Break Up Road Map- a day to guide of whats going to happen

[Blue73]

Thought I would create a thread where people can comment on what their first days, months, years where like- all emotions and what happened during their break ups. It might help those of us struggling in our first days desperately looking for a sign of maybe what our future will hold.

 

ex 1. first day we broke up, he/she didnt hear from him for 4 weeks, I mentally suffered but moved on. Week one I cried every day, week two I ate, etc. Then he/she contacted me like crazy in month 3 once I had finally moved on.

 

ex.2 first day we broke up- decided not to talk for a few days then started again just to end again a month later

 

Stuff like that so we can get a grasp of what emotions/actions we might face every day. Its easier going into the days knowing what we might expect rather than the unknown. (ex. If we know sit tight your not going to hear a peep for a few weeks, but you might hear from them in 1 month it might help)

I know every situation is different, but this may help so many OW/OM.

 

Please no bashing on this thread- some of us need real support.

[ShatteredHearts]

Great idea!

 

Day 1: I received a text message that pretty much ended everything. I was left with questions b/c of how he phrased things. I asked them and never got a reply back.

 

The next two weeks were filled with confusion, disbelief and heartache. We work at the same place, so I constantly feel on edge whenever I walk around, for fear that I'll run into him.

 

Some days I was ok, other days I would break down in tears. I started running in the evenings to help clear my head, which has helped a lot. For awhile I kept thinking he'd message me at work or text. That feeling has subsided now.

Tomorrow marks 3 weeks with no contact, but it feels more like 3 months.

 

Where I am now: I've pulled away from my friends and haven't gone out at all, besides going to work. I know I'll snap out of it, but right now I just want to be alone. I'm sad, and still shed tears but not as frequently. My heart still hurts, and I imagine it will for some time. One thing I've noticed that even if I try to recollect and think back to good times we had together, I can't. It's like my brain won't allow me to go there. Maybe eventually I'll be able to look back, but it's not possible now.

 

I know I still have a long road ahead of me, but I'll get there. The biggest struggle for me is realizing that it's really over this time. After two years he was able to cut me out of his life so fast it made my head spin. I am curious to know what he's doing - is he really going thru with the divorce or did he go running back again? Regardless it doesn't matter, because he didn't want to be with me.

[Blue73]

Day two- I called him. I needed to know are we officially over or what the heck is going on. Probably the most productive conversation we have ever had when hitting a bump. We agreed to take a break from the relationship but to just take it easy and have low contact and come back when ready. When I hung up I felt better, even ate a bite of macaroni. 4 hours later, I feel like crap. I quit smoking havent touch a cig in 16 years... I bought a pack tonight.

[Sassy Girl]

Day two- I called him. I needed to know are we officially over or what the heck is going on. Probably the most productive conversation we have ever had when hitting a bump. We agreed to take a break from the relationship but to just take it easy and have low contact and come back when ready. When I hung up I felt better, even ate a bite of macaroni. 4 hours later, I feel like crap. I quit smoking havent touch a cig in 16 years... I bought a pack tonight.

 

Sooo, not breaking up then?

 

It's just a 'bump' and you're accepting less than ever with LC?

[lemondrop21]

Sooo, not breaking up then?

 

It's just a 'bump' and you're accepting less than ever with LC?

 

I think that some people need to feel out what works for them and immediate NC may not be the answer, even though they likely will get to NC eventually.

 

Best of luck, Blue.

[lemondrop21]

Day 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 - broke down sobbing. I am getting really tired of crying at this point and think my tears are running out. Someone who's been there - will this happen? Will I eventually just exhaust myself of crying?

[Sassy Girl]

I think that some people need to feel out what works for them and immediate NC may not be the answer, even though they likely will get to NC eventually.

 

Best of luck, Blue.

 

The thread is titled 'break up road map'... Op then says it's a bump in their relationship. Doesn't sound like a break up at all. Sounds like MM has convinced her to wait around for him to deliver even less than she was getting. Sounds like a bum deal.

[menyou]

Day 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 - broke down sobbing. I am getting really tired of crying at this point and think my tears are running out. Someone who's been there - will this happen? Will I eventually just exhaust myself of crying?

 

You will stop. And when you do, you will wonder why you wasted any amount of energy on someone that gave you nothing but heartache in return. As hard as it may seem to do, the best way to move on is to just do that. Wake up in the morning with a smile and know that you are better than that.

[make-this-stick]

Day 1 - after months of frustration and having him constantly alter our plans, I just had enough. I decided to take myself out of the equation and let him get on with his life. I sent a short text and went NC. He wanted to talk about it on the phone but at that point I felt that there was nothing else to say. I'd talked and talked over the last few months and he just didn't really listen, certainly didn't choose to do anything about it.

 

Day 2 - Spent a lot of time reading here, felt very down but also positive about taking back control. I hated feeling as if everything and everyone had priority in his life. I worked out, pictured myself running away from him when I was on the treadmill. Wrote down all the negatives of recent months. BUT then he texted me last night. Just to say that he is very sad. That was tough, I should have just deleted when I saw it come in. The result is that I slept badly, tossed and turned. Miss him so much, but not the situation. The constant waiting, the change of plans, not feeling happy....I gave up my sense of self (which was what he liked best about me). I'm finding that woman again.

 

Day 3 - Went straight to the gym and worked out. Have heard nothing more from him and I feel tempted to text, so I came here instead. After this, I'm going to swim. If nothing else, I'm going to be fit and exhausted.

[usernametaken]

Day 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 - broke down sobbing. I am getting really tired of crying at this point and think my tears are running out. Someone who's been there - will this happen? Will I eventually just exhaust myself of crying?

 

yes, it'll get better.

 

As soon as it does, he'll try to come back. That was always my experience. Ugh.

[Sunburst]

For me it's all upside down. First week feels ok. Then it goes... Crying, not wanting to talk to anyone, poor eating, feeling worthless and helpless, thinking I've done something ''not quite right'', fear of losing him, feeling so empty, losing identity. And it gets worse with time. Repeated this cycle a few times already. I go back or he comes back.

The hardest part for me I guess is the responsibility of NC on me. I say if you're staying home leave me alone (he's declaring the need to try to save the marriage, but still wants contact - painful, cause he left her for me twice), he says he will have to stop if I want that. And it leaves me in fear, though it shouldn't. As stupid as it sounds, at the times he's hurt me and left me at least I've felt there's nothing I can do but try to cope. When I finish it I just feel so terribly scared. Then I remind myself of all the things that made me suffer and that he is there working on it/living his life and I'm not a side piece.

So the road will be bumpy that's for sure. Expect the worst and expect come backs. And hopefully we'll reach a checkpoint when it doesn't hurt anymore, it's incredibly hard waking up everyday and feeling nothing I do has meaning, I'd like to get back to being myself, I just can't remember how.

And for anyone coping, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. I've lost so much weight and I look like a ghost. Please take better care of yourself than I did.

Edited August 21, 2015 by Sunburst

[Blue73]

Day 3: I didn't reach out today. Didnt really want to but hoped he would reach out to me. He initiated first contact and said have a nice weekend. I kindly responded you too.

 

I don't know why but I feel like a rock star! (Still can't eat) but I'm settling in. I know I need to work on me and I know my emotions drove him away. While I'm OK with a break and seeing where this goes as I have lots I want to do with my kids, need to to work on myself, and get back into my job. I'm still not ok with being over over over.

 

But today I feel good! I even shaved my legs! Lol

[menyou]

Blue, in one of your original posts you mentioned you both know this would never work. Why is it that you still hang on to "nothing"?

[NewLeaf512]

Great idea!

 

Day 1: I received a text message that pretty much ended everything. I was left with questions b/c of how he phrased things. I asked them and never got a reply back.

 

The next two weeks were filled with confusion, disbelief and heartache. We work at the same place, so I constantly feel on edge whenever I walk around, for fear that I'll run into him.

 

Some days I was ok, other days I would break down in tears. I started running in the evenings to help clear my head, which has helped a lot. For awhile I kept thinking he'd message me at work or text. That feeling has subsided now.

Tomorrow marks 3 weeks with no contact, but it feels more like 3 months.

 

Where I am now: I've pulled away from my friends and haven't gone out at all, besides going to work. I know I'll snap out of it, but right now I just want to be alone. I'm sad, and still shed tears but not as frequently. My heart still hurts, and I imagine it will for some time. One thing I've noticed that even if I try to recollect and think back to good times we had together, I can't. It's like my brain won't allow me to go there. Maybe eventually I'll be able to look back, but it's not possible now.

 

I know I still have a long road ahead of me, but I'll get there. The biggest struggle for me is realizing that it's really over this time. After two years he was able to cut me out of his life so fast it made my head spin. I am curious to know what he's doing - is he really going thru with the divorce or did he go running back again? Regardless it doesn't matter, because he didn't want to be with me.

 

I'm isolating too. We need to stop this

[NewLeaf512]

I think a lot of this depends on what role you plated and how it ended. I was the single OW with no kids. He actually took steps to get a D, I pushed him to sped up and because I didn't want to be a lying cheater anymore. He ran home from work, told her "everything including about the lawyer" put the phone down on me. And I've never heard from him again.

 

 

,

[lemondrop21]

Don't isolate if at all possible. Even if you can only commit yourself to a one-hour lunch with a friend, do it. Even if you have to run home and sob afterward. It's okay. Isolating can exacerbate depression so badly. Sending you hugs.