Toni_no12002 Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 Hi, everyones ganging up on me lol im only kidding i know your not! well as you have said that it is not real.But they are still real people arent they?I mean would you buy a video of some women you saw down the street?whys it any different? I know i have a problem with it but if i could change my feelings like a switch i would.I dont agree that people seem to think its ok to go purposely looking at other women to get off.I mean whats right about it.It says i want to look at other women naked!well it does. I know no ones ever going to agree with my views.i know im insecure and im getting help about it.But i still dont think i will ever agree to porn really. I really feel uncomfortable about the whole porn thing and yes i know that people dont see anything wrong with it.He doesnt look anymore but if he did and i really dont like it and it upsets me.What would you say to do?Would you just stop your feelings?Not that you can.like you say about the porn men cant help the way they feel about porn so why do people expect me to change my views that quick?I dont think i am wrong in not liking porn not everyone has the same views. But if a boyfriend totally ignored his girlfriends feelings about porn wouldnt that be just as selfish as telling him to stop? Relationships are supposed to work both ways.Dont my feelings count because really that it what you are saying to me.To ignore them! Link to post Share on other sites
kscholze Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 as a man I do not look at porn when I am in a relationship unless I havent seen her in like 2 weeks. When I am with someone I am 100% no other girl holds a candle to her and in turn she gives me all the satisfaction I need Link to post Share on other sites
Topper Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 Porn has been around forever. Some of the earliest works of art produced by humans could be looked at as porn. I do understand your views and your feeling against Porn. You ask why should you change your views? It may not be a matter of you changing but you finding out why you have gotten so upset. The two of you need to find some balance. You seem to be stuck in a position that Porn and his viewing Porn is evil! You are the maiden of virtue fighting this evil and you don't understand why everyone isn't behind you fighting the good fight against this evil. I'm not getting down on you . You both need to work this out and soon. You both need to respect each other. I don't see much of that by you or him. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 But they are still real people arent they? You don't know them. They are 2D images. You can't smell them or see them 3D. They don't interact with you. You will never meet them. You know nothing about them whatsoever. Therefore there is no relationship whatsoever. It's no worse than you drooling over Brad Pitt on the TV. You don't love your bf any less because you like to look at a hot movie star, do you? Or do you? Maybe that's the problem. The way they say cheaters accuse their partners of cheating - maybe people who fear porn are people who find their affection for their own partners is diminished by looking at others. Maybe it's you who looks at Brad and thinks 'if only my bf would dye his hair that hot yellowy colour then I'd *really* be into him' and so you think your bf does the same??? I could be on to something here. Link to post Share on other sites
ButtonPusher Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 This porn debate just keeps going on and on! I'm with scholzy on this, and we seem to be in the minority. In my view (male), unless a couple are absolutely comfortable with the other person wanking over porn by themselves I think it is wrong to do it. A simple test for right and wrong for anything in this world is, to ask yourself "does doing this (whatever the act may be) hurt me? or does doing this thing hurt someone else?". In some cases girlfriends may not give a rats ass about their partners getting off on porn. But in this case, and I think the majority of women feel this way, this girl and some others in this thread are bothered by it and get hurt by it. So in these cases I would argue that it is wrong to do it. For you guys that keep telling women to get some maturity, and telling them that they have insecurity issues, we are talking about a few minutes of physical pleasure for your dick! I realise that many men are prisoners of their balls, and can't think far beyond gratifying their own pleasure. But I've always thought that being in a loving relationship with someone, had a greater depth than a purely physical level. I'm not saying that that is not important, but life isn't just about being able to have an orgasm. For men that think their gf's should be able to handle them jerking off to porn, ask yourselves whats more important. Being able to wank over a complete stranger, (that is most likely under the influence of drugs, but the morality of the porn industry is another issue), or staying with this person that you might be hoping is the right person for you to spend your life with. Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 Thankyou someone that understands where im coming from!Im not saying porn is wrong.Some couples like it and they can look at it to there hearts content but why should i have to change my feelings over it if he wont his? If porn isnt that important to these men like they say why wont they stop doing it if there partners get upset about it? I dont think everyone will ever agree on it and i dont think that those people who like porn are wrong but why am i so wrong not to like it? I dont like the idea of my bloke wanking off to some person on the net ot tv.But come on who does actually like it? Id never make my boyfriend stop doing it thats up to him but i dont think i should just change my feelings about it and hide my feelings for my partner if he wont change his thats unfair! Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 This porn debate just keeps going on and on! I'm with scholzy on this, and we seem to be in the minority. In my view (male), unless a couple are absolutely comfortable with the other person wanking over porn by themselves I think it is wrong to do it. A simple test for right and wrong for anything in this world is, to ask yourself "does doing this (whatever the act may be) hurt me? or does doing this thing hurt someone else?". It is a good rule of thumb. But, does the rule apply when one of the persons involved is insecure, or suffers from a problem? If my SO would be afraid of me driving a car, afraid that I might get into an accident, does that mean I should abstain from driving a car for as long as I would be with my SO? I hope not. If I wished to visit New Zealand, and my SO would have a fear of flying, does that mean I should give up my desire to visit New Zealand, to please her? I am afraid that it would create resentment. For you guys that keep telling women to get some maturity, and telling them that they have insecurity issues, we are talking about a few minutes of physical pleasure for your dick! Yes, and only a few minutes of self-inflicted agony, by the girls. I am not responsible for the thoughts a SO is having. If I only made $45 / hour, and my SO desires at least $50 / hour, am I supposed to feel inadequate because she has that thought. Or even worse, because I am "inadequate" in that department, break up with her? I realise that many men are prisoners of their balls, and can't think far beyond gratifying their own pleasure. But I've always thought that being in a loving relationship with someone, had a greater depth than a purely physical level. I'm not saying that that is not important, but life isn't just about being able to have an orgasm. And I thought being in a loving relationship meant something different from being a slave to every whimsical thought of another person. Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 I do understand where everyone is coming from because i myself know deep down that just because you are looking at someone else doesnt mean that they like there partner any less.But as i have a problem dont you think partners should help there partner and not make them feel even worse?I myself are going to counselling soon.But while i am going through this do you not think its fair for them to stop doing it while there trying to get better? I mean i know it is me winding myself up thinking that he likes these people better than me but i have had lots of issues in my past where i have not felt good enough and my ex did something to me over a year and a half.I am insecure yes, but that doesnt automatically make me immature!Because trust me im not! Just because i get upset over something like this doesnt mean i am acting like a child.Im nearly 21 years old have a boyfriend, a house, a kid so i have done alot of growing up.But if anything im not immature i dont know why people seem to think i am.Everyone has there problems.If someones depressed does that make them immature because they dont want to go out the house or do anything?NO.So why am i? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 Of course, we must consider people's past when they voice their opinions and concerns. You have hinted, that there are indeed issues, and that you are not too happy about that, Toni. And you are actively trying to deal with the issues, and that takes a lot of strength and character, for which you do deserve a lot of credit. I can imagine what may have happened in your past - and you don't have to share anything. And it can perfectly explain why you feel that way about the porn issue. If your boyfriend is aware of these issues, and willing to support you (which as a bf he should), then the request to him, to stop watching porn when you are around is not outlandish at all. Considering what you have reached, and what you have accomplished, you are not immature at all. The most important thing is that you have a clue where the whole issue is coming from. And are taking the steps to address the issues. I wish you the best with the counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
honeybunch2k5 Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 I completely agree with the OP. Men really don't need porn. Studies have proven that porn especially large amounts make real sex less fun and men lose interest in regular women's bodies. No wonder so many men have sexual dysfunction. And how is the average woman supposed to feel comfortable sexually with her husband if he just got done looking at extremely attractive sometimes airbrushed women? I'll admit even tho I think I am fairly attractive, I felt very self conscious after looking thru my ex's porn magazines. Then because his wife doesn't want to have sex and are definitely not as enthusiastic about sex as women in porn, he goes back to his computer and to the porn. I will say from personal experience porn makes men especially younger ones TERRIBLE lovers. Younger guys have no clue what foreplay is, and they expect you to moan with pleasure at the slightest touch like porn stars. Porn stars don't need foreplay,dates,or flowers, and thus, they are very convenient. And btw just because I don't like porn doesn't mean I'm prude. In fact, the opposite is true. Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 Hi thanks D'Arthez.Im waiting for counselling at the minute and i really hope it works.People seem to think that because i dont like my boyfriend looking at porn i am a controlling person or something.Im not ive never been able to boss anyone about im not that type of person.I think my issues in my past have led me to get really upset about things but even though i am getting help about it i dont think i will ever agree with my boyfriend looking at porn.Maybe thats selfish but maybe for me its about time i paid abit more attention to myself instead of always putting others first. I totally agree with honeybunch and as when i met my boyfriend he never had ,had sex before with anyone else.The only way he new was off porn vids and the like.The thing is that isnt real sex i mean who does them sorts of things really?And what women scream out when a man even touches you a little bit.Its so unrealistic.Sex just isnt like that.I think with all this porn stuff and things people have forgotten what making love is all about!When your in love and are making love to someone its about making each other happy and exploring things for yourselves.But because of porn men get the ridiculous idea that women like that sort of thing.In the videos its all perfect and realsically things dont happen like that you make mistakes but you can laugh about them. My boyfriend told me that he expected sex to be different.Not that he didnt enjoy it.But because of porn i cant help but feel that thats the reason men get dissapointed about sex. Link to post Share on other sites
baltimoregirl42 Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 I watch porn sometimes and find it enjoyable. The problem I have with my boyfriend watching porn is that although I'd like to have sex with him every day (and try to) he doesn't seem interested in having it more then once a week. However, I know for a FACT that he's jerking off every day while watching porn. In fact, he just moved and although he didn't pack up and move his desk, computer, lamp, or even food for the 1st night, his TV/DVD player and backpack full of porno DVD's were in his room all set up w/a DVD in the player. THIS is the problem I have with it. I'm left feeling sexually frustrated and undesireable because although he has no enery or desire to make love to me more then once a week, he can jerk off every day. WHAT GIVES?!?!?!?!?!?!? Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 Hi where as i dont like my boyfriend looking at porn altogether and i know i have a problem with that,but i think what your boyfriend is doing is wrong!Its like he choosing porn over you.There cant be anyone that dissagress with me on that is there??? i say you should talk to him and tell him how you feel.Either that or this will carry on,Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 i think what your boyfriend is doing is wrong!Its like he choosing porn over you.There cant be anyone that dissagress with me on that is there??? I doubt it. It's definitely not good when someone seems to be choosing porn over you but this, IMHO, is a trigger to examine the relationship. Are you two getting along real well otherwise? Men have posted here to say that they avoid sex with their wives when the relationship is bad. So the first diagnosis you have to make is what's up in the relationship before you start blaming the porn. Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 I do argree with you there maybe there is something wrong,but you will only find out by asking him.Anyway men confuse me lol so i aint a clue how there minds work.But as i see it what would looking at porn do to change things?if there is a problem i mean.Does that mean if there is a problem that men turn to porn?im confused lol sorry.I mean it cant be that hes not getting enough sex because she has said she tries to more often but its him that doesnt want it so why the porn.I think im just as confused as baltimoregirl.Sorry wasnt really much help there was i : Link to post Share on other sites
dnm1010 Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 this is what happens when someone is addicted to porn.. as it progresses they need more and more "visual" things to stimulate themselves to get them off.. its just what i read, not what ive experienced ... yet <gulp>... you should read about porn addictions.. they even have free groups like AA... called SA or something... Link to post Share on other sites
Ruff Ryder Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 I always find my bf watching porn,. to a stupid point where i dont even bother getting mad anymore and i just bottle it up inside, but this is way to stupid!!!! i just found a lesbian dvd and this is too much, what the hell??? I DONT ****EN UNDERSTAND! are all guys such pigs that they need to see other girls, **** and see them with their tits exposed???? gosh iw ould be more ocmprehensive if he was single, but im his girl for over 4 years..i just dont think i wanna be with someone like this forever, but then again is their any guy out there who is willing not ot look at this crap??? its like a stupid addiction!--------------------------------------- Guys do care. Real men should care. If he has that little respect for you and himself he is not worth it. If i were you id kiss his ass and throw him out but thats just me. He sounds like some one who doesnt deserve you nor your time. Sorry it sounds so harsh but thoes are the facts. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 I'd like to have sex with him every day (and try to) he doesn't seem interested in having it more then once a week. Baltimoregirl42 Marry me? Once a week?How old is he?Is his sex drive always low he could take supplements to increase his libido and satisfy you more Link to post Share on other sites
foStayingunregis Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 This is the worst thread I've ever come across. Some of you people must live in bubbles. Link to post Share on other sites
Drea Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Scarlyjones I honestly feel sorry for you. The reason behind a lot of women having a problem with a partner who watches porn is the fact by watching it/masturbating to it, they're imagining themselves with that woman. No one said that their partner is not suppose to look at other women, but he needs to have respect for himself, and if he has gotten in a relationship, respect for his partner. Plain and simple. Hell, I'm married, not dead, and of course I still appriciate other males, it's human nature. Masturbating to someone other then your partner to me is a small form of cheating, at least through your mind. Sometimes I'll admit we don't have control over our thoughts, but to purposly seek out something that we know what it will lead to is wrong. It hurts a relationship, and when it begins to do that certain sacrifices need to be made. When a man (or woman) makes a commitment to another, if the other knows how one feels about it, they either need to change their habit, or cut their losses. It's how a relationship grows and lasts. If someone loves another enough to commit to them, they need love them enough to not hurt them needlessly. I'm not anti-porn either by the way. I enjoy watching pornos with my husband together and pleasuring eachother. Nor do I have a problem with taping us or taking nude pictures of myself for him. No biggy, it's the solo bid that causes problems. Link to post Share on other sites
omfg Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 GET OFF YOUR COMPUTERS, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, THERE IS A BIG OLD WORLD THERE TO LOOK AT!!!! who cares about porn, if you have a strong relationship lil ****ty crap like that doesnt matter! Link to post Share on other sites
Maestro Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 make a movie with him..... LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 The reason behind a lot of women having a problem with a partner who watches porn is the fact by watching it/masturbating to it, they're imagining themselves with that woman Oh really? And how do you know that? I put it to you that you are wrong about this; that you're just making unsupported assumptions. Anyway men confuse me lol so i aint a clue how there minds work.But as i see it what would looking at porn do to change things?if there is a problem i mean.Does that mean if there is a problem that men turn to porn?im confused lol sorry. It goes like this: when there are problems, that distances the couple. He or she doesn't feel like having sex with the spouse because of the bad feelings. Women may not be as horny because stress really wipes out the female libido but men still are horny despite the problems because that's how men work - testosterone is the culprit. So the horny men who aren't feeling good about the marriages masturbate instead and use porn for that. Link to post Share on other sites
cleverbird Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 As I am a dancer at a local peep show I have a first hand account of the amusing and rather predictable attitudes that men have of naked women. Porn is carnal, it is dirty and it is necessary for the survival of the species and for the sake of any marrage. Gasp...how could I say such things? because the truth of the matter is...men desire many women in search to spread their seed. Women tend to gravitate to finding security for the biological reasons of child rearring. Men who spread their seed are not the best canidates for fathers, and women tend to naturally look for signs of this sort of behavior. They might even be in denial of the fact. But the matter lies still in the fact that the said desires do not go away with societies regulations or rules. You can not rid the man of biological desire, you can only repress. Which only leads to the question....is it safe to repress the sexual desires of a man? There are many examples of repression having a negetive effect sexually.... Catholic church priests....men who rape...men who express their tension through pysical violence....cheating...the list goes on. The bottom line is, would you rather have your boyfriend/husband look at porn...jack off....release himself from his bological angst, or repress his needs and risk having him cheat on you or worse? It is a very dangerous thing indeed to deny or repress desire...even if it risks the delicate balence of societies sacred cow. But then again....I am just a peep show dancer ....what do I know about men Link to post Share on other sites
Blondie445 Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 God made marriage between a man and a woman ....that is what the vows of marriage is about. "Forsaking ALL others" that means porn people. Paper, computer or flesh it is wrong. Dont take the vow if you are not going to keep it. That is what a vow is ...to live by. No one said it was going to be easy. Marriage is not easy and should not be entered into lightly. Men and women take your vows to heart. I dont believe it is biological for a man to spread his seed. He should pick wisely and spread his seed with his wife! Link to post Share on other sites
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