Do i continue in this relationship ?

[s_williams_1981]

I am currently in a relationship and were engaged . It was an arranged thing . She's a very closed person and its the same with me . When we first started going out i felt i was looking at a mirror. I 've changed a lot for her , and started being more open and honest about things . When things progressed and we began to move forward , she told me about her past relationships and experiences , majority of which i've accepted , but deep down some of the things still bother me , reason being that she introduced her self as someone and things she opened up about were completely out of context . At some level i felt betrayed by her cause i had told her certain things make me uncomfortable , and those are exactly the things she said she did. I felt betrayed on some level cause she could have said things before , and also when she talks about her past relationships , one of them ended badly for her , she often speaks like she is still in love with the guy and it feels she isnt ready to move on .Later on when she started opening up , i realized she and i are completely different on our outlooks and the things we have in common are not things that would benefit us in a relationship , more like vices we have . I have confronted her once on these things and insecurities i have concerning us and the longevity of our relationship , and also that i feel more distant when i am with her , cause she doesn't open up when something bothers her , and her reply was that she is in a happy place .Its just that it doesn't make sense to me and i have difficulty trusting her , cause once she had broken things off abruptly and we got together later on , but it still bothers me and makes me feel on edge that i just cant trust her and that she will break things of or will be very unhappy cause were so completely different.

What do i do ?

[d0nnivain]

Since you have already made up your mind that you two are incompatible long term, what else is there other than breaking up? Can you not go through with an arranged marriage? What are the consequences of calling it quits?

[s_williams_1981]

It's not so simple as me just making up my mind , I actually care a lot about her and there are a lot of differences in our outlooks , after discussing them , it came down to things we are willing to compromise on . From her point of view things she is compromising on are purely superficial , from my point of view things I am compromising on are much more deeper , way of life etc .., and she had said that she would change her outlooks on certain things for me , which at that time made me feel at ease cause it showed an emotional bond . But then there are times where her reactions seem completely out of place , she over reacts to certain things , and I figured it must be cause she just needs time and space , so I don't mind it . But then what concerns me is that she never shows any actual signs of an emotional bond , its like we both like each other , and that's it . I ve tried changing and have changed a lot for her , and from my side it's moving beyond liking her , but I feel its not the same for her , and she isn't open , so I can't tell . And what bothers me most is that if she was never into this relationship , then why did she say yes . She could easily find what she wanted else where . I don't understand and its really bothering me , cause it ll end up ruining both our lives in the future .

[lolablue17]

You keep saying that she's not open enough. But when she's opening up and tell you some secrets from her past, you feel betrayed, you confront her about it, you feel distant, you judge her and say that you are not sure about you her.

 

So actually the reason she doesn't open up is you. She says she is happy with you, accepting your flaws. You're not happy with her, and you find it hard to accept hers...

 

What exactly do you want?