What should be my move?

[unheartedninja]

Okay all, so To make things short, I was the one who broke up with her.

 

Now before you all jump at me and say then what you doing here. Let me tell you.

 

I broke up wtih my gf of 3 months. And the reason for the break up is because for the past few months i've been pushing people away and my mental health was deteriorating. I was unknowingly pushing, family, friends and most importantly my love my gf away. And one thing led to another i broke up with her, and i promised we'd work on things and make it better. And i forgot of my goal and got complacent then as i was sitting and reflecting on a quote i read, it hit me on what i have done and now I want to fix things i want her back.

 

I broke down and told her i wanted to be with her again, and i asked her if she wanted to, and she told me IDK, and i asked for straight YES or NO answer and said give me a day to think about it. She told me she is currently talking to one guy from her work and i asked her if she liked him and said IDK , idk how i feel about him, "he's interesting" and so one thing leads to another. It's been two days and i still haven't heard from her.

 

1. Should i remind her on what her decision is or leave it be as i've already asked her and she should know to give me and answer

 

2. What can i do PERSONALLY to heal things between me and her and not let her drift apart into the arms of the fellow she's interested in. I mean we talk but we rarely talk, and i don't wanna be too needy and consttantly talk to her and such. How do i HEAL the hurt between us to fix things?

 

 

I am an adult so i understand i shouldn't be begging and such for her to come back, if she's not interested nothing i can do but if you guys could help me out it;d be greatly appreciated?

Edited August 20, 2015 by unheartedninja
needed to correct some information

[NVO]

If you really feel like apologizing, ask her out for a lunch or coffee and come clean. I guess your actions hurt her, so it's your task to rebuild her confidence in you. Don't try to be too pushy and force yourself on her, just talk things through first. After that it's your responsibility to show her that you acknowledge your mistakes; actions speak louder than words.

 

So, only one way to find out I guess. Pick up your phone and give your girl a call. Keep the conversation light, simple and short. Ask her if she would like to meet up. If she asks why, you should not start explaining your whole story over the phone. Just ask her for an opportunity to talk things through. If she says yes, you are one step closer. If she says no, it's time to move on buddy.

[Satu]

Your next move should be getting into therapy and working on your issues.

[Zagan]

She's already given you her answer, she's interested in someone else. 3 months was not a long term relationship, so she probably doesn't want to invest anymore time into it when it failed after such a short period of time.

She probably didn't want to flat out say no because you are clearly in a vulnerable state of mind. Obsessing over this will only make you deteriorate further. Let her go. If she was going to get back to you she would do so without you having to remind her.

Work on your issues and get help for the emotional problems you have, only then can you put 100% of yourself into a relationship. Things that could interfere with your healing process should be the furthest thing from your mind if you truly want help.

[unheartedninja]

Your next move should be getting into therapy and working on your issues.

 

What kind of therapy would i go to?

[unheartedninja]

If you really feel like apologizing, ask her out for a lunch or coffee and come clean. I guess your actions hurt her, so it's your task to rebuild her confidence in you. Don't try to be too pushy and force yourself on her, just talk things through first. After that it's your responsibility to show her that you acknowledge your mistakes; actions speak louder than words.

 

So, only one way to find out I guess. Pick up your phone and give your girl a call. Keep the conversation light, simple and short. Ask her if she would like to meet up. If she asks why, you should not start explaining your whole story over the phone. Just ask her for an opportunity to talk things through. If she says yes, you are one step closer. If she says no, it's time to move on buddy.

 

Should I text/call her or not so much as I used to? or should i not call and text her but ask how her work was? she's currently at work right now, 6 hours away from her shift ending, tomorrow is her day off, I am SO tempted to talk to her but i'm not sure if i should? on one hand i feel like it'll be too needy and on one hand i'll come off as not caring. what should i do?

 

A friend said buy her gifts or flowers, show her you still care, should I call her and ask her to hangout tomorrow then buy her flowers and or gifts? or Gifts and flowers aren't necessary at this point?

[unheartedninja]

She's already given you her answer, she's interested in someone else. 3 months was not a long term relationship, so she probably doesn't want to invest anymore time into it when it failed after such a short period of time.

She probably didn't want to flat out say no because you are clearly in a vulnerable state of mind. Obsessing over this will only make you deteriorate further. Let her go. If she was going to get back to you she would do so without you having to remind her.

Work on your issues and get help for the emotional problems you have, only then can you put 100% of yourself into a relationship. Things that could interfere with your healing process should be the furthest thing from your mind if you truly want help.

 

Hey thanks so much for response back!!! my relationship was short yes, 3 months, but i've known her for almost year and some, and that whole time we both knew we wanted each other, she'd tell me and i'd kinda divert the idea of being together because at the time we worked together, and so she started dating some people, and then after that ended, i saw that she was pretty much my other half, because without me telling her anything she'd KNOW what i need and what's wrong with me. and same for me for her.

 

I see that you said she probably hasn't said flat out no because she doesn't want to hurt me. However, if she never gives me an answer, i should assume it's a No correct? or not assume it's a No and just move on? What's the standar wait time for her answer?

 

IF she says NO, and says she wants to be friends, would it be selfish of me to say NO? because being friends with her would only make me think of all the things she's doing with the guy while i'm out of the picture. If she tells me no, i think my worst day will be in two weeks, it's her birthday and she's most likely going ot be with him and im going to be miserable because i guess it's human nature to want to hold on to something we love the most.

[quattrob]

When you break up with someone that means a lot of things and whatever your reasons or excuses are for breaking up doesn't mean anything but excuses. When you break up it means you gave up on her, broke her trust and don't really love her. Breaking up is not a game and should be taken seriously, if you chose to breakup then you better be sure that you don't wan to be with this person because otherwise you'll suffer the consequences.

 

 

As for what should do, you focus on improving yourself and fixing yourself. You can make all the promises in the world but it won't matter if you have nothing to show for it. This is out of your control, she will look for you if she wants to.

[unheartedninja]

When you break up with someone that means a lot of things and whatever your reasons or excuses are for breaking up doesn't mean anything but excuses. When you break up it means you gave up on her, broke her trust and don't really love her. Breaking up is not a game and should be taken seriously, if you chose to breakup then you better be sure that you don't wan to be with this person because otherwise you'll suffer the consequences.

 

 

As for what should do, you focus on improving yourself and fixing yourself. You can make all the promises in the world but it won't matter if you have nothing to show for it. This is out of your control, she will look for you if she wants to.

 

I'm not sure if this matters at this point but at some point she told me she was so happy that i was with her because all the other guys she was into them really, since she met me at work about year and some change ago is when she really fell in love with me and so did i, i acted on that love very recently after realizing, i love her and i rather with her then regret it 10 years later.

 

 

Another questoin, she gets off of work today, should i talk to her and ask her if she wants to hang out tomorrow on her day off? or wait for her to talk to me? because i don't wanna make her feel like i don't care.

[kendahke]

Okay all, so To make things short, I was the one who broke up with her.

 

Now before you all jump at me and say then what you doing here. Let me tell you.

 

I broke up wtih my gf of 3 months. And the reason for the break up is because for the past few months i've been pushing people away and my mental health was deteriorating. I was unknowingly pushing, family, friends and most importantly my love my gf away. And one thing led to another i broke up with her, and i promised we'd work on things and make it better. And i forgot of my goal and got complacent then as i was sitting and reflecting on a quote i read, it hit me on what i have done and now I want to fix things i want her back.

 

I broke down and told her i wanted to be with her again, and i asked her if she wanted to, and she told me IDK, and i asked for straight YES or NO answer and said give me a day to think about it. She told me she is currently talking to one guy from her work and i asked her if she liked him and said IDK , idk how i feel about him, "he's interesting" and so one thing leads to another. It's been two days and i still haven't heard from her.

 

1. Should i remind her on what her decision is or leave it be as i've already asked her and she should know to give me and answer

 

No. You're not in a position to make demands. If she didn't come back with a "yes", then the answer is "no". There's someone else that she's not inclined to cut loose for you.

 

2. What can i do PERSONALLY to heal things between me and her and not let her drift apart into the arms of the fellow she's interested in. I mean we talk but we rarely talk, and i don't wanna be too needy and consttantly talk to her and such. How do i HEAL the hurt between us to fix things?

 

You might be too late for that. What you can do to heal from this yourself is to come up with a different strategy for handling pressure and for now, concentrate on getting your mental health in a stable place. Pushing away your girlfriend is the quickest way to end your relationship with her. Understand this: she doesn't owe you a second chance. She may not feel like going down that road again--she already knows what awaits her and she's not acting like it was just some bump in the road.

 

I am an adult so i understand i shouldn't be begging and such for her to come back, if she's not interested nothing i can do but if you guys could help me out it;d be greatly appreciated?

 

It's completely up to her and right now, and from what you've described, she's not in a hurry to come back.

[unheartedninja]

No. You're not in a position to make demands. If she didn't come back with a "yes", then the answer is "no". There's someone else that she's not inclined to cut loose for you.

 

 

 

You might be too late for that. What you can do to heal from this yourself is to come up with a different strategy for handling pressure and for now, concentrate on getting your mental health in a stable place. Pushing away your girlfriend is the quickest way to end your relationship with her. Understand this: she doesn't owe you a second chance. She may not feel like going down that road again--she already knows what awaits her and she's not acting like it was just some bump in the road.

 

 

 

It's completely up to her and right now, and from what you've described, she's not in a hurry to come back.

 

Should I atleast try to find out one LAST time to get a feel if she's into me or not? Should i ask her to hang out with me tomorrow on her day off? Should I text her or call her today?

[Oregon_Dude]

You broke up with her. She's hurt and sad and angry with you. She wants to get over you. Do her the favor of leaving her alone.

[unheartedninja]

You broke up with her. She's hurt and sad and angry with you. She wants to get over you. Do her the favor of leaving her alone.

 

 

I know that i hurt her, i know she's sad and angry, I've realized what I have done, hence i just wanna give it one last shot and give everything i got and want it to BETTER then before. I know words are just words so im looking for actions i can take to PROVE to her that i still love her and i wanna put in the effort and commitment into it and have it be btter then ever before. HELP! :/

 

I don't wanna live my life thinking WHAT IF i just wanna do everything i can and if it doesn't work then i'll be content because i gave it my all.

[Oregon_Dude]

I know that i hurt her, i know she's sad and angry, I've realized what I have done, hence i just wanna give it one last shot and give everything i got and want it to BETTER then before. I know words are just words so im looking for actions i can take to PROVE to her that i still love her and i wanna put in the effort and commitment into it and have it be btter then ever before. HELP! :/

 

I don't wanna live my life thinking WHAT IF i just wanna do everything i can and if it doesn't work then i'll be content because i gave it my all.

I can respect this. I would send her a text or email stating just how incredibly sorry you are, that you regret the way you treated her. That you miss her very much, and would love another chance to make it up to her. But that if she isn't willing, you understand. Emphasize how much you feel you've changed and how much better your life was with her in it.

 

Good luck!

[AIJ]

She has already given you her answer. If she's not jumping at the chance to talk to you, hang out with you or whatever, she's not interested. Leave her alone and move on.

[Simon Phoenix]

I know that i hurt her, i know she's sad and angry, I've realized what I have done, hence i just wanna give it one last shot and give everything i got and want it to BETTER then before. I know words are just words so im looking for actions i can take to PROVE to her that i still love her and i wanna put in the effort and commitment into it and have it be btter then ever before. HELP! :/

 

I don't wanna live my life thinking WHAT IF i just wanna do everything i can and if it doesn't work then i'll be content because i gave it my all.

 

Dude, you can't manipulate her into taking you back. It's up to her to want you back on her own. If she does, then the changes you've made will register in a much stronger ways with her. But right now, it's all going to come off as a bunch of white noise and gibberish and bulls--t.

 

It sucks, but you can't just force her to give you another shot, so stop trying to plot that.

Edited August 21, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

[unheartedninja]

Dude, you can't manipulate her into taking you back. It's up to her to want you back on her own. If she does, then the changes you've made will register in a much stronger ways with her. But right now, it's all going to come off as a bunch of white noise and gibberish and bulls--t.

 

It sucks, but you can't just force her to give you another shot, so stop trying to plot that.

 

I'm not trying to plot anything by any means. I just take actions and SHOW her that I really am serious about being back with her and trying harder and making things better then before. I don't want her back out of pity or any of that. because even if she does come back out of pity, it'll only last so long before one of us realizes that it's not gonna cut it.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm not trying to plot anything by any means. I just take actions and SHOW her that I really am serious about being back with her and trying harder and making things better then before. I don't want her back out of pity or any of that. because even if she does come back out of pity, it'll only last so long before one of us realizes that it's not gonna cut it.

 

You have to do that on your own. Honestly, you going around yelling "I've changed" is going to come off as disingenuous to her, even if it's not. She needs to discover this stuff on her own free will. If she does that, whatever change you have made will look a lot more genuine to her and have a much bigger impact.

 

I'm sorry dude, it's not what you want to hear, but you can't go chasing after this person and you can't pressure to her see whatever changes you want her to see. You have to make them on your own, for yourself, and if she sees them she sees them. If she doesn't, then the next girl you meet will get a much better version of yourself than you were before.

 

But you can't force this down her throat. It's not going to work.

[unheartedninja]

You have to do that on your own. Honestly, you going around yelling "I've changed" is going to come off as disingenuous to her, even if it's not. She needs to discover this stuff on her own free will. If she does that, whatever change you have made will look a lot more genuine to her and have a much bigger impact.

 

I'm sorry dude, it's not what you want to hear, but you can't go chasing after this person and you can't pressure to her see whatever changes you want her to see. You have to make them on your own, for yourself, and if she sees them she sees them. If she doesn't, then the next girl you meet will get a much better version of yourself than you were before.

 

But you can't force this down her throat. It's not going to work.

 

It hurts but thank you for humbling me down, i have a feeling she's not gonna see the good better me, she's going to be too caught up with a guy that i am more then 100 sure is trying to get in her pants.

[Simon Phoenix]

It hurts but thank you for humbling me down, i have a feeling she's not gonna see the good better me, she's going to be too caught up with a guy that i am more then 100 sure is trying to get in her pants.

 

To be honest, the best shot you have is that he actually succeeds in that quest and leaves her out to dry. That's when exes tend to look better to dumpers.

 

That being said, I wouldn't hold your breath. Make improvements, but strictly to make yourself a better version of you. If you do that, then things will work out, be it with her or (more likely) with someone better you meet down the road.

[unheartedninja]

To be honest, the best shot you have is that he actually succeeds in that quest and leaves her out to dry. That's when exes tend to look better to dumpers.

 

That being said, I wouldn't hold your breath. Make improvements, but strictly to make yourself a better version of you. If you do that, then things will work out, be it with her or (more likely) with someone better you meet down the road.

 

Yeah, she told me i was Antisocial Pessimist. which really hurt me, because I'd never put her down like that, or anyone else for that matter, but I've already started the process of creating a better version of me. NOT for her but for me, after some reflection it hit me that I've lost track of who i really wanna be when i was with her. Some who GROWS STRONGER on a daily basis, mentally, phsycially and spiritually.

 

If you could add me on FB for a bit more of chat i'd be really awsome!!!

 

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