nightmare01 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 In this context, yes. The WS gets to go have his/her love affair and all of the joy that brings. The BS gets what? A good feeling that THEY at least didn't cheat? The scales are definitely tilted after an affair - no doubt about that. Personally I just couldn't have an RA - I would feel creeped out and horrible about myself if I were to go down that road. Still though, the scales are out of balance, but I don't know how to even things up... if that's possible at all. I don't like the idea of a revenge affair - tit for tat and all that. I feel this way because we BS so strongly oppose being made responsible for our WS cheating. We state over and over that nothing we did MADE our WS cheat - that their choice to do so is all on them. If this is so, how can we BS's claim that our WS cheating made us cheat? Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Personally I just couldn't have an RA - I would feel creeped out and horrible about myself if I were to go down that road. This is what it boils down to: what is more important, showing the cheater and getting some back or maintaining character even when your spouse did not. Basically, we are just doing what the cheater did - coming up with a good rationalization to do what we feel entitled to do. Link to post Share on other sites
singer23 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 BS sleeping and dating other people is not a revenge affair. Doing it behind WS's back would be a revenge affair 1 Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 BS sleeping and dating other people is not a revenge affair. Doing it behind WS's back would be a revenge affair I tend to agree with this. I made it no secret I was dating and sleeping with someone else while my WW was having her affair. I couldn't say I was having an RA, because I made no effort to hide it from anyone. Heck, my family was behind me all the way about it! Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 BS sleeping and dating other people is not a revenge affair. Doing it behind WS's back would be a revenge affair You're right, since we tend to use the word affair when the relationship is secret. It is simply revenge adultery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TX-SC Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 (edited) I don't quite agree with the theft analogy since stealing is against the law. In it's most basic form, marriage is a vow/pact between two people to always be there for each other and to not cheat. As with any pact between two people, when one person breaks that agreement, the agreement is null and void until another agreement can be worked out. Infidelity breaks the very foundation of the marriage, which is trust. I personally feel that when someone cheats, the marriage in its most basic form ceases to exist. That's why many choose to divorce, even if the reconcile with their spouse. The divorce serves to reset the relationship. So, if the marriage is broken anyway, why not let the BS have some fun too and get some of his/her angst and anger out of their system? This also gives them back their pride. Oh, and in no way am I advocating having an affair with another married person and ruining THEIR relationship. It should be with a single person and the affair partner should know it's only a FWB situation and will eventually end. Edited August 27, 2015 by TX-SC Link to post Share on other sites
World's.Edge Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 To me, adultery isn't (only) sleeping with someone other than one's spouse, open marriages exist. It's the willful and intentioned choice to deceive and manipulate, and the abuse of one's spouse in the pursuit and engagement in relations/relationships with someone else. Therefore, a revenge affair would require the betrayed spouse to carry out the same behaviour, keep the affair secret, and to lie and manipulate, which I just don't support. Rather just be honest about one's behaviour and intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Am I the only one who feels that special tingle when the two betrayed spouses get together when both of their marriages are or at least appear to be doomed? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TX-SC Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Am I the only one who feels that special tingle when the two betrayed spouses get together when both of their marriages are or at least appear to be doomed? I love It when that happens! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Am I the only one who feels that special tingle when the two betrayed spouses get together when both of their marriages are or at least appear to be doomed? I actually know a story like this. Of course, they both waited until the divorce was final and took it slow so that they could be sure it wasn't just crisis-induced. They've been married about 15 years 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I actually know a story like this. Of course, they both waited until the divorce was final and took it slow so that they could be sure it wasn't just crisis-induced. They've been married about 15 years Shania Twain's story is probably the most well-known example of this sort of thing. There's just something particularly cool about the two discarded spouses finding each other and discovering that the cheating spouses had no idea what they were throwing away. That, and I also like to imagine the chagrin on the part of the cheating spouses. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
World's.Edge Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Shania Twain's story is probably the most well-known example of this sort of thing. There's just something particularly cool about the two discarded spouses finding each other and discovering that the cheating spouses had no idea what they were throwing away. That, and I also like to imagine the chagrin on the part of the cheating spouses. I looked up her story and oddly enough it's her birthday today. Link to post Share on other sites
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