In love with my friend's now gf who was ex for a year

[Scale]

Hi guys, I need your support on this situation in my life. I don't understand why it has to be so complicated always and not a smooth sail.

 

My friend's ex (as she was 1 year ago) and I are more than friends and surely have feelings for each other. They broke up as he was not sure of her. We met through him and got along really well. Yes, we are very compatible, bring out the best in each other and understand each other and bond also very well at every level. We've overcome all our fights, differences and invested time to understand each other. We have been mentally, emotionally and physically involved with each other too.

 

After a year of snooping around and after nothing working out for my friend with other girls, he came back to his ex and tell's her I'm sure of you. She on the other hand took her time and mentally took a decision to be with him. Her reasons - its unfair to him, in her family being a different religion they would not accept me and it would be nearly impossible. My friend on the other hand is from same religion but different caste so there's still a chance. The 3rd choice would be arrange marriage and marrying someone whom you know for 3-4 weeks; so basically a known devil is better than an unknown one. She consulted her bro and cousin too and they said it would be very hard to support her on with me. They felt I was a great guy. Her family is too conservative and believes in guy being from the same religion and also caste (yes this in India and it still prevails in many families but not all). She has agreed to my friend basically. And they both of them are like on a compromise for each other because even he doesn't want to risk it with anybody else. So both of them are compromising on each other for marriage. What I don't understand is, how can you compromise on a partner for a relationship?

 

But at the same time she doesn't want to let go of me as a friend and by her actions, intimacy, feelings and talks she's still into me. We are more than friends and are into each other much much more. She's not vocally accepting it but her heart is in me for sure. You can tell by someone's actions, as actions speak louder than words. But she doesn't have the courage to accept and fight for me against her mom as she would never accept me. This is what she told me. But yet she cannot stop talking to me or let go of me from her life and she takes the stress of dealing with me and my friend together. She wants both of us. That guy manipulates to get info out from her and he doesn't like us talking to each other.

 

I've tried to explain it to her and treat her like a princess to convince her and opened up all my feelings to her and how sure I've been about her long back, before my friend could even come back. She was afraid about her family accepting me and lost support from her brother and cousin too and got discouraged.

 

Now, she says I'm not going to re-think my decision. So I can't do anything more. I'm going crazy because I'm sure of this girl but I do not have her support to fight against the world as she doesn't accept it. But yet we involved very closely in each others lives in every way possible and got feelings and emotions for each other.

 

Please help me out, as I'm going crazy every day. I don't understand what to do. I've kept no expectations from her and accepted nothing will happen for me and we just good friends who will be there for each other. I cannot share this with other friends either as well.

Edited August 19, 2015 by Scale

[Qboro90]

It's impossible to fight against an entire religion and culture so I don't see this working out for you. It sucks and although you may know she cares for you and you'd be a better fit as her partner than your friend she has made it clear that she is simply not willing to jeaprodize her relationship with her family and risk ostracizing herself from them just to follow her heart and be with you. What good is it to be with the guy you like if you lose everything else that's close to you as a result? That's the tough spot she's in and while in a perfect world her brothers, cousin, and family would accept you and allow her to love and marry whoever she loves regardless of their background, it's unfortunately not a perfect world and with conservative families like hers there is nothing you can ever do that will change that. Sucks I know.

 

If you can't just be friends with her and it's too painful then it might be time for you to separate yourself rather than torture yourself watching her progress dating your friend. If anything, her losing you as a friend and you not being around anymore will have such an effect on her that she might realize you're worth the turmoil it will cause in her family and finally tell you. But if you continue to be around and hang out with her she's never going to be motivated to face that decision.

[Scale]

is there nothing else i can do?

 

for the second time i've felt so sure of someone. how can i just let it go?