Holly Posted May 25, 1999 Share Posted May 25, 1999 Hey , you probably can't help me out much on this one . I'm 15 and I'm in love with a 35 year old man . I know I love him and I know he loves me . Our relationship was a secret from my family and some of my friends for quite some time . Then my mom found out that we had sex and called the law . He is not a bad person at all .He is now being accused of carnal knowledge and I have to go to court tomorrow to discuss the case . This man and I love each other and want to marry each other and what the law doesn't understand is that he really does love me . I know he does . All we want is to be able to be together and to be left alone . We don't think that's too much to ask for . This man absolutely shouldn't go to jail . I am there for him all the way and I only have good things to say about him . I was just wondering if there's anyway you can give me some really good advice , cause the last 3 months have been hell and I was just wondering if I could get some sort of advice as to what might happen . Link to post Share on other sites
Sue Posted May 25, 1999 Share Posted May 25, 1999 I know exactly what you are going thru as I was in a very similar situation ten years ago when I had a relationship with my high school drama teacher. We hadn't actually had sex during the time we knew each other while I was a student, but we had gone out for dinner together and gone swimming at the beach during the summer holidays. I was 18 when the police were called and I was taken out of class to be interogated by a narrow -minded bigot police officer who tried to trick me into telling him "dangerous" things about the nature of my relationship with the teacher so he could get in trouble. Luckily nothing happened to him, but for five months until graduation we couldn't have any contact at all. My parents thought he was taking advantage of me, but I was really the "seducer". My whole life I've always been attracted to older men. At 15 I was in love with a 45-year-old actor. I guess it's because I had always related better to adults rather than kids my own age who I found immature and shallow. The only advice I can give you is not to let this prevent you from concentrating on your studies. Parents have a hard time understanding how their little girls mature. If you were three or four years older this age difference would mean absolutely nothing, but because the law forbids adults to have sexual relations with minors it puts your relationship in touble. The law is very robotic and only sees in terms of 'black and white'. Time will tell. Just be patient, don't panic or do anything drastic. Be aware of trick questions the court might ask you. Really plan what you will say and how you will answer the questions. Good luck, Sue Hey , you probably can't help me out much on this one . I'm 15 and I'm in love with a 35 year old man . I know I love him and I know he loves me . Our relationship was a secret from my family and some of my friends for quite some time . Then my mom found out that we had sex and called the law . He is not a bad person at all .He is now being accused of carnal knowledge and I have to go to court tomorrow to discuss the case . This man and I love each other and want to marry each other and what the law doesn't understand is that he really does love me . I know he does . All we want is to be able to be together and to be left alone . We don't think that's too much to ask for . This man absolutely shouldn't go to jail . I am there for him all the way and I only have good things to say about him . I was just wondering if there's anyway you can give me some really good advice , cause the last 3 months have been hell and I was just wondering if I could get some sort of advice as to what might happen . Link to post Share on other sites
christina Dyer Posted May 28, 1999 Share Posted May 28, 1999 I know Exactly what you are going through i am sixteen and dating a 28 year old man. we have been dating for about 2 years. i love him very much. my mom knows about him, but if she knew that we were having sex she would throw him in jail without a second thaught. last week i just found out that i am pregnant. i don't know what i am going to do, and how iam going to tell my mom. my lofe is over Link to post Share on other sites
Austin Reed Posted June 4, 1999 Share Posted June 4, 1999 Give him up. No good can come of this. It will tear your family apart and land his ass in the slammer. But since you think you are in love there is nothing in the world anyone can say to you to make you see reason and you are bound to go through with this. don't burn your bridges and I'll see you on the Jerry Springer Show! Hey , you probably can't help me out much on this one . I'm 15 and I'm in love with a 35 year old man . I know I love him and I know he loves me . Our relationship was a secret from my family and some of my friends for quite some time . Then my mom found out that we had sex and called the law . He is not a bad person at all .He is now being accused of carnal knowledge and I have to go to court tomorrow to discuss the case . This man and I love each other and want to marry each other and what the law doesn't understand is that he really does love me . I know he does . All we want is to be able to be together and to be left alone . We don't think that's too much to ask for . This man absolutely shouldn't go to jail . I am there for him all the way and I only have good things to say about him . I was just wondering if there's anyway you can give me some really good advice , cause the last 3 months have been hell and I was just wondering if I could get some sort of advice as to what might happen . Link to post Share on other sites
Kirsty Posted June 13, 1999 Share Posted June 13, 1999 Hey , you probably can't help me out much on this one . I'm 15 and I'm in love with a 35 year old man . I know I love him and I know he loves me . Our relationship was a secret from my family and some of my friends for quite some time . Then my mom found out that we had sex and called the law . He is not a bad person at all .He is now being accused of carnal knowledge and I have to go to court tomorrow to discuss the case . This man and I love each other and want to marry each other and what the law doesn't understand is that he really does love me . I know he does . All we want is to be able to be together and to be left alone . We don't think that's too much to ask for . This man absolutely shouldn't go to jail . I am there for him all the way and I only have good things to say about him . I was just wondering if there's anyway you can give me some really good advice , cause the last 3 months have been hell and I was just wondering if I could get some sort of advice as to what might happen . yes I know this situation all too well. I'm a 19 yr old Australian who is in love with a 33 yr old sri-lankan, and i can tell u my parents won't be impressed either. But hey if u are in love just go for it;sure it is going to hurt your family, but rarley does any family ever completely like your boyfriend, no matter what age i find. Yes your parents might throw him in the slammer, that's a good possibility. Just stand by your man and maybe your parents will see u are serious about this man. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveAngel Posted June 13, 1999 Share Posted June 13, 1999 yes I know this situation all too well. I'm a 19 yr old Australian who is in love with a 33 yr old sri-lankan, and i can tell u my parents won't be impressed either. But hey if u are in love just go for it;sure it is going to hurt your family, but rarley does any family ever completely like your boyfriend, no matter what age i find. Yes your parents might throw him in the slammer, that's a good possibility. Just stand by your man and maybe your parents will see u are serious about this man. Ugh! No no no... When such large age differences occur in relationships, it's usually a sign of a deeper problem that needs to be taken care of. Rarely are these relationships healthy in any sense of the word. My best advice to anyone finding themselves attracted to anyone significantly older or younger would be to try and get some sort of personal, one-on-one sessions with a qualified therapist or psychologist to get behind the outward appearances and search for the root of the problem to begin the process of correcting it. It's interesting that you suggest the need to prove something to your parents. That may be a key factor in the search of older individuals. Perhaps you're trying to "prove" something about the level of your maturity or in effect, increase your age by pairing with someone significantly older? These are just a few ideas I'm throwing out, but there are a lot of more serious, traumatic instances that could bring about this sort of behavior. Our social standards clearly dictate that this sort of behavior is unhealthy. Flying in the face of that is a pretty good indicator of underlying stress. Best wishes to you, LoveAngel Link to post Share on other sites
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