How do I get my ex back 6 months after a break up?

[aloneinaz]

But you did walk away. You dumped him over those BS fights. It really sounds like it's more your pride that is hurt than anything else. Honestly, why would he try to keep doing anything he could to save your relationship AFTER YOU DUMPED HIM? Did you expect him to come crawling after you begging for you back? Especially after all the fights and drama between you two leading up to you dumping him? Is that why you can't let this go? Because he didn't and moved onto someone else? I'm sorry, but it really sounds like you were trying to play mind games with him and it backfired. Take it as a lesson for your next relationship. Learn how to communicate instead of manipulate.

 

 

Honestly, the more the OP writes, the more I think she is missing having someone foot the majority of the bills. She is now PISSED at not only him having the balls to not want anything to do with her, this new girl is banging her ex and enjoying the fruits of his income as well.

 

 

I'm sorry, but I'm another vote for you to seek some therapy Hun. You have a really warped way of viewing things.

[StarFly886]

aloneinaz, this has nothing to do with my ex's money. He offered to do things while we were together, I never asked so if it suddenly became an issue, it was an issue he brought on himself. I admit, I dumped him thinking he won't realize what he has until it's gone, but obviously that didn't work out right.

[StarFly886]

He also called me out on it in April, saying "dumping me to get me to 'change' was lame, not contacting me but getting your friends to do your dirty work (not true) was lame, this relationship was lame, YOU'RE lame!"

 

That was literally this last thing he said to me

[Qboro90]

Just because he did things for you on his own and you didn't ask doesn't mean that you should've expected those things and had the mentality "well you're the one who made this the routine so now you have to deal with it". His feelings and attitudes towards financial responsibilities and purchases may have changed despite his income increasing. He's allowed to do that and evolve without having to tell you why he feels that way.

 

You even talked about him started to complain when you asked him to take you out and go to dinner or get things for you. And you even admit to saying that you didn't spend money on him or even care about birthday gifts to get him because your financial responsibilities regarding student loans and debt were more important obviously. Um that's messed up. I'm pretty sure that the financial responsibilities he had of paying rent, groceries, phone, electric bills etc carried just as much if not more weight than your loans yet you still wanted him to take you out and buy things for you. Just because you thought he could afford it doesn't mean he has to do any of it. And if I had a gf who told me that she didn't think getting me anything or doing anything or taking me anywhere for my bday was as important to her as her loans and debt payments were yet she still wanted ME to take her out and get her nice gifts, I'd be pissed too. What a one sided relationship that is.

 

You expected that because you were together for so long and graduated together that things would go the way you wanted and he'd marry you, have kids and continue to handle the financial role that became normal during your time together. Sounds like you fell into being complacent and lazy in the relationship and instead of continuously working at it and doing things to show him that even though you couldn't pay for things like he did, that you were willing to do other things to benefit him and the relationship. Instead you got spiteful and argumentative and complained. Doing things like not doing the laundry for a month, or not getting him bday gifts. I'm sure he just got fed up and didn't want to have to deal with that the rest of his life if he married you. You only confirmed his decision by your behavior post breakup.

 

And your friends texting him and calling him names for not getting back together with you and seeing someone else. Umm no wonder he didn't like them.

[Amelie1980]

He also called me out on it in April, saying "dumping me to get me to 'change' was lame, not contacting me but getting your friends to do your dirty work (not true) was lame, this relationship was lame, YOU'RE lame!"

 

That was literally this last thing he said to me

 

if some one said that to me i would be so deeply ashamed i would never contact that person again and i would reflect on my behavior and assure i never did it again.

 

You on the other hand.....i just don't know what to say.

 

what also you have not factored in is that both of you never had a relationship before. Your experiences of relationships is limited as you've only had each other.

 

Why he moved on so quickly? It's very simple, as he had no one else to compare you to, he didn't realize how miserable he was with you until he experienced someone else. That's why it was easy for him to move on from you.

Edited August 18, 2015 by Amelie1980

[stillafool]

We haven't had contact for 4 months How long is it going to be like this?

 

It's over. He's with someone else now and you have to accept this and move on so you can heal. Stop torturing yourself.

[stillafool]

But how can someone move on so quickly after 6+ years? We were each others' first and onlys

 

It happens all the time. Practically no one ends up marrying their first love. It's not healthy to only date one person before you marry. Most people move on to other people, marry and live their lives. You will always be his first love and he'll remember that.

[Amelie1980]

I also think the same is true of you.

 

When you meet someone else you will probably notice how you didnt realize you were so unhappy with him before.

 

You are 24. You're a baby. I would give anything to be that age again. ANYTHING!

 

You have supportive friends, instead of getting them to enable you in this destructive behavior, get them to take you out, make you feel better, get your nails done, your hair done, buy some new clothes, pick up a new hobby, meet some new people and maybe you will meet someone nice.

 

Come back and tell us all this is what you're going to do. I wont reply again unless you do that.

 

You'll be ok.

[RoseVille]

He paid 90% of the bills and you nagged him about minor things you said turned into big things. He felt unappreciated, I would too. Everyone is 'iffy' about money. I don't mind paying the majority of the bills if I'm living with a girl but ideally I'd like it to be 60/40 or at worst 70/30.

 

 

 

That's because you don't

 

I have to agree with this. The opening post focused on his post-BU behavior, but given how he was treated during the relationship, it sounds like he's just embracing and enjoying his freedom with someone who appreciates him.

 

I suspect he was both relieved (to have the relationship over) and infuriated that *you* were the one unsatisfied when you broke up with him, hence why he said never talk to him again.

[Satu]

He also called me out on it in April, saying "dumping me to get me to 'change' was lame, not contacting me but getting your friends to do your dirty work (not true) was lame, this relationship was lame, YOU'RE lame!"

 

That was literally this last thing he said to me

And what he said was true.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you're learning the hard way that it doesn't matter if you were each other's "first and only." Sadly those relationships don't usually last, as people change and want to explore. He moved on quickly because he was probably emotionally checking out when you dumped him anyway.

 

He told you he was involved with someone else likely not to hurt you but to make you understand that you need to stop. Stop pursuing him, stop prying into his personal life, stop going unannounced by his house. It's not all about you, which you don't seem to be grasping. His actions are not motivated by a desire to get back at you, but to move on with his life. It's not about you.

 

But you must walk away. You don't have another option. He is obviously very frustrated with you and tired of your invasive behaviour, and wants you to leave him alone. If you don't do that, it could backfire you in a more serious way.

[Satu]

And what he said was true.

 

True apart from the "You're lame" part.

 

I don't think you are, you're just unwilling to accept responsibility for your actions.

[LeslieKnope]

Oy, I can't believe this thread just started yesterday!

 

Starfly, I'm not going to repeat too much of what others have said, but I will say this: self-reflection is key to personal growth, in or outside of a relationship. If you want to figure out the 'whys' of your life and this breakup (or at least, reach peace of mind), you've got to take a good, hard look at yourself. That includes acknowledging and learning from mistakes you've made and correcting negative behaviour.

 

You'll bounce back. You're young (I know, I know 24 doesn't feel young but trust me it is). You'll continue to pay off your debts (as you're doing). You'll never go sniffing around current ex boyfriends' houses again unannounced and you won't have your friends text them nasty things (or if that was their bad idea, you'll tell them to cool it next time). And you'll make sure your next relationship is more balanced (regardless of whether or not the guy makes lots of money or accepts paying for the vast majority, you don't ever want to be dependent on a man EVER precisely because most relationships don't last forever!). Essentially, you'll learn to be a better girlfriend AND you'll meet a good guy.

 

I'm sure you regret your decision to break up with him (if it was to 'change him' then it was definitely foolhardy), but you will see that it was actually the best decision you could have made for everyone involved. You guys were clearly in a toxic vortex with no end in sight. Fighting all the time, no matter how petty, sucks.

[dumbass2]

As some others have mentioned, this was probably for the best as it appeared the relationship wasn't meant to continue on and if it wasn't you breaking up with him, then I'm pretty sure by what you have said, that he would have been breaking up with you in the near future. It appears the relationship had run it's course and it is going to be hard, but you will have to let go and start moving forward. Please leave him alone and work on yourself now. The absolute worst thing for you would be to continue doing what you are doing in trying to remain in contact. You can't force anyone to do anything they don't want to do. Your actions afterwards have more than likely only solidified in his mind that you two are not meant to be together any more. It doesn't matter what you want, it's a two way street and now he is no longer on it with you.