Starnette83 Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 I always find my bf watching porn,. to a stupid point where i dont even bother getting mad anymore and i just bottle it up inside, but this is way to stupid!!!! i just found a lesbian dvd and this is too much, what the hell??? I DONT ****EN UNDERSTAND! are all guys such pigs that they need to see other girls, **** and see them with their tits exposed???? gosh iw ould be more ocmprehensive if he was single, but im his girl for over 4 years..i just dont think i wanna be with someone like this forever, but then again is their any guy out there who is willing not ot look at this crap??? its like a stupid addiction! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Why are you keeping yourself in a situation where you know you will never truly be happy? Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Tell us something, is he looking at porn 24/7? That's what you made your post sound like. Just because you found a lesbian DVD, is he turning it on as soon as he gets home? Be more specific with the frequency here...... Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyctg Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 I agree with you on every thought- listen please. I have been married for 4 years to a man who is obsessed with porn to the point that it has broken down our marriage. When we were dating, I found out his love for porn, but being of love self esteem, I ignored the problem and got married- like an idiot. So by ignoring it, porn has destroyed my life. Don't make the problem any worse for yourself like I did. If this porn is bothering you now, just imagine if you married the guy. My advice, as much as it hurts you, leave him now before it is too late. I wish I had a do-over................ Link to post Share on other sites
mudd Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 ugh! porn 24/7! yes it sucks! i wish that i had the perfect answer for you. the answers only lead to more questions, frustration, anger, self hatred etc. sometimes i feel that it is something all men will do and maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to sit down with yourself and try to see if there is anything truely amazing about your relationship and with this man. With all the death and horrible things that are happening in this world right now what would you find to be the most important part of love at a time of desperation? if you can't stand it and would rather run alone then get out the heartache won't be worth it, you will only become more obsessed with what he is doing when you aren't looking. if you think you can get through this then by god do it, not everyone gets to be in love and have a partner to be strong with. again im very sorry you are going through this it does seem to be a rough ride for some women. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia Why are you keeping yourself in a situation where you know you will never truly be happy? Send someone to chase the rainbow of true happiness and they might find it, or they might just end up lost, broke and alone forever more. The fairy-tale ending doesn't happen for everyone - and sadly there just aren't enough non-porn-watching Mr Rights out there for all the women who want them. Starnette, usually when something someone does REALLY p.s us off it's because we interpret their behaviour as being some sort of personal message to us. What message do you feel that he's sending you when he openly uses porn in the knowledge that it angers you? (assuming that he does use it openly). Link to post Share on other sites
Jadey Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Hmm..If hes not watching it like all the time maybe you should chill abit. I dont perticuly like the thought of a BF watching porn, but it does not make them a pig like you said. Maye you need to calm down?? Have you actually spoken to him about it?? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 If he's watching porn and you're unhappy with it, leave. He ain't gonna stop, and you're not doing yourself any favors hoping he will. It's obvious that loving him isn't enough. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 I think its sad. All these women who really truely think that since they are someones girlfriend,...then IMMEDIATELY the man isnt attracted to any other females. You really cant understand why a man would want to see another girls breasts if they are in a relationship???????????????????????? Your answer is IN your question. They are MALES. Are you saying as a female you dont find any other guy other than your boyfriend or husband attractive any longer? Stop acting so innocent. This guy liked porn BEFORE he met you. DOnt kid yourself. Thinking that "the coming along of you" would put an end to that is YOU DREAMING. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 If this guy is NONstop looking at porn, then I can see your point to an extent. But if you are just mad at the porn in general,...then I think its you that has the problem. Unless you are the most beautiful woman in the world,...you can admit that they're better looking women out there. So,....are you saying that you'll be fine, so long as you make sure your husband never sees them? Your husband looks at attractive women in porn,....as well as,...restaurants, grocery stores, malls, amusement parks,...CHURCH,...where ever. Just as you look at other men. Maybe you should BLOW HIS MIND one day and sit down and watch one WITH him. You dont REALLY think that your husband thinks YOU are the most beautiful woman in the world do you? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones I think its sad. All these women who really truely think that since they are someones girlfriend,...then IMMEDIATELY the man isnt attracted to any other females. You really cant understand why a man would want to see another girls breasts if they are in a relationship???????????????????????? Your answer is IN your question. They are MALES. Are you saying as a female you dont find any other guy other than your boyfriend or husband attractive any longer? Stop acting so innocent. This guy liked porn BEFORE he met you. DOnt kid yourself. Thinking that "the coming along of you" would put an end to that is YOU DREAMING. I've always felt that most women hate this not because it's senseless and degrading to other women, but simply because it involves watching other women, thus deflecting attention away from them. Not that they shouldn't be the center of attention in the sexual relationship... I guess some guys just don't know how to simplify their desires. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer I've always felt that most women hate this not because it's senseless and degrading to other women, but simply because it involves watching other women, thus deflecting attention away from them. I'd say it's a bit of both. If my partner wanted to watch beautiful women having fun with eachother on DVD then I might feel a bit inadequate. I wouldn't hate the porn for that reason, and I wouldn't judge him for wanting to watch it, but being exposed to it would certainly irritate me if I were feeling in "fed up and feeling unsexy" mood. If it's that "pushing the boundaries" Max Hardcore crap then yes, I hate porn...but not for the reasons you suggest. Link to post Share on other sites
EasyComeEasyGo Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 I've been with men who could care less about porn - they're more obsessed with fishing and hunting or sports. Find a guy like that and you'll be much happier. Guys who spend alot of time alone with their porn are basically worthless. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 not every guy is a porn addict. I don't know what to tell you other than he most likley wont stop watching it regardless of how you feel about it. Three options: - leave him - try and deal with it - start watching porn with him and see if that excites him...I'd think msot guys would get hella turned on if their girl watched porn with them If I were in your shoes I'd probably try the 3rd option and if it felt too weird or if the guy didn't care then I'd leave him. Sorry that you have to deal with this stress/issue...it is something so silly (not your feelings on it but the porn) humans shouldn't have to waste time on. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Its got nothing to do with thinking its degrading to women. The proof of that is the fact that most women only get up in arms about it when it effects THEM. Then its "degrading to women". Whatever. Its, cut and dry, simply that its husbands looking at OTHER women. Women are catty. Im one of them. Atleast I can admit it. They want to think that they are the ONLY ONE that their husbands are interested in. Its pretty selfish when you think about it. These are the same women that fantasize about Brad Pitt or some old high school BF. Women look at hot guys every day. How do you suddenly become NOT attracted to handsome guys simply because you're in a relationship or married??? It doesnt happen. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones Its got nothing to do with thinking its degrading to women. The proof of that is the fact that most women only get up in arms about it when it effects THEM. Then its "degrading to women". Whatever. Its, cut and dry, simply that its husbands looking at OTHER women. Women are catty. Im one of them. Atleast I can admit it. What makes you so sure that all other women think in the same way that you do? Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 What makes you think that a man should give up whatever you decide that he should? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones What makes you think that a man should give up whatever you decide that he should? I don't. I think it's better to avoid blundering through life in that sort of overbearing, blinkered manner. Don't you agree? Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by lindya I don't. I think it's better to avoid blundering through life in that sort of overbearing, blinkered manner. Don't you agree? what r u talkin about? Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 One thing I've recently learned about myself lately, is another reason that I hate porn. I was really innocent when I got married (I'd had sex before...but that's about all I'd done...had sex...plain and simple...) so I was buying sexy lingerie, and sexy clothes...and my husband was unaffected by it. Then I'd find porn. So he liked to watch other women flaunt around...but not me. How am I supposed to feel sexy, when I'm just a regular old good looking woman? I didn't have fake breasts...I didn't have blonde hair...I didn't have proffessional makeup...I didn't know what noises to make during sex to make it hot. I didn't know anything! And then I have a husband who is completely disinterested in my efforts, but would pay money to watch other women do what I his wife was trying to do for free! The only thing that helped my confidence was getting fake breasts, losing ten pounds, wearing more makeup, fixing my hair, and then doing everything HE wanted in bed. And then the idiot still watched porn. It finally occured to me that I wasn't in competition with these porn sluts, because I was doing everything and MORE than they were doing, and my husband STILL wanted to watch porn So finally, I got sick of making all this effort (fixing my hair when I was home...wearing makeup...giving freaking blow jobs every other day...) so I let him have his porn, and I got lazy I still hate it that if I don't feel like having sex one night, that I'd better do it any way, because if I don't, he'll run down the hall and masterbate, and then won't approach me for a month, because "I only have sex when I want to." If I look at him, and say, "No, we only have sex when YOU want to." then he'd say, "I dont' need sex...I've got my hand." That makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER Yes, I know my husband's an ass, yes I know we should get counselling...bla bla bla bla bla. I barely have time to breath..much less councelling. And he'd rather starve to death than drive two miles for a big mac, so he certainly isn't going to go...I guess I'm just not worth it So there's probably a divorce in my future..don't know how distant the future...maybe another ten years before I finally give up on making this relationship anything that I can be even remotely happy with So to the origional poster...you've already wasted four years on this guy...no, there probably isn't a man out there who would give up porn to make his woman happy, but I think he's worth looking for whether he exists or not. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 I learned long ago that you cant compete with porn. Doesnt matter what you do. Porn will ALWAYS win. You know why? Because the very fact that these actresses ARENT their wives is HOT in unto itself. Guy love it because its a strange woman they dont even know, yet, here they are naked and having sex. THATS WHY ITS SO HOT FOR ALOT OF MEN. The very fact that these ARENT their wives. Everyone has a grill at home, right? Ive had one for about 9 years. I still go to McDonalds once in a while. Link to post Share on other sites
chaos70 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Whoa sister....let's stop the train here. You need to find out first if there is a reason for the porn. Maybe it is attention he seeks and he is either thinking that you wouldn't be open to it...or he really can't make the difference between the two. I speak for the guys who did have a porn addiction and my own reasoning was that I got tired of being the one to initiate sex, and more so when she would lash out at me. It got really to the point where I felt undesirable and needed that feeling of intimacy. Men sometimes are emotionally stupid and do stupid things. But a war of attrition makes the situation MUCH worse. It will confirm his own fears. I'm not saying give into his carnal desires each time he needs to hump, but find out what it is about the porn that he is appealed to. Maybe you can find common ground? Or maybe it is too wacky for you to handle...but you can't help an addiction unless you are willing to understand why. If you confront him, he will try to dodge the question...same goes if it was a drug addiction. They have interventions, but in rehab they to make the people understand why it is they seek solace in that addiction rather than simply quitting cold turkey. I see one thing in this...do you know that he actually PURSUED a physical relationship with another women? He maybe drawing that line and seeking solace in fantasy rather than reality...which is good to a degree. It means that you could view it as an addiction and he can make steps to overcome it. If it helps, I actually hated going to strip clubs but found myself addicted to online porn. Because I wasn't getting any attention at home. Believe me, I tried. Giving flowers were intrepreted as a sign to doing something wrong, or at any point all my gestures of love and attention were miscontrued. I couldn't fathom the thought of even cheating on her to get that attention I wanted, but was able to say to myself...it's just a video and you can't be cheating with a video. All I'm saying is if you are willing to stop of the cold war, you might find out why. If the why isn't to your liking, then you can say he is sick...or whatever....but if you value your marriage and somewhere love him, you will want to know what is the real catalyst for it. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones what r u talkin about? lol. talking about you "being blinkered and overbearing" is my guess, and reading your posts i'd agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Angeleyez2583 Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 I love porn. I'm a girl and I love it. Like most people said on here, if he's not having sex with you and spending all his time watching it I would worry. Otherwise, don't stress it so much. Tell him not to watch it when you're around. Link to post Share on other sites
questioveritas Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by Starnette83 I always find my bf watching porn,. to a stupid point where i dont even bother getting mad anymore and i just bottle it up inside, but this is way to stupid!!!! i just found a lesbian dvd and this is too much, what the hell??? I DONT ****EN UNDERSTAND! are all guys such pigs that they need to see other girls, **** and see them with their tits exposed???? gosh iw ould be more ocmprehensive if he was single, but im his girl for over 4 years..i just dont think i wanna be with someone like this forever, but then again is their any guy out there who is willing not ot look at this crap??? its like a stupid addiction! I think it is an addiction, and it can definitely destroy marriages. I remember there was a Dr. Phil show about pornography, and I was reading the message boards afterwards to find that they were full of posts by women who say their marriages were destroyed by pornography. I wouldn't be surprised if the prevalence of pornography is a a big part of the reason why over half of all marriages end in divorce. I also think you should be more understanding of his position. He probably had pornography pushed on him when he was very young, (12-17 year old boys are its biggest consumers) and he is probably addicted to it, desensitized to it, and doesn't see anything wrong with it given today's culture. I think you should definitely tell him how you feel and suggest going to counselling. Even if he doesn't think pornography is morally wrong (although it might be worth telling him how the sex industry destroys lives and exploits already vulnerable people for money, how it makes you feel unsafe and vulnerable in a negative way becuase of the things he must be thinking and the way he approaches sex with you), if he loves you he should be willing to stop for you. Tell him how serious it is. Tell him how horrible it makes you feel. Tell him you're thinking of leaving him unless he changes. Give him a chance to truly change. Suggest counselling. If he still isn't willing, then leave because otherwise you'll just set yourself up for a lifetime of misery. Link to post Share on other sites
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