Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 That's your opinion and you're entitled to it. On the flip side this is the third time now that I've been in receipt of your patronising and condescending attitude. Was that your intention? I'd like to see your posts focus on content and points made rather than delivery. But hey, we can't all get what we want now, can we? Interesting sentiment Sassy. I don't believe I've been called patronising / condescending before but I will definitely give it some thought. Since it actually is my thread that I started I do feel I focus on my topic, which is learning, listening and taking on board other's comments to see if they resonate and if so, trying to understand and adjust if needed. Frankly I am somewhat surprised that you feel that I have thrown any verbal slams at you especially when I complimented you more than once in that post. There seems maybe that you have a persecution issue you may want to discuss on another forum. Now, since you like frank and blunt, aggressive, and not only defend your right to be that way but boast about it, perhaps that is a style you like so I will mirror it back to you: Frankly you seem to be an aggressive, hostile person who delights in being hateful to people. Whilst you often have a relevant message you wrap it up in a flaming arrow, which I can only assume is latent hostility you are carrying against someone in your real life that you are too afraid to do anything about, so your outlet is to come on here under the cloak of anonymity and bully the crap out of others. I can only judge by the 8 PM's I received after my post thanking me for the post because they are too afraid of you, and do not want to attract your attention to come on to your radar for abuse. As I understand it this sub Forum is headed "The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner" Support and discussion to my mind do not include bullying and being nasty. If you'd like to address me, by all means do it here respectfully or PM whichever way you see fit. It's one thing to dish it out, but if you do so you should be prepared to take it. Learning that I didn't have to be exMM doormat and emotional punching bag through this forum has had a positive ripple effect. Not only do I not have to be the mat he wipes HIS boots on, I don't need to be yours either. Thanks for your post 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Interesting sentiment Sassy. I don't believe I've been called patronising / condescending before but I will definitely give it some thought. Since it actually is my thread that I started I do feel I focus on my topic, which is learning, listening and taking on board other's comments to see if they resonate and if so, trying to understand and adjust if needed. Frankly I am somewhat surprised that you feel that I have thrown any verbal slams at you especially when I complimented you more than once in that post. There seems maybe that you have a persecution issue you may want to discuss on another forum. Now, since you like frank and blunt, aggressive, and not only defend your right to be that way but boast about it, perhaps that is a style you like so I will mirror it back to you: Frankly you seem to be an aggressive, hostile person who delights in being hateful to people. Whilst you often have a relevant message you wrap it up in a flaming arrow, which I can only assume is latent hostility you are carrying against someone in your real life that you are too afraid to do anything about, so your outlet is to come on here under the cloak of anonymity and bully the crap out of others. I can only judge by the 8 PM's I received after my post thanking me for the post because they are too afraid of you, and do not want to attract your attention to come on to your radar for abuse. As I understand it this sub Forum is headed "The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner" Support and discussion to my mind do not include bullying and being nasty. If you'd like to address me, by all means do it here respectfully or PM whichever way you see fit. It's one thing to dish it out, but if you do so you should be prepared to take it. Learning that I didn't have to be exMM doormat and emotional punching bag through this forum has had a positive ripple effect. Not only do I not have to be the mat he wipes HIS boots on, I don't need to be yours either. Thanks for your post I'm good with honest conversations. It's why I generally don't use the alert feature when I'm specifically targeted, called names and have baseless accusations flung at me. Not to mention abusive private messages and flagrant disregard for forum rules under the private messaging feature. you know what I generally do? Suck it up and wear it. I certainly don't start threads to subversivly or otherwise call people out under the guise of not talking about anyone specifically but having a crack anyway. To be perfectly blunt, after some of the abject disregard for forum Rules I've seen on here late has left me absolutely scratching my head as to how these people are still members... But I digress... I have no feelings to you or any others on this forum. Hateful or otherwise. As for my posts, please feel free to use alert and let mods sort out my posts if they are "bullying, hateful, nasty, hostile , aggressive, boastful, afraid, or abusive" (did I miss anything? Hate to miss the good bits in all those compliments right?) But I'm the nasty one? Right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 I'm good with honest conversations. It's why I generally don't use the alert feature when I'm specifically targeted, called names and have baseless accusations flung at me. Not to mention abusive private messages and flagrant disregard for forum rules under the private messaging feature. you know what I generally do? Suck it up and wear it. I certainly don't start threads to subversivly or otherwise call people out under the guise of not talking about anyone specifically but having a crack anyway. To be perfectly blunt, after some of the abject disregard for forum Rules I've seen on here late has left me absolutely scratching my head as to how these people are still members... But I digress... I have no feelings to you or any others on this forum. Hateful or otherwise. As for my posts, please feel free to use alert and let mods sort out my posts if they are "bullying, hateful, nasty, hostile , aggressive, boastful, afraid, or abusive" (did I miss anything? Hate to miss the good bits in all those compliments right?) But I'm the nasty one? Right. Whilst there is no doubt that you have some interesting and valuable advice Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 (edited) Yeah... to be perfectly blunt as well, I don't know why it is appropriate for members to comment in random threads about how moderation handles other members. I don't think questioning moderation decisions is in line with community guidelines. I would imagine that moderation has a lot more information from all ends when making decisions than do individual members. Anyway NewLeaf, sorry your (good) thread got off track. I know you are struggling and going through so much crap right now, and like you, I live alone (when my daughter isn't here) and understand how lonely that can be. And then dealing with uncertainty of job hunt and the whole ex-MM thing. Not fun. What rating did today get? (or yesterday - not sure exactly where you are) Edited September 3, 2015 by Hope Shimmers 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Yeah... to be perfectly blunt as well, I don't know why it is appropriate for members to comment in random threads about how moderation handles other members. I don't think questioning moderation decisions is in line with community guidelines. I would imagine that moderation has a lot more information from all ends when making decisions than do individual members. Anyway NewLeaf, sorry your (good) thread got off track. I know you are struggling and going through so much crap right now, and like you, I live alone (when my daughter isn't here) and understand how lonely that can be. And then dealing with uncertainty of job hunt and the whole ex-MM thing. Not fun. What rating did today get? (or yesterday - not sure exactly where you are) Hope. I will post my rating in my bad days good days thread Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 (((((New Leaf))))) Figured you may need a hug today. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Got it thanks! I realised something else today that I have learned. No matter how much you keep NC and do the right things and realise your AP played you, it still hurts sometimesh 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Got it thanks! I realised something else today that I have learned. No matter how much you keep NC and do the right things and realise your AP played you, it still hurts sometimesh Of course it does. You are still you, you still loved another person the same, so while time heals most pains it still takes a good bit of time. It's the same with a wound, it is going to scab over and slowly heal but it isn't going to not hurt for awhile and it is still going to have some mark. It's okay that it still hurts/stings. You are human and you loved him. That is okay. You are okay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Hope. I will post my rating in my bad days good days thread Sorry - got my threads mixed up. For some reason I'm having trouble focusing today... Link to post Share on other sites
Patna Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Got it thanks! I realised something else today that I have learned. No matter how much you keep NC and do the right things and realise your AP played you, it still hurts sometimesh It's been a year of NC & it still hurts for me too. But at least we didn't allow them to hurt us more now. Hugs 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 For any AP have you learned anything from the Forum and advice, bollocking, sympathy etc. that you have read here? I have. I also struggle with some emotions still. Did being here help you change or did you stay mostly the same? I have changed. For better and worse. The better is I will now live in reality, the worse is I am now very suspicious of people. Your thoughts if you are now or have been the OW/OM When I first joined this site I was still sensitive and working through a lot of stuff. Whenever a post rubbed me the wrong way ("How could they say that?! That is NOT TRUE! How rude.") I finally realized that meant the post was highlighting something-a sore spot-I still hadn't worked through. So being here...and reading both the supportive and not-so-supportive posts...have gotten me to work through a lot of stuff, lots of sore spots. Still being here five years later, I've read so many stories, it just reinforces my current way of thinking: that I will never again be an OW and that I will also never again cheat on my husband. I never want to be the kind of person who makes those choices again. They were selfish, wrong, and hurtful and I am no longer that person. I don't post a ton but I do try to help others when I can. What I have been through and all of self-reflection has changed me a lot. I'm a lot more aware of my boundaries and also less judgmental of others. I think reading these boards has helped with being empathetic...I'll read a story and think "Girl, you need to ditch this guy pronto!" but still understand her pain and why she hasn't ditched that guy pronto. It's like the saying...you can lead a horse to water but not make him drink...I hope for some here that the posts can at least lead them to the river. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 6, 2015 Author Share Posted September 6, 2015 I'm no longer the same person. I'd started to come out of my shell a bit before this, but it will take me years to ever feel normal-ish again Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 I'm no longer the same person. I'd started to come out of my shell a bit before this, but it will take me years to ever feel normal-ish again I know what you mean. I tried a little foray into online dating and just couldn't go through with any of the dates. Not even as a simple distraction. It's going to take time to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 I know what you mean. I tried a little foray into online dating and just couldn't go through with any of the dates. Not even as a simple distraction. It's going to take time to heal. Just an observation... At some point, you need to forgive yourself and trust yourself again. If you have learned form the experience, then be kind to yourself and don't cut yourself off from having a relationship with an available man where you both love and respect one another Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 I'm no longer the same person. I'd started to come out of my shell a bit before this, but it will take me years to ever feel normal-ish again Hello again NL Sorry you're still struggling Of course you're not the same person! Every day we're all a little different. And having an A... Well, it has a more dynamic effect on growth than our normal day to day incremental shifts. For everyone involved. And I use the word growth deliberately; because that's what every R helps us achieve. It's just a matter of perspective. Every R we have... be it ****ty or wonderful... Will end. Until one (or for the poly more than one :-) doesn't. That's the way life is! And while sometimes it's tough, every one of those Rs is an opportunity to learn more about you and others. An opportunity for you to become more the 'you' that you want to be. You get to choose who you want to be. No other LS poster, not your xMM, not anybody else at all. Your experiences and your past and others' opinions inform you; they do not define you. Or constrain you. You define you and choose your own constraints. You have all that power. Don't forget it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pastypop Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Oh Wow, did I get life lessons from all of this! I always thought there was good in most people but don't feel that way now. What I learned was when the chips are down, there is always someone out there ready to take advantage of you. I will never trust men again! I can now pick the douchebags out at little league. They are the ones screaming the loudest for their kids so everyone can see what great dads they are. They are flirty and touchy with the other women and degrade and embarrass their wives in public. Wish I would have made better decisions. Still angry and bitter about the whole thing and it all happened years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 Hello again NL Sorry you're still struggling Of course you're not the same person! Every day we're all a little different. And having an A... Well, it has a more dynamic effect on growth than our normal day to day incremental shifts. For everyone involved. And I use the word growth deliberately; because that's what every R helps us achieve. It's just a matter of perspective. Every R we have... be it ****ty or wonderful... Will end. Until one (or for the poly more than one :-) doesn't. That's the way life is! And while sometimes it's tough, every one of those Rs is an opportunity to learn more about you and others. An opportunity for you to become more the 'you' that you want to be. You get to choose who you want to be. No other LS poster, not your xMM, not anybody else at all. Your experiences and your past and others' opinions inform you; they do not define you. Or constrain you. You define you and choose your own constraints. You have all that power. Don't forget it. Hopefully the emotions will stop soon. I do feel a bit more powerful most days 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts