Should I do anything or ride this storm out

[m.snow]

when talking to her family don't leave anything behind let all her cheating escapades out & bring out all the evidence.

 

seen so many bs hated by foo(family of origin) because of the lies of the ws.

 

please don't use that excuse "i dont care about the opinions of others"

 

the only thing i can say is, Expose expose expose.

 

best to write it all in a letter so you don't miss a thing.

and give that letter to her father, her mother, her siblings.

 

don't just talk to one member of her family, its best to talk to all of them.

just in case someone is an enabler.

[Bigdaddyt]

when talking to her family don't leave anything behind let all her cheating escapades out & bring out all the evidence.

 

seen so many bs hated by foo(family of origin) because of the lies of the ws.

 

please don't use that excuse "i dont care about the opinions of others"

 

the only thing i can say is, Expose expose expose.

 

best to write it all in a letter so you don't miss a thing.

and give that letter to her father, her mother, her siblings.

 

don't just talk to one member of her family, its best to talk to all of them.

just in case someone is an enabler.

 

MSnow, I have completely exposed the affairs, I told my FIL and family in person or on the phone. I do not writing anything down because if it comes off sounding angry or mean, it's there for ever and in twenty years a letter can be just as angry.

[Bufo]

Even if you wish to consider R under certain conditions you should consult with a family law attorney to learn about the D process and to get an dea of the likely outcome for D. Ignorance isn't bliss. Knowledge is power. Your decision making will therefore be more rational. Plus you'll get an idea of the financial aspects

[S2B]

I hope if you're moving its to a nice place!

[Bigdaddyt]

I hope if you're moving its to a nice place!

 

S2B, I live very close to the ocean and I was thinking about getting a house in a seashore community. I love the beach.

[Redbird Fly]

Qubist, I agree with your assessment of my posts she did say she wanted out and was quite the B about it. I look back at it now and her fantasy is gone and cruel reality has replaced it. I was reading Redbirds posts and I am amazed how all WW think a lot alike, I guess it is human nature.

I will move forward with D, my WW will have to convince me to R if she wants that. I am done putting in the effort.

 

Now I am curious what you mean? What did I say that makes you think we think alike?

[Bigdaddyt]

Now I am curious what you mean? What did I say that makes you think we think alike?

 

Redbird, It was not one thing that you said but the mindset of a WW, when I read your posts it was like I was reading my WW diary. My WW is going through all of the same emotions and I have learned so much about her affairs recently that when you said that you continued your affair after breaking it off, I can remember the events now when it happened with my WW. That is why you must give your husband all of the truth don't trickle it. That is what has killed my marriage.

I would have R with her if she would have given herself to me 100%. She is just now out of the fog. I have pushed you because if I can save one other family from this fate then my thread was worth it.

[qubist]

Now I am curious what you mean? What did I say that makes you think we think alike?

he is referring to the time during your A when you weren't considering your H

[aliveagain]

Alive, I am doing my best to be strong and be a good father at the same time. I know that I wasn't a bad husband or father and hearing her dog me was just another nail in the coffin for our marriage . I am doing the 180 but I am getting a lot of pressure from both family and friends to give WW a second chance.

Right now that isn't a option for me, I am too hurt and betrayed to consider this.

 

BDT, there is only one person that should have influence on your decision to stay or go, that person is your wayward wife. You can't trust her mouth, your VAR is proof of that. Her actions are the only thing you can trust and right now her actions don't match her promises. If she is unwilling to earn her second chance don't give it to her. Show her the same respect she has shown you.

 

A truly remorseful wayward wife would do whatever it takes to make you feel safe. Her actions should be initiated by herself not by you because if you have to tell her what you need she will only do the minimum required to keep you in the marriage. At times like this it's always better to listen to your gut, your heart will confuse you. As a guy the hardest thing to get over is the knowledge that some POS defiled your wife, even harder is the knowledge that she allowed him and liked it. Your greatest challenge now is how do you take someone back that did this to you? When in their affair they alien themselves with their affair partner, your on the outside. Now that your ready to walk out on them they do their best to promise and beg you into staying with them, why?

 

Let no one guilt you or put pressure on you to do something that goes against your principles because you will eventually regret your choice. You have to decide for yourself what is the best for you, they never gave you a choice.

[Bigdaddyt]

BDT, there is only one person that should have influence on your decision to stay or go, that person is your wayward wife. You can't trust her mouth, your VAR is proof of that. Her actions are the only thing you can trust and right now her actions don't match her promises. If she is unwilling to earn her second chance don't give it to her. Show her the same respect she has shown you.

 

A truly remorseful wayward wife would do whatever it takes to make you feel safe. Her actions should be initiated by herself not by you because if you have to tell her what you need she will only do the minimum required to keep you in the marriage. At times like this it's always better to listen to your gut, your heart will confuse you. As a guy the hardest thing to get over is the knowledge that some POS defiled your wife, even harder is the knowledge that she allowed him and liked it. Your greatest challenge now is how do you take someone back that did this to you? When in their affair they alien themselves with their affair partner, your on the outside. Now that your ready to walk out on them they do their best to promise and beg you into staying with them, why?

 

Let no one guilt you or put pressure on you to do something that goes against your principles because you will eventually regret your choice. You have to decide for yourself what is the best for you, they never gave you a choice.

 

Alive, I am going to file tomorrow against my WW, I do not think that R is in the cards.

[S2B]

It's pretty crappy that family and friends are pressuring you to go backwards.

 

They don't know what betrayal she's handed you. Of course they can't know exactly how bad it makes you feel.

 

Asking you to reconsider now is dispicapble considering she hasn't changed.

 

Be honest! Tell them there isn't on thing to reconsider given that she is still the same as she was a week ago.

 

And allow them to understand perfectly well that it is insulting that they ask you to compromise your happiness in order to appease her constant bad behavior.

 

They are not you! They have no right to tell you to "accept the unacceptable"!!

[Bigdaddyt]

Alive, I tried to edit my original post but was timed out. I am doing what I know in my heart is right, when I re read my posts, I think what a wimp. I let this woman grind me into the dust for so long. I just never pushed back on her and tolerated the disrespect to an almost intolerable level. No one will push me to do something that I don't want to do . I am taking back my life and being the strong man I once was.

[Bigdaddyt]

It's pretty crappy that family and friends are pressuring you to go backwards.

 

They don't know what betrayal she's handed you. Of course they can't know exactly how bad it makes you feel.

 

Asking you to reconsider now is dispicapble considering she hasn't changed.

 

Be honest! Tell them there isn't on thing to reconsider given that she is still the same as she was a week ago.

 

And allow them to understand perfectly well that it is insulting that they ask you to compromise your happiness in order to appease her constant bad behavior.

 

They are not you! They have no right to tell you to "accept the unacceptable"!!

S2B, I think family and friends are just in shock about all of this and don't know how to act, it is just too new for them. I am meeting my FIL tonight to talk , I will be kind and patient with him, but stick to my plan.

[qubist]

 

Let no one guilt you or put pressure on you to do something that goes against your principles because you will eventually regret your choice. You have to decide for yourself what is the best for you, they never gave you a choice.

I agree with this, Bigdaddyt if you walk out today and decide to leave you marriage without giving any further effort to R nobody should blame you. You have the right to just leave an D with no obligation to explain anything to anyone.

With that being said the people that are pushing to consider giving her a second chance may not necessarily have bad intentions, they are just not aware of your feelings.

Calm down man, do not go out of your way to explain your motives to D they all know her infidelity just focus on the lack of respect she always showed toward you. Tell them ( including her) that you need time to heal and cope with what happened before youl Can consider any thoughts, as for right now D is inevitable

Edited September 8, 2015 by qubist

[Bigdaddyt]

I agree with this, Bigdaddyt if you walk out today and decide to leave you marriage without giving any further effort to R nobody should blame you. You have the right to just leave an D with no obligation to explain anything to anyone.

With that being said the people that are pushing to consider giving her a second chance may not necessarily have bad intentions, they are just not aware of your feelings.

Calm down man, do not go out of your way to explain your motives to D they all know her infidelity just focus on the lack of respect she always showed toward you. Tell them ( including her) that you need time to heal and cope with what happened before you. An consider any thoughts, as for right now D is inevitable

 

Qubist, I do need time to get this together, but I still plan to file tomorrow and have her served at the end of this week or next.

[aliveagain]

Qubist, I do need time to get this together, but I still plan to file tomorrow and have her served at the end of this week or next.

 

Just a question, did she confess to just what you know or did she come clean on more infidelity? Did she offer any details?

[Bigdaddyt]

Just a question, did she confess to just what you know or did she come clean on more infidelity? Did she offer any details?

 

Alive, she is giving me more and more trickle truth, I do not want all of the details, it just doesn't make it any easier. My wife is Bisexual and has had two women AP and one man. I guess that qualifies as a serial cheater. I will not go into details with her father but he knows of the affairs.

[S2B]

Alive, she is giving me more and more trickle truth, I do not want all of the details, it just doesn't make it any easier. My wife is Bisexual and has had two women AP and one man. I guess that qualifies as a serial cheater. I will not go into details with her father but he knows of the affairs.

 

Well she's not likely to change her bisexual nature.

 

 

I guess it's good you know now. What could family and friends possibly want you to do to change any of that?

 

And why couldn't she have allowed you to know years ago? She let you waste years of your life under false pretenses!

 

Point of no return would be my motto!

 

Keep moving forward. There is nothing to consider going back for.

 

 

You can have great relationships with your kids on your own. Build a new life and find happiness in whatever new adventures you choose for yourself.

[aliveagain]

Alive, she is giving me more and more trickle truth, I do not want all of the details, it just doesn't make it any easier. My wife is Bisexual and has had two women AP and one man. I guess that qualifies as a serial cheater. I will not go into details with her father but he knows of the affairs.

 

My guess, Jill was one of them and a possible reason for their falling out. Your wife must have lived the same lifestyle as Jill, drugs, men and alcohol. Is it possible Jill wanted more of her time? Did you know your wife was or is bisexual when you married her?

Edited September 8, 2015 by aliveagain

[William]

Thread starter, moderator bump for this post earlier today which you may have missed due to it getting stuck in our queue for unknown reasons.

 

BigdaddyT' date=' what you've heard and what you're experiencing with your wife is [b']character assassination, blame-shifting[/b] and the rewriting of your marital history. It is extremely common with infidelity, and you can research it if you want.

 

To summarize: basically, everything wrong in the marriage and in your wife's life is because of you and you're the worst person ever!! In fact, everything wrong in the world is your fault. The wars and conflict in the world, poverty, world hunger, the thinning of the Ozone Layer, oil spills.. all you.

 

No one is perfect and we all have our issues but these have to do with her. You shouldn't internalize what she said and accept these as truths about you. These are her disfunction.

 

Now that you've made the decision to divorce your wife, be prepared for anything by her to have that not happen.

 

It could range from subtle actions and behaviour, to more overt behaviour and forms of manipulation, such as her trying to sleep with you, using your children, involving family and friends, a sudden illness or health scare episode (may even require hospitalization) or other desperate measures. Stay the course and don't lose your resolve.

[aliveagain]

My first marriage made it three months before my wife cheated with two French guys from Montreal(I didn't find out until years later from her then boyfriend). The marriage lasted less then 2 years when she told me she needed time to herself, she wasn't happy and wanted to find herself bullsh*t, bullsh*t, bullsh*t. Found out a week after she moved out(she signed a one year lease on a townhome) that she was already dating a pilot and sleeping with her boss. I was heartbroken for about 8 months then I decided that I wasn't going to allow her sh*t to hold me back. She was already living with one of the top realtors in Calgary at that time. I bought myself a new home, a new Cadillac and started dating some of the most beautiful women in town. I started buying properties, living in them for a year, selling them and buying bigger properties. Every time I moved she moved within a block of me. This happened three times. She started making friends of the girls I was dating.

 

Eventually I met a beautiful woman whom I asked to marry me, she accepted. Within a week of accepting my proposal my fiancé ran away to Vegas with some married guy she had been seeing for a couple of years. I had no idea about him. She called me from her hotel room in Vegas and begged me to forgive her and take her back. We tried to make it work for about 3 years but the trust just never came back. Within one week of her getting her own place my ex wife's boyfriend came to my house and tells me that my ex fiancé and my ex wife were sleeping together.

 

Guess where I was going with this is I didn't know either of them liked women, I was clueless. Would it have made a difference to me being in a relationship with them, absolutely. I wasted years with people that never told me the truth about who they really were and finding that out after the fact really fu*ked me up because I thought it was something I was doing that was causing the problems. Sometimes you just can't fix things.

[Bigdaddyt]

My first marriage made it three months before my wife cheated with two French guys from Montreal(I didn't find out until years later from her then boyfriend). The marriage lasted less then 2 years when she told me she needed time to herself, she wasn't happy and wanted to find herself bullsh*t, bullsh*t, bullsh*t. Found out a week after she moved out(she signed a one year lease on a townhome) that she was already dating a pilot and sleeping with her boss. I was heartbroken for about 8 months then I decided that I wasn't going to allow her sh*t to hold me back. She was already living with one of the top realtors in Calgary at that time. I bought myself a new home, a new Cadillac and started dating some of the most beautiful women in town. I started buying properties, living in them for a year, selling them and buying bigger properties. Every time I moved she moved within a block of me. This happened three times. She started making friends of the girls I was dating.

 

Eventually I met a beautiful woman whom I asked to marry me, she accepted. Within a week of accepting my proposal my fiancé ran away to Vegas with some married guy she had been seeing for a couple of years. I had no idea about him. She called me from her hotel room in Vegas and begged me to forgive her and take her back. We tried to make it work for about 3 years but the trust just never came back. Within one week of her getting her own place my ex wife's boyfriend came to my house and tells me that my ex fiancé and my ex wife were sleeping together.

 

Guess where I was going with this is I didn't know either of them liked women, I was clueless. Would it have made a difference to me being in a relationship with them, absolutely. I wasted years with people that never told me the truth about who they really were and finding that out after the fact really fu*ked me up because I thought it was something I was doing that was causing the problems. Sometimes you just can't fix things.

Alive, I guess that I don't make you feel special anymore lol. I am not a bad guy I just have chosen poorly when it comes to love. I also was poor at communicating and being too nice. I had an older gentleman who was a friend of mine when I was in college whose wife cheated on him ; because she said that he was boring. He told me that she wants me to be the head of a motorcycle gang, but still wants me to come home in a Brooks Brothers suit.

[Bigdaddyt]

Thread starter, moderator bump for this post earlier today which you may have missed due to it getting stuck in our queue for unknown reasons.

 

William, now I truly feel special. I just want to state for the record that I am not responsible for world hunger.

[Bigdaddyt]

My guess, Jill was one of them and a possible reason for their falling out. Your wife must have lived the same lifestyle as Jill, drugs, men and alcohol. Is it possible Jill wanted more of her time? Did you know your wife was or is bisexual when you married her?

 

Alive, Jill was one of them and Dicks wife another. She didn't consider it cheating because they were women.

[Bigdaddyt]

My first marriage made it three months before my wife cheated with two French guys from Montreal(I didn't find out until years later from her then boyfriend). The marriage lasted less then 2 years when she told me she needed time to herself, she wasn't happy and wanted to find herself bullsh*t, bullsh*t, bullsh*t. Found out a week after she moved out(she signed a one year lease on a townhome) that she was already dating a pilot and sleeping with her boss. I was heartbroken for about 8 months then I decided that I wasn't going to allow her sh*t to hold me back. She was already living with one of the top realtors in Calgary at that time. I bought myself a new home, a new Cadillac and started dating some of the most beautiful women in town. I started buying properties, living in them for a year, selling them and buying bigger properties. Every time I moved she moved within a block of me. This happened three times. She started making friends of the girls I was dating.

 

Eventually I met a beautiful woman whom I asked to marry me, she accepted. Within a week of accepting my proposal my fiancé ran away to Vegas with some married guy she had been seeing for a couple of years. I had no idea about him. She called me from her hotel room in Vegas and begged me to forgive her and take her back. We tried to make it work for about 3 years but the trust just never came back. Within one week of her getting her own place my ex wife's boyfriend came to my house and tells me that my ex fiancé and my ex wife were sleeping together.

 

Guess where I was going with this is I didn't know either of them liked women, I was clueless. Would it have made a difference to me being in a relationship with them, absolutely. I wasted years with people that never told me the truth about who they really were and finding that out after the fact really fu*ked me up because I thought it was something I was doing that was causing the problems. Sometimes you just can't fix things.

 

Alive, Agreed there are something's that we just can't fix and we are not responsible for. I am reading these from my iPhone hard to see and type. I am strangely coming to terms with my D. My wife has called me 30 times today all going to VM. She is doing poorly, she is bi but I truly think that if she could save us now she would, but it is too late. I am meeting my FIL at 7:30 tonight at my favorite Italian Restaurant, I will update everyone tomorrow . I was going to take tomorrow off of work but I have to much work. It will be a working divorce.