Should I do anything or ride this storm out

[66Charger]

In light of the VAR info the best thing you should do is, wake up tomorrow, look her in the eye and say

 

About that confession thing, I asked you to write?

 

Never mind.

 

Then walk away. The next words that you say (not relating to th kids) should be,

 

Sign this.

[Bigdaddyt]

All: I just wanted to put out a quick update: WW is having a meltdown crying and being very clingy, I am continuing the 180. Her entire family showed up to the house this morning my boys and I made them all breakfast . I am certain that they are aware of the situation and do not know how to handle it, they love both of us but my WW is their family . I am going to stick to my guns on the timeline and have already leased a furnished suite for a month. This will give me time to get it together.

WW is relentless not giving me any space, she has until tomorrow. BDT out

[S2B]

Ask her family what they know. Ask why they are all there?

 

Plan a day away from the house. No need to tell anyone what you are doing with your time.

 

See a few movies if needed.

 

It's rude she didn't ask if a bunch of people could come for a visit - just more disrespect on her part. Mr nice guy cooked for everyone. You should of had HER do all the cooking and clean up.

 

Stop being all nice! She is screwing you over! Go to a hotel for the weekend if needed. Just get away from all her drama that's designed to intimidate and manipulate you.

 

As you leave tell her family that this is not the marriage you had in mind - she's ruined it.

Edited September 5, 2015 by S2B

[aliveagain]

All: I just wanted to put out a quick update: WW is having a meltdown crying and being very clingy, I am continuing the 180. Her entire family showed up to the house this morning my boys and I made them all breakfast . I am certain that they are aware of the situation and do not know how to handle it, they love both of us but my WW is their family . I am going to stick to my guns on the timeline and have already leased a furnished suite for a month. This will give me time to get it together.

WW is relentless not giving me any space, she has until tomorrow. BDT out

 

This is what I meant by exposing to those who have influence over her, use her father to get the truth out of her even if that means getting her to agree to a polygraph. She not only shamed you she shamed her father and mother and that's a major no no in the Italian culture. Please talk to a lawyer before you agree to leave the home even for a month. She wasn't too relentless to have her girls party it seems.

Edited September 5, 2015 by aliveagain

[TX-SC]

All: I just wanted to put out a quick update: WW is having a meltdown crying and being very clingy, I am continuing the 180. Her entire family showed up to the house this morning my boys and I made them all breakfast . I am certain that they are aware of the situation and do not know how to handle it, they love both of us but my WW is their family . I am going to stick to my guns on the timeline and have already leased a furnished suite for a month. This will give me time to get it together.

WW is relentless not giving me any space, she has until tomorrow. BDT out

 

I wonder if she read this thread or someone tipped her off that the end is near? Her phone calls being rude about you and her cheating show her true side. Don't give in to her clinginess and newfound affection. She is playing you like a fiddle. You KNOW how she really is now. Your new, single and free life awaits!

[66Charger]

Crying and clingy when you are there.

 

Talking about you like a dog, when you are not.

 

You can believe what someone says or writes, or you can believe what they do.

 

Exactly why do you need this confession? You know it is not going to be accurate if you get it at all. I guarantee if you dont bring it up, she wont write it. But then again, your 180 certainly appears to be working. Bringing in reinforcements the day before dday. Are they spending the night? She is getting it. But she cant tell you. The train is coming and she is standing right in the middle of the tracks, hoping it goes away

.

If it does, the train will hit you.

[turnera]

Have you looked them all in the face and said 'what are you going to do about her cheating?'

[Bigdaddyt]

This is what I meant by exposing to those who have influence over her, use her father to get the truth out of her even if that means getting her to agree to a polygraph. She not only shamed you she shamed her father and mother and that's a major no no in the Italian culture. Please talk to a lawyer before you agree to leave the home even for a month. She wasn't too relentless to have her girls party it seems.

 

Alive, I am going to talk to her Father tonight , he asked me if I wanted to talk, I said yes . I plan to spill everything to him including my plans for D. I will update everyone tomorrow , very tough.

Lawyer didn't think me leaving is a big deal as long as I provided for WW and children.

[Bigdaddyt]

Crying and clingy when you are there.

 

Talking about you like a dog, when you are not.

 

You can believe what someone says or writes, or you can believe what they do.

 

Exactly why do you need this confession? You know it is not going to be accurate if you get it at all. I guarantee if you dont bring it up, she wont write it. But then again, your 180 certainly appears to be working. Bringing in reinforcements the day before dday. Are they spending the night? She is getting it. But she cant tell you. The train is coming and she is standing right in the middle of the tracks, hoping it goes away

.

If it does, the train will hit you.

 

66Charger, I have to have a written confession in the form of a timeline if I allow this to be rug swept in will slowly kill me. I see now how important exposure is in this. I was going to wait until tomorrow , but it is obvious that I have to tell her Father. That is tough he is such a proper gentleman.

[sweet_pea]

Sending you good thoughts and vibes! I'm just catching up but it sucks to read these updates concerning your STBX wife, but I'm glad to see you're taking charge of this

[turnera]

I see now how important exposure is in this. I was going to wait until tomorrow , but it is obvious that I have to tell her Father. That is tough he is such a proper gentleman.

Thank God. I hope you stick around to show other newbies who come here why THEY should be exposing as soon as possible. The sooner you expose, you better chance you have at saving the marriage - wait too long and either she's too far gone or YOU don't care any more.

 

As for her dad, just be honest, tell him you never wanted this, but you can't sit around and be her cuckold.

[Marc878]

BDT

 

Congrats on getting your life back.

 

Wishing you the best. I hope it turns out to be all you hope for.

[sandylee1]

I hope it goes as well as can be expected.

[TX-SC]

Our thoughts are with you tonight!

[Bigdaddyt]

Thank God. I hope you stick around to show other newbies who come here why THEY should be exposing as soon as possible. The sooner you expose, you better chance you have at saving the marriage - wait too long and either she's too far gone or YOU don't care any more.

 

As for her dad, just be honest, tell him you never wanted this, but you can't sit around and be her cuckold.

 

Tunera and friends, I met with my father in law this evening and he asked me to be totally honest with him and I was. I told him that I love his daughter and our family, but I cannot tolerate her lying and cheating. I went over everything that I know and things that i suspected . I told him that things between us are so bad that I was prepared to move out tomorrow and would be filing for divorce next week.

He listened quietly and said that I am a good husband and father and I didn't deserve this. He asked what I needed from my wife to fix my marriage. I said I need the complete truth written out in a timeline, when the affair started who it was with and for how long.

I also said I need my WW to want to fix the marriage . We ended the conversation and he went in to talk to my WW. I didn't hear everything that was said but FIL was speaking in a loud voice to WW and she was crying. They were together for a few hours before they came out, WW seems like she is in shock. I will continue the 180 and my plan.

[S2B]

Tunera and friends, I met with my father in law this evening and he asked me to be totally honest with him and I was. I told him that I love his daughter and our family, but I cannot tolerate her lying and cheating. I went over everything that I know and things that i suspected . I told him that things between us are so bad that I was prepared to move out tomorrow and would be filing for divorce next week.

He listened quietly and said that I am a good husband and father and I didn't deserve this. He asked what I needed from my wife to fix my marriage. I said I need the complete truth written out in a timeline, when the affair started who it was with and for how long.

I also said I need my WW to want to fix the marriage . We ended the conversation and he went in to talk to my WW. I didn't hear everything that was said but FIL was speaking in a loud voice to WW and she was crying. They were together for a few hours before they came out, WW seems like she is in shock. I will continue the 180 and my plan.

 

Good for you! Nice that your FIL was loving and supportive to you and had a talk with his daughter.

 

Exposing when a spouse is unremorseful is useful. Don't plan for her to change - she may never change. Just plan to create a nice living situation for yourself and allow her to understand what living is like without you always making her life so easy.

 

Even IF she begins to change - she needs to show long term changes - like years... So just keep moving forward FOR yourself.

[aliveagain]

BDT, she had the riot act read to her. As I said, she not only brought shame to you but also to him. She took a couple of notches out of his dignity and the family honor. It will take a couple of generations to erase, I know but that's Italians for you. You still need to decide if saving what you have is what you want.

[starpower]

Terrible situation your in, you must be feel awful. Least your now in control of the situation, whichever way it goes. I think she may be finding that hard to fathom, her loss of control and you gaining it. You must feel empowered after being stood on for so long.

[eric1]

AWESOME job exposing. That post should be stickied to the top of the forum as Exhibit A for people who make excuses to keep everything hidden.

 

You are truly doing an incredible job

[tomcook]

Tunera and friends, I met with my father in law this evening and he asked me to be totally honest with him and I was. I told him that I love his daughter and our family, but I cannot tolerate her lying and cheating. I went over everything that I know and things that i suspected . I told him that things between us are so bad that I was prepared to move out tomorrow and would be filing for divorce next week.

He listened quietly and said that I am a good husband and father and I didn't deserve this. He asked what I needed from my wife to fix my marriage. I said I need the complete truth written out in a timeline, when the affair started who it was with and for how long.

I also said I need my WW to want to fix the marriage . We ended the conversation and he went in to talk to my WW. I didn't hear everything that was said but FIL was speaking in a loud voice to WW and she was crying. They were together for a few hours before they came out, WW seems like she is in shock. I will continue the 180 and my plan.

 

That's inspiring. Truly, you are an inspiration. You tackled the situation with confidence. I wish you the very best of luck, and can't wait to hear more updates.

[Bigdaddyt]

Good for you! Nice that your FIL was loving and supportive to you and had a talk with his daughter.

 

Exposing when a spouse is unremorseful is useful. Don't plan for her to change - she may never change. Just plan to create a nice living situation for yourself and allow her to understand what living is like without you always making her life so easy.

 

Even IF she begins to change - she needs to show long term changes - like years... So just keep moving forward FOR yourself.

 

S2B, My FIL is very close to me, when I first dated my WW I aka basically dated her family. They were always around and I was never part of a big loving family, so I loved it and over the years I was accepted into it.

I felt like a child in front of my FIL, but he was very kind to me and he is very strong emotionally. I haven't spoken to WW since she spoke to her Father. Today is the day of my ultimatum , I will keep my word, I was up late packing and up early this morning. I am going to take the boys to a car race and show today and when we return I will tell her that I am done.

[irishguy]

Im glad to see you have finally put pressure on her to do the timeline , if she doesnt do it you need to follow through on your actions and leave .From reading your thread It is hard to see her putting in the effort to win your trust again .If u do decide to give her another chance those cheater friends of hers have to go .

[Buckeye2]

the VAR showed me that she has no respect for me. She made fun of me to her friends. She said a lot of unflattering things about me that really shook me up.

 

Did you tell your FIL that the above got back to you?

[Bigdaddyt]

Did you tell your FIL that the above got back to you?

 

Buckeye, I told him everything , he did ask me how I knew and I told him about the VAR. I just don't care anymore about how I am perceived Tunera, you are right if you don't expose immediately the WW doesn't become remorseful or you let go. Lesson learned.

[Bigdaddyt]

That's inspiring. Truly, you are an inspiration. You tackled the situation with confidence. I wish you the very best of luck, and can't wait to hear more updates.

 

Tomcook, I have read your thread and will say learn from my mistakes. You must be willing to move on if there is any chance of saving a marriage. I truly wish you luck. I used an Olympus VAR I bought them at Walmart. Nothing special.