unblocked...then blocked again..more lost than ever

[WiselyNaive]

I really dont understand completely what i did to him...but after nagging the hell out of him about unblocking me for two days after he first blocked me...he finally did..we spoke on the phone..not many answers...still very convinced he left me for someone else and was cheating but he didnt admit it...anyway i didnt bother him, didnt message him at all, had planned to go NC....we were friends on whatsapp...i felt better knowing i wasnt blocked and it was giving me strength...then i was trying to delete (not block) him from whatsapp to stop myself from seeing his pictures and if anyone knows how whatsapp is my hand touched the call button i hung up immediately...actually thought it didnt go through but I was wrong cause few minutes later he messaged me saying "you called"...i felt obligated to respond though i went nc cause it just looked like i was playing games by calling and not responding

 

explained it was an accident & he said ok....and then proceeded to ask me why he needed to have me unblocked..i calmly explained that it genuinely made me feel better knowing there was a line of communication open for if it was ever needed and that while i was blocked i incessantly called and emailed and from the second he unblocked me i havent said a word so i just think ts healthier & better for us both...he then proceeds to block me again...which immediately makes me call to which he doesnt answer...i really felt strong today and now i feel horrible again..idk why he has so much control over me...

 

 

but more importantly he has NEVER acted like this before..blocking etc...i dont get it...why did he reblock me...why so cold out the blue?...i genuinely believe there is someone else...but even if he is blocking me for another woman its cold & sudden...why unblock me and call in the first place just to reblock me even though i havent messaged you? it almost feels like he is trying to be cruel...and im not sure what i did

 

 

im totally confused..i really believe if i had him on whatsapp a little longer without speaking and he had blocked me later down fornever talking it wouldnt have bothered me cause id be on my way with NC....I guess he really wants me to know he doesnt want me in his life at all..why? idk....

 

 

i feel defeated after a good day.

 

there is a brightside though...it didnt make me feel like i wanted him back at all just made me want answers.

 

if i wasnt bothering him and he knows blocking me would make me bother him why not just delete me?..he told me he blocked me to avoid confrontation not as a method of moving on...i didnt say anything to him so...what?

[JewelD]

I really dont understand completely what i did to him...but after nagging the hell out of him about unblocking me for two days after he first blocked me...he finally did..we spoke on the phone..not many answers...still very convinced he left me for someone else and was cheating but he didnt admit it...anyway i didnt bother him, didnt message him at all, had planned to go NC....we were friends on whatsapp...i felt better knowing i wasnt blocked and it was giving me strength...then i was trying to delete (not block) him from whatsapp to stop myself from seeing his pictures and if anyone knows how whatsapp is my hand touched the call button i hung up immediately...actually thought it didnt go through but I was wrong cause few minutes later he messaged me saying "you called"...i felt obligated to respond though i went nc cause it just looked like i was playing games by calling and not responding

 

explained it was an accident & he said ok....and then proceeded to ask me why he needed to have me unblocked..i calmly explained that it genuinely made me feel better knowing there was a line of communication open for if it was ever needed and that while i was blocked i incessantly called and emailed and from the second he unblocked me i havent said a word so i just think ts healthier & better for us both...he then proceeds to block me again...which immediately makes me call to which he doesnt answer...i really felt strong today and now i feel horrible again..idk why he has so much control over me...

 

 

but more importantly he has NEVER acted like this before..blocking etc...i dont get it...why did he reblock me...why so cold out the blue?...i genuinely believe there is someone else...but even if he is blocking me for another woman its cold & sudden...why unblock me and call in the first place just to reblock me even though i havent messaged you? it almost feels like he is trying to be cruel...and im not sure what i did

 

 

im totally confused..i really believe if i had him on whatsapp a little longer without speaking and he had blocked me later down fornever talking it wouldnt have bothered me cause id be on my way with NC....I guess he really wants me to know he doesnt want me in his life at all..why? idk....

 

 

i feel defeated after a good day.

 

there is a brightside though...it didnt make me feel like i wanted him back at all just made me want answers.

 

if i wasnt bothering him and he knows blocking me would make me bother him why not just delete me?..he told me he blocked me to avoid confrontation not as a method of moving on...i didnt say anything to him so...what?

 

This is ur ex right? You shouldn't have nagged or asked him to unblock you. You're not drawing strength from being unblocked, it just makes you feel better because you think he cares if he unblocks you. He shouldn't have to block you for you not to call incessantly. It's not healthy for him, you just think its healthy for you to be unblocked.

 

You can't ask your ex to do things (outside of leaving you alone) in order to move on. That's just not how it works. If they cared that much to oblige, they wouldn't be your ex. You wouldn't know if he had blocked you or not if you were actually NC.

 

You're not together, it should be obvious why he might block you. I blocked my ex bc I didn't wanna see what he was doing and I didn't want him to see what I was doing. I didn't want to hear from him. Of course, you can eventually break the person down and get them to talk to you, but they're usually doing it out of guilt.

 

If you want to move on, just stop talking to him. Stop checking your connections with him, or better yet, delete them. and don't rely on him to help you to move on. Rely on your friends, your family and yourself.

[La.Primavera]

Honestly, he is blocking you because he doesn't want you in his life. He gave in an unblocked you because as you put it, you nagged the hell out of him about it for two days. Then when you "accidentally" called him he realized that you haven't moved on and that the cycle was probably going to start all over again so he blocked you. You proved him right by calling him again.

 

I know it is hard but you have to realize that the only way you are going to move on is to go no contact which includes no social media access to him. Using it as a security blanket isn't going to help you get over him, it will only make things harder.

 

For your own sake you need to let him go. He doesn't want to be with you. You might think blocking you is cruel and unnecessary but you can't force yourself on him. He has the right to move on and so do you. You deserve to be happy!

[WiselyNaive]

Honestly, he is blocking you because he doesn't want you in his life. He gave in an unblocked you because as you put it, you nagged the hell out of him about it for two days. Then when you "accidentally" called him he realized that you haven't moved on and that the cycle was probably going to start all over again so he blocked you. You proved him right by calling him again.

 

I know it is hard but you have to realize that the only way you are going to move on is to go no contact which includes no social media access to him. Using it as a security blanket isn't going to help you get over him, it will only make things harder.

 

For your own sake you need to let him go. He doesn't want to be with you. You might think blocking you is cruel and unnecessary but you can't force yourself on him. He has the right to move on and so do you. You deserve to be happy!

 

 

well there is no need for me to lie on this site lol..this site is about help not judgement so if it was a breakdown i wouldve admitted it...it genuinely was an accident and he knows that, or he should lol...that was never the issue & i hate that on a support site im being accused of lying...for what purpose? im on a heartbreak forum for god sakes im not embarrassed to admit if i called my ex on purpose...i dont know you guys...no need for me to lie...my ex loves me...we do not want to be together but he has the upper hand (right now)...we are both trying to move on...I just don't want to be blocked for various reasons & i dont see why he is doing this...im friends with some of my exes...my only intention is for him to be a friend one day and not an ex i cant speak to, i deserve to be happy..we all do...demonizing our exes doesnt help us move on...he is still a human..i still care...and i am sure he does too...i think people on this site try to be too robotic at times...emotions are fluid...no need to be that cynical...i just wanted support.

[JewelD]

well there is no need for me to lie on this site lol..this site is about help not judgement so if it was a breakdown i wouldve admitted it...it genuinely was an accident and he knows that, or he should lol...that was never the issue & i hate that on a support site im being accused of lying...for what purpose? im on a heartbreak forum for god sakes im not embarrassed to admit if i called my ex on purpose...i dont know you guys...no need for me to lie...my ex loves me...we do not want to be together but he has the upper hand (right now)...we are both trying to move on...I just don't want to be blocked for various reasons & i dont see why he is doing this...im friends with some of my exes...my only intention is for him to be a friend one day and not an ex i cant speak to, i deserve to be happy..we all do...demonizing our exes doesnt help us move on...he is still a human..i still care...and i am sure he does too...i think people on this site try to be too robotic at times...emotions are fluid...no need to be that cynical...i just wanted support.

 

Some people can be a bit harsh on this site, but I don't think this is one of those threads. Your breakup must be somewhat fresh because you're still having trouble with it. You still care about him, but once you move on, you'll see that what he's doing is not 'love'. He has the upperhand because you're giving it to him. If he cared, he wouldn't keep blocking you and unblocking you.

 

If you want to move on, you have to let go. That doesn't mean light his picture on fire or wish death upon him, but it does mean you have to stop caring about him for awhile. You have to stop believing he has your best interests in mind because he is showing you that he doesn't care that much. You have to let those intense feelings die down a bit. If you try to be his friend now or keep a line open, you'll never get over him.

 

If he wants to be friends with you in the future, he knows how to get in touch with you. You don't have to be the one worrying about that if you're trying to move on from him. You may find that once you get over him that you don't even care about being his friend anymore.

 

Trust me, I've been there. If you keep talking to him or trying to hold onto him, he's going to keep pulling away, it's going to hurt you even more, and you most definitely will never be friends.

[WiselyNaive]

Some people can be a bit harsh on this site, but I don't think this is one of those threads. Your breakup must be somewhat fresh because you're still having trouble with it. You still care about him, but once you move on, you'll see that what he's doing is not 'love'. He has the upperhand because you're giving it to him. If he cared, he wouldn't keep blocking you and unblocking you.

 

If you want to move on, you have to let go. That doesn't mean light his picture on fire or wish death upon him, but it does mean you have to stop caring about him for awhile. You have to stop believing he has your best interests in mind because he is showing you that he doesn't care that much. You have to let those intense feelings die down a bit. If you try to be his friend now or keep a line open, you'll never get over him.

 

If he wants to be friends with you in the future, he knows how to get in touch with you. You don't have to be the one worrying about that if you're trying to move on from him. You may find that once you get over him that you don't even care about being his friend anymore.

 

Trust me, I've been there. If you keep talking to him or trying to hold onto him, he's going to keep pulling away, it's going to hurt you even more, and you most definitely will never be friends.

 

thank you..this really spoke to me...you're right, i appreciate your response <3

[La.Primavera]

You are right, this is a support forum, but you will not always get the answer you want. I was answering your question about why he blocked you again. I'm sorry that you didn't like what I had to say but it was an honest answer as to why I think he did it. He thinks you aren't over him.

 

I didn't say it to be mean but to try and help you see it from a different perspective. That's all.

[kenmore]

Hi WiselyNaive, I'm replying to your original post. I have read most of the others but don't know that they make my line of thinking more clear, so I wish to concentrate on what you originally said.

 

You "nagged him" I get that and understand.

 

My wife blocked me on FB right off, long before she filed for divorce. Neither of us had been active on FB before we separated, so blocking me seemed harsh...it happened right after a "friend request" from me, even though we had been friends there before. She actually called me to tell me she is not going to be FB friends (nor any other kind apparently), so f*ck off. A bit harsh?

 

So, in your situation I completely understand why you would be confused by his unblocking then reblocking you! You obviously suspect he's cheating, that's very hard. I wouldn't infer that because he blocked you but his actions do seem to show he's "done."

 

Your problem came from the fact that you wanted him to be available to you "for discussion" and he "discussed" then "re-blocked." He obviously doesn't want to talk, but that doesn't leave the matter settled, it solves his issues.

 

Here's what I think YOU need: You need separation, reflection, and a new reference point. At the moment, your reference point is him. That's unhealthy for you. Here's a totally weird reference:

 

I use Solidworks. It's a computer program that allows me to design parts. I can assemble them in the computer and if they don't fit, I can edit them, but as I do so, I need to be sure I'm editing the right part of the assembly. Do you understand what I'm saying?

 

It uses references. I have too often referenced a "front plane" of part A when editing part B, then later, it doesn't know what the reference is because it's not saved with the part. You are part A. You are trying to reference something within his part, part B.

 

Sorry if I'm too much of a geek. It's my living currently, so that's where my head is until someone drags it out! I do feel though, that you need to eliminate all references to him as I do in all of my Solidworks parts! I have NO references to him at all...LOL

 

Anyway, I wish you the best and your best bet at least for the time being is to just forget him, stop referencing him, stop thinking about him and focus on your life...but then I doubt I'm telling you anything you don't know. Big hugs!

 

Ken

[WiselyNaive]

Hi WiselyNaive, I'm replying to your original post. I have read most of the others but don't know that they make my line of thinking more clear, so I wish to concentrate on what you originally said.

 

You "nagged him" I get that and understand.

 

My wife blocked me on FB right off, long before she filed for divorce. Neither of us had been active on FB before we separated, so blocking me seemed harsh...it happened right after a "friend request" from me, even though we had been friends there before. She actually called me to tell me she is not going to be FB friends (nor any other kind apparently), so f*ck off. A bit harsh?

 

So, in your situation I completely understand why you would be confused by his unblocking then reblocking you! You obviously suspect he's cheating, that's very hard. I wouldn't infer that because he blocked you but his actions do seem to show he's "done."

 

Your problem came from the fact that you wanted him to be available to you "for discussion" and he "discussed" then "re-blocked." He obviously doesn't want to talk, but that doesn't leave the matter settled, it solves his issues.

 

Here's what I think YOU need: You need separation, reflection, and a new reference point. At the moment, your reference point is him. That's unhealthy for you. Here's a totally weird reference:

 

I use Solidworks. It's a computer program that allows me to design parts. I can assemble them in the computer and if they don't fit, I can edit them, but as I do so, I need to be sure I'm editing the right part of the assembly. Do you understand what I'm saying?

 

It uses references. I have too often referenced a "front plane" of part A when editing part B, then later, it doesn't know what the reference is because it's not saved with the part. You are part A. You are trying to reference something within his part, part B.

 

Sorry if I'm too much of a geek. It's my living currently, so that's where my head is until someone drags it out! I do feel though, that you need to eliminate all references to him as I do in all of my Solidworks parts! I have NO references to him at all...LOL

 

Anyway, I wish you the best and your best bet at least for the time being is to just forget him, stop referencing him, stop thinking about him and focus on your life...but then I doubt I'm telling you anything you don't know. Big hugs!

 

Ken

 

 

haha i tried very hard to understand your analogy & i think i do, a bit...thankyou this was comforting & insightful i may come back to read this whenever i feel down....but hear me out on something: because I know him...i believe i have a clearer picture than the people who are trying to help...i come on here in very emotional states...like right after something has happened and so i probably also make him sound worse than he is...this behavior from him is very new to me...i may sound delusional but apart of me is convinced he is trying to hurt me...and that he actually was upset i had stopped calling and nagging..like he felt loss of power...like he was more upset i got him to unblock me then didnt speak to him at all than anything else...but I think thats just because i know him & hey...maybe i am wrong.

 

we ended up speaking on the phone (i called and he eventually answered) he kept saying stuff like..."but you dont have anything to say why do you need to be unblocked" then..."you are acting like im so important to you what if you had put this effort in before" (i always acted like he was important), he kept referencing the past when i was talking about something totally different and every time he did i said "look its not about that, that relationship is over, we dont want to be together & thats fine but i dont feel like we need to be blocked to not speak, it feels final & stresses me out & i have no intention of speaking to you if you dont want me to" & everytime i said that he got more upset. "well you can just pick up the phone and call you dont need to have me on whatsapp, once again if its not ur way its an issue even after we break up" (it was a fair point, i guess i could still just be trying to have control & he says i was too demanding before, but he had me blocked from calling too before unblocking me...so now i realized he didnt plan reblocking me on the phone & that was honestly all i needed, a line open...but i didnt tell him that since i felt like him knowing that would result in a block there too, i just played it off & said okay please give unblocking me some thought okay?" he said okay & i went soundly to sleep i believe he is really convinced or trying to convince himself i am the bad guy to justify his coldness...but i swear i really am not...if anything we are even.

until the phone call i kind was more confused not understanding his behavior...but I realized control is playing a big part of it for him.

 

Today I am starting NC for real, thank you guys alot.

[kenmore]

I apologize if my post was too much about what I do. People rarely get my work and I rarely talk about it for that reason. I remember one friend who did technical stuff like I did back in the '80s. He would go to social occasions and just go on and on about his work day and what he did as if people understood, and they would just look away from him and roll their eyes. I don't want to be that guy LOL.

 

That said, there is some good insight there, so please do read it again someday.

 

"well you can just pick up the phone and call you dont need to have me on whatsapp, once again if its not ur way its an issue even after we break up" (it was a fair point, i guess i could still just be trying to have control & he says i was too demanding before, but he had me blocked from calling too before unblocking me...so now i realized he didnt plan reblocking me on the phone & that was honestly all i needed, a line open...

 

 

I believe this is why he is blocking you.

"it was a fair point, i guess i could still just be trying to have control & he says i was too demanding before"

 

That said, I understand what you are saying, that you need the comfort of having a "lifeline." Somehow you need to let go of it. It's pulling you down.

 

Once you go and maintain NC (and BTW, that entails not even testing!), you should be in a better frame of mind. Seriously though, just don't test! It's important. Don't call, don't look. I'd say don't think but I know that's impossible.

 

Best of luck! Hugs!

 

Ken

[kenmore]

In La.Primavera's defense, I don't feel she was trying to accuse you of lying as much as a Freudian slip. That isn't her way.

[WiselyNaive]

I apologize if my post was too much about what I do. People rarely get my work and I rarely talk about it for that reason. I remember one friend who did technical stuff like I did back in the '80s. He would go to social occasions and just go on and on about his work day and what he did as if people understood, and they would just look away from him and roll their eyes. I don't want to be that guy LOL.

 

That said, there is some good insight there, so please do read it again someday.

 

 

 

 

I believe this is why he is blocking you.

 

That said, I understand what you are saying, that you need the comfort of having a "lifeline." Somehow you need to let go of it. It's pulling you down.

 

Once you go and maintain NC (and BTW, that entails not even testing!), you should be in a better frame of mind. Seriously though, just don't test! It's important. Don't call, don't look. I'd say don't think but I know that's impossible.

 

Best of luck! Hugs!

 

Ken

 

yeah ikr...i wont be testing phone or whatsapp...i already know how risky that is...the second he had reblocked me I reverted back...never again

 

thankyou!

[Amelie1980]

Oh god, I believe it was a mistake as I accidentally whatsapp called my ex.

 

That button is so esy to touch! He didnt acknowledge thank god.

 

I dont know if you will be able to do it but you block him.