Trouble Coping

[CopingGal]

Hi. I left my ex 4 years ago. It was a traumatic break up for me and he mentally abused me. He also emotionally abused me. He's a con man, a compulsive liar, a cheat, and an all around baztard. But he wasn't like that in the relationship because everything was a lie.

 

The break up was horrible and I felt like I was not going to make it, but I adjusted. But for the past year, I've been really having trouble. I've been very lonely. I don't miss him, because I don't know who he is. I miss the person he pretended to be. For the past year I've been thinking about the man who he pretended to be. I miss that man and I'm fighting the urge to check his Facebook page. On his Facebook page he looked so happy with his current victim. It's hard not to be jealous of her, because in my head I confuse the baztard that he is with the nice, interesting, and funny man he pretends to be.

 

I know he's pure evil and he has even been in trouble with the law...but when I think of him for the past year, I usually think of the man he pretended to be.

 

He went on to abuse another woman, must worst than he did me. Still, I keep thinking of the man he pretended to be. I keep him and his friends blocked on Facebook...but I think about lifting the block...but I don't.

[fireflywy]

Stay the course. Continue to tell yourself that he was a lie.

 

While you do that, set your dreaming and visualizing on meeting a man, not the ex, who is what you imagined the ex to be. Do this and you'll be taking an active step away from the past and you'll also be inviting the future to meet you with a now open door.

 

And when it does, be on guard yes, but also be open and as trusting as you can with the knowledge you can handle whatever happens. Basically, its time to empower yourself.

[CopingGal]

Basically, its time to empower yourself.

 

Hmmm...I like that very much. Yes, empower myself. Why should I be upset over an abusing azzwipe whose goal in life is to take advantage of people? NO!

[lop98]

4 (almost 5) years is absolutely ridiculous and unacceptable. What are you doing besides lying to yourself (and clearly to readers here) about how blocked he is while you snoop on his profile and current relationship? why are you lonely? how do you battle the thoughts about this ancient and failed relationship instead of feeding them with brand new resentment and material you fish from social media?

 

You don't need to overcome the relationship, this guy or how he treated you, you need to overcome your obsessive thoughts, to finally get past this obstacle that has nothing to do with him.

 

I get that the economy these days doesn't allow to eat out daily or show up at bars every night, join clubs, see a psychoanalyst, join some language class, the gym, a dance session, or reconnect with friends.... but it's still doable: get a job, if you already have it, get a second job, get a third job. Volunteer. Try working in a bar maybe, something fun that lets you meet new people and gets you out of a routine that's only pampering you and giving you multiple chances daily to think about a broken record.

 

Also delete facebook, how you haven't grasped its impact in your life is beyond me, but do it, get rid of your computer or smartphone if that's how you will stay away from it and if it's that hard to fight. When you realize you've spent a valuable fraction of your life devoted to watching how someone else's life unfolds, this must be stopped, and if it takes getting rid of a freaking gadget, by all means do it, your life is worth much more than that.

 

Another good thing would be to take a long hiatus from places such as LS, places that make you feel comfortable enough to succumb to memories and going around in circles about an ex. Four years is really way too much wasted time... it's okay to mourn a loss, but being determined (consciously or unconsciously) to never move on and accept it's gone, that's laziness from your part, all we have as human beings is our survival instinct, it's not just for whenever we found ourselves abandoned in the middle of the Grand Canyon, it's precisely for emotional tests like this and how you're able to grab all your strength and self-love and love for the short time we've been granted in this world and continue to explore the other paths life has to offer, which are PLENTY, not just a dumb, f*ked up guy.