Popsicle Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 you both need to sort your head out, but if you do, either stay in the marriage and do it, or divorce and do it. No separation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 you both need to sort your head out, but if you do, either stay in the marriage and do it, or divorce and do it. No separation and no affairs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 How can anyone "Work on a marriage" by moving out? I've never understood this! It's like teenage relationships. Just having a 'little break' basically means 'I want to see how another relationship works out or I want to see how easy it is to get laid. I'm scared of being alone so I'm not going to dump you until I've got a replacement!". I know the desperate, insane feeling of being cheated on & threatened leaving. I get the craziness of contacting a man for attention in these circumstances. It's a really bad idea but I think you know that. I must confess, at my lowest moments letting people know my marriage was in trouble & getting lots of propositions from men I knew did make me feel better. Shallow, I know! My reaction to the affair was "What's wrong with me? Why is she better than me?" & getting all that attention from men helped me stop feeling sorry for myself & get to the (healthier) anger stage. I'm so glad I never did anything. It's against my morals & emotions. Don't sink to his level again!! In your country are you entitled to half of his inheritance? Do you want your marriage to work? I'm with the others who recommended seeing a lawyer. This isn't just for you, it's your children's future too. I know how heart breaking all this is but try to keep your sanity. Hope for the best but plan for the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aussiegirl46 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Share Posted August 23, 2015 Thanks for all replies. Yeah, attention from other men is to make me feel better. Him opting out shortly before 50th birthday doesn't make me feel very loved!! Great timing. No I'm not entitled to half his inheritance, the inheritance is too 'fresh' according to the law. Funny about that, guess he is checking out before it isn't fresh and then he has to share. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Separate with your husband, tell him as far as you are concerned you are both free agents. . sounds like you both have repressed sexual fantasies. One other option is not to separate, but just to say "Hey, lets both open up the marriage and see if we like that". Separating for 6 months, especially if you two are going to be having sex with others, pretty much means the marriage is over anyway. So why not try to salvage what you do have, but give each other freedom to fulfil their fantasies too Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 I think you both need a trip to the doctors. I don't think it's coincidence that he lost his father AND started taking antidepressants then lost interest in sex & 'checked out'. Please don't underestimate the effects of these meds. They've nearly destroyed my marriage twice!! When my H stopped taking them he said it was like waking-up to his life. He can hardly remember things he's said & done while medicated. He frequently says "That person isn't me! I can see myself thinking & saying those things but it's like it was a different person!". Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I already told her to forget about the OM and nowhere did I say it was OK to cheat, I told her sort your marriage out or separate and file and pursue other options as a SINGLE woman. YOUR knickers are in a twist here over nothing. But you also said she can't be expected to wait and not search for other options. But if it is not a divorce and is a separation? Yeah, she can totally be expected to not bang other men, whether it is the creep she met online or someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Trying not to be judgemental here but it's hard work. I honestly don't know what kind of advice the OP wants since the answers are cut and dried and anyone with half a brain knows it. 1.Unhappy marriage? Work on it or leave. 2. Chasing after someone else's husband is wrong. Leave him alone. Maybe she was just here to vent or maybe she was wanting to find a way to stave off guilt by hoping someone would say just the right thing in her favor whereby she could finally give herself permission to have the affair. This, I suspect, is the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I think you are being put in an impossible situation. I'm not sure what your husband hopes to accomplish in the 6 months, but I don't see how it will help the situation. A weekend to clear his head is more than enough, this sounds like he doesn't want to deal with the adult responsibility of a wife and kids anymore. That just isn't a choice adults get to make when they are married with children. And I don't know what'll make you feel better... you can go and have an affair if you want. Some people on here will judge you for it, many will understand, but it's all about your own conscience and if you can live with your decision. But what is it going to fix? Like someone said, if your husband is on medication and is not acting like he normally would this needs to be raised to a dr. immediately. Do American doctors not ask about side effects when refilling prescriptions? Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 To anyone thinking "It's ONLY 6 months" that's a lifetime to little kids!! Children need stability. Daddy's moving out for 6 months to 'find himself' ie see if he like living without you better & Mummy's chasing after an old flirtation & throwing the words "I love you" around. You're a FAMILY. OK you're 2 nearly 50's going through mid life crisis. Looking at your lives. Deciding what you want for the future. You're still PARENTS. You're role models. REALLY? Link to post Share on other sites
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