Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 2.50, I suspect that you are right. She just called me and told me that we are divorcing and that this is what I always wanted. I told her that it wasn't and that we should try counseling before we end a 20 year marriage. I do not see us saving this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 Alive, this has unfolded so quickly that I am stunned by her anger. It seems she has been pressing all of my buttons to get a response. I live in a very liberal no fault state but will see an attorney on Thursday. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 Qubist, I have told her that I am sorry for all my faults and I will seek counseling for me. I don't think that she is receptive to this now. I feel that this is the outcome that she wanted and I got played. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 S2B, I am taking some action in preparation for divorce, I just was stunned that this blew up this quickly and now we are at divorce. I haven't slept since Thursday and I have lost 10 pounds in a week. I haven't told anyone of this yet Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Qubist, I have told her that I am sorry for all my faults and I will seek counseling for me. I don't think that she is receptive to this now. I feel that this is the outcome that she wanted and I got played. You have to work on yourself make it your propriety. everything else will have to wait. I know you feel played but remember your goal is to overcome all this and be happy. whatever happen in the future you should be able to deal with if you are back on your feet. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Qubist, I have told her that I am sorry for all my faults and I will seek counseling for me. I don't think that she is receptive to this now. I feel that this is the outcome that she wanted and I got played. I would be willing to bet she has a lot of her ducks in a row already. Her recent trip away with the children could have been because she was discussing this very scenario and she may have gotten the support she needed. She has rewritten your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Are you close to any of the couples/men from Mom's club? My experience is.... Women talk! When a marriage is in trouble they tell other women at play dates. Those women go home & talk about it with their husbands if they're in 'normal' relationships. As I said before, our old neighbor got most of his 'evidence' for divorce & custody from the Moms club. Some of those couples know a lot more about what's going on in your relationship at the moment than you do! In our group the unconventional party girls aren't very popular with the regular couples. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 All: This is tough because I work a very demanding job and over see multiple factories and I am fighting for my marriage on the side. Wife has been texting me saying we are done no going back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 Alive, my allergies are killing me today! I fear this was all planned and she is prepared. She is going to receive a large settlement from her accident and this will give her a way out. I don't have any proof of a OM but she told me last night if there was one she would be gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I think you need to move on because your wife doesn't respect you at all. She has no business being married and flirting with other men, especially knowing it upsets you. It's a cop out if she says she can't control it..is she a grown ass adult or is she not? If you stay with her she can never drink again and no more GNO. Some said that seems like punishment, but when you act like a god damn child you get treated like one. Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Don't buy into believing you are the primary bad guy and to blame for her actions. She controls her actions - not you. She has been partying, flirting, and crossing the line for quite a while. She may not like what she sees in the mirror occasionally so she has to make you out to be the bad guy to justify what she has done to herself and others. She will actually come to believe it (and already has). Don't believe it yourself. You didn't push her into that hot tub. You may be surprised what you are accused of going forward. You aren't the bad guy and no person deserves a spouse that has done what she has. This is all very typical. Wife has a midlife crisis of sorts (yes, she is) and starts to cross every line in the book. If you resist you are just 'controlling' (you aren't controlling - being married to anyone would keep her from that - marriage itself is somewhat 'controlling'). You start to take the blame for everything. Nothing you could do would be right. She didn't decide to divorce overnight. She's been contemplating it for a while and treating you like this. Protect yourself. Her friends in similar circumstances are coaching her to take everything you have. They want to live the party life through her. They are not your friends (nor really hers but she won't see it). Tell your kids you won't badmouth their mom but that you love them, aren't 'the bad guy' they will be told, and you will always be their Dad. Take the highroad. Then follow through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 All: This is tough because I work a very demanding job and over see multiple factories and I am fighting for my marriage on the side. Wife has been texting me saying we are done no going back. I find this to be good because you need this piece of trash out of your life. This woman is no prize I am sorry to say. Just an attention whore who is so childish she flirts with other men in front of her damn husband. You called her beautiful? No, she sounds ugly to me, ugly on the inside, which makes her ugly on the outside. Be glad you got out now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 All: This is tough because I work a very demanding job and over see multiple factories and I am fighting for my marriage on the side. Wife has been texting me saying we are done no going back. Take her at her word. Her words and actions have been pretty consistent on this point. Smile and tell her that you'll do your part to ensure that the divorce is amicable as possible while at the same time preparing for a divorce that may turn out to be far from amicable. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst, as you would in any important business transaction. Alive, my allergies are killing me today! I fear this was all planned and she is prepared. She is going to receive a large settlement from her accident and this will give her a way out. I don't have any proof of a OM but she told me last night if there was one she would be gone. I'd note that she is in fact gone for all practical purposes, so make of that what you will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 All: This is tough because I work a very demanding job and over see multiple factories and I am fighting for my marriage on the side. Wife has been texting me saying we are done no going back. Get a lawyer and file. Start dividing your income and open new accounts. She is the one that is screwing up and that is her problem now. You need to start protecting yourself. There is nothing wrong with trying to save your marriage but you can not do that alone. You have given her more than enough chances to do the right thing. Now its your time to step up and do the right thing for you. C Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I also hope she doesn't have the audacity to ask for anything like alimony. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 I will work on me, I have ignored my past and pretend that it didn't happen. I was placed into foster care because my Father tried to kill me by throwing me out of a moving car. I was given back to my mother after my father went to prison. Taken away again when she attempted suicide. I am extremely productive and high functioning but I never tried to fix me. I will seek counseling I told my wife she says that it is too late. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Alive, my allergies are killing me today! I fear this was all planned and she is prepared. She is going to receive a large settlement from her accident and this will give her a way out. I don't have any proof of a OM but she told me last night if there was one she would be gone. Ok, what she was doing was searching around for an exit affair, OR she is second guessing here that you are going to divorce her and she is simply trying to get her oar in first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 I coped with all of this by being an over achiever and a nice guy but I just couldn't bury this deep enough. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I will work on me, I have ignored my past and pretend that it didn't happen. I was placed into foster care because my Father tried to kill me by throwing me out of a moving car. I was given back to my mother after my father went to prison. Taken away again when she attempted suicide. I am extremely productive and high functioning but I never tried to fix me. I will seek counseling I told my wife she says that it is too late. "Too late" my ass. Too late as far as she's concerned, maybe, but so what? I'm under the impression that if it wasn't for this, there'd be another excuse at the ready. You had a bad time growing up, worse than most I'd say. It's never too late to do the work you need to do on yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I will work on me, I have ignored my past and pretend that it didn't happen. I was placed into foster care because my Father tried to kill me by throwing me out of a moving car. I was given back to my mother after my father went to prison. Taken away again when she attempted suicide. I am extremely productive and high functioning but I never tried to fix me. I will seek counseling I told my wife she says that it is too late. I think that is a very good idea, not necessarily for your marriage, but FOR YOU in the future, whatever happens here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 You say you will seek counseling and your wife said it is "too late" and that makes no sense unless you tried to get her to go to marriage counseling. In which..WHY? Why try to save this? Does this woman produce some kind of aura that blinds men to her many faults? Since otherwise why would it be too late for you to seek counseling? Unless you said you would seek solo counseling in an attempt to convince her to stay, which again: see above. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 I did ask many times to go to mc but she refused. I know that I am broken it is just coming to a head now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 All: Thankyou for your support reading this thread I believe that it would depress just about anyone. I came here with questions about possible infidelity and got so much more. I have only shared this information with a very few people in my life. I will continue on the course that I have to follow regardless of the outcome Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I did ask many times to go to mc but she refused. I know that I am broken it is just coming to a head now. You're at a crisis point; it's perfectly understandable under the circumstances. But in business you've seen crises before, and you know what to do. Marshal your resources, attorneys and counselors in this case, and make a plan. You're in a bad place, but you can handle this. Trust me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Alive, my allergies are killing me today! I fear this was all planned and she is prepared. She is going to receive a large settlement from her accident and this will give her a way out. I don't have any proof of a OM but she told me last night if there was one she would be gone. My guess is she may have new information about a settlement with the insurance company that she doesn't intend on sharing with you. This may be what she has been waiting for and is now making her move. She needed your financial support until now. Discuss this with your lawyer, infidelity won't make that much of a difference to you in a no fault state unless you can show the Courts that your children are at risk. Carry a VAR at all times around her because her next move will be to get you out of the house, she doesn't need to pretend to be nice anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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