lolablue17 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Yes I will be telling the OM's partner if I find her. I don't know anything about her except for her first name. WHAT??!!! Correct me if i'm wrong, but i was under the impression that your wife came clean, and she also said that she will do what ever it takes to win you back. Apparently, she doesn't agree to even tell you details about the man she cheated with?!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author strugglinghubby Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 @lolablue17 no I have his details. My wife gave me the business card he gave her, he's in an armed robbery squad of the police. I know his name but he and his partner are not married, and he is nowhere to be found on social media (it's a standard requirement of police in those squads, I've checked through other friends that are also police). My wife told me his partners first name but said she never asked/got told her last name. I've also searched social media via the first name and location a number of times/options but cannot find her. So in summary I know his name and where he works. I know that her car has a rather distinctive number plate, that I didn't get all of when I busted them in the park as he drove off, but I got enough to know that if I see the car driving around I'll be able to identify it, and I know her first name. That's all I have, I don't know where they live apart from the suburb (I think). Link to post Share on other sites
eric1 Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Recover the texts and then provide them to his superiors. If he was texting or using time on the clock to conduct the affair then he *will* receive atleast some consequences. It's like a $40 Dr Fone download to get those deleted texts. You're crazy not to get them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
justastatistic Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 His partner needs to know. Check online for property tax records, that will probably give you his address. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Recover the texts and then provide them to his superiors. If he was texting or using time on the clock to conduct the affair then he *will* receive atleast some consequences. It's like a $40 Dr Fone download to get those deleted texts. You're crazy not to get them. You did nothing to deserve this but there needs to be some consequences here. Why should you be burdened with all the hurt? Years from now don't regret not exposing for what they are. It will bring things to a head. Then you'll find out the things you need to know. Rugs sweep it and you'll have to live with for quite sometime but that's your choice. Best of luck whatever you do. Link to post Share on other sites
greaterdevil Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I've been following this thread off and on, haven't read every post so maybe this has been addressed but-- I would be really careful about trying to expose or go after the OM. Assuming you're in the US. This guy has already shown that he's an entitled piece of ****, and who knows what he's willing to do to OP if his life starts unraveling (affair exposed to partner or superior officer). I would hate to see OP shot dead in a routine traffic stop. Call me paranoid, but as someone who has scars from police brutality, I just want to to recommend caution in this case. Things can always get worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Beechy1973 Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 My ex wife swore on my kid's life she wasn't having sex with another man, and later told me she'd been lying. For me, it's impossible to trust someone when they've looked you in the eyes and lied so smoothly. Makes you disbelieve everything they've ever said, or will say. No going back after that. Sad but true. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Did she ever compare her feelings of her per marriage boyfriend cheating on her to your's? I asked my ex that. No response. Saw email to her AP. She didn't deserve it, I did. Only from the mind a cheater in the fog. Link to post Share on other sites
Author strugglinghubby Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 @Marc878 - Yes I've already recovered text messages from her phone, it didn't get them all but it got quite a few. More than enough to figure out the extent of their relationship. @greaterdevil - I'm not in the U.S, I'm in Australia. @Beechy1973 - Well having her swear on our child's life that nothing was going on definitely hurt, but so did all of the other lies. @Jersey born raised - She said that he said all the right things to her, that he made her feel wanted and appreciated. She said that I didn't make her feel that way, and there were a number of text messages between them where she told him how he made her feel. In reading the text messages it is clear she is seeking emotional attachment as a primary driver, and he is seeking sex. I've explained this to her now that she is out of the fog and I think she gets it. As a bit of an update we are still working at R, it still hurts and I still get triggers but I am getting better. It is slowly hurting less each week, but truly is a case of two steps forward one step backwards. She has been really good since it all came out, I still think the thing that made the difference was when I wrote her a letter explaining why we were finished, packed my bags and was literally done with the M. She hit rock bottom, and I think up to that point she never actually thought I would leave. When I showed her I was more than prepared to leave it all came crashing down for her, and since then she has taken full accountability for her actions. I've told her since that I'm not afraid of leaving, and if anything even remotely close to this happens again I'm gone in an instant. No third chances. As Marc878 said below; "become alpha or lose", well I'd have to say that was the turning point. The time I stood up and took control of the situation is when things started working out for the better. I treat her as my equal, and don't disrespect her at all. But I also don't take sh*t from her anymore, and don't let her try and control me like she used to (with me almost always giving in to her). I've finally pulled my pants back on and it feels damn good. Still haven't found the OM yet but I am still looking, I'm definitely exposing when I do. I'm a very patient man and am not stressing/spending unnecessary energy on him, but I also won't forget and as soon as the opportunity is there I'll be taking it. I am also following the 'trust but verify' mantra, I have put a few things in place (that she doesn't know about) that will expose anything like this happening again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 @Marc878 - Yes I've already recovered text messages from her phone, it didn't get them all but it got quite a few. More than enough to figure out the extent of their relationship. @greaterdevil - I'm not in the U.S, I'm in Australia. @Beechy1973 - Well having her swear on our child's life that nothing was going on definitely hurt, but so did all of the other lies. @Jersey born raised - She said that he said all the right things to her, that he made her feel wanted and appreciated. She said that I didn't make her feel that way, and there were a number of text messages between them where she told him how he made her feel. In reading the text messages it is clear she is seeking emotional attachment as a primary driver, and he is seeking sex. I've explained this to her now that she is out of the fog and I think she gets it. As a bit of an update we are still working at R, it still hurts and I still get triggers but I am getting better. It is slowly hurting less each week, but truly is a case of two steps forward one step backwards. She has been really good since it all came out, I still think the thing that made the difference was when I wrote her a letter explaining why we were finished, packed my bags and was literally done with the M. She hit rock bottom, and I think up to that point she never actually thought I would leave. When I showed her I was more than prepared to leave it all came crashing down for her, and since then she has taken full accountability for her actions. I've told her since that I'm not afraid of leaving, and if anything even remotely close to this happens again I'm gone in an instant. No third chances. As Marc878 said below; "become alpha or lose", well I'd have to say that was the turning point. The time I stood up and took control of the situation is when things started working out for the better. I treat her as my equal, and don't disrespect her at all. But I also don't take sh*t from her anymore, and don't let her try and control me like she used to (with me almost always giving in to her). I've finally pulled my pants back on and it feels damn good. Still haven't found the OM yet but I am still looking, I'm definitely exposing when I do. I'm a very patient man and am not stressing/spending unnecessary energy on him, but I also won't forget and as soon as the opportunity is there I'll be taking it. I am also following the 'trust but verify' mantra, I have put a few things in place (that she doesn't know about) that will expose anything like this happening again. you are doing it right, one thing I learned in situations like yours is you have to be ready to loose it all in order to stand a chance to save it. if you didn't man up to her she would've stayed fogged for the longest time. as for your attempt to R as long as you are averaging 2 steps forward for every 1 step backward you should be fine. just be true to yourself and you will make it. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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