My ex slept with someone else and I feel nauseous

[TsunamiGirl]

I know this is a long post and I really hope you'll stick with me.

 

My ex and I mutually decided to end our relationship two months ago. This was after a year of on again off again dating, but despite the off again periods it was pretty serious. He even flew across the country to attend my dads third (and very emotionally draining) wedding with me. We broke up because we didn't agree on a lot of important things, like what religion to raise children with, we didn't have a lot in common, and he didn't appreciate or respect my culture (this was the biggest problem. I'm Indian and he's born and raised in Illinois, and he didn't seem to like Indian people, food, or the place itself.)

 

It might sound like we shouldn't have started dating at all, given our significant differences, but we were both in bad places with our jobs when we first got involved (read: we were basically just sleeping together to get our mind off things for a while). Even though it didn't start in a super romantic way though, we really loved each other and breaking up was incredibly painful. He cried and said he'd wanted me to be the one so badly, that he was scared he would never find someone like me, and that it was going to take a long time for him to get over me.

 

We slept together twice after the breakup, separated by about a week (I know I know, we shouldn't have etc). Then I heard he'd been hanging out with a mutual acquaintance that he had matched with on tinder during one of our off again periods, and she has a reputation, and i of course immediately assumed the worst. So when we met to get our stuff back, like an idiot I asked him if he'd slept with anyone else and he said yes. not only that but it was in between the two times we slept together after the breakup. He also told me that he had been really happy since we'd broken up, that it had been much easier than expected to get over me. He said he saw no benefit in us trying to be friends eventually, and that he was in a really good place. Then at the end of the conversation he got all emotional and said that he'd wanted to marry me and he wanted to keep in touch and make sure I was OK. What the hell.

 

I should probably mention that we both worked at the same company although not together, and I got fired (due to politics and a round of layoffs, not my incompetence) a week before we broke up. The girl i think he slept with also works there. So I imagine everyone at work is probably thinking the absolute worst of me, since hes telling everyone he is "so happy" without me and already sleeping with other girls. It doesn't help that I still don't have a job and being unemployed for so long is freaking me out and giving me cabin fever.

 

I feel like my insides have been replaced with a concrete mixer. I can't stop imagining him with her, holding her like he used to hold me, getting the same satisfaction and happiness from some random girl that he used to get from being in love with me. Did I mean so little to him that he could hook up with someone else so soon and then come back to me for just a booty call? Did he not realize I would find out, or does he not care? And I can't stop thinking about it. I haven't slept in weeks. I feel like I'm going crazy with grief and the fact that he's totally over it is making it that much worse. I hate that I miss him so much when he's not treating me well. And I'm visiting my dad's new family this week and all I want is to call my ex and tell him about it, because he's the only one who's met them. Everything here reminds me of him because the last time I was here it was with him and he was so wonderful and sweet.

 

Help.

[central]

It sounds like the two of you are REALLY not compatible. It would surely be better, healthier, and - eventually - happier for you both to go your separate ways.

[Chi townD]

What you need to do is start focusing on YOU! Don't worry about what he's doing. Forget him! You sound like a girl that has way too much time on her hands. You even said it yourself, you're starting to get cabin fever. Therefore, you have all the time in the world to think about his dumbass.

 

 

You need to take control of your life again. Your full time job should be to find a job. Dedicating 8 hours a day to getting a job. Going through the papers. Going on the internet. Networking with people already in the field you want to get into Cleaning up and dusting off that resume. And sometimes you have to get A job before you land THE job. Meaning, you have to take the first thing that comes around even if it's not exactly what you want to do! The point is, you need to get the money coming back in. And if the job search isn't working out, then go back to school! Get that higher education. That will only open more financial doors for you in the future! Plus, better for you to be sitting in a classroom and learning rather sitting at home pining over the dumbass.

 

 

The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good ad adventurous life. Time to start to get your revenge!

[Gus Grimly]

I feel like my insides have been replaced with a concrete mixer. ......

 

......I haven't slept in weeks. I feel like I'm going crazy with grief and the fact that he's totally over it is making it that much worse.

I know what you are going through. This same thing happened to me just a month ago. I couldn't eat, sleep or concentrate on anything with my Ex popping into my mind. I started to feel better then *BAM* hit with the news she found a new guy only weeks after our breakup. They even went on a romantic weekend getaway to Lake Tahoe together (That's where we used to go for ours). All the healing progress I made, gone in a second.

 

How can our Ex's move on so quickly? It's a question asked time and time again. No one knows but our Ex's. Would you even want to know the truth if it were staring you in the face? It would only do more harm than good.

 

I tell ya, it's brutal. That's why from now on NC is my mantra. I will no longer be a slave to any more broken hearts. You need to stay far away from him and do everything in your power to have no contact. Trust me and the rest of the wide LS members here when they say. Follow the No Contact Guide.

[aloneinaz]

You have to know OP that you two were not compatible for many reasons. Having suffered multiple break ups the first year does reinforce that point.

 

 

Don't read much into him sleeping with someone so soon. If the relationship was so dysfunctional to have incurred multiple break ups the first year, he may simply of not been emotionally connected to it when it ended. It's not unusual at all for someone to have sex with someone new quickly after a R/S ends. They do it for all sorts of reasons.

 

 

As Chicago suggested, get out of your house and get busy. Make finding a job your number one goal. Volunteer at some charities to network and meet new people. Get yourself busy again.

 

 

I wouldn't talk to this ex again as you need to heal from it and move forward. When you think of him, focus your attention on THE REAL things about him. You were not compatible. Too many different views. Too many break ups. Relationships shouldn't be that dramatic and toxic the first year, if at all.

[d0nnivain]

You know in your head that he was not the One. Your heart will eventually catch up.

 

 

Maybe this knowledge is the nail in the coffin of your relationship & it will spur you toward healing.

 

 

As for the memories, box up the mementos & rearrange your living space so there are fewer visual reminders.

[casey.lives]

"He didn't appreciate or respect my culture (this was the biggest problem. I'm Indian and he's born and raised in Illinois, and he didn't seem to like Indian people, food, or the place itself.)" That say's it all.

[mightycpa]

Did I mean so little to him that he could hook up with someone else so soon and then come back to me for just a booty call? Did he not realize I would find out, or does he not care?

Right idea, wrong verb tense. I'm sure you meant the world to him at one time. But now? You're just a booty call, if you let yourself be one.