Does permanent NC work in order to heal?

[lemondrop21]

I'm interested in hearing the experiences of OPs who have done NC permanently - success stories, and stories from those who are still trying. Does it work in terms of helping to heal? (Note: I am not asking if it works in terms of "winning the MM/MW back" as I'm not interested in doing this in order to play games.)

 

I've seen/heard different opinions on this. Many claim you HAVE to do NC in order to heal and move on, but some say it simply creates an obsession and causes the process to drag out.

 

Note: I work with MM and will see him at work pretty much daily, however he is not in my direct line of vision and I will be able to scale back on our joint project so that we meet 1-2 times/month maximum. So technically the best I can do is "limited contact" rather than "no contact."

[ByMyself01]

I think NC can work if it is done properly. I look at it as a long road and with each day, no matter how hard it gets you keep walking. Some days you get far, some days you sit and take a rest (when things get hard), but no matter what you keep going and never walk backwards down that road. One day, you will be far down the road from where you were (communicating with your ex), that when you look back, you will be so far gone on the road that it will just tire you to try to walk back. The key is to never look back in any way, when you look back, like look at their pictures, think about them, etc. You take away your vision in front of you. You can't keep walking forward if you continue to look back. If it is done properly, it gets easier. I wouldn't say with each day. I say the first few days/months is a hill effect where some days you feel good and some bad, but pretty soon the road will smooth out once the hills are crossed Keep walking.

Edited August 17, 2015 by ByMyself01

[casey.lives]

letting go should be the goal. break ups mean things are over. NC is not letting go

[NewLeaf512]

I am using NC for many reasons healing, head space so I can see reality, respect myself, move on and not dwell on things PLUS so if BW and ExMM are making a go at it I don't interfere (and humiliatie myself)

[Satu]

No contact is about two things, and two things only:

 

 

1. It protects you from further hurt.

 

2. It allows you to heal without being distracted by the ex.

 

 

Thats all it is, and all it does.

[Goodbye]

It can, but sometimes not on the first try. Honestly, I had a few rounds of stupid stuff with NC before I really committed. I don't look at those as failures, rather they gave me the insight to KNOW he was full of crap before I could get to acceptance and really shut it down. Having him tell me over and over "You don't understand...I have a son, but I love you more than anything and I'm going to be with you...I just need to do XYZ." After a while it just became repulsive. He wouldn't keep NC either, so telling his W what he had done provided me with some closure, and it also made it very difficult for him to keep contacting me...which he did anyway, but ok. I've been NC for a while now and he has no place in my life anymore, which feels good. It can take 6 months to a year. But, you'll get there. Moving on helps.

[EverySunset]

There's a reason I'm not on FB. A reason I don't mind changing my phone number every few years and I don't give out my work number.

 

I make NC a practice... Long before I knew what it was. It is the only way to heal! Who can move on with constant communication from someone you used to care about, maybe even love?

 

Privacy is a lost concept in today's culture, but I have it, keep it, and cultivate it. If you are important to me, you we always be on top of the little moves in my life. If not, it is a perfect chance for you to go NC on me too, but I'll never know. Which is the point.

 

NC works when it wraps around YOU and that the only person that benefits.

Edited August 17, 2015 by EverySunset