Figures out the stages dumper goes through !

[aloneinaz]

and that I can always call or text if I need it.

 

 

 

 

Haven't heard from her since though. Me not responding to her texts must have chased her off from sending more. I kind of feel like a dick not responding, since I know she really has the best intentions for me. But I probably must put myself first and not respond until I'm sure it won't hurt me anymore..

 

 

 

The last thing I'd ever want is for my ex to "feel sorry for me" due to her ending the relationship. I'm more inclined to the "you don't want me in your life sweety? Well, ok you got it" and then vanish from her.

 

 

You made the right decision in not responding to her "checking on you" emails.

[Arda199]

Arda1999 it's going to be ok. DONT CONTACT HER. If she wants to know what's going on worth you truly she will call and I think she will.

I wont reach out to her no matter what but how do you know that she will call me?

[Oregon_Dude]

If she wants to know what's going on worth you truly she will call and I think she will.

This is a bad opinion. Go forward thinking she won't contact you. Don't get your hopes up, 'cause they'll just fall again. Even if she does call you, it likely won't be to get back together.

 

Allow people a lifetime of missing you.

[Jaggerz]

The last thing I'd ever want is for my ex to "feel sorry for me" due to her ending the relationship. I'm more inclined to the "you don't want me in your life sweety? Well, ok you got it" and then vanish from her.

 

 

You made the right decision in not responding to her "checking on you" emails.

 

Exactly my thoughts. On one side I didn't like ignoring her because of our history, and at the same time I felt like she just needed get rid of the guilt while it's very logical I don't want to receive messages like this. Answer and remain a wreck. No thanks.

 

Aside from losing my girlfriend I also lost my best friend in her, something she happily tossed aside.

[machoman]

This is great! I went through a breakup about 6 months ago (she was the dumper) and I was always looking for some answers as to what she was feeling. Answers would vary, but one common theme was that people would disregard how involved either person was in terms of love. I'll share from my experience, and hopefully help someone, also I'd love to hear interpretations of my situation.

 

Anyways, we both loved each other very much, but we couldn't reconcile our differences. She left and said some hurtful things in the process. A few days later sent me a lengthy message explaining everything, saying she was sorry and wasnt against working this out in the future, BUT this breakup was because of things I had done in the past. I wasn't the best boyfriend, but there was no cheating, no physical abuse, just regular couple arguments, and there is no way that I was accepting sole responsibility for what happened. I was hurt by the breakup but I wasnt stupid and given that I had implored her to work it out when we were breaking up, I decided this time, NC was the way to go. Soon after I got another (angry) message, saying how she couldnt believe I didn't have the decency to respond to the last message, that her feelings on reconciling had now changed. Again, I didn't respond. A month later I stabilized my emotions and finally decided to reach out to her with a text, and boy did that royally backfire. She went off in an email dissertation which basically accused me of using NC to get back with her, saying how I was being manipulative. Then there was more blaming, and she admitted that I hurt her by opening my fb profile to public (childish I know but I was hurt and wanted to get back at her). She kept iterating how happy she was, how she wanted to be single, bla bla bla, trying to convince me, but in reality trying to convince herself. Now I had no idea she would even check my fb (she didnt even have one), and after reading about the dumpers grieving process, I was convinced that every dumper felt relief- clicking their heels in joy (everyones an expert I guess). It was clear that she did her research on NC, and was trying to figure me out. My mistake was making that move. Anyways, to her angry email, I simply told her it wasn't my intention to hurt her, that I wished her the best of luck in life --she deserves only the best. Short. Sweet. To the point. NEXT day I get another angry email, again, blaming me for everything, this time I didn't respond. In my mind, two things can come of this, with only ONE end product.

1) I disagree with what she says--leads to more arguing--more anger--her decision is indirectly affirmed that we shouldn't be together

2) I agree with everything and apologize--the beta approach--I affirm her decision that I was a bad fit and now her conscience has what it needs to not feel guilty.

 

Its been radio silence for the past 6 months now. I've healthily moved on and seen the relationship for what it really was. Interestingly, though I start hearing things about her from my mom, who still talks to her sister. Apparently, she has been saying negative things about me, basically playing the same tune from months ago. Then, later on, her sister out of the blue tells my mom that shes still single, even though one of her ex's tried to hit her up. For me this is really interesting as again, I figured by now she would have DEFINITELY moved on and leapfrogged me in the grieving cycle. This is the point where I am now, and would really like to hear your input on this situation. Why is there still this residual anger with her? What does she want, is she priming her sister with this information knowing it'll get to me? Hopefully this can help someone going through a tumultuous breakup in gaining some clarity.

 

 

CLIFFS:

She left me

She tried to get in touch, I didnt respond

I tried to offer the olive branch a month later, she responded angrily

Radio silence 6 months

Through the grapevine, I hear she's still bitter, and single

Edited August 23, 2015 by machoman