m.snow Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I sent the OM a txt message last night, it read: I hope it was worth it you prick, that's one marriage and family you've had a part in tearing apart. Let's hope Ash (his wife, they have a 1 year old together) doesn't find out what you've been up to, I'd hate to see another marriage and family destroyed over thist as well uh contact his om wife not the om? -what you did there is threaten an officer of the law. tough man! Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 You should tell his wife. He should not be allowed to destroy someone else's marriage and his goes untouched. Besides, when his wife knows he will be too busy trying to save his own marriage than to mess with your wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TobyBoy Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Bull***** !!!! They've been having sex for months!!! Her pants were taken off and thrown on the ground that's why there was dirt inside them!!! Link to post Share on other sites
eric1 Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 1. Ask her for a written timeilne of EVERYTHING that happened down to the smallest detail 2. Tell her that you are unsure of divorce or reconciliation, but that there is a single thing ommitted or untrue that it will be divorce. Period. 3. Have a polygraph scheduled for 24 hours after you ask her to submit her timeline Let's not discuss how accurrate polygraphs are - she doesn't know this and they're used for two reasons - the look on her face when you tell her will let you know EVERYTHING - parking lot confession 1 Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 So after me packing my clothes into suitcases and moving in to the other room last night she finally caved. Gave me her phone and admitted that they made out the night at the park, kissing and groping, but nothing further. So she was kissing with her pants down, getting mud on the inside but nothing else happened? Right. He's telling her the sexual things he wants to do to her, she's saying she misses him and can't wait to see him. Said that he makes her horny by even just seeing her, said she had to go to the toilet to clean up as she got so wet. So he is making her so wet she is only going to go there for a bit of kissing that lasts an hour? Right. she swore on our little ones life that nothing was happening and that she had no feelings for him. Right... then why did she write messages between them talking about that I'm on to them and how they can sneak around to not get caught. I can't even deal with the amount of garbage that is coming out of her mouth. So many lies! How can you trust her ever again when she continues to lie about everything! You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Okay, rule of thumb. Cheaters will only admit to what you can prove. And cheaters will only tell you the bare minimum to make it seem not ass bad as what truly happened. So, look at the texts again. Those texts were sooo sexually charged that you're going to tell me that when they finally got together, the only thing they did was kiss and fondle?!?!? Come on dude!! You really don't believe that, do you? And bad move on texting the OM. All you did was give him a warning that you might reach out to his wife. So, the only thing you accomplished was giving him time to come up with a viable and believable story to cover his ass if you ever do reach out to his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GollumsNightmare Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I hate to tell you, there is probably still a whole lot more. Your gut has to be screaming at you, isn't it? I am sorry. TELL the other spouse. She has a right to know. Tell her he has a second phone. She could probably find some proof on her end. Once again, do not tell your wife or him that you are going to out them. DO NOT contact the OM again. You could get in a lot of trouble saying anything that could be construed as threatening him. I know it is not fair. The fact that she has admitted to seeing him at LEAST twice since you caught him proves she is not at the point of remorse yet. She met him AFTER she knew how hurt you were. She met him after that. Start the 180. You need to start protecting you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author strugglinghubby Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 Well I've heard back from the OM: here are the texts, first one I sent this morning after no reply to the one last night, this is about to get interesting!! ME: And don't you f...ing ignore me, otherwise I'll show up to your work and ask to see you as I need to have a conversation about how you think it's ok to be running around hooking up with a married woman who has children in secret, while you've got a committed partner of your own. I'm giving you one chance to engage with me on this otherwise your work colleagues and Ash are finding out all the details. You lied to my face so to speak on the phone, I knew you were full of ****, you're a f...ing coward OM: Ill call u soon, im busy atm. ME: We're all f...ing busy ******* OM: Im sorry I understand. Im in no position to call atm but I will. ME: What time? I'm in important meetings with work today, you let me know what time you're free and I'll make myself free OM: Im out on the rd should be back by 1 that work for you? ME: Yes that's fine, also just so you know 'my wife' (I used her name but took it out here) has been completely open verbally with me and I've used a data recovery tool on her phone last night with her permission. I've read and have copies of everything the both of you have sent to each other. I've also got a tracker on her phone that will show me what the content of messages/calls, voice and txt that happen from today, I'll know if you discuss getting your stories straight like last time. So I'm going to say it once and once only, you have one chance to be honest with me. If what you say doesn't match the information I have, or you drip feed information to me everyone finds out. Play this the right way and you can walk away and do whatever you need to do to get you life in order without my involvement, but not with 'my wife'. You two are finished. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 So you are wasting all this energy on this jerk who means nothing, while giving your poor seduced wife a free pass? Just remember she betrayed you, not him. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Well I've heard back from the OM: here are the texts, first one I sent this morning after no reply to the one last night, this is about to get interesting!! ME: And don't you f...ing ignore me, otherwise I'll show up to your work and ask to see you as I need to have a conversation about how you think it's ok to be running around hooking up with a married woman who has children in secret, while you've got a committed partner of your own. I'm giving you one chance to engage with me on this otherwise your work colleagues and Ash are finding out all the details. You lied to my face so to speak on the phone, I knew you were full of ****, you're a f...ing coward OM: Ill call u soon, im busy atm. ME: We're all f...ing busy ******* OM: Im sorry I understand. Im in no position to call atm but I will. ME: What time? I'm in important meetings with work today, you let me know what time you're free and I'll make myself free OM: Im out on the rd should be back by 1 that work for you? ME: Yes that's fine, also just so you know 'my wife' (I used her name but took it out here) has been completely open verbally with me and I've used a data recovery tool on her phone last night with her permission. I've read and have copies of everything the both of you have sent to each other. I've also got a tracker on her phone that will show me what the content of messages/calls, voice and txt that happen from today, I'll know if you discuss getting your stories straight like last time. So I'm going to say it once and once only, you have one chance to be honest with me. If what you say doesn't match the information I have, or you drip feed information to me everyone finds out. Play this the right way and you can walk away and do whatever you need to do to get you life in order without my involvement, but not with 'my wife'. You two are finished. Bravo, I do not think his work buddies are going to be happy over this, as he is probably F**king one of their wife as well. If you get they had sex, I would give your wife one last chance to come clean. Ether way you should know soon, or have a good idea. If you do decide to reconcile, there are things that you can do, and there are things you wife will need to do. I just wanted to say that, LS tends to have only one mode, Divorce, Divorce, so keep in mind there are other paths. Take your time to decide what is best for you and your child. You may decide to divorce, but at this time do not close out your options. Considered, cold thinking, in the end, is best. Not saying you should not explore why and what it will take to divorce, and move to protect your rights now, but you can take these steps to prepare, and then not use them. Lastly, may be hard or not, do not be unnecessarily cruel to your wife, even though she may deserve it. Remember you and she will have to raise your child, and if you divorce, a good relationship as co parents, will be required. Now is the time to think long term. I wish you luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 So I'm going to say it once and once only, you have one chance to be honest with me. If what you say doesn't match the information I have, or you drip feed information to me everyone finds out. Play this the right way and you can walk away and do whatever you need to do to get you life in order without my involvement, but not with 'my wife'. You two are finished. What exactly is the end game here - the "one chance" - to do what? I agree with La.Primavera that it's odd you're focusing everything on this guy when it's your wife who betrayed you. The guy's no prince but I think he's better ignored than anything else. If there's any resolution it'll come thru your wife, not this dude. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author strugglinghubby Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 The purpose of those txt messages to the other man are so that I can have the best chance possible of getting to the bottom of it, I'm actually in a very rational state of mind right now, I'm generally a very rational and self aware type of person. I'm gaming him to get what I need from him, including acting slightly irrational/loose cannon to back him into a place where coming out with the truth is his best option. I'm pretty certain he's gone straight into self preservation mode right now, and he won't hesitate to throw my wife under the bus to save his own ass, at least that's what I've given my best shot at achieving. I actually couldn't care less about him (even though I do think he's a scumbag). My focus is completely on my wife and what she did, and I am very conscious of the fact that I still need to treat her the right way through this regardless of what has happened. I haven't lost my cool with her, yelled/screamed, I've continued to treat her with the respect she deserves as the mother of my child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 The purpose of those txt messages to the other man are so that I can have the best chance possible of getting to the bottom of it, I'm actually in a very rational state of mind right now, I'm generally a very rational and self aware type of person. I'm gaming him to get what I need from him, including acting slightly irrational/loose cannon to back him into a place where coming out with the truth is his best option. I'm pretty certain he's gone straight into self preservation mode right now, and he won't hesitate to throw my wife under the bus to save his own ass, at least that's what I've given my best shot at achieving. I actually couldn't care less about him (even though I do think he's a scumbag). My focus is completely on my wife and what she did, and I am very conscious of the fact that I still need to treat her the right way through this regardless of what has happened. I haven't lost my cool with her, yelled/screamed, I've continued to treat her with the respect she deserves as the mother of my child. Well you had me fooled. Just be careful how far you take things to get to the truth. Sometimes it can backfire. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 The purpose of those txt messages to the other man are so that I can have the best chance possible of getting to the bottom of it, I'm actually in a very rational state of mind right now, I'm generally a very rational and self aware type of person. I'm gaming him to get what I need from him, including acting slightly irrational/loose cannon to back him into a place where coming out with the truth is his best option. I'm pretty certain he's gone straight into self preservation mode right now, and he won't hesitate to throw my wife under the bus to save his own ass, at least that's what I've given my best shot at achieving. I actually couldn't care less about him (even though I do think he's a scumbag). My focus is completely on my wife and what she did, and I am very conscious of the fact that I still need to treat her the right way through this regardless of what has happened. I haven't lost my cool with her, yelled/screamed, I've continued to treat her with the respect she deserves as the mother of my child. This is the part that hurts the most, the traitor is your wife and you are the target of the treason, a treason she agreed to willingly with the other man. She lied to you in order to perform these acts against you and your child. This is all just going down, her loyalties may still be confused. Yes she is the mother of your child but she is also this other woman. Be sure she is committed to you and not just buying time before you commit to reconciliation. Other man's wife needs to know the truth, your call whether you tell her after you get what your looking form O/M. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SawtoothMars Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 The purpose of those txt messages to the other man are so that I can have the best chance possible of getting to the bottom of it, I'm actually in a very rational state of mind right now, I'm generally a very rational and self aware type of person. Ok... lets say he says they got more physical than your wife has told you. Then what? She is just going to tell you he is lying. I'm sorry guy. I've been through this before. My X kept lying all the way through the divorce. 2 years later she admits she did something wrong but never bothered to say what. You already have the truth. You need to decide what you are going to do with someone who refuses to be honest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweet Workaholic Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 You don't sneak away from your husband to meet someone at a football field in the dark at 9:00 p.m. to give him free marriage counseling. This. is. not. true. Whether she got the point of physical affair you may never know but you know she's headed that way and lying to you about it. So sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 The purpose of those txt messages to the other man are so that I can have the best chance possible of getting to the bottom of it, I'm actually in a very rational state of mind right now, I'm generally a very rational and self aware type of person. I'm gaming him to get what I need from him, including acting slightly irrational/loose cannon to back him into a place where coming out with the truth is his best option. I'm pretty certain he's gone straight into self preservation mode right now, and he won't hesitate to throw my wife under the bus to save his own ass, at least that's what I've given my best shot at achieving. I actually couldn't care less about him (even though I do think he's a scumbag). My focus is completely on my wife and what she did, and I am very conscious of the fact that I still need to treat her the right way through this regardless of what has happened. I haven't lost my cool with her, yelled/screamed, I've continued to treat her with the respect she deserves as the mother of my child. Ok. I guess I was under the impression you already knew all you needed to know, but you just want him to provide more details or sth along those lines? Link to post Share on other sites
Author strugglinghubby Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 Yes I need to know that she is being completely open and honest with me, it depends on whether I call it off right now or try and reconcile if I can come to terms with what's happened as it stands. I'm pretty confident the questions I put to this guy will tell me one way or another. If she is STILL drip feeding truth there can be no reconciliation. Also what does LS mean? I googled quickly but could find out 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Yes I need to know that she is being completely open and honest with me, it depends on whether I call it off right now or try and reconcile if I can come to terms with what's happened as it stands. I'm pretty confident the questions I put to this guy will tell me one way or another. If she is STILL drip feeding truth there can be no reconciliation. Also what does LS mean? I googled quickly but could find out Love Shack. Link to post Share on other sites
SawtoothMars Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Yes I need to know that she is being completely open and honest with me, it depends on whether I call it off right now or try and reconcile if I can come to terms with what's happened as it stands. I'm pretty confident the questions I put to this guy will tell me one way or another. If she is STILL drip feeding truth there can be no reconciliation. Also what does LS mean? I googled quickly but could find out Maybe it's just me, but her whole story doesn't seem plausible, and she has lied her butt off up to this point... I'm just saying, what happens if he says it was sex and then she denies? Who are you going to believe? Are you actually willing to end the marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
fallingdown2013 Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 It's pretty obvious that your wife had sex with the OM. You're being very emotional now (understandably) and acting immaturely. Sending the OM these texts won't help at all. You need to focus on moving forward with the divorce and establishing a co-parenting relationship with your soon-to-be ex. I know that this hurts tremendously. It's so tempting to want to forgive and try to work things out. But, you will be miserable for years and haunted by the things your wife did (or imagined she did) with the OM. Move on with grace and dignity and your wife may notice and regret what she has lost. That can be your retribution. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SpokenFor Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Hey, you are doing great in a terrible situation. I just wanted to make sure you understood that even if the texts have been deleted from her phone, they are still in the memory of the SIM chip in the phone and can be retrieved by fairly straightforward means... you can probably do it yourself with downloadable software. So just because you can't see them doesn't mean you have to go to your mobile carrier and get sent copies, you can get them yourself (or have someone do it for you) pretty quickly and easily. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 My focus is completely on my wife and what she did, and I am very conscious of the fact that I still need to treat her the right way through this regardless of what has happened. I haven't lost my cool with her, yelled/screamed, I've continued to treat her with the respect she deserves as the mother of my child. So penetrative sex is your line in the sand? Because if it's lying, kissing, groping, wanting and/or sexting another man, she's already copped to those... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 (edited) I'll give this marriage a 10% chance of survival and that's being generous. You only have part of the truth. He WILL find a way to talk to her and work out their story. That story will OF COURSE not include actual sex. But, even if there were no actual sex involved, he's already had his hand in her pants and there has probably been some oral sex thrown in, if nothing else. Groping doesn't require her taking her pants off, which you already know she did due to the dirt. You sir are in the middle of a trickle truth. She is only telling you what you basically already knew and what she thinks you can handle. In the end, you WILL find out they already had penetrative sex. This is a full blown affair. What you do with that information is up to you. Edited August 19, 2015 by TX-SC Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Its called Trickle Truthing! TT for short. wayward 101 fog has not lifted yet. or she way in to deep. Link to post Share on other sites
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