Mank Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 (edited) Basically,me and my wife have been married for 5 years now.Dated for 7.No kids.We do everything together.We even work together for the same company.Our schedules are really hectic so it is safe to say we don't have much time for romance.Not like in the beginning when we met.It's actually a long story but long story short she's 2 years older than me so when i graduated from university she already had a job.Thanks to her father,i was introduced to the corporate world and he helped me pursue my career goals so it's thanks to him that me and his daughter(my wife) work together.At first i was a bit scared but at the end of the day i agreed it'd be a good idea because this way we're always together.Everything was going great until one day rumors about my wife being a whore started running rampant.I was very angry and frustrated with these rumors because i thought they were ridiculous.If anything my wife only thinks about work because that is literally her life as well as mine.It's been like that for a couple of years now.I began to threaten my colleagues so they'd stop.Two weeks ago at dinner i told my wife i was getting very frustrated and asked her if she was ok.She said she was but seemed distressed so i tried to console her.She ended up admitting to giving one of our cowerkers a blowjob at a business party.Obviously,at first,I thought it was some sort of a joke but she wasn't in a good mood so sadly,i had to come to terms with the fact it's true.I was in shock so i left the restaurant and drove back home.I couldn't sleep.I spent the whole night pondering this situation.I needed answers so in the morning i told my wife i was ready to talk.She was sobbing and crying a little bit which angered me so i yelled at her for the firdt time since we'd been together.She told me that she felt attracted to him and that she needed some excitement in her life for a change.I asked her why she did it with another man.She said that she just felt "naughty" doing it with another man.I asked her if they slept together.She said they didn't so i asked her if they did anything else apart from oral sex.She said that they did nothing else but she did swallow his semen.Even though i was shocked imhad to get to the bottom of this so i asked her how it all came about and why everyone knew.She explained that they'd been talking to one another lately and sharing kisses every now and then but since she didn't want to cheat(blowjobs are not considered adultery in her mind) she blew him.She said that he turned out to be untrustworthy hence the reason why he started bragging about it to our colleagues.She also said that she owns up to her mistake and will never happen again yet she doesn't believe she actually cheated.Furthermore she never blows me.I've never asked her to but I'm assuming neither has that guy.I've been trying to act as though everything's alright but i can't seem to get over this.I'm considering divorce but if i got divorced i'd most likely get fired.Her dad is a powerful man and a very biased one.I don't think i love my wife any more though?What should i do?I've been asking myself this question lately and i've been thinking but....and my wife isn't even doing anything to make it up to me.She thinks that one apology is enough and to top it all off,i still have to see that guy every day.Help pls!Any advice would be much appreciated. Edited August 20, 2015 by Mank Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mank Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 Basically,me and my wife have been married for 5 years now.Dated for 7.No kids.We do everything together.We even work together for the same company.Our schedules are really hectic so it is safe to say we don't have much time for romance.Not like in the beginning when we met.It's actually a long story but long story short she's 2 years older than me so when i graduated from university she already had a job.Thanks to her father,i was introduced to the corporate world and he helped me pursue my career goals so it's thanks to him that me and his daughter(my wife) work together.At first i was a bit scared but at the end of the day i agreed it'd be a good idea because this way we're always together.Everything was going great until one day rumors about my wife being a whore started running rampant.I was very angry and frustrated with these rumors because i thought they were ridiculous.If anything my wife only thinks about work because that is literally her life as well as mine.It's been like that for a couple of years now.I began to threaten my colleagues so they'd stop.Two weeks ago at dinner i told my wife i was getting very frustrated and asked her if she was ok.She said she was but seemed distressed so i tried to console her.She ended up admitting to giving one of our cowerkers a blowjob at a business party.Obviously,at first,I thought it was some sort of a joke but she wasn't in a good mood so sadly,i had to come to terms with the fact it's true.I was in shock so i left the restaurant and drove back home.I couldn't sleep.I spent the whole night pondering this situation.I needed answers so in the morning i told my wife i was ready to talk.She was sobbing and crying a little bit which angered me so i yelled at her for the firdt time since we'd been together.She told me that she felt attracted to him and that she needed some excitement in her life for a change.I asked her why she did it with another man.She said that she just felt "naughty" doing it with another man.I asked her if they slept together.She said they didn't so i asked her if they did anything else apart from oral sex.She said that they did nothing else but she did swallow his semen.Even though i was shocked imhad to get to the bottom of this so i asked her how it all came about and why everyone knew.She explained that they'd been talking to one another lately and sharing kisses every now and then but since she didn't want to cheat(blowjobs are not considered adultery in her mind) she blew him.She said that he turned out to be untrustworthy hence the reason why he started bragging about it to our colleagues.She also said that she owns up to her mistake and will never happen again yet she doesn't believe she actually cheated.Furthermore she never blows me.I've never asked her to but I'm assuming neither has that guy.I've been trying to act as though everything's alright but i can't seem to get over this.I'm considering divorce but if i got divorced i'd most likely get fired.Her dad is a powerful man and a very biased one.I don't think i love my wife any more though?What should i do?I've been asking myself this question lately and i've been thinking but....and my wife isn't even doing anything to make it up to me.She thinks that one apology is enough and to top it all off,i still have to see that guy every day.Help pls!Any advice would be much appreciated. I forgot to point out my wife also said that to her blowjobs were exciting because she hadnt done that since high school.Not that that's a very helpful info Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Um yeah....she cheated. She absolutely cheated. She's selling the Clinton lie that oral sex isn't sex. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mank Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 Um yeah....she cheated. She absolutely cheated. She's selling the Clinton lie that oral sex isn't sex. Exactly!Thanks so much for supporting me!So do you think i should file for divorce because honestly i could never even kiss my wife Again for obvious reasons Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Exactly!Thanks so much for supporting me!So do you think i should file for divorce because honestly i could never even kiss my wife Again for obvious reasons Absolutely cheated. As for divorce - that's your call. If you can't kiss your wife again, then obviously you shouldn't be married any longer. But maybe you should go see a therapist before making such a call. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 they shared kisses and oral and kept it a secret.. many times over. that's cheating 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 She cheated. No doubt about that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 (edited) Dude, you got your foot in the corporate world. Dust off that resume and start putting them out there. Don't tell the company that you're doing this or your wife. Once you get an offer, I think it's time to move on. Yeah, her Dad gave you a leg up in the corporate world, but you are not an indentured servant to him either. Yeah, your wife cheated and you're getting trickle truthed First, it was just a BJ, now you're hearing about them stealing kisses? You're not getting the whole story. If she didn't think she cheated then why all the sobbing? She KNOWS she cheated and is now trying to rug sweep the entire thing. She was remorseful for a hot second; now, it's no big deal to her. With that kind of attitude, she is going to cheat on you again. Because there was no consequences to her actions. She got to cheat and have you not go anywhere or do anything. I mean, what's next? "Well, honey it was just anal. That's not cheating because I couldn't get pregnant by it" Who is she to dictate what is cheating and what isn't? Seriously, I don't know how you can work there and see this guy everyday and not kick his ass. Edited August 20, 2015 by Chi townD 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 You can decide for yourself whether you love her or not, but you can be sure that she doesn't love you. Not only that, she's made a laughing stock, and a fool of you in your workplace. Divorce her, quit your job, and build a new life. You've been living like business associates more than a married couple anyway. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 careful where you tread. what ever your decision is it has to be for your greater benefit, specially your career. don't get on the bad side of her dad and talk to the father. Link to post Share on other sites
Zagan Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 She cheated, and she's downplaying it completely disregarding your feelings, again. You only found out because the guy she cheated on you with told all of your work colleagues, if he hadn't turned out to have been that pathetic who knows where it would have gone? I guarantee it wouldnt have just stopped at a blow job. If you don't even think you love your wife anymore then life is too short to be in an unhappy place when you have no idea if you even want to salvage anything from it. You have no kids together, atleast that's one less worry. As for your job.. It might not be a bad idea to begin looking at other job options somewhere else.. Do you really want to continue working at a place where everybody refers to your wife as a whore and knew what she did to you before you did? Not to mention the fact the guy she cheated with is there daily himself! The fact he bragged about it to everybody shows he's in serious need of some kind of self validation so will always give off an air of superiority over you. You would be better off leaving it all behind if you choose to leave your wife, and maybe even if you stay with her you should still look at job options elsewhere because you will never escape what she did or stop feeling a fool. Until she starts taking responsibility for what she did and acknowledges that it was cheating, your resentment will continue to grow and not knowing if you love her will turn into a definite 'I don't love her'.. It would be wise to speak to her about a possible separation/divorce and see if it changes her outlook on what she apparently didn't do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Oral Sex, that says it all, it's sex and a physical act. She absolutely needs to be checked for STD's, they exchanged bodily fluids. Your wife is probably the most talked about person in the company right now, guess what their saying about you? If saving your marriage is what you want than get her into independent counselling to find out what is really going on with her. Do not allow her to sweep this under the rug or you will be living this type of behaviour for the rest of your marriage to her. She needs to have a shot of reality. The other man needs to be exposed if he has a partner, his S/O needs to know what he's really like. Your first step is to talk to a lawyer, find out your rights and what your risks are. If her father has that kind of influence at your place of business and you want to remain working there talk to a lawyer who specializes in employment contracts as well as infidelity/divorce. Maybe working with your father in law and your wife isn't such a good idea. If you decide to stay together, make time for yourselves, date nights. Decide what is more important, your jobs or your relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 she cheated everybody knows about it and probably her dad knows it too. one thing for sure you can't just sweep it under the rug like nothing happened. do not stay with her just for the job. if you decide to stay it will have to come from deep blieve in Reconcilaiation from both of you otherwise get out 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 One more point, she can't work with other man, you and daddy. One of you has to go. You may want to test the waters, have a one on one with daddy and see how fast O/M disappears. You may at some point need to talk to HR about your scenario but please talk to a lawyer first. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 She ended up admitting to giving one of our cowerkers a blowjob at a business party. Oral sex is sex, so yes she cheated. She told me that she felt attracted to him and that she needed some excitement in her life for a change.I asked her why she did it with another man.She said that she just felt "naughty" doing it with another man. She did it for no other reason then she wanted to do it, never mind that she is married to you. She explained that they'd been talking to one another lately and sharing kisses every now and then but since she didn't want to cheat(blowjobs are not considered adultery in her mind) she blew him.She said that he turned out to be untrustworthy hence the reason why he started bragging about it to our colleagues. So in her mind her affair partner (AP) would have been trustworthy if he kept the affair a secret. Next time she will pick a better AP that knows how to keep the affair a secret. She also said that she owns up to her mistake and will never happen again yet she doesn't believe she actually cheated.my wife isn't even doing anything to make it up to me.She thinks that one apology is enough She believes that having a secret sexual relationship with another man that includes all forms of kissing, touching and oral sex is not cheating and is thus OK, as long as they do not have intercourse and the AP is trustworthy enough to keep it a secret. Thus she has no remorse about this cheating and will do it again when she gets the urge. She has all the makings of a serial cheater. She has made you into a cuckold at your office and does not care that she has done this. Do not have children with her. Take your time and secretly find another job. After you change jobs, expose her cheating to family and friends (so she can not remake history with you as the bad guy), and file for divorce. Do not look back. You dodged a bullet by finding out about her before you had children. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 She cheated and didn't mind making you the laughing stock among your colleagues. Divorce ASAP, she has absolutely no respect for you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Start looking for another job. Most places will ask if it is okay to contact your current company, just say no. They understand that you won't want the current company to find out you're looking to leave them. It's pretty standard. Once you have another job, I'd divorce her. Despite her statement of honesty, she's wasn't honest. You caught her, then she fessed up. She didn't tell you on her own volition. Furthermore, she doesn't think it's cheating, so likely she will do it again AND/OR has already done it with other people and wasn't caught, so she didn't fess up. I'd even resign to her father's face after having the job. Your daughter cheated on me, she gave a blow job to another man here, everyone knows and I feel betrayed and humiliated, I can no longer work here. Ciao. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 I agree with the others, but this is most likely only the tip of the iceberg. Some won't agree but you should assume the worst. That being a full on affair with full on sex. Like my grandmother use to say "Santa Claus and Dracula were real people, people made them into myths" there is a lot of truth in the rumors your hearing. I'm guessing that people have witnessed your wife and OM. Your marriage is an uphill battle simply because your wife doesn't think she has done much wrong "oh its only a BJ and kissing". Next time she says that tell her you went out and only got a BJ then you will see what she really thinks about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Exactly!Thanks so much for supporting me!So do you think i should file for divorce because honestly i could never even kiss my wife Again for obvious reasons In addition to the cheating itself the fact that A) she doesn't even think she did anything wrong, B) she feels no remorse and C) seems to think she was entitled to it...... Honestly, I wouldn't stay with someone like that. But it isn't my life. However, for me, no matter who says what, if they ain't remorseful and willing to change big time....there's no point in sticking around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Exactly!Thanks so much for supporting me!So do you think i should file for divorce because honestly i could never even kiss my wife Again for obvious reasons Yes, absolutely. She has no remorse and has betrayed you in the worst possible way. You work at the same place as the guy she blew and that information is never going to just go away. That level of disrespect is shocking. The fact that she doesn't blow you but is excited to suck off some random guy is another disgusting factor. It's hard to believe an educated woman like this could do such a thing and think the way she thinks. See a lawyer, start divorce proceedings, and leave her today. No kids so this is an easy call. You've been together for a long time so it's not an unreasonable conclusion to guess that she's blown many men over that time since she doesn't see that as cheating. The only reason you found out is because she did the wrong guy at the wrong place. End it today. Under these circumstances you would be crazy to even talk with her about it. Maintain ZERO contact with her until the divorce mediation or trial and, when that's over, turn your back and never look back. The guys at work are right: she is a whore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Let me add my .02 regarding the whole job thing. I would walk into her daddy's office and tell him you need some time off to deal with a personal problem - his daughter blowing a co-worker. Maybe this gets them both fired - that would be awesome - but I'll bet it get's you some time off to "deal" with this. Then you start looking for another job 100% of the time and you will, hopefully, have something lined up quickly. When you resign at your current job believe me - everyone will understand. Everyone. Man, just get away from this disgusting situation and move on with your life as fast as you can. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 When I started reading this post, I thought you were going to be one of those guys who say his gf/wife cheated because she danced with another guy or something stupid. But a BJ!?? In whose world is that NOT CHEATING? Is her name Monica Lewinsky? I like Dr. Phil's definition of cheating. It is cheating if: - You are turning outside the relationship to meet a need which should be fulfilled within the relationship. - You wouldn't do it if your partner was standing there with you I think a BJ definitely meets both those criteria. Did you ask her how she would feel if you gave oral sex to another woman? Would she consider that cheating? Yes, she cheated. And if she believes she didn't, I really have to question her values. I agree with the idea that you should polish up your resume, find another job, THEN file for divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Let me add my .02 regarding the whole job thing. I would walk into her daddy's office and tell him you need some time off to deal with a personal problem - his daughter blowing a co-worker. That's a fun fantasy, but if her dad is a powerful guy, he could ruin this guy's career, depending on the industry and where they live. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 According to Merriam Webster an Encyclopaedia Britannica Company, Intercourse, physical sexual contact between individuals that involves the genitalia of at least one person, anal intercourse, oral intercourse, especially sexual intercourse(both genitalia are involved). She is minimizing the fact that only his genitalia was involved and the only orifice she used to collect his sperm was her mouth. Penetration and insemination still occurred. If this is her outlook your in for a world of hurt unless you force a change. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii51 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Won't sick my duck, but will sick a coworkers?! That's nuts ( i prefer my puns intended), I don't know what I would do but you really need to instill that in her head. "tables turned" method usually does the trick. How would she feel if you lick the pink off another woman. AND THE SECOND BIGGEST ISSUE... She did it at work. Now she's a whore and you're the ignorant or spineless husband. Doesn't bode well for the job or the relationship. Can't go around sicking ducks like that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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