I want to stay friends with my ex-mistress

[ABCDE12345]

If your marriage is that dysfunctional as you said, be brave and divorce your wife. Both she and you will have another chance to live happily for the remaining years. Maintaining the status quote may be less painful now, but it destroys both of you gradually. You don't want to have that regret on your dead bed.

 

I believe you know your answer, you just need a affirmation and nerves to take the big decision.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Thank you for the advice

[MidwestUSA]

Even though she's trying to be a better person, she's not a better wife. She still spends a lot of money and she uses the excuse that she's too old to get a job now. I really should just divorce her.

 

How old is 'too old to get a job'?

 

I'm going to be working past my retirement age, I'm sure. Hey, fast food places are heading towards paying $15 an hour. She needs to jump in now.

 

What does she spend money on?

[ABCDE12345]

How old is 'too old to get a job'?

 

I'm going to be working past my retirement age, I'm sure. Hey, fast food places are heading towards paying $15 an hour. She needs to jump in now.

 

What does she spend money on?

 

She is in her mid 60s. She hasn't had any work experience for the past 20 years. She spends money on parties to keep up with her rich friends, expensive trips, country club membership, lavish gifts for her relatives, stuff we don't need and I don't want from the mall. We aren't rich to begin with but she acts like we are.

[cocorico]

Dump her and let her find another host to live parasitically off.

[sandylee1]

So you married around 40+ and she never worked?

 

I agree that she's a bit old now and has been out of the workforce for so long.

 

Was she working when you met?

 

I don't understand why anyone would want to stay at home without kids especially. It must be so boring.

 

I reckon divorce will cost you a lot now though.

A court will see that she's not that employable any more and she'll have half your retirement probably.

 

You really should have insisted she worked when you got married.

[ABCDE12345]

So you married around 40+ and she never worked?

 

I agree that she's a bit old now and has been out of the workforce for so long.

 

Was she working when you met?

 

I don't understand why anyone would want to stay at home without kids especially. It must be so boring.

 

I reckon divorce will cost you a lot now though.

A court will see that she's not that employable any more and she'll have half your retirement probably.

 

You really should have insisted she worked when you got married.

 

She's a lot older than me so I was 30 when I married her. Before we married she had a job and claimed to be independent and career oriented. That changed the day we got married. You are right I should have insisted she work. I let decades go by without dealing with the issues. Yes she will get half my retirement if I divorce her. But right now she gets more than half staying married to me because she spends so much without making any money. Even though I don't want to be with her anymore, there is a part of me that feels sorry for her and I stay in the marriage.

[Sylvia Smith]

I feel for you. I can understand that it must be hard being in this situation. Why do you call the other lady your mistress? I think she should be addressed more respectfully since you have special feelings for her. But that's beside the point.

 

You clearly sound like you have lost interest in your marriage. Have you ever bothered to ask what your wife feels? Maybe she is suffering too - perhaps even more. You went ahead and found yourself another friend while she continued working on herself to improve the situation between you two. I think its time to be kind to her as well. If you cannot stick in the marriage, then leave and give happiness a chance for yourself as well as for your wife. Who knows, this may be a new beginning for your wife as well.