My mother hasn't contacted me in months

[DatingDirection]

When i think about it, it hurts me alot. My mother hasn't bothered to contact me at all, since our last fall out. The last time we spoke, her husband and I got into a bad arugment, he eneded up calling me a parasite, for wanting to borrow 40 dollars for food. My mother was going to say yes, but of course, he had the final say, and that was just a no, followed by name calling. He's been this way since i was a child. He wasn't very nice with me at all.

 

So, im a bit releaved not speaking to my mother. Last time she was over at my place, she burst out in tears, and said her husband bough TP for me, and she thought i would take it as he's making fun of me. Which, i really do think that was his point, that i couldn't even afford TP, here is some. That's what your worth. I mean why else would my mother start to cry, and assume i would think that way, if it wasn't true, and if that hasn't been the case in the past.

 

Is this normal, that my mother doesn't contact me to see if im alive and well? I don't want to talk to her, talking to her just makes my life more complicated, and it hurts alot to converse with her. She is cold, and doesn't seem to have that motherly instict about her, or caring, or conscious about her, when it comes to me and my sisters and brother, they don't speak with her either.

 

AM i abnormal, for not wanting to talk to my mother? She's just abandonded me, like she did even when i lived with her, for years she left me alone in my room, put herself and her husbands desires first, and really didn't care about how he treated me or how i felt. When i was 12 years old, i tried to kill myself, bc he made me so depressed living in that house with him. I'm an adult now, young adult, and it's still hard to make ends meet, and i struggle with depression and anxiety.

[Tayla]

So sorry that your experiencing this glitch in your relationship. I wonder if in your moms own way she is keeping her distance as a way to show respect for you so you may heal?

 

I've done some whoppers as a parent and none to proud of those deeds, yet somewhere along the way I had to learn to step back, access my harm done, let the smoke clear...and then make amends. Maybe her way is to let you live your life. It doesn't sound pleasant though does it? Yet somewhere along the way, you'll grow ...and forgive her ....and heavens willing, find a way to communicate and rebuild some fondness. For now, be good to you, and know that you are indeed loved.....by the person looking back at you in the mirror. Once you grasp that YOU are indeed soo loved, life will take a wonderous turn.

 

Take care and peace to you.

[LivingWaterPlease]

DatingDirection, I'm so sorry for how you've been treated by your parents and your mom in particular and I understand. No you're not abnormal, your mother is. What you describe is not the normal adolescent/young adult tension between parents and child.

 

The good news is that this doesn't have to define your life and you can heal from it, though your mother may never change and you may always have scars from it.

 

I understand what you're going through as I have the same sort of relationship with my mother. I'm much older than you are, though I still deal with the longing for my mother and the feelings of rejection by her sometimes.

 

My mom is very old now but she's still the same way and I have faced the fact that she always will be. I love her but I don't care to be around her as she is focused on herself and her interests rather than on her children or others.

 

What I did was to early in life become a people pleaser with my teachers (teachers pet!) and as I've gotten older and realized I had a neediness that was beyond a human's ability to meet I've devoted a lot of time and effort to getting to know God through Jesus Christ. Though I didn't do this in response to the issues with my mom, I was delighted as it began to change everything for me in my life and has done much to heal the pain of my mom's rejection.

 

I read scripture and pray daily in order to connect with God and have been surprised to learn there is a relationship anyone can have with God that is very healing and uplifting.

 

I now call my mother once every two to six weeks and talk with her for about five, ten minutes at most, as she doesn't usually care to talk with me longer than that. She rarely calls me.

 

She's quite elderly, has buried two husbands and has met the next one she plans to be married to at some point.

 

My relationship with my dad was also pretty bad, probably worse than the one with my mother, when I was a child. Thankfully, though, when I was about nine or ten years old he got involved with knowing Jesus Christ through reading the Bible and prayer. This totally changed him gradually over the course of many years and by the time he died he was a very loving man and he and I had a great relationship which I'm very thankful for.

 

Psalm 27:10 says, "Though my father and mother forsake me the Lord will take me up." New International Version

 

Isaiah 49:10 says, "“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!"

 

These texts are true and I challenge you when you're ready to do so to get a Bible if you don't have one and begin reading in the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, the first four books in the New Testament which is the second part of the Bible. You probably know about the Old and New Testament but I wrote it just in case you haven't heard of it). Before you read ask God to work through your reading to impress you with the things He wants you to know. You'll be amazed at how this will change your life and your perspective.

 

Another benefit of getting to know Christ Jesus personally is that He will put people in your life who are loving that you can have good healthy relationships with. He has really done this for me! Psalm 68:6 "He places the lonely in families."

 

I'm sending you hugs, dear one! You are very very special to God and He will show you how special you are when you get to know Him!

Edited August 19, 2015 by LivingWaterPlease