Cali_84 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Hi everyone.. just like the rest of you guys and girls i'm in a LDR as well. We met online 2 years ago and what started as a simple friendship evolved to an intense love relationship. We are 8260 kilometres apart with a 6 hour time difference. To cut the story short, we were pretty much planning and ready to close the gap for good with him proposing while on vacation (back in july). The trip never happened, it had to be cancelled 3 days before i was scheduled to fly out as it was getting dangerous with bomb attacks so we made plans to meet up in Dubai instead. A couple days went by with normal calls and texts and then suddenly he went no contact for a week. This was not normal and has never happened before but all my texts were read. Finally he responded and that's when i was caught off guard. He told me his business was in trouble. An enemy had set his warehouse on fire burning pretty much everything and the losses were huge. This wasn't the first attempt and this time they got him. He had been dealt a huge blow and didn't know what to tell me hence the no contact. He told me over the phone that he will never be the same man he used to be, that he would not be able to provide me with the life i am used to and that he felt that he didn't deserve me anymore.. hearing all that broke my heart.. i reassured him of my love and that nothing would ever change because of what's happening. He then asked me to leave him and released me of the promises i made to him. My heart was broken, i stayed on the phone for 3 hours and fought so hard to make him understand that i was going nowhere and that nothing would separate us. I said i was prepared and willing to wait for him while he deals with the crisis, he finally stopped talking about breaking up and we were discussing all possible solutions. We then promised to keep each other in our lives and never to abandon one another even if it gets ugly. I've never felt so sure about anyone in my life, he's the one i can call my soulmate and i would fight for this love no matter what. Right now, i do need some advice as to how i could help my love survive this storm. Every now and then he'll say that it's not worth it and that he doesn't want me to suffer along with him and that it's better if i leave him. I can never leave him to suffer alone. I'm all that he has left and honestly i don't think i could survive without him. I still can't believe all this had to happen when we were almost at the end waiting to start our lives together. I'm trying to stay strong and positive but sometimes i just break down and cry wondering what we've done to deserve this. Thanks for reading...I know there will be some who think i'm a fool to hang on but this man is my life and my everything. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 You are being catfished. He's probably married. Sorry. He made you all these promises then can't come through with them for financial reasons only. Nah. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cali_84 Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 Sorry i didn't add this but we've met before. Link to post Share on other sites
emi Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Uh How long did you stay together in first visit? Did you see his house/business, meet his family/friends? So you are sure hes not married? Which country is he comming from? I dont think there is bombing in India. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Sorry i didn't add this but we've met before. OK not quite catfished because you have met but really how do you know he didn't just sneak away from his wife & family for your trysts? It just smells like something's rotten to me. There is more to this then financial reasons are the only reason you can't marry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Have you done any research of your own or have you just taken what he's told you at face value? Surely, bomb attacks in his country would have been reported by the news media. Not out of the realm of possibility that a fire large enough to wipe out a warehouse would have made the news as well. Not unusual for even the smallest of media outlets to have an online presence these days. Have you bothered to corroborate the stories he's told you? Like other posters, his behavior and explanations look/sound fishy. Before you waste any more time or tears, make sure what he's told you is indeed true. HTH, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 What country is this man in? Do an online search to verify his story. You should be able to find something reported even in a local newspaper from his area. It's awfully convenient that three days before you were meant to go to him, he calls everything off and tells you to leave him. Are you not suspicious at all? I sure would be. When you met, did you go to him or did he come to you? How do you usually communicate - by phone, text, webcam? You don't need to stay strong for him. He is flat-out telling you it's over but I don't believe he's being honest about the real reason. There's nothing to fight for here. A man who really loved you would not be urging you to leave him. How old are you, if I may ask? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cali_84 Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Yes, i'm very in tune with the news over there and i read about the fire and bomb attacks in various articles. Guys, i appreciate the concern you have but i know my guy inside out. He's not married for sure, we spent 3 weeks together on the last trip and we talk pretty much all the time everyday with Skype as well and has never asked me for money ever. And it was the bomb attacks that happened 3 days before i was to go there and he told me not to go for my safety. While we were making other plans for another trip during that week, then the fire happened and he took a while to tell me. Now all i'm asking for is advice on how to get us through this. The reason why he was telling me to leave him is because of all the mess he's in right now. He already has had to offload some assets to deal with the losses and clients are after payment and some are considering legal action. He feels that i don't need to suffer with him. And we're both 30 btw. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 OK, let's assume he's telling the truth about all of this. It doesn't change the fact that he wants to be left alone. Listen to him. Give him space from here to the moon. You can't change what happened or how awful he feels. You already told him you're not going anywhere, so there's not much else you can do. Let him come to you. On you last trip, did you go there? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Not being able to marry or even be in a serious relationship due to financial circumstances is pretty normal for a guy from an Asian culture (which I am guessing that he is based on your description). There is so much pressure on men to be the provider that many of the traditional guys view themselves to be an 'unworthy' partner if they aren't able to provide. That being said, the way he handled this really does sound fishy. Instead of telling you about the attacks right away, he waited a week to do so. Why? I get that this isn't your question, but I feel like it would be amiss to NOT point this out. IMO someone who is invested in his R isn't going to just disappear for a week with no word, even if he was dealt a soul-crushing blow. Anyway... to answer your question, the usual best thing to do is to give him space and time. Honestly though I don't know if that would work in your case, especially if he isn't that interested in the R anymore. How much time have you spent together IRL prior to this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cali_84 Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Thank you ExpatInItaly and Elswyth for your replies. We've both travelled to meet a few times before this. Elswyth, the reason why he disappeared for a week was because he couldn't face me and was in disbelief as to what happened. He's an extremely prideful man who's lived a life of privilege. Even up till now he refuses to seek help from friends or family and i respect his decision to deal with this setback on his own. We have since talked again last night and he's sorry for pushing me away simply because he didn't want to implicate me in this mess and wasn't thinking straight. We're alright now and all i can do is to give my unconditional support and hope things turn around soon. I really appreciate the time taken by everyone who replied to the thread. Thank you guys! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Thank you ExpatInItaly and Elswyth for your replies. We've both travelled to meet a few times before this. Elswyth, the reason why he disappeared for a week was because he couldn't face me and was in disbelief as to what happened. He's an extremely prideful man who's lived a life of privilege. Even up till now he refuses to seek help from friends or family and i respect his decision to deal with this setback on his own. We have since talked again last night and he's sorry for pushing me away simply because he didn't want to implicate me in this mess and wasn't thinking straight. We're alright now and all i can do is to give my unconditional support and hope things turn around soon. I really appreciate the time taken by everyone who replied to the thread. Thank you guys! So, you have in fact visited his home before? I am confused about one point. When did you make plans to meet in Dubai? Before or after this fire? I would be concerned that he changed travel plans and then canceled altogether. I don't know your cultural/religious background, but is there any chance there's some opposition from family members about you? (if your background differs greatly from his, I mean) Have you met them, and if so, how did they receive you? If he lives in an area that is currently this volatile, and he's got business tied up there, are you sure you are going to be able to commit? What were your future plans with him? (ie were you intending to move there, or him to you, or?) Lots of questions, I know. But I think the answers might help the rest of understand your position a bit more and offer more insightful and constructive feedback. Link to post Share on other sites
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