One Last Question...

[mikeveli4g]

Here we go one last time to some after 2 other threads but if you're new welcome and I'll give a brief synopsis and we can take it from there.

 

 

 

 

We were engaged... Long distance relationship... 2 different countries.

 

 

 

 

She pulls the plug as I was only 4 months away to move to her respective country and spent THOUSANDS to get there (nonrefundable) after many arguments and other drama dealing with both of us going through job turmoil and expenses that lead to all that.

 

 

I messed up begged and pleaded until I got the real answer and she finally confessed it was another man.

 

 

I immediately backed off and shortly before new years I tried to at least save our friendship going forward since we were friends for 8 years and then she told me she was in a relationship with dude not even 2 months after the break up.

 

 

Still was looking for closure but I left it alone and out of the blue she wishes me happy birthday 2 weeks after that. I played it cool and said thanks and waited another month before contacting her again just to get closure but when she reached back out she was still being spiteful and ridiculous so I finally said to myself and her I'm no longer going to reach out... best wishes.

 

 

At this point I still hadn't taken her off FB even though I stopped following her and only kept it on there because her fam and friends still reach out to me and sadly she's the foundation. In the midst of all that my dating life picked up quite a bit with a "main lady" and other friends (just in case) and I took a trip to Europe and made up for everything that was lost just to get piece of mind and it worked even though deep down in my heart I still hoped one day my ex and I could at least be civil again or maybe reconcile if we took our time because I still wanted to keep my options open.

 

 

So out of no where after 8 months of no contact, taking her out of my friends list shortly before leaving to go to Europe and not wishing her Happy Birthday she sends me a message and says... "Hey how are you? Just wanted to see what you were up to but I understand if you don't want to keep in contact..."

 

 

 

 

I played it cool and waited throughout the day until I knew she was sleep and replied back "It's been a busy week and hope yours is good. I will email you when I get a chance."

 

 

I waited through the weekend to figure out whether to mess with her head a little and keep it brief or just let her know the real deal as far as everything I've done since then. Better job, traveling... a better me.

 

 

So I decided to play the "be kind" route telling her I'm good and done so much and acknowledged her on being back in school and one of her friends getting married from what I last saw before removing her out of my page and didn't mention one thing about her new man and her new soon to be step daughter. (Yea, that really happened lol) At the end of my message I said "as far as us keeping in touch I will leave that up to you because as I told you a while ago I'm not going to bother you..." and that's because I respect what she has going even though clearly I don't agree but it is what it is.

 

 

So, even after I ended the email with "nice to hear from you, take care," and never asked her "how are you doing?" or "what have you been up to?" because clearly I already know lol... she decides to respond with "that's good about your travels. Yea, I'm back in school but it's hard keeping up with that, work and being a step mom to my boyfriends daughter...."

 

 

Then she adds more to it saying "I know you're probably not interested and don't really have much to talk about really as my life revolves around the boyfriend and the little one...."

 

 

I'm like.... OOOOOOH-KAAAAAY. Sounds I kindly uttered back "Yeah I kinda figured that and that's why I didn't ask. Thanks for the update and best wishes."

 

 

So, as I begin to close this door and lock it for a looooooong time or for good depending on how my new situations go... I just want to know the motive. Did the new guy mess up? Is she having buyer's remorse and mad that I've made it after I had to sacrifice and all and earn it all back after she took me for granted? Or is she just being a dumb spiteful b#*ch for no reason.

 

 

If you haven't gotten bored from this crazy entertainment please let me know what's up.

[kendahke]

who cares, really? I"m sure you have better things to focus your attention on that an ex, right?

 

You got what you wanted--her to take the bait over not asking you about her life. She did, so now you know and you can let it go.

 

Ex's belong in the past unless they are really doing the most to convince you that they made a mistake in letting you go, they want to atone for what they did and they want to be with you more than they want their next breath. If that is not being born out in behavior, then cut them loose and set them adrift.

Edited August 20, 2015 by kendahke

[mikeveli4g]

True story. And that's the thing I knew a long time ago what the deal was but I just want to know why if she is so "happy" and I caused her all this pain a while back (I was just telling her about herself really) why is jumping out of her lane. I'm just curious only because these new girls in my life are just as shady sometimes lol.

[TaraMaiden2]

You want to know why?

 

I have no clue.

Just like you don't.

And nobody else will either.

 

If you're mixing with 'shady ladies' improve your people-picker senses.

Walk away and raise your standards, or at least change them.

As to wondering why the ex does *this*... forget it.

Unless you're physically capable of crawling into that small space known as 'her mind' and reading it for yourself, you will never know, we certainly won't - and the hell she'll tell you....

[kendahke]

If you're mixing with 'shady ladies' improve your people-picker senses.

 

^^^^This right here. If they're shady, then why are you all up in that drama? That's just inviting unnecessary foolishness into your space.

[Pharcyde]

Ouch I'm sorry man.... Sounds as bad or worse than mine. except I actually made the move :/

 

Just know you are probably never going to get closure or if she is really truly doubting her decision and wants a future with you.

 

I know its tough, but just try to get to that point where, even if you love her and want to be with her, you are no longer emotionally attached to the outcome or the break up.

 

Don't dwell on the hope, I know it sucks... Mines been contacting me recently too, Motives still aren't clear and I doubt they will ever be.

[mikeveli4g]

^^^^This right here. If they're shady, then why are you all up in that drama? That's just inviting unnecessary foolishness into your space.

 

 

 

I agree with you both 100% but at the point where I found out she was "shady," the money had already been spent and I trusted her despite every signal she gave me that things were fading.

 

 

I've managed to find closure within myself however I was just curious to see if any women on here have done something like this as a joke or whatever or if any man has gone through the same. I just didn't want to be an a#*hole towards her but I've learned she'll never change. Cheers to the single life for now

[kendahke]

I was just curious to see if any women on here have done something like this as a joke or whatever or if any man has gone through the same. I just didn't want to be an a#*hole towards her but I've learned she'll never change. Cheers to the single life for now

 

No. I don't think what she did was a joke.

 

I think she's being spiteful. If she went as far as cheating on you, shattering what you two had, to be with this guy, then really, there is no reason on earth for her to be contacting you except as a way of making herself feel better over how she treated you.

 

Use the block feature on all communication devices.