Dating Seperated People

[Mysterio]

My buddy T is dating a woman named F. F got seperated in 2010. Looked up at the end of 2012 on facebook. They both used to date 18 yrs ago or. They officially became a couple around Feb 2013. They just had a child which was not really planned a couple of weeks ago.

 

Anytime I ask T about F getting divorced. He says he has no idea whats going on with that. F does have 2 kids from her previous marriage.

 

So for you all that are single or who have dated seperated people. Whats your take.

 

Do you think its a big deal or not a big deal to date sepreated people, where there is not clear view on the status of their divorce. I sometimes wonder why its hard for some people to get divorced and start fresh, or why date when your not divroced and free and clear to be with someone.

[Arieswoman]

Mysterio,

IMO "separated" people are a waste of time and a recipe for heartache.

 

I think others will have seen the post I made about a "separated" guy I dated a few times - his estranged wife was in a nursing home with some kind of progressive neurological condition. No way was I going down that road.

 

If people are "separated" and refuse to get divorced they haven't let go of the other person - and this applies to both men and women BTW.

 

It's much better to look for someone who is legally free.

[Mysterio]

Aries. Your message is received loud and clear. I won't be dating any seperated women. Or not take it serriously anyways.

 

Once again. It can't be that hard to get a divorce within 2 yrs. This GF of my buddy T. This is year 6 and both F and her ex have seperate property.

 

There comes a time in your life that everyone just has to try and strive to make their lives clear. No excuses.

 

T has a kid with F so now that the baby is born. There is no excuse for F not to get the divorce. She should have not been out there dating until she cleared this from her life.

[central]

Every situation is unique, IMO. I have and would date a separated woman - but I would look at the situation carefully to ensure that there is no realistic chance of reconciliation, that she is actually on the path to divorce, and when the divorce should be final (and if not soon, why not).

 

It's not a moral issue in my mind (once separated and living apart with full intent to divorce), but a practical one - assuming that I want a lasting relationship and not just a dating experience.

[Mrin]

Divorces can be quite complex and messy. So they can definitely take a while. Especially if there is a hard to value asset at stake. That being said - there is no excuse for not having a clear plan laid out.

[angel.eyes]

You get to live your life. T gets to live his. Why not focus on yours and your choices'?

[alphamale]

its not a good idea to date married people

[Mysterio]

T does not like the situation. He has a hard time expressing that to her. She just comes across as its not a big deal. In the end it does not really matter to me. I have just see these pattern before in some of the women my friends date.

 

The women have these little loose ends that they can't tie up and then my buddies get raked over the coals

 

I don't want that to happen to me.

[angel.eyes]

Then T should have left a long time ago. Better yet, if he doesn't like dating separated women, don't start dating her.

 

She didn't put a gun to his head and force him to have a relationship with her. He's an adult man who made an informed choice.

Edited August 22, 2015 by angel.eyes

[Mysterio]

Angel Eyes although you are right about the situation with T. T now has a child with F now. They live together. Until F gets a divorce. He can't marry her. Come Feb of 2016. Their kid will be about 6 months old and they will have been together for 3 yrs.

 

T does not have anyone chasing him. He is too much of a gamer to go chasing after women. So I guess he feel this is as good as it gets. He thought that she would have gotten divorced within the later half of 2013. Yet that is not the case. He does not know what the hold up is. Although he did say the other day that the Ex of F, is having a problem getting some sort of Tax papers for the Divorce.

 

My thing is why does the Ex not try to speed up the Divorce himself. If it was me. I would not want to be tied to my Ex Wife who has a kid with another man. I would be speeding up the Divorce.

 

Yes T could have nixed F if her really wanted to. T is a follower. T does not like to rock the boat. I think that if T was a bit more like me and said. No kids or moving in together unless you are free and clear. He only moved in with him a couple of months ago. So its not like they were playing house.

 

ITs hard for some men to really turn down women. Its not like they have an abundance of women coming to them on a romantic way all the time. T is more of a Gamer. So its not like he has a lot of options. If he passed on F. Its nothing for a long time. His last GF was technically around 06.

 

I have just seen this type of thing before. Sooner or later. F will get tired of T's gaming and may leave him. Then what. Why does the son of T/F have to suffer for their poor choices. Both of them are basically 40.

 

What type of message does F send to T. When there is no visible effort on her part that he can see that she is getting divorced. It sends a message that she has no respect for him and that she thinks he will do anything for her and even put up with her being just separated. Its not like negotiations broke down between her ex and F. All F has with the Ex is two kids that go back and forth between them. Thats it. I also wonder why F's Ex can stand being tied to her. Its not like if he meets a new woman. That the woman would be a okay with him being legally tied to his ex for over 5 yrs.

 

I guess it really does not matter to me. Yet T is like a brother and I hate to see him in pain. The bottom line is that I just have to make sure I don't get into anything like that with my life.

[elaine567]

If F is in her 40s and is in a relationship that is stable, that is obviously good enough for her.

Her divorce is unresolved and she is in no hurry apparently to rock that boat with her H. Some Hs can dig their heels in and without a lot of money for lawyers, it may be well nigh impossible for her to tell her H to get a move on.

He may not want a divorce and is still holding a candle for her and is deliberately stalling here.

 

To some marriage is very important, but to many who have been married before, they are in no hurry to repeat the process.

If F was free tomorrow or waited till her divorce was final before dating, she may not want to get married again ever anyway.

As it is, at 40 she has a baby, if she waited till her divorce was final before dating she may have been 45+ before she found a new man, and as fertility wanes, she may have missed her chance or ever having another baby.

Sometimes it is better to grab life than wait for lawyers to make up their minds about legal documents.

 

The only issue I have with separated people are those that were usually dumped and they start dating far too early and have not got over their ex; they tend to have rebound relationships that muck other people up.

 

T and F's relationship does NOT look like a rebound one to me.

 

Stop obsessing over this, and leave other people to their own lives, let them enjoy their baby and stop stirring.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Dating someone separated can by risky....mostly because there are a category of separated people that...well...never actually "get around" to getting the big "D".

 

I met a few women like this...some of which didn't have any kids that didn't delay the process, so I was wondering what was taking them so long.

 

One was like "Meh, we're in no rush."

 

I tend to stay far away from those. They could reunite at any time.

 

 

 

My buddy T is dating a woman named F. F got seperated in 2010. Looked up at the end of 2012 on facebook. They both used to date 18 yrs ago or. They officially became a couple around Feb 2013. They just had a child which was not really planned a couple of weeks ago.

 

Anytime I ask T about F getting divorced. He says he has no idea whats going on with that. F does have 2 kids from her previous marriage.

 

So for you all that are single or who have dated seperated people. Whats your take.

 

Do you think its a big deal or not a big deal to date sepreated people, where there is not clear view on the status of their divorce. I sometimes wonder why its hard for some people to get divorced and start fresh, or why date when your not divroced and free and clear to be with someone.

[sportygirl89]

Recently divorced guys are not good to date either (4-6 months after official divorce is a waste of time!!) I would know because I fell in love with one. Haven't dated anyone since.

[Mysterio]

F's ex should be singing those papers. He had at least 2 yrs to get her back if he wanted her to. Before she got two deep with T. T was not expecting to get her pregnant. It just happened.

 

I just think that T is going to be in for a headache in the future if F does not get it together with her ex. I have seen it happen before from a male perspective.

 

Men want a woman at all costs and put up with a lot to get them. There are some men that don't have row of women coming to them in a romantic way and then take someone with all these problems.

 

Or I guess I want things straight. I don't want to get with a woman that brings these things to the table like an ex that she is still tied to. I should let them enjoy the baby. I want to help them. I am not going to say anything for now. T is going to have to explain why he can't marry F whenever anyone asks. F also has her two kids living with her and T. The kids go back and forth with the ex.

 

F would marry T if she could. There is no doubt about that.

 

Its funny. I don't think if the situation was reversed that F would be a okay with T still being technically married/seperated.

 

Why bother having everything like a soap opera of you don't have to. I had a female friend that was going to get divorced from her husband. Her sister and I sort of talked her out of it. I know that she most likely would not have dated until the divorce was settled and even then it would have been slow going with any guy.

 

F went after T. Its not like T was the driving force to get them together. A detailed I just realized that I left out is that T/F are actually exes that dated in early university. So its like F got back with her ex Boyfriend T, after she separated from her ex. She looked up T and then started calling him and getting together with him. T thought she would have gotten the divorce in late 2013. Here we are in 2015 with no visible plan for her when the marriage will end.

 

Once again. These people aren't rich or poor. Is it really that hard to get divorced. One more thing. I have a former friend that got married in 2005. brought her hubby home from a island that she met him in. They were together for three months. then she kicked him out and she says that she won't divorce him, because she paid a lot of money to bring him to our city. So she is still technically married. So until the ex makes an effort to pay for the divorce she is still married. Although she could hire a lawyer and end it.

 

I guess I am seeing a lot of this. Lets get married and not be sure of ourselves. When hard times come. Split up. Yet not officially. Date while we are in a murky status.

 

I guess I have to worry about myself. I don't want that situation. So I guess with my understanding of myself. I will stay clear. I just don't understand this rush to date while your still legally married. How bad is it to get all your ducks in a row before you meet someone. Can't one just wait and not bring loose ends into the relationship?

[elaine567]

I just don't understand this rush to date while your still legally married. How bad is it to get all your ducks in a row before you meet someone. Can't one just wait and not bring loose ends into the relationship?

 

Depends how old you are and what you want from life.

If you are 25, then no real rush, but if you are 40+, then the biological clock is ticking for both men and women, if you want kids anyway. Dating for 40+ is harder too.

Hanging around for divorce papers is a waste of time, and marriage I guess is not so important either. They have already been there, done that, and got the t shirt

[Mysterio]

Elaine. Going on year 3 of being separated within the new relationship and being separated 3 yrs prior to that was well. 6 years of begin sperated. Something is up with that.

 

I can't see myself dating a woman who was separated for 3 yrs and then being with me for another 3 yrs. Not going to happen to me. What are the chances of T/F making it at age 40 or so for the long haul. When F is showing no signs of making it official. T is too passive aggressive to really call her on it.

Edited August 22, 2015 by Mysterio

[BeingMe]

Dating anyone who is separated is not a good idea.

 

Having said that, I'm in the UK. Here we file, get a decree nisi (judge agrees to the divorce in principle), then 6 weeks & 1 day later can get a decree absolute, which means the divorce is final.

 

The problem is that UK advice is not to get the absolute until the finances are agreed, especially if you have children. So in my case, the decree nisi came through early last autumn. I should have been divorced by mid autumn...except my Ex is stalling on the financials. We're still many months away from a chance to get the absolute.

 

I don't intend to date until the divorce is final (Ex was dating while we were together so....) for religious reasons. But I can see how others would want to.

 

However....the divorce process brings up emotional baggage & it's probably better to stay away from all that drama and wait for a healthy partner to emerge once it's all done and dusted.