LDR (more about Friendship)

[justanickname]

Hello there,

 

I'm new comer here. Well it has been a long time since my last registration to any site/forum, but I could not hold it when I suddenly found this site last night.

My story is a bit different, as this is not really a love relationship but a bit more about friendship.

 

I met my LD Friend few years ago. We met via a travel forum, he was seeking for a travel mate in my country, and I wanted the same thing, with the same schedule. We had an OKAY time, it was not good at the beginning but things improved by the end of the trip. We then kept in touch. For the first year it was few emails a month, and then skype talk for each few months. Normally we left msg or text chat online. I later got some difficult time at work, he was cheered me up when I was down. I started to think I might like him a bit, but it was uncertain. With time, well, not until for the last 9-10 months, we chatted more and had at least one talk per month. I wanted to talk more, but he was the one who didn't care much and he always said he was busy with many things in life.

I have to say I have been very weird when I recognized I started to have feel for him. I acted like a teenager although I was almost 30: deleted his skype ID and gtalk whenever I felt I should have stopped contacting with him, to forget him, as I knew he was considering me as friend only (well, he always put other priorities over me and he even did not notice when his nick was deleted!). But then I could not resist when he sent me msg, or started a conversation, I added him again.

This year, we have been closer, we have shared some difficult time in each person's life. He was there to encourage me and cheer me up (although I disagreed with him in different views and thoughts - we are from two different cultures after all), and I tried to do the same for him. He even said in almost every voice chat that if I wanted to visit his country, he could do the supporting papers for me, including his financial prove to the Embassy, but I could not go because of different reasons, and I felt the time has not come yet. He too, said to me that he might visit my country again, but not immediately and not sure when. We both have the travel thirst in our blood, so we totally have the sympathy, I suppose.

However, no matter that I felt we were closer, I was totally aware that this kind of romantic feeling could come from my side only, and we could barely have the chance to be together.

This June, I decided that I needed to let go. Thus, taking the chance he would go travel for few months - normally we have a unspoken agreement that during the travel time, no contact should be made, except the emergency (but what could be the emergency??!!), I deleted his skype ID and sent him an email, saying that I deleted it, and he would be the one who decided after the trip, to keep contact with me, or he could leave it there forever, without a clear explanation. He replied, saying that if I had to do that, just did that (not asking for reason). He also claimed that I wanted to talk more but he did not have that much time for it (actually we used to argue about the topic few times already, which made me very tired). And, he had no reasons for not keeping contact with me after his trip.

I thought it was done, and I could have time to forget him. With few months no contact, I know 100% that I could forget him as a crush but considering him a regular friend as we used to at the beginning.

However, a week after I received his postcard (we often send postcards while traveling or presents in special time), which he sent a month ago (before my email, of course). I had no choice but sending a thank you msg online. He recontacted me after few days. It was the first time he contacted me during his travel, and we started to "talk" regularly again via sms, like nothing happened!

Last week there was a personal issue occurred to me. I could not hold it myself at the moment, I sent him an online sms, which I was glad he could not answer immediately, since I needed time to calm down. He shared his sympathy via a very short chat the next day. And then he disappeared. To be honest, I did not really care about it, as I knew he has been travelling, and moreover, I was able to overcome the hardest time. He then surprised me few days later, with a msg that I have never received "sorry that I disappeared for last few days", etc. I wonder if that because I shared with him my situation, so he wanted to cheer me up and to tell me that he is supporting me? No matter what, again I am totally aware about the truth that I like him more than he cares about me, and I need to stop this kind of feelings if I do not want to hurt myself.

I still think I need to stop to contact him again, otherwise one day I could even have more feel for him, enough for me to try to see him again in person - actually I miss him a lot, but again I know we could hardly be together. I could not leave my family and could not afford to run to him, while he also has family to take care and he always supports me to stay near my family.

 

At the moment, my feeling is unstable again. One morning I wake up and feel nothing about him at all, but another day I miss him so much.

 

Maybe I just leave thing in a middle of nowhere and let it sort out by itself? What do you think?

[kendahke]

the fastest way to get him out of your mind is to stop responding when he sends you things. I'm sorry, but you do have a choice: you can choose to not acknowledge his attempts to stay in touch with you.

 

If you want to move on, block him and go. He doesn't need an explanation of what you're doing--just do it. It's not going to make him have a conversation with you he's shown no interest in having so far with you.

[justanickname]

@Mahendar:

I don't understand what is "cheating" here. We are basically very clear about our relation, he is a good friend and he has never taken any advantages on me (and vice versa). The crush, if any, is from my side. But now I am glad to say it is over, and I can see him as my true friend, with no romantic here.

@Kendahke:

Thanks for your advice. There have been some issues happening in my life right now, that makes him no longer a priority. That's why I didn't plan to answer anything but a "like" to your post.