a very real chance here that Mr Cheat might leave the OP, if he doesn't feel that life will be easy enough with her.

 

'Easy' means everything he and his other woman have done being accepted as nothing more than 'mistakes,' and 'misunderstandings,' to be forgiven and forgotten.

 

I have no doubt that he thinks that this is completely achievable. In fact, I think he's confident of that outcome.

 

He thinks that his 'awesome and iresistable handsomeness' will make it easy enough.

 

I mean come on, he's got two women in a flat spin about him, hasn't he?

 

 

There's more than enough ego food on the table.

 

 

There's a lovely Greek word that comes to mind:

 

'Katabasis.'

 

It means 'a sudden and rapid descent.'

 

A descent as sudden, and rapid, as a descent can be.

 

That's exactly what Mr Cheat needs, and the only thing that will hit his ego hard enough, to make him realise that he can't walk all over the OP, and any other woman in his orbit.

 

He needs to be thrown out of that house, and left to fend for himself, sans adoring wife.

 

He needs to be served divorce papers.

 

'Katabasis.'

 

A wonderfully descriptive word; the fate of those who have lost the favour of the gods.

 

Bring it on.

[stillafool]

Also OP, be prepared for the OW to fight for him. As you can see she has no respect for you whatsoever. He may tell her no at first but with persistence he may give into her. If you think moving to another home is the solution you are wrong because it would be better for their affair if you don't live next door where it would be easy for you to police them.

[trolloperative]

To punish him you could ask him to tell the OW "he wants nothing more to do with her and that it is you he loves and wants." Tell him to tell her (in front of you) that "I have asked you not to contact me again and I am saying this in front of my wife so you both will know I mean it." If he refuses to do this in front of you, you still have a problem.

 

This is a nice little test. The polygraph is also a good idea.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd divorce and move on. Doesn't seem like he has any respect for you. Had this OW spoken to me like that in my own home, she would've walked out bald.

[Satu]

Snip

Had this OW spoken to me like that in my own home, she would've walked out bald.

 

Followed by him, hardly able to walk because of his aching testicles.

[Grapesofwrath]

"I really want to think this wasn't what it looked like but why was she over there?"

 

I know you don't *want* to think it, but you have to think it. You have to know it. There is no plausible explanation for her presence in your house other than a continued affair. He does not need to invite her over so he can end it with her, especially because it was already supposed to be over. His inability to defend you against her verbal attack eliminates any doubt.

 

She is not your problem. He is your problem, for now. Divorce him, and he will cease to be your problem. Then you can look at the real problem, which is your lack of self-confidence and self-worth.

[sandylee1]

To punish him you could ask him to tell the OW "he wants nothing more to do with her and that it is you he loves and wants." Tell him to tell her (in front of you) that "I have asked you not to contact me again and I am saying this in front of my wife so you both will know I mean it." If he refuses to do this in front of you, you still have a problem.

 

Good idea. I'd go one further and make him tell her she was just a piece of a** and he'd never be in a proper open relationship with a girl like her . I'd make him tell her that she isn't fit to lick the muck on the bottom of your shoes and she better stay the hell away from the both of you.

 

I'd demand ALL that and more , then I'd still divorce him. That would be to wipe the smile of her face. Now he could tell her all this in advance and she can know he doesn't mean it, but the fact that he'd say these things to HER because YOU demanded it, should tell her where she ranks.

 

She's in love with him, so don't accept him saying that she won't come over to your house, she will if he asks her to.

 

He should be walking to the end of the earth for you right now , but he couldn't even shut up his little tramp.

[stillafool]

Snip

 

 

Followed by him, hardly able to walk because of his aching testicles.

 

Ha! Ha! Ha!, hee, hee, hee!:lmao:

[HereNorThere]

Ugh, I hate being right sometimes (rarely, but still).

 

I also know I'm right about something else that I don't want to be right about. I know I'm right when I say that you'd more than likely give him another chance if he gets enough time to keep you properly manipulated.

 

Quit following your heart and emotion and follow your brain. You know damn good and well what was going on and even then, you still won't let go of the possibility that you could possibly save your marriage.

 

You could have walked in there while they were having sex and you wouldn't believe your own lying eyes. Girl, you need help.

[SummerDreams]

I dont believe in forgiving a cheater simply because "dont cheat" is a law in marriage with the punishment of divorce, plain and simple. Just like legal laws have their direct punishments, cheating should follow this logic. If the spouse who intends to cheat knows there is a good chance of forgiveness and taking back, why on earth would they hesitate to cheat? The only reason I would forgive cheating would be if it was a drunken ONS or if I had kids and they would hurt really much if they would lose their parent, so I would choose to sacrifice myself for the kids. A 7 month relationship in a honeymoon phase marriage with no kids equals to me to direct divorce. The only reason I would stay in OP's shoes would be to fill the house with cameras and microphones so I have evidence in the courtroom where I would take his whole bank account, houses etc.

 

Make me cpme face to face with the slutty bitch in my own house calling me names? Oh if only I were in your position....

[HereNorThere]

Wow, this thread kept me up last night.

 

I know this may sound weird to say, but honestly, you needed to see what you did. Seeing that their relationship is still alive and well may be just what you need to give you the strength to move forward. You can no longer write this off as a mistake or momentary lack of judgement. He knows how absolutely devastated you are and he still had that B in your house. He doesn't care about your feelings and you have concrete proof.

 

You needed to know and now you know. You can "unsee" her and you can't deny the fact the your own husband didn't defend you when you needed it.

 

Miss Taylor Jones, I know you wanted your marriage to work. I know you were a good partner that did the right things. I know getting back out there alone is scary, but

 

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. He's the failure. He did this, not you. You are a victim. You even gave him an undeserved second chance and he blew that as well. I promise you, one day you'll have your moment in the sun. This dark cloud will pass and you will feel better. I know it doesn't feel that way now, but you will find chemistry with someone better. How do I know? Because everywhere I look, this forum included, is full of people like you and I. People who want stable, loving relationships that lift you up instead of bringing you down. I know it feels so abstract right now, but there are better days ahead you.

 

Don't drag it out anymore. Run towards the pain and get it over with. Have your mom help you get your things and file. You wanted your proof, you have it now.

[underpants]

To punish him you could ask him to tell the OW "he wants nothing more to do with her and that it is you he loves and wants." Tell him to tell her (in front of you) that "I have asked you not to contact me again and I am saying this in front of my wife so you both will know I mean it." If he refuses to do this in front of you, you still have a problem.

 

Good idea. I'd go one further and make him tell her she was just a piece of a** and he'd never be in a proper open relationship with a girl like her . I'd make him tell her that she isn't fit to lick the muck on the bottom of your shoes and she better stay the hell away from the both of you.

 

I'd demand ALL that and more , then I'd still divorce him. That would be to wipe the smile of her face. Now he could tell her all this in advance and she can know he doesn't mean it, but the fact that he'd say these things to HER because YOU demanded it, should tell her where she ranks.

 

She's in love with him, so don't accept him saying that she won't come over to your house, she will if he asks her to.

 

He should be walking to the end of the earth for you right now , but he couldn't even shut up his little tramp.

 

This is bad advice. Trust me. I have been on the receiving end of it. I did not know, but was bombarded (next day, next days, weeks after, months after, mutual friends, years...years ...over a decade and me single and their ever growing engaged, married and eventually 2 kids later over this apparently imaginary drama that keeps them ?). I got the conference call him and fiance. I realized there was someone else (because she was now present and on the line). Ugh! Now 12+ years married with 2 kids, and "soooo unhappy" still, whatever. Bullet dodged, for me, not her, but I guess she got some imaginary shots in and won some imaginary 'pick me' dance? Wonder how it would have worked out if she was kind? So weird.

 

I did have a passing thought that I should forward here the cheating fishing messages over the years that I have never responded to but then I thought again ...why? You wrote a script. She was mean to me. So good luck sister.

 

Not many people are willing to sub human someone else, and will not. Unless they feel wronged (then it is usually kind of still petty). Usually they will go no contact and hope it goes away. When you realize they are bullied into hurting someone, well, then there is that.

 

I had no idea, met his family attended a wedding I was in shock but knew in an instant with that vulgar call and it made me have contempt for both of them after. I was told I was sub human and such (a friend of over 12 years) I agreed because alright, and let it GO! Next day message ('she made me say that, I would never)....no response. Weeks, months, years after...attempts by phone or mutual friends, no response. Years later and Facebook attempts still no response. He will or has cheated on her, at least it is not with me.

 

I doubt the op's visit to the neighbors was kindly, nor the confrontation in her home to 'surprise' her husband. So slut shaming aside (why do people do this?), lets get past that and look at the facts.

 

My advise would be to walk away clean.

 

Good luck op.

[sandylee1]

This is bad advice. Trust me. I have been on the receiving end of it. I did not know, but was bombarded (next day, next days, weeks after, months after, mutual friends, years...years ...over a decade and me single and their ever growing engaged, married and eventually 2 kids later over this apparently imaginary drama that keeps them ?). I got the conference call him and fiance. I realized there was someone else (because she was now present and on the line). Ugh! Now 12+ years married with 2 kids, and "soooo unhappy" still, whatever. Bullet dodged, for me, not her, but I guess she got some imaginary shots in and won some imaginary 'pick me' dance? Wonder how it would have worked out if she was kind? So weird.

 

I did have a passing thought that I should forward here the cheating fishing messages over the years that I have never responded to but then I thought again ...why? You wrote a script. She was mean to me. So good luck sister.

 

Not many people are willing to sub human someone else, and will not. Unless they feel wronged (then it is usually kind of still petty). Usually they will go no contact and hope it goes away. When you realize they are bullied into hurting someone, well, then there is that.

 

I had no idea, met his family attended a wedding I was in shock but knew in an instant with that vulgar call and it made me have contempt for both of them after. I was told I was sub human and such (a friend of over 12 years) I agreed because alright, and let it GO! Next day message ('she made me say that, I would never)....no response. Weeks, months, years after...attempts by phone or mutual friends, no response. Years later and Facebook attempts still no response. He will or has cheated on her, at least it is not with me.

 

I doubt the op's visit to the neighbors was kindly, nor the confrontation in her home to 'surprise' her husband. So slut shaming aside (why do people do this?), lets get past that and look at the facts.

 

My advise would be to walk away clean.

 

Good luck op.

 

Bad advice for who? The OW or the BW? It's meant to sting the OW, who deserves all that and more.

 

When you get involved with a MM, expect all kinds of everything.

Your post actually confirms that it hurt the OW, which is the intention and if you have contempt for them....so what? It doesn't matter to the BW, just like she didn't matter when you had an affair with her H.

 

I'm sure she has the same contempt for you as you do for her. You could say it's even now , except it's not you still had an A with her H, so she'll never feel great about it.

 

This OW can't expect to insult the OP and walk away. Despite your ex MM saying he was told to say it, it shows who he values more,because if it was you, he wouldn't have said it.

[cif]

Bad advice for who? The OW or the BW? It's meant to sting the OW, who deserves all that and more.

 

When you get involved with a MM, expect all kinds of everything.

Your post actually confirms that it hurt the OW, which is the intention and if you have contempt for them....so what? It doesn't matter to the BW, just like she didn't matter when you had an affair with her H.

 

I'm sure she has the same contempt for you as you do for her. You could say it's even now , except it's not you still had an A with her H, so she'll never feel great about it.

 

This OW can't expect to insult the OP and walk away. Despite your ex MM saying he was told to say it, it shows who he values more,because if it was you, he wouldn't have said it.

 

Nothing to gain by being mean. OP should've responded on the spot.

 

I would rather have a moment with a few nasty words to propel me into NC, than have a momentary smile and a lifetime of misery being the doormat of a worthless cheater.

[sandylee1]

Nothing to gain by being mean.

 

EXCEPT SATISFACTION OF SEEING THE OW HURT AND FERL A TINY BIT OF THE PAIN THAT SHE CONTRIBUTED TO. YOU CAN'T PUT A PRICE ON THIS. IT'S CALLED CONSEQUENCES.

 

I would rather have a moment with a few nasty words to propel me into NC, than have a momentary smile and a lifetime of misery being the doormat of a worthless cheater.

 

I agree the OP shouldn't stay with her H.

 

It will probably make the OW think twice before she does it again and risks being humiliated. When she remembers that she didn't mean anything , it will hit home that she doesn't want it to happen again. Because which OW would even have the gall to tell their friend that the MM they've been having an affair with for 7 months , told them they were just an easy lay (and the rest) after they insulted his wife.

 

Next time she can find a free, single and available man.